ITT describe software with a restaurant analogy
>approach the Vim cafe
>all is good, nice atmosphere and design
>take a seat
>the waiter approaches ready to take an order
>make an order
>can't order
ITT describe software with a restaurant analogy
Liam Barnes
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Mason Martin
>spits in every dish
Andrew Fisher
>wants to leave
>can't cntl c
Julian King
>try to leave
>can't leave through the entrance
>the waiter says the only way to do so is to jump through the window
Andrew Lee
>Go to Python Subway for lunch
>Wow look at all these toppings
>Ready to put straight into my sandwich
>Get sandwich
>Tastes like shit
>Ask if they can heat it in the Cython oven
>Still tastes like shit but at least its warm.
Jack Long
>Food analogies
Brody Mitchell
Imagine being at computers
Logan Ross
>RDP client
>Go to restaurant
>Waiter takes an hour to ask what you want
>Takes another 10 minutes to write down what you asked for
>Several hours later
>Still no food
>Leave restaurant
>Waiter runs out to bring you your meal as you leave
>It's missing 25% of what you ordered because the waiter simply missed what you wanted, you were talking too fast for them after all
>Get in car
>Leave lot
>Drive by the next day
>That fucking waiter is still sitting there with a sign saying (Disconnected)
>He's still getting paid to stand there and do nothing
>Wasting money and restaurant resources
Austin Bennett
vim is like those hipsters cafes you can't just order a large cappuccino or a small black coffee because they all use super complicated rules and those simple orders make no sense to them.
Nathaniel Morales
>about to enter the web cafe
>the entire storefront is completely white with no recognizable features aside from the URL
>bouncer tells you you're not correctly equipped to go in
>sends you to some shady back alley merchant
>back alley merchant does the same after tacking your coat with heavy tracking devices
>every step of the way your
>eventually 3 hours later you come back to the restaurant
>storefront is now rather pleasant
>ask bouncer to come in
>he slaps you in the face with a GDPR notice
>tells you to sign it or you're not getting in
>meticulously opt out of every fine print clause in the document
>give it to him
>he slaps you in the face with a cookie and tells you you have to eat it
>you're hungry and tired so you do
>waitors come out of the storefront you're chained to a backpack filled with tracking devices
>bouncer let's you past
>you're given a seat and a menu with 1 item on it called 'iframe'
>you order said item
>the item comes out immediately. It's a nicely decorated plate but in the middle of the plate there's a door
>you knock on the door and suddenly another bouncer pops up.
Sebastian Long
>.NET restaurant
>all they serve is curry
>their curry is amazing tho
Evan Murphy
>go to C Restaurant
>point to the menu to show the waitress what food I want
>they don't have that food
>restaurant collapses and everyone fucking dies
Tyler Robinson
>try out new Assembly Café
>it's been under construction for 50 years
Jeremiah Diaz
>ask windows waitress what today's specials are
>hold on let me go ask the manager
>returns 5 days later
>order the special
>sry we have to renovate the building first
>die of starvation
Kayden Price
>emacs coffee shop
>fast wifi
>convenient parking lots
>nice view
>it has books
>even table games
>everyone is friendly and helpful
>cute baristas
>coffee is shit tho
Andrew Murphy
>you have to take a barista course first to brew your own coffee
Andrew Wilson
Reminds me of this
youtube.com
Jose Butler
>waiter asks if I can send $7 a month to his brother in Uganda
Bentley Fisher
Windows 95 Cafe
>Order a coffee
>Waitress pours it in your cup
>Take cup before she's done pouring
>She starts turning blue until you put it back.
>Order the USB Mass Storage Device crumpets
>Forget to eject one from the plate before eating it
>Entire cafe collapses
Windows 98 Cafe
>Exactly the same as the Windows 95 cafe except the tables are web pages and you can remove the crumpets from the plate without destroying the restaurant.
>Has 512 seats for customers, but if there are 513 customers the cafe implodes.
