Aight /bint/, I think it's time for a vocaroo thread.
Reply with anything you want read out, and I'll respond with your order.
I read shit
Carson Myers
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Lincoln Powell
give us a sample
"Homosexuality isn't right."
Angel Davis
Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
Brayden Allen
>id
>sex
Isaac Evans
vocaroo.com
nice catch
one sec your post is long
Ethan Walker
Dio porco
Asher Anderson
chink detected
Elijah Nelson
Apologizes
James Morris
My son is a hateful incel, and I just cannot save him or defend him anymore.
My boy, my oldest child, was so good when he was little, but something broke inside of him when he was a teenager.
My wife and I always accepted, loved, and encouraged him. We pushed him to work hard and treat people with respect. I don’t know where exactly we failed him but as a father I feel responsible for the thing he’s turned into.
It started when he was 14. He had began to become withdrawn and emotional. We chalked it up to teenaged mood swings. For some reason he was just so angsty and bitter all the time. We were worried about his lack of social life and his over-reliance on his computer. He kind of hid himself in the online world so my wife and I began to limit his computer time, but he simply became more aggressive and confrontational.
His hygiene was bad, and he was always confrontational when we told him to shower or do laundry. His room stank horribly and we eventually had a huge fight over it where he physically shoved my wife and called her a bitch, and eventually we got him to at least clean and air out his room regularly on the grounds that it was our house and if he couldn’t maintain his space he wouldn’t be entitled to it - essentially we got to the point where we told him he wouldn’t be allowed his worldly possessions or privacy unless he took care of the space we all shared. the room still smelled and he was still rude about cleaning it but we could tell him to get it clean and he would do it after that.
We ended up getting a call from his school saying that a female student felt harassed by him. We were shown messages where he continually badgered her to have sex with him, threatened to “punish” her for stringing him along, sending her unsolicited nudes, telling her some violent fantasies of his, and eventually just descending into some horrid rage-filled rant about how she is just another “whore” and other things.
Gabriel Bennett
We were shocked. We explained to him why this behaviour was unacceptable, and I explained to him that it was ok to be sexually active but his actions were toxic and abusive.
I tried mentoring him man-to-man, taking him on camping trips and whatnot and talking to him about women and girls and trying to give him advice. I suggested he try showering, changing up his hair and facial hair styles, trying out different fashion styles, maybe going to the gym.
I told him some hard truths - that he doesn’t want a gross woman so he shouldn’t be a gross man. By gross I mean hygiene and looks. I explained to him that good looks are more hygiene and self care than genetics but he refused to accept what I said to him.
After that I caught him sniffing his sister’s panties in the laundry room - she was 12 at the time and he was 17. He assured me it had nothing to do with his sister, he said he just had a panty sniffing fetish and he pretended they belonged to girls from porno videos, but still I gave him hell for it, and he was grounded and lost his computer for 6 months. I went through his computer and I was disgusted by the kinds of hateful, racist, incel forums he frequented, the horrid things he said about women, and his save file was full of cartoon porn with girls of questionable ages. I wiped the hard drive completely and began strictly monitoring his online activity. I used parental filters to block incel sites and and porn sites that hosted cartoon porn.
The next big issue was something he did to my daughter’s friend. My daughter is 5 years his junior, and one day after a sleepover, my daughter came to me and said her friend wanted to tell me something but was afraid of what I would say.
Josiah Phillips
My son cornered this 13 year old girl and physically blocked her path and touched her hair and face while making very inappropriate comments about her body and asking her if she liked to sleep naked and what kind of underwear she wore.
I tore into my son for that, my wife and I both shouted at him, and told him his behaviour was horrible and I told him then that if his actions got him arrested I would not defend him. He accused us of not loving him, but I told him the reason I was so passionately angry in that situation is because I do love him, and I want to help him become a good man so he can stop being so predatory and bitter and miserable. I told him some hard truths. That he did this all to himself and that he is the only one he can blame for how bitter he is.
I suggested he look to women his own age and he went on a rant about how it was a waste of time because women were already whores (and his definition of a whore is a woman who has had sex even just once) by 17. I called him out on his bullshit and expressed clearly that if he harassed young girls anymore I would personally turn him in.
I invited my daughters friend over after and I personally apologized to her for her experiences, I cried in shame for my son’s behaviour and begged her forgiveness for allowing her to feel unsafe in my home and promised her that if she ever felt uncomfortable she could come to my wife and I and we would always believe and help her. Luckily, my daughter didn’t lose this friend, but for safety I installed a lock on my daughter’s door.
