Any luck with that job hunt, Jow Forumsentoomen?

You're sorry that I'll be retired by age 27 and won't have my memes censored?

I've been offered 2 jobs but I'm so imcompetent that I turned down both of them. I'm going back to school just so I can squeeze out a few more years of being a manchild.

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why the fuck does a small company need 5 interviews? prolly keeping you on the sidelines because they want someone better

1. Initial phone call with CEO
2. One hour technical interview
3a. One week Homework assignment
3b. One hour homework review
4. On site screening for 7 hours, where I meet employees in one on one sessions for 1-2 hours each
5. Second in person interview with CEO

You are a pathetic piece of shit for letting yourself be put through that.

what the FUCK?

Honestly dude I would tell them either hire me or don't. I don't think even Google or Facebook are that thorough.

I called a weld shop I heard was hiring from a friend came in firm handshake and a weld test. I am employed

And this is how even the smallest place works these days. it's dreadful.

Why is this bad? Nearly every employee had to go through this. Meaning everyone will be exceptional. It's a straight up meritocracy.

Sorry user I have dignity
Your choice for working in tech I guess

>Meaning everyone will be exceptional. It's a straight up meritocracy.
Don't fall for this fucking trap. This is the sort of company that will require you absurd amounts of hard work and pay you peanuts because that's their "company philosophy" or whatever.

They don't ever do overtime ever, so I don't see how I could be working "absurd amounts" clacking away at a keyboard.

It's not in any way a meritocracy. It's all about buttering up all the people in the chain. You have to do your homework at every stage of the interview to know who you're talking to, what work they've done, and who they are in the company, so that you can adjust how you present yourself to suit their personal taste. They don't give a shit about your experience or the quality of your work, only how much of a salesman you are. BUT they also remove you from potential candidates at the drop of a hat (3.9 GPA instead of 4.0? You better believe you're out before the first interview at top financial firms. From the top uni in the world in your domain but its name is not harvard? Fuck off, they don't want you. Weird smile? You look creepy dude fuck off.)
The people who do get hired are usually h1b's which is also why they have these ridiculous interview processes: they are trying to screen out pajeets who lie about everything, without realizing this process is exactly why pajeet can get in while lying.
After finding that they can't get a single applicant they end up resorting to hiring foreigners and claiming they couldn't find anyone competent inland because this is a scheme commonly used: advertise fake positions designed to accept nobody because they want to abuse h1b's which are cheaper, but they are legally obliged to post the offer to locals for a while before they're allowed to do that.

>They don't ever do overtime ever
[citation needed]
They won't call it overtime. They'll give it a beautiful name like "commitment to work in your free time" or something. You're being manipulated by HR and aspiring corporate drones, I'm not saying you should immediately drop your application (as you said there's only one step left), but be very wary.

The goal is actually just to hire foreigners at some larger, Jewier companies desu

Because while you're only paid for 40 hours a week, if you work "only 60 hours" every week they'll say you're "lazy" and try to fuck with you (e.g. put you on ridiculous projects that amount to "prove that p=np using visual basic by this time next week", then they'll say since you couldn't do it that means you're incompetent, then they'll dock your pay at the next performance evaluation, and then they'll bar you from promotions for years to come if you ever get the chance).

Right, that's one of many goals.
- post fake shit so you can hire cheap foreigners, thus complicated interview where in the end you fail everyone
Or,
- be typical enterprise retards who don't know what they even need, end up hiring incompetent morons because they were better salesmen
Both do in fact happen.
And
- genuinely try to pick apart lying chongs/pajeets from legitimate people
They still fail at it but it's a fact that for example every indian not from IIT probably bought their degree. Same with chinks.

who the fuck wants to weld shit all day?
enjoy your shit job say hola to Jose and Pedro for me.

Not true, I met everyone at the office and everyone was local. However, when I interned at a Fortune 100 company, 90% of the employees were from India. You wanna know their interview process? A single 20 minute phone call, then a week later I got an offer.

Nope, 8 hours a day max. 40 hours per week max. Company is too tiny for HR (15 employees).

oh man do I not miss job hunting. I was trying to find an android developer position and EVERY FUCKING COMPANY WANTS ME TO MAKE AN APP FOR THEM AS THE PROGRAMMING CHALLENGE.

