Salary: Competitive

>Salary: Competitive

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talent.works/blog/2018/03/28/the-science-of-the-job-search-part-iii-61-of-entry-level-jobs-require-3-years-of-experience/
flutter.io/
dartlang.org/
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

>Salary: Based on experience

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>happy hour fridays
>fuseball table
>company xbox

>professional company cuddler

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>company culture of innovators
>people who aren't afraid to role up their sleeves and get things done without polishing code or having the perfect architecture

>Hours: """"flexible""""

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>diverse employee base

>Entry Level
>10 Years Experience Required

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>foosball table
>company xbox
That's not the type of thing you'd give a shit about when looking at job advertisements, but if the people there actually use it, it can be quite fun.
I had one at my old workplace had a foosball table and it got quite competitive and people actually got pretty good.

Often it's just some dumb idea that management try to "liven the place up" or was used a bunch by a core group of people who have mostly left, so they end up becoming dust-gathers and people feel too awkward to use them.

No. No company does this.

>not pretending to be a poorfag while operating a profitable online business and selling shirts through your popular meme page

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I've seen countless companies with listings just like this.

No legitimate company does this.

They do, the issue is HR people write these not the person who actually needs the position filled.

It's all over linkedin, but it's usually 2-5 years instead of 10.

Show one posting.

2-5 years is entry level. What the fuck are you talking about?

This isn't something new. Google it yourself next time.
talent.works/blog/2018/03/28/the-science-of-the-job-search-part-iii-61-of-entry-level-jobs-require-3-years-of-experience/

>3 = 10

3+ Work on reading comprehension.

>must know Spanish
heh... noting personnel, kid.

you should have 2 years experience since you got internships in uni. you DID get an internship, right?

>you'll be part of a global team
and clean up the shit code some indians wrote

>75% of employees are pajeets
>diverse

>dealing with internships
Bitch I was hanging out in thailand during the summer.
Still got my first job after my first interview lmao good luck not being handsome and talking to people well cuckboy

>rockstar developer
>data geek
>digital prophet
>technical evangelist
>hacker guru
Y I K E S

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>Database engineer internship
>go to interview, it's just digitizing records from the 70s
>"well user excell is a database"

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Peanuts

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>entry level cuddler
>10+ years experience

Salary: ((( global ))) average

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8+ years experience in Swift

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>implying I fell for the school jew
>implying I fell for the indentured servitude jew
If I'm an autodidact with a slew of certs and a readily-available github repository I probably won't get the job

shit, somebody kill those HR and marketing faggots
>digital prophet
KEK

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Must have relevant certifications.

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15+ years experience with
Flutter SDK and Dart language

flutter.io/

dartlang.org/

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I don't know who I hate more between companies that put this sort of shit in their job postings and programmers who actually run with it, you don't hear mathematicians calling themselves "number wizards" or nurses calling themselves "patient care sherpas" with a straight face because every other profession would laugh right in their face for it

>cumdrum for the futa OL

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>Going to a shit country like Thailand for a summer rather than working in the profession that they want to go into
Pathetic

>code barista

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>work shitty IT job 5yrs and become a god at fixing shit and getting things working
>also do server work for security company
>ragequit IT job from failed promises of raises
>hey user we need you to work for our security company, all our old Boomer workers don't know networking and everything is networked these days. Those guys get paid $25-28 per hour! We need a computer wizard on our team

>get interviewed
>so how much were they paying you at your previous IT job?
>$12/hr after working 5 years there? I think we can start you at $14
>walk out
>user why didn't you take the job?
>company gets bought out by another security company few months later
>deliver pizza for 4 years
>occasionally see the security dude at apartment buildings
>the look on his face every time

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you really fucking told them how much you were making at your shit job? they were fishing for a number so that you couldn't start the negotiation with one.

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Ya sounds like you did that to yourself. Never tell a company how much you make

>If you join us you can expect a competitive salary and great benefits like fully paid for gym membership, bonus entitlement, private health care, flexible working, cycle repair and fresh fruit delivered to your team every day. We also have GREAT coffee machines, an onsite canteen and pub and an in-studio cinema! Expect regular team events as well as EPIC company-wide parties to celebrate our successes. Does this sound like you? We'd love to hear from you! Get in touch.

>highly motivated self starter

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>go to community college right out of highschool
>went for Network Administration because fuck being a code monkey
>Pick up certs etc during my time in college
>excited at the prospect of making $13 an hour
>end up getting a job driving a fork life in a union shop warehouse
>Starting pay $16/hour with benefits
>Contract change comes, I'm now making $24 per hour as a tier one employee
>Finished my college degree and everyone still only wants to pay me $13-$15 an hour
>been at the warehouse now for 6 years and will be making $31/hr with benefits within 2 more years (contract says everyone hits max after 8 years)
>Company also offers $25k as a paid transfer if I'm willing to move to another state (Have a Georgia move lined up)
>Everyone at the warehouse keeps saying how I should get a job in my field because "my talents are wasted there" until they see how little people are willing to pay.
>even with a bachelor's, $50k a year is rare

So now I'm just paying off my car and saving money to buy a bunch of land in Georgia. Going to buy a pre-fab house, slam it down on my land, install a bunch of solar panels, set aside $20k for my land taxes for the next 50 years, and go NEET. Fuck everyone.

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My favorite was:
- free tickets to a game you don't care about every quarter
- casual dress is allowed

Bitch, casual dress should be a given, not a perk.

>Benefits: Your OWN NERF GUN!
It's not even an american company

>Requirements:
>Good team player
>Works well under pressure

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>works well under pressure
That's their way of saying "we're going to overwork you, and give you unrealistic time frames to get shit done".