We got my son therapy but he refused to engage with the therapist, calling him a “sand nigger” and “pajeet” and “terrorist”. His next therapist was a “chad”, so he didn’t relate to that either.
We fought about him not trying, not getting a job, and he said he couldn’t get one because of the immigrants, to which I pointed out that he was struggling because he got fired from his high school jobs for being lazy.
Aiden Russell
After those fights, my wife tried to empathize with him and understand what made him so bitter but he flipped out at her, and called her a cock-gargling whore and said that she fucked her way through dozens of men until she found a “beta-fag” who was willing to shelter her for missionary sex.
My wife, who works and contributes to the family income, who is an independent, professional woman.
Honestly, I lost it more than ever before. I had never been so angry when I heard what he said. That may be his mom, he may be my son, but the woman he was abusively tearing into is my god damn wife. No one can treat my wife like that.
I am ashamed to say in my anger, he shoved me and I physically retaliated, shoving him back, and pinning him against the wall. I felt ashamed of myself, I have never been an angry or violent person, but I couldn’t control myself. I’ve never put my hands on either of my children in such a way in my life, I hate child abusers... but this boy was no child. He was a grown man.
He was intimidated and backed down, and for a while he was peaceful.
The last straw was this week.
My daughter has dated 3 people her whole life. A boy, a girl, and now another boy. We were as open about sex with my daughter as we were with my son. We asked if she would like to have a question-free steady supply of condoms left in her bathroom drawer, and if she wanted to get on birth control. She said no to both questions with her first boyfriend. She never really brought him home but we met him at one of her recitals. When she had a girlfriend she went over to her house all the time, and didn’t want to bring her to the same house her brother lived in, a sentiment I understood.
But her most recent boyfriend has a lot going on behind the scenes in his family. He’s a nice boy but his mom is a single mom of 4 and they struggle.
Brandon Mitchell
based
Kevin Reed
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ah fuck you
still gonna do it
give me some time
Caleb Long
boi this is even longer than the shit i posted, damn
Tyler Young
do you want me to post the whole thing?
Joseph Allen
This boy started coming around a month after they got together. I like him. My daughter is happy with him. He treats her with respect. He is an intelligent boy. He’s an absolute gentleman. He’s respectful and polite in our home. He calls me sir, calls my wife Ma’am, he offers to help with the cooking or dishes or cleaning while he’s visiting, he talks to us, he’s a bit of an amateur cook himself and brings us food all the time to say thank you for taking care of him, when we go out for dinner he always offers to pay for himself and my daughter (though I know he doesn’t have much money so I always pay). When getting out of the car he opens the door for my wife and offers her his hand (he sits behind her for leg room). He holds the doors, when we leave somewhere he helps my daughter put her jacket on like those sweet old fashioned couples.
This young man works hard, and gives what little he has to his mom and siblings. Like I said, I really respect the boy. I offered him money once for groceries for his family but he turns me down and says he would feel guilty accepting my money like that. He’s appreciative of things - in the winter, it was -20 and he had only a hoodie, so I draped my jacket over his arms, and I said “take it son, it’s cold.” He had tears in his eyes as he said thank you, and I made some excuse about wanting to get rid of the jacket and told him he could keep it if he brought cookies for us next time he visited.
Juan Murphy
no
I'll kill you
honestly wait
I take back what I said
post something more reasonable faggot
Easton Bell
No
Dylan Brown
What is this pasta from?
Robert Barnes
Absolutely fantastic
Isaac King
the second Jow Forums domain known as reddit
Ryan Campbell
Jonathan Rivera
Owen Thompson
based
Josiah Barnes
Bentley Bennett
Grayson Lee
karen a cute. karen a cute. karen a cute. karen a cute. karen a cute. karen a cute. karen a cute.
Asher Morgan
is this going to be a rivalry or can we settle this diplomatically
vocaroo.com
Hudson Hall
holy shit that's so based
ty
Asher Brooks
fucking based
what the fuck is this storyreader voice out of nowhere
Liam Taylor
one more gracias
"So today, for the first time, my little toddler finally counted to ten. Everyone was celebrating, saying how proud they are in my kid, and then Ben Shapiro kicks open the door. "Oh you think it's impressive that they can count to ten? I can count to one million." and then proceeded, in my living room for the next two weeks, to count to one million. He then said "yep, another libtard destroyed" and then curbstomped my kid."