>you want to apply to us?
>first, you must spend an 8 hour workday making an app that does X Y and Z
>bonus points for going above and beyond *wink wink*
well there goes my weekend. The good news is that once you make an app for the first guys, you can re-use a lot of the code for other challenges. you also burn it into your head so if they do a live-test on you, you can crank out the entire think without having to think about it. Also you can put the projects on github to make it look like you're "self motivated". lol fuck the game of job hunting

oh and heres the kicker. once you already got a job, headhunters come out to you and request interviews left and right. I applied to snapchat and uber and they didnt get back to me, but one year later they came outta nowhere asking me for an interview. too late, fuckos

>8 hours a day max. 40 hours per week max
user... Oh, you sweet, innocent child.
Just be careful and don't let them suck out your soul.

>Nope, 8 hours a day max. 40 hours per week max. Company is too tiny for HR (15 employees).
Good goy. Don't come crying to us next year, we warned you.
>HR
hahahahahahahaha! You're funny.

>Salary: Competitive
Why is this still allowed?

once you hire an employee its really hard to get rid of them, so you gotta do some tests to make sure they're a good fit. its not a hard concept. do you think they should be letting any fucko in who says he can program?

>Not true, I met everyone at the office and everyone was local. However, when I interned at a Fortune 100 company, 90% of the employees were from India. You wanna know their interview process? A single 20 minute phone call, then a week later I got an offer.
But that's literally everything I claimed? Are you clinically retarded?

If your recruitment tard can't tell after a one hour interview if the person is qualified you need to fire him and get someone that can do his fucking job.

There's a 3 months+ probationary period everywhere though, and it's precisely the fuckos who claim they can program but can't who end up in the company in front of actually competent people.

AHHHHHHHHHHH THIS FUCKING ENRAGES ME

I was once called obnoxious for literally asking in a interview "what's the pay?". I did get the job and eventually became friends with the interviewer, he told me that he almost dropped my application simply because of that question.

This specific company owes me $6000 in unpaid salaries and other services.

You said companies that screen employees with tons of interviews usually have a lot of h1bn. My expirience so far is the complete opposite.

>Meaning everyone will be exceptional. It's a straight up meritocracy.
so there's no niggers or women working there?

Nope, sent about 20 resumes now. It only led to 2 interwievs and nothing more.

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Just got pushed to the second round of interviews for an internship at AT&T.

Might just make it in spite of getting my CS degree from a school that's literally-who tier in the field.

I seem to do better applying at bigger companies rather than the startups. Probably because I'm older because I went to school with my Fight4IsraelBux so they want somebody more mature who won't fuck around rather than some shithead kid who knows all the new hypebeast tech but doesn't have a work ethic worth a god damn.

Seriously the only thing "Salary: Competitive" tells me is to avoid your company at all costs cause you will fuck me over and underpay me in hopes that I don't talk with either coworkers or friends in the industry.
And the whole stigma about not talking about your salary fuck that, and fuck your company.

You just said it's exactly what it is in your previous post. You stated that the one time you only got a 20 minute phonecall interview was the only time it wasn't the case. Again, are you clinically retarded?

Reread it. I said the 20 minute interview put my in a company with 90% h1b1s.

What company? It sounds like the one I work for, if it is i might be able to say whether or not youre in because idgaf.

You're pathetic. You've never seen the logo of a fortune 500 company, let alone interviewed with one.
>less than 5 phase interviews
>fortune 500
Choose one. Protip: your larp doesn't work on people who actually have a job.

I miss the times when companies were straight up sincere. I'd rather know that I'm applying for a low-pay position than to be given 'the talk' on how I should not work for money and "dedicate myself to the greater cause of [insert startup company philosophy BS here]". And not be hired in the process for, as I said, being obnoxious or whatever.

You seem confused:

Fortune 100 company
>20 minute phone interview
>90% h1b1s

Small tech company:
>5 interviews
>all locals

What the hell? What a waste

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you can thank all of the grab-bag of assorted faggots who lie about their qualifications to get a job.

Seriously fuck everything about that. Every company especially startups with their "yOu ArE nOt A tEaM pLaYeR" bullshit can fuck right off. You underpay me, will drop me in literally a second when your shit company has any kind of financial trouble and expect fucking dedication that Scientology would be envious of for me getting raped up the arse? Yeah no thanks I will go to a company that doesn't make me suicidal with their hip "startup culture" and actually pays me.
How did we even get to this point? How did we let things become so bad?

It's because I assumed the story was related to real life and not fully imagined from all parts.

we're hiring at my company, bay area.

angular
python (django)
kotlin (backend, not android)
modern microservices with kube and docker.

send your resume to [email protected]

If you're not completely useless I'll get your resume into the short stack.