Good plan except the going NEET early part. That shit ain't gonna work. Get your property and loans in order before you think about moving down to part time work or something.

>be my dad in the mid 80s loading trucks part time while he was in college
>made $28/hr (after adjusting for inflation) and had his own apartment
>be user the office monkey in 2019
>Make $21/hr and I have to room with some other people because I can't afford my own place

Wage stagnation is real.

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Whoops. I meant to say I'll work until everything is paid up. Own the house, the land, the car(s). Set aside a good chunk of change. do some IT side work/consultation. I want the kind set up where I could die on my property and no one would know for literal years.

I'm a bit jaded to the whole work till you die way of things these days. Only 25 and I want off the treadmill already. All so stupid.

>>Good team player

aka there are some fucking spergs and retards you will be equal to so you better placate your contempt for them and get on with it

>>Works well under pressure

aka you will be stretched thin all of the time trying to get things ready for production even though you aren't happy with it

We all know that feel. I hope you find a way to escape, user. I'm trying to find a way out too.

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>linkedin
Why does one have to use glorified social media nowadays to get a job? I refuse to use such services.

well what else are you going to use..

What do you plan to do for water and electricity?

We're on it right now.

Directly apply to company via email.

electricity from my solar panels. Many of the properties I was looking at had ponds/lake. I'll still be hooked up to the grid, but I am seeking to remove myself as much as possible from everyone and everything. But if my only main bills are food, and $30 a month between electricity and water, I'm good. I also intend to start a small farm. Get some easy to take care of animals (chickens)

>That's not the type of thing you'd give a shit about when looking at job advertisements
Wrong kiddo, it's a red flag I actively avoid

>implying you aren't desperate for any job you can get
>implying they don't know this

But I'm not

>That's their way of saying "we're going to overwork you, and give you unrealistic time frames to get shit done".

>aka you will be stretched thin all of the time trying to get things ready for production even though you aren't happy with it

Actual employed web dev here,

I can confirm this is 1000% true. However, if you're working at a tiny startup, it's true whether they list it in the job description or not.

By the way, no one works well under pressure. Don't believe there are magical people who do. There are just people who don't have meltdowns and can keep some level of effective communication with the rest of the team.

If you want to be a full time NEET forever, the only viable way to do so is trading stocks or being a landlord. Both grant you passive income and you don't need to do anything.

However, if you want to be a true self sufficient badass, you can't be a NEET. You need to have solar/wind power, rainwater collection system, hydroponics, and a passive income source. You'll know you're doing it right when your only monthly expenses are internet and food. You'll want to at least make enough in a year to cover taxes and save some money for computer upgrades every 5 years or so, as well as home maintenance.

The worst aspect of working in an office environment is pretending you like your fellow colleagues and your boss.

3 is still not 10

For me it is the feeling of wanting to fuck all my female colleagues in the broom closet, but knowing they would send me to jail for asking them out.

>Directly apply to company via email.

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>Works well under pressure

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I just can't and try avoid people/ignore people I don't like whenever possible. there's also this incompetent bitch that somehow made it into a project manager (only because of experience on paper) and once. she once tried to accuse me of fucking up something. I made a huge fuss over it highlighting her incompetence and I'm openly hostile towards her ever since.

This doesnt sound too bad.

>relaxed, working environment

3+ means 3 or more which includes 10.

i know this is just stock photo but that woman is cute as hell.
i will pay 0.05 bitcoin to whoever finds her real name

>frogposter

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Are you high user? That is not a pretty face and any kids you have will be ugly.

I'll pay 0.10 bitcoin to whoever finds out her real name but doesn't tell user. We need to help him dodge the bullet.

What are you talking about? I know she's not your typical "pretty" girl like Sofia Vergara, but she's cute af with her chubby face and curly hair. I am in love with her!
I will pay 0.125 bitcoin to whoever finds out her real name.

0.130 bitcoin to whoever can save user from the succubus.

>wack-a-mole captcha
>goes to the restroom between image loads

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I'll just ask /wsr/ then.

That image says 2018.

>Jedi coder

Hey nerds I have a Google interview this week but I use duckduckgo and ublock origin. How do I fool the jewgle?

SHE IS SO FUCKING CUTE SHE IS LITERALLY PERFECT OH MY GOD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANT TO MARRY HER SO BAD

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It's literally 5 red flags in a single sentence.

I'm gonna do it!

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>not using Buster

Don't you press that send button.

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I'm afraid I already did! I am in love, user. Nothing can stop that. Even if the photographer doesn't reply, I'm gonna find another way!

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>foosball
Spend two years in two different companies who had this kind of shit. It's fucking awful. I don't understand why the foosball meme is so entrenched in the tech companies mindset. I don't have anything relevant to add, I just wanted to vent.

You tell them your expectation, not your previous salary you dunce

It's a sentence of lies. The reality is you won't have the time to do any of that as they will keeps pushing you for overtime.

Good plan, but the last part, rent some of your properties and live easy life.

I expect soibois as my coworkers if it really says that

wage stagnation has gotten to a point where it doesn't even make sense to participate in the economy anymore.
Make enough to secure housing, food, emergency fund etc and don't buy anything else.
It doesn't make sense to buy a house or try to build a family with a thot because if your wage is going to be the same 10-15 years from now you're absolutely going to be broke with how much inflation is rising. Fuck it, let it crash and burn on the heads of boomers and jews.

>patient care sherpas

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We just need the government to force the 1% to spread their wealth evenly amoung the 99%. Bill Gates, the bank CEOs, etc. They could give everyone in the country a couple thousand each.

I just saw an ad for a bank which required a master degree, you to have work experience at a competitor and to have experience as a business owner.

I own a business and have a degree. But why on earth would I have worked for a bank?

300,000 Netflix

are you fucking retarded