Brody Wood
this is a fun one
vocaroo.com
Evan Gutierrez
your accent is kinda hard to understand
it sounds like you're saying gay lole
how about singing god save the queen. pleaese?
Josiah Thompson
>out of nowhere
???
I've posted vocaroos dozens of times for almost a year now.
vocaroo.com
Xavier Bennett
No, I'm just reading the romanian's shit because you didn't want to.
It's not much of a rivalry if I'm just taking the scraps you don't want.
Julian Edwards
Adrian Hughes
thank you ;3
Sebastian Rivera
how about this instead
vocaroo.com
thank you, b&r
Jackson Gomez
Kek
Julian Gutierrez
No I meant in this thread
Didn't expect it ˢᵒʳʳʸ
ONE MORE
The year is 2048 and the Food Network finally shuts its doors and sells the channel, this puts everyone working at the network at this time out of a job. As we follow the last remaining worker onto his deathbed, he is surrounded by his family and friends. He knows his hours are numbered but he has to eat at one more restaurant.
He dusts off his red convertible and drives off far away, frosting his remaining hair as he drives. Once he arrives at the restaurant he orders the largest juiciest burger on the menu. Once he receives his sandwich he reflects for a minute, thinking back to the forty seasons of his show and how every single meal was a blessing.
He bites down on his burger and his heart stops.
After he awakens in a bright white location, squinting his eyes he sees him. God himself with the same frosted tips as the man does. When the man asks “Where am I” the lord replied swiftly.
“You did it Guy,”
”You’ve made it to FlavorTown”
Ryan Wilson
gimme a sec
I'm in a bit of a pickle here for the moment but in about 15 min I should be good
important call you see
Nicholas Ward
Aight
Isaac Watson
yeah close enough. thanks
last one. can you narrate a canadian in a leaf costume gaysexing a belgian in a waffle costume using maple syrup as lube?
Isaiah James
I'm back boyos
vocaroo.com
took some creative liberties
vocaroo.com
Jose Gray
Absolutely based
Caleb Perez
maybe if you shove something up your ass you could get some more realistic leaf noises?
Kevin Collins
honestly I think my leaf noises were pretty good
I'd go outside and get a real sample but sadly it's mostly snow and ice about now so there's no leaves left
and maybe if you gave me some actual text to read I'd do what you asked
Hudson Hughes
t. the slag of r/banter
Landon Torres
nah i don't really want to write a homoerotic fanfiction with involving dicks covered in syrup
your leaf noises were good though.
Chase Cox
could you say "karen is not a whore, slut or slag and she does not have any type of aids"
please this is very important
Hudson Howard
i love karen and karen psoters they are very cute and nice
Austin Jackson
posters*
Hunter Parker
Kayden Martin
I'll never get to hear this as long as my mother's around
But I want you to say this so I can derive satisfaction from it
"Lerl"
Easton Carter
Anthony Richardson
Bookmarked
Juan Nguyen
fantastic
Joshua Hall
i like burgers because they are kind and don't call karen a whore, unlike posters from certain other countries
why are all leafs like this?
Kayden Jackson
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SAY IT ISNT SO!
Kevin Ross
It's americans that have chlamydia
That's why they call it the clapper
Parker Jackson
Ay señor ay señor porque nos has abandonado y yo que te rezaba todas las noches a ti y a la virgencita
JOSE, JOSEEE
QUE PASA MAA QUE PINCHE VERGAS QUIERES AHORA
PUES QUE ME TRAIGAS LA PISTOLA QUE AHORITA MISMO ME VOY AL CIELO
YA ESTÁS DENUEVO CON TUS PENDEJADAS VIEJA PUTA
A QUIEN VERGAS LE DICES PUTA MALPARIDO HIJO DE PUTA CHINGA TU MADRE
TU ERES MI MADRE
...José... Eres adoptado
No... No puede ser, ya no me gustan tus bromas ma
No es una broma José, nunca tuve el valor de decírtelo
NOOOOOOOO (Komm susser tod playing in the background)
Perdóname José pero tu padre lo último que me pidió antes de morir era que nunca te lo contará
TODOS ESTOS AÑOS VIVI ENGAÑADO
pero mijo lo hice porque si no te iban a comer los perros, si estabas tirado en un callejón
A LA VERGA VIEJA PUTA
Benjamin Harris
Joshua Smith
El colo lo más grande conchetumare