The worst part is the CEOs of these scummy companies actually believe they're the reason the company is working and that they're working really hard. Actually all they're doing is having expensive lunches and letting their underlings manage the company entirely on their own.

all i want is to exchange my services for monetary compensation. i don't want office parties/bbqs/etc.

>bay area.
kys

its not about just getting the first guy that appears normal in a 30 minute conversation. they have a pool of candidates and they want to make sure they get a good one. what if they got some smart guy who was actually a hermit autist who screeches during code reviews and goes silent during meetings with women because they're a manbaby? that would be the companies worst nightmare, which is why they want to filter out people like you

I went to an IT contractor after my training, got hired on the spot for desk support, moved to junior sysadmin after two years and a half. Since there wasn't any open spot (or raises), I changed companies and I'm now sysadmin / sysop.
It's pretty comfy, I'm learning aws /gcp and some terraform, I'll probably change in one year or so

what kind of shitty ass company do you join that has a probation period? good companies offer a moving bonus because they want to show that they WANT you to come and you're welcome there, not just some prisoner who could get outed at a moments notice

>bay area
you forgot to add "40% of your pay will go to supporting the jobless niggers/homeless/drug addicts who pollute the streets and subways with feces and needles and break into your car window even though you leave the doors unlocked so they don't break your window."

fuck the bay area.

>and break into your car window even though you leave the doors unlocked so they don't break your window.
ahahaha, this hits a little too close to home. keep the doors unlocked and someone still fuckin breaks a window

I'm only providing an option for people. fuck off if you don't want to take it. We don't have a difficult interviewing process either. phone interview then single onsite. we also have a kansas location but I'm not there.

Almost all of them in my country, usually three months too. But it's really hard to fire someone, so it's somehow understandable

The office parties and shit isn't even the worst part they suck ass sure but fuck me for me it's the fake dead smiles, the whole fake layer of """"""a friendly open office atmosphere"""""". You just know they will fucking crawl over each other to fuck you over and ram a knife in your back first chance they get just to get ahead slightly and appease the retarded dead inside CEO that does nothing but eat expensive dinners all day and talk about the great vision and atmosphere of the office. Also fuck open office plans while we're at it.

Not everyone in the bay area is in the SF shit heap.

>projecting this hard
And I'll say it again if your recruiter can't judge a person in a one hour interview you need a new fucking recruiter that can actually fucking do their job.

You mean a relocation bonus. And that's given regardless of the probation period, which I've never NOT seen. Companies also typically give you a sign-on bonus, which only vests after a year. The probation period allows them to fire you if, exactly as mentioned, it turns out you're some kind of freak or you're plain incompetent. It's the only period of time where an employee can properly be fired in a very large company barring extraneous circumstances, and no employment protection is involved if being fired like that.

Fucking this exactly.

But user, you have to uphold the company's values!
The worse is the poor retards that drink that koolaid

>all i want is to exchange my services for monetary compensation
Fucking this.Of course this does not imply that we should be dicks to co-workers or that we should hate our jobs, but as the other user said, loyalty and good service are seldom rewarded by fine-dining CEOs.

>Also fuck open office plans while we're at it.
They're the fucking worse.
When I worked at a on-site position, I'd spend a good lot of the day just staring at the computer, nearly all the work given to me could be made in like 15 minutes. I eventually asked the boss to be moved to a remote position, which he initially allowed; then he started complaining that I was not working, when in fact I was the only one who was delivering work on schedule, as per company online timesheet-backlog-thing.

I have so many fucking stories, it's no joke. I work for myself now and invest in assets. Much happier this way.

>what if they got some qualified guy who won't participate in bullshit workplace drama, won't browse facebook during working hours (or at all because he's a turbotist with no social media presence), and will work independently and problem solve on his own
oh what a nightmare for the roasties.

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>the entire world's knowledge at the click of a button
>guides for every technical designation possible able to be downloaded in a second
>still being so underskilled you can't get a job
How is this even possible?

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>reading 3 paragraphs is an immense mental effort for me rather than a 30-second activity
nigger detected

nice b8 m8 i r8 8/8 plz no h8 and masterb8

bro thats at least 60 seconds to fully read and understand

Yeah I'm just not a """""""""""""team player""""""""""""" for not wanting to stay in after hours to fix some fuckup someone else caused and all I get in return is a shit salary and someone yelling at me because I didn't prevent a one in a billion edge case that only the most advanced retard on the planet could ever fucking make a reality.

