Is this a meme?

Waterfall is still best for proper projects. All the rapid dev shit is for mobile and wonky money rakers by con valley artists.

Yes. In practice, it's just a great benefit to management and a terrible hindrance to developers.

The statistics are clear. Waterfall is never good.

It is all about essence now.

In my experience, scrum/agile is great when a system is in maintenance mode and already has a solid architecture and design pattern for devs to fall back on. You're simply adding Legos to a building.

It is cancer when you are building a system from the ground up because the whole idea of "sprints" is antithetical to carefully architecting your system, which requires you to spend time thinking about future concerns like maintainability and scalability. I really hate buzzwords, but it also creates a lot of "technical debt" - shit you just shove in the closet and resolve you'll put away later and never do.

It might keep undisciplined programmers feeling more monitored. Can have positive effects I imagine.
>statistics
Post. I hope they're actually good studies and not some blog post from a small time manager presenting his experiences.

>In my experience, scrum/agile is great when a system is in maintenance mode and already has a solid architecture and design pattern for devs to fall back on. You're simply adding Legos to a building.
This

Waterfall is fine. It is just that project management is difficult and a necessary evil. The problem is people think that there is some magic bullet like Agile that means they won't have to put effort into project management and as a result end up with shit outcomes. Waterfall worked fine for the Hoover dam, the Apollo Program (except for that one time those astronauts burned to death on the lunch pad I guess), and the Manhattan project. I don't know if the Great Wall of China or the Great Pyramids used waterfall or not but I'm sure as shit they didn't use fucking Agile and standup meetings to build that shit.

Yeah this a good point. The initial planning, researching, and architecting of a project or system is pretty much incompatible with the whole fucking Sprint and point bullshit Agile pulls. None of those activities can be well estimated in terms of time and complexity and really do deserve the effort that often goes into them. Management never wants to hear that though and would instead rather you just fucking blinding move forward without thinking of any long term ramifications.

I suspect you feel this way because neither your scrum master nor your PO understands emergent architecture.

the whole point of scrum is to avoid creating technical debt in the first place.

I don't have studies. I'm just mindlessly parroting what many different professors have told me.

Those professors probably haven't had to work in the industry using this shit method. If they had, they wouldn't be touting it.

Once the project is up and running it's pointless and adds overhead so your PM can justify their job

They have, but I'm not sure why they hold this consensus. I mean, in one subject they brought in a developer who worked in a bank who basically said the same thing. Maybe there are studies, I dunno. For now I'll just parrot what authority figures on the matter tell me.

Cum masters get paid 100k a year to put stickies on a whiteboard and take notes in the morning and once a week in a grooming meeting.

Maybe that's it. It always seems like new features get prioritized over refactoring or optimization, and code quality tasks invariably get pushed further back. I guess you could say it's doing scrum wrong, but if more and more people doing it wrong, is it the people or the process at fault?

Hopefully you're not user. Those aren't statistics.
Professors can hold shared beliefs which aren't good. Back when oop was on the rise and people didn't really know what to do there were so many stupid ideas flying out of universities it's silly.

I wouldn't know in this instance. But I've been taught some silly things.

>grooming meeting
Wat

Anyone got that one picture with the iteration diagram going into a toilet?

Dear God, I FUCKING HATE THIS SCRUM MEME BULLSHIT

if nobody follows the process, how can you blame the process?

I blame ken schwaber for shitty moneygrubbing marketing. People think that a PSM I or CSM qualifies someone to be a head scrum master.

going over the backlog and removing shit no longer needed or clarifying requirements with the team - backlog grooming

No it's not. But you can overdo it, and a proper project manager alters and modifies the SCRUM process so it matches the amount of people you have, the workload and type of work, what projects are currently running and matches the process to be as efficient as possible in regards to the people that are working with it.

SCRUM can easily be a bottleneck if you arent doing it right.

Yes

Kek this

is the scrum master the requirements engineer? what the fuck is wrong with your company

srcum meme

>you get to communicate with the team once a month

The fuck? Wouldn't it be better to have one guy who oversees the entire project and anyone on the project can communicate with him whenever?

No, the scrum master facilitates the meeting, which is also attended by product owners who clarify requirements

It is one of the worst method to control employees. Treating them like some drones, keeping them stressed but saying "It is okay, we will reconsider this during next meeting."

Literally, shit on top of shits. One of many reasons I quit my corporate job and went to much much smaller company. Just work. "Here is our work board, we need "place-bigger-project-meme-here" to be done on "reasonable-deadline". Just pick ticket and work on it. You dont know smth? No problem, here pick your time to learn that."

It is way much motivational and I am more productive, because in a very long time I want to learn something actually. I care about big projects, because I can learn a shiton on them. Srsly, Kill that MEME, it is not even funny.

But I am glad there are people who embrace it and like it, because they are liking it somewhere else. Scrum keeps them away from me.

Completely agree with these posts. But the reality is, there is no "maintenance mode" in big companies, and it's certainly not where the money is. A project either has momentum and funding, or management laid everyone off and is leaving it to die.

Besides, with all the cut corners and cheap outsourcing, almost no system is well thought out enough for anyone to want to build on top of it. They also don't keep people around who have any knowledge of it. Usually they just want to scrap everything and start over.

No

kek this

I need to get scrum certified next time I'm at a company who will pay for it.

Perfectly summed up. It values the system over how humans actually work. I wish I could find a company that doesn't do this but unfortunately I never have.

Management shoots for the lowest estimates possible, so they can sell the proposition.

Every story gets massively underestimated due to vagueness.

They don't want to elaborate the stories because it'll increase the estimate by adding more stories and we'll miss the deadline.

Every ticket is a lucky dip. Your 1 point story is 10 minutes of work or 10 days. You end up looking bad and being judged by dumb estimates you never agreed to, made by incompetent cheap laborers not understanding the problem and all the implications.

More about social skills and picking the easy stories than getting anything done.

My place of work has been doing what some of my coworkers call "cowboy coding", and we're sick of it. No planning, no consistency, no foresight. When management wants a feature, we put all other work on the back burner for a feature that will probably take "just a few days guys, no problemo", but it'll end up taking a month.
We're starting to use scrum so we can articulate our problems, and tell management to fuck off

The problem isn't the paradigm.

Spoilers: It's management. The parasitic incompetent who get paid more to tell more intelligent people how to do their own jobs.

First of all. We really do need management to give us things to do, and it's a small company. Management hasn't had enough time to fill up with shit eating brown nosers.
Second, cowboy coding is fun until 12 people have over 5 million lines of code to upkeep. We just wanted some form of planning