Agile scrum master

Our team follows Agile and I feel like we take a little too long on our daily stand ups (People start getting sidetracked and going in depth on some tangent)

perhaps because people say "let's touch base", it is an illogical analogy because only one runner at a time can touch a base in baseball, and most other sports with "bases" of some kind.

Yes, I used to get stuff like that for daily stand ups. People can rabbit hole something fierce when they are wrestling with problems. My interpretation of stand ups is to keep stuff brief and high level which can be difficult sometimes depending on what is going on and who is talking.

>I HELP BUILD ENTERPRISE SOFTWARE
1. "i help" could mean anything down to "i serve coffee to the programmers"
2. "enterprise software" doesn't necessarily mean quality code is being written

You know what drives me up the fucking wall? That fucking smiley face at the end of emails/work chat groups.

I always thought it was a euphemism for 'let's touch genitals, thereby mingling ours fluid genetic information i.e. getting on the same page'

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Yeah fuck that shit too

How do I get my >agile manager to understand scope creep?

I've been in a number of companies now, the biggest failed projects I've seen were all managed using "Agile". One company drove away dozens of solid engineers because of the number of meetings, we spent way more time talking than doing any meaningful work. By the time the project was done, they'd spent double the budget and gone a year past the delivery date.

8-)

You don't because all it takes is two words to make them completely disregard scope creep:
BUSINESS NEED

>just touching base
>just checking in
>shoot me an email
>80/20
>refocus our energy
>micro services
>machine learning
>organic marketing
>guerilla marketing
>growth hacking
>user experience
>responsive design
>""""""engineer""""""
>AB testing
>penetration testing
>load balancer
>consumer confidence
>market share
>portfolio enhancement

>shoot me an email
>AB testing
>load balancer
What are you upset about exactly?

Not him but
>just shoot me an email about what you've been working on
I just told you in the stand up
>wow user I thought we'd be farther than this
Who the fuck is "we" and maybe I'd be farther without 4 bullshit meetings a day and constant ad hoc requests

What the fuck is this jargon about?

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>shoot me an email
Last I checked one does not "shoot" emails, they "send" emails.
>AB testing
web dev
>load balancer
balance THIS load *unzips penis*

>machine learning
That's a real thing, you know?
I think you are just autistic.

>our north star hasn't changed

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She's cute, name?

>@iLuvBiGWhiTeCocKs:3

this
>get ticket to work on
>its actually 16 tickets in 1
>user why is this taking so long

>shoot vs send
Who gives a fuck
>web dev
Given your green text, what the fuck do you do if you arent doing web or something related

>I HELP BUlLD ENTERPrISE SOftWARE
Do people really write like that?

Why does this physically hurt me so much? Especially the "lets take this offline", I hear that so much from my manager when he's on calls.

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J

>Given your green text, what the fuck do you do if you arent doing web or something related
Most programming isnt related to the web user.

I hear people who have literally no clue say "load balancer" and "proxy" to explain problems. Most technology is voodoo magic to non-devs (and unfortunately to lots of devs too...), so whenever someone thinks they understand what a thing does (they don't), suddenly they're a big shot debugger with all the answers.
No, it's not the fucking load balancer. Stop saying dumb shit and go back to your own workspace.

this makes me so glad i'm a neet

Webdev is a huge bubble right now and has stolen the show for flashy bullshit, but all the other software jobs for doing actual work are still around.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I get a J when my email client app can't render the smiley face
is this a reference to that?

Yes because the smiley was sent from outlook, aka Manager-used-only mail client.
And it has it own way of encoding smiley, rendered as J on any other mail client.

J

God damn I feel the pain with this one and I’m sorry. Some people have a hard time with the concept that having meetings doesn’t mean real work is actually getting done. At the same time, they don’t realize meetings eat away a day.

When you say ad his requests, do you mean more shit is jammed on your plate for the sprint? Your Scrum Master I supposed to help deflect that shit from you so you can focus on what was agreed to at the start of the sprint.

Has anyone here experience with Mob Programming?

Is it a giant waste of time or does it actually work as intended?

>Mob Programming
please tell me that's a joke

Difficult for higher ups to understand scope creep. They like to crack the whip and load the work on by default. Half the time they don’t even understand what truly needs to be done or what they are asking for because if they did then they would just do the legwork themselves.

> lean in
> pivot away from
> organic support
> reach out to

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I've had the opposite experience to this. I've contracted to a lot of different clients in different industries and of different sizes and the ones that have done the worst have been the ones either managing projects in a traditional waterfall fashion or who were doing some waterfall version of agile. The best client I've worked for has been a relatively small development house who were truly agile. They got shit done and the agile rituals were worth the time investment.

My company started using Scrum data as a performance review, so now teams are under infinite stress about burndown charts and delivering code on time, despite of how difficult or large the stories are. Teammates will work weekends just to be able to deliver something.

The company already loss about 50% of developers last year, I'm already looking for another job.

I suppose it depends on the problem. However, not every programming task is going to benefit from a bunch of coders going at it. There is such a thing as too many cooks in the kitchen. Be wary of anyone who tries to use “mob programming” as the “fit all solution” anytime a programmer starts to struggle with a task.

Mob Programming is ok if you are fairly new and there are senior devs who understand the app completely. You can code while they explain how the app functions if you don't know your way around.

>#ilooklikeanengineer
You look like you're not old enough to buy alcohol, frankly.

I'm really asking. I honestly cannot imagine that you can get the same stuff done, but I spoke with 2-3 people (independent from each other) and they liked it very much. They might just like the feeling of participation ("I helped, yay!") or don't feel so stupid all the time.