No joke open office plans and the hostile blood lusting ""friendly"" office atmospheres made me quit my job and decide to never work in big companies or startups ever again. I needed to take a two year break from the entire industry cause my mental health had degraded to a point that was not sustainable in the slightest. No job in the world is worth sacrificing your mental health over. Best thing you can do is either start your own company if you have the network and resources for it or work for mid scale companies that haven't been infected by the corporate/startup mentality bullshit yet.

beaner detected

what if i said im white, holmes

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That's why you learn to blend in while in the office. Do some friendly chit chat, even if it's uninteresting and boring (hint : it will be), normalfags will love it.
And when you're tired or angry and d a misstep, they'll take it as you just having a bad day.

>1 pirate any
>2 take the exam
>3 get a job?

Loop as necessary.

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the entry level programming market is saturated

>my group in a F500 company is looking for a junior developer. Ideally someone out of school but had an internship or two.
>we put out an ad on linkedin and our company website
>got almost 450 resumes in less than a week

left side of the bell curve detected

>I needed to take a two year break from the entire industry cause my mental health had degraded to a point that was not sustainable in the slightest.
It's pretty much what I did after the last startup I worked for went into a neverending "hiatus" (a beautiful name for "bankrupt"). It took me a full year to begin truly recovering and slowly regaining trust that civilization is better than living as a hermit somewhere innawoods.
>No job in the world is worth sacrificing your mental health over.
Alas, I did learn this the hard way. Hope you can start a good company someday or something like that, user, and keep it away from all this fucking bullshit.

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I got medically discharged from the military last year and it’s the only job I’ve ever had in my life. Put in 14 years. In school now, and not looking forward to job hunting when I’m done, although I am lucky that I get priority hiring for any federal government jobs.

Have you tried a firm handshake?

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Yeah I learned those lessons the hard way too.
Fresh out of uni, get a job, turns out it's the worst job I ever had and ruins my mental health. Great experience would totally do again 10/10 dead soulless corporate drones.
Ranting aside I'm currently working on setting up my own company and when I do those soulsucking drones will need to fucking pry the company from my cold dead hands before I let them ruin it with the "startup" and "team player" mentality bullshit.

my first programming job out of uni sucked ass.

but my 2nd and 3rd were amazing. chin up lads, you just gotta trudge through the pajeet job for 1 year then you can upgrade to a real company

Thanks for ur service man, make sure u look into military grants

>been applying since this time last year
>graduated last june
>still no job
>only two interviews
going to have to get another minimum wage job again

>3a. One week Homework assignment
>3b. One hour homework review

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There's a reason why they give students 6 months after they graduate to start paying off their loans.

>No joke open office plans and the hostile blood lusting ""friendly"" office atmospheres made me quit my job and decide to never work in big companies or startups ever again.
>I needed to take a two year break from the entire industry cause my mental health had degraded to a point that was not sustainable in the slightest.
Dude, are you me? I took a 6 months hikkineet break and went back to school after that. Just the thought of leaving home would fuck with me because I considered everyone in the world to be a conniving snake who wants nothing more than to backstab me if I show any weakness, no matter if they merely cross me in the streets.
I still want to give startups a try because the last time I worked in a startup it wasn't that bad until they got purchased. But for all I know they're all just as terrible nowadays. My other plan is to start a company. I know the next time I give anyone a chance will be the last.

Eh, I just got a job fixing Cellphone screens.
I want to program and have a CS degree but I need cash.
I'll keep working on personal projects while I fix normies cellphone screens.

I have been getting interviews though which is a good sign.

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What the fuck bro. I'd raise hell if I didn't get the job after being put through that.

It's my two year work anniversary actually this month.

If you have the money and know "the right" people so to speak start your own. You will be much happier that way even with the stress that comes with founding your own company. If you can't afford it just yet look for small companies instead of startups. Truly small but established companies, 20-100 people in the industry for 10+ years ideally something like that. I had my best work experiences in those types of companies in two industries. Also look for the small signs of a horrid work place like high turnover rate etc, e.g. ask why the last guy that had the job left the company that response will usually tell you everything you need to know about that company. At least that is what I took away from the whole ordeal.

I feel like giving up at this point. No one is going to hire a diagnosed autist like me when normal programmers are in large supply.

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Thanks for the tip, I'll definitely keep that in mind.
Best of lucks to you too.