Yeah, I think it is a nice starting point for initial project setup or onboarding of new members. Not something for a long-running workflow.

And this is great.

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Here's her Twitter account. She..... changed:
twitter.com/isisAnchalee

>start declining 80% meeting invites
>tell scrum master to keep those micromanaging boomers off my back and he does a pretty good job
>productivity sky rockets so upper management tells complaining boomers to shut the fuck up

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The problem with burndown charts is that they only tell you how many points are being burned for a sprint and at what rate. Yes, obviously, but the interpretation of why a burndown is the way it is can be for a multitude of reasons which may not be obvious to someone who is viewing the burndown from the outside. I don’t blame developers for stressing and jumping ship from that.

If that’s true then you’ve got it made. Don’t change what isn’t broken.

Probably asking questions so stupidly retarded that it would make anyone wonder that question.
>why do you want to work here?
>what is your biggest weakness?
>tell me the difference between HTML, CSS, and JavaScript

we sort of do scrum, i fucking love it because we get to decide how much work is too much and our Product owner is a chill guy who knows how tech works and keeps corporate assholes of our backs.

In my opinion burndown charts should always be incomplete, because sprints require you to have work always in queue. Scrum and its data should not be used for performance reviews, the data is used to see how the team is doing and help it become better. When you set standards like "you need to complete 90% of your sprint every sprint" and "you need to have a velocity of 50 story points every sprint" it's just asking for teams to rig the system to make it look good...

Works well if you're doing something important and time critical, completely overkill for just about everything else.
The problem with mob programming is nobody does it properly. its not just supposed to be 5 devs huddled together, each shouting their own opinions.

IMO pair programming is far better and should be used the majority of the time especially with juniors.

Why do all women in tech dye their hair?

"So when will it be done? what can I do to help?"

> mother of cat
#catmom

Because they're not like the other girls, silly boys.

Management fails to understand that story points aren't the same across teams. One teams 1 could be another teams 3. That said not completing everything you committed to should be taken seriously and there should be discussions around why you failed and if you committed to too much

We kinda do Scrum, but not really in any kind of text book fashion. 2 week sprints, and I have single max 2 hour meeting a week with my team, and daily stand ups that last max 5 minutes. If people have something to talk that would take longer, they will take it up with the relevant people after the daily is over and rest are free to go. If something else is needed, I try to organize short 2-3 person meetings to get shit done. If any more people come to meeting, its a waste of time. Burndown etc is hardly kept track of, estimating work is left to developers and nobody cares that much about the estimates, they are just rough guidelines. Its working mostly ok for us. Biggest issues I've faced are with people who don't open their mouth during planning when they dont understand something, and then they will start working on a ticket they don't understand and produce something that they werent supposed to.

Also on some larger projects the lack of proper project manager is has caused some issues, since teams are kind of left to do their thing and just assumed that they will communicate enough with each other, which sometimes works out, sometimes not, depending on many things.

user, your NEET is showing. Watch those power lvls.

It's Sunday night, 12 hours before standup, and you remind me my life is an existential terror, where I hear these meaningless fucking phrases all the time and nothing ever gets done, fffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Looking like shit is their prerogative user. Fat neck beards piss me off just as much though. I wish I could lodge my fist in their neck every time I see those weak excuses for men.

>committed to too much
who decides that though
>story points
who points the stories?
>team
where do they get that knowledge?
>out of their ass
then why is everyone surprised when a sprint is not completed?

> lean in

Muh Fb - how’s that shareprice doing, Sandyberg?

> user, have you read the HBS case study on XYZ ?
> user, when I was at Wharton, I [ ]

Scrum is a scam to keep bone-headed managers on a payroll.

Linux kernel or GHC or Go are okay without any fucking scrum.

9/10 would bang

>Yes, now that you mention it, it is a core element of the project
Sounds like a reasonable thing to say.

>who decides that though
The team in the sprint retro
>who points the stories?
Devs

Scrum is supposed to put the team in charge of everything. If they think they're committing to too much work then they can commit to less story points in the next sprint.

Who is this scrotum agitator?

>a relatively small development house
Here's the answer. The larger the number of developers, the more likely the project will fail. You need a small lean team without bloat.

can somebody tell me on which website I can research her implementation of her engineer interface?

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We also have massive scope creep. It's fun when you're asked to commit to a sprint and then get 30% more story points in shortly after it started. This has been our default for a year now. Good thing I have my sabbatical this year.

What's wrong with that though? If it's something of interest only to 2 out of 5 people, why waste everyone's time?

itt

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She has a linkedin, the only thing she knows is javascript. Who knows how much she even knows.
linkedin.com/in/isisanchalee/

>she knows javascript
somehow i doubt it

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>twitter.com/isisAnchalee/status/952722128398295041
>doxxing
>xx
Is this what normie internet culture is like?

man i hardly know wtf you guys are TALKING about
what's it like to have a (real) job
im just a failure dropout

I went to her companies website, got a 404. Lmao

hustle.com/

Technically, she shouldn't be sharing company work on internet, so maybe that can be considered as good due diligence.

lul

So her amazing San Fran startup company is an admin panel for text message spam marketing? Fucking lel

How can she be a software engineer than when she is a webdev at max?

>tfw I work in a department that has at most 1 meeting a week and I can call other section managers cunts with no backlash because my boss is based
Feels good to not live in a cuck cubicle doing paired programming with an incel brony.

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What a goddess. Would wife and worship till ded

>mfw i dont work because i live in a socialist paradise
Get on my level.

me first!

Sharing is caring. You cuddle right boob, I cuddle left boob.

I don't understand this thread

Tfw read "agile cum master"