Windows ME Cafe
>An ice cream truck made from the wreckage of the Windows 98 Cafe with a paintjob that looks like the Windows 2000 Cafe
>constantly broken down and sometimes never shows up
>surprisingly good crumpets though and the ice cream is always cold
Caleb Moore
lel it is exactly what I had in mind.
Justin Bennett
>go to linux restaurant
>no windows
>I cant see shit
>I cant hear anything
>its completely black
>just a blinking cursor with no instructions
>starve and die
Eli Rogers
>lisp
>best food you ever had
>but it gives you autism
Carter Evans
>meanwhile a long-bearded old man next to you utters an incantation to the cursor and receives a bountiful feast while scoffing at your desiccated corpse
>he then proceeds to ignore the food around him and chew on his toenails
Liam Reyes
>GParted Bistro
>looks good
>has a comprehensible menu
>items and food are always good
>waiters complain to me if i try to take the food off of the plate before unmounting
Michael Gonzalez
>go to Gentoo restaurant
>it's a packet of papers nailed to a tree above an axe with concerningly vague and uninformative instructions on how to build the restaurant yourself
Justin Rogers
>Go to Tor
>Sit down and open up menu
>The menu takes 20 minutes to load
>As the menu is loading I notice that everyone sitting around me is a druggie, pedophile, fat neckbeard autist who thinks the government is watching him or a government agent
>One of the druggies in the corner shoots up some fentanyl laced heroin and OD's
>The pedophile sitting at the opposite table of the junkie is given a file stuffed with what appear to be photos
>The pedophile excuses himself to the bathroom and doesn't return to his table
>Fat neckbeard autist is shitposting on Jow Forums, eating a hot pocket and giving himself an insulin shot
>The government agent puts on his sunglasses, takes notes on all three of them on a notepad, finishes his coffee and leaves
>Meanwhile I'm still waiting for the menu to load
>The menu doesn't load so I decide to ask the waiter for a new menu
>Waiter leaves and comes back with a menu
>Loads in 40 seconds
>I select my weed
>Waiter comes back with the weed in 5 minuites
>I pay my bill in Bitcoin and tip the waiter
>As I'm leaving the pedophile comes out the bathroom and drags the druggies lifeless body into the bathroom
Today was a good day
Carter Phillips
>Winrar Wholesale Goods
>survive off free samples for the rest of your life
Nolan Sullivan
>GIMP restaurant
>Square dishes, since they can't into circles
Xavier Nelson
wow an actual good thread
James Young
>>he then proceeds to ignore the food around him and chew on his toenails
have mercy on my sides
Jackson Rivera
>At the blender restaurant.
>Ask for the menu.
>Waiter sighs, and says 'bring it out boys'
>Five people appear hauling massive stacks of paper
>Ask how I'm supposed to order with this.
>"These are just the directions for ordering"
Oliver Thomas
>In vim, editing my dotfiles
>Accidentally press C-s
ZA WARUDO
SCROLL YO TOMAREIIII!!!
Leo Brooks
Shit analogy
Lmftfy
> approach Vim cafe
> all is good, nice atmosphere and minimal
> seats open but can't sit down
> try and order but forget how to pronounce words
> can't order so you decide to leave only to notice the exit is gone and you're stuck speaking nonsense
Brayden Thomas
> visit C++ restaurant
> have to hire waiter yourself
> have to make your food
> have to build your chairs and tables
> sit down finally to eat your burrito
> burrito has a fault and breaks open leaking all its contents on your lap
> building collapses because you skimmed through the construction book
Jacob Robinson
MacOS
Blake Martinez
>go to Discord with family to get a meal
>son gets raped by furries
1/5 on yelp
Jordan Walker
>drive up to bank
>tube is there
>press call button
>excuse me but this system is easy can please make it more intimidating? harder to use on purpose? here I already found a way to do it, please press the receive button
>put items in the vacuum without the tube
>lady cannot see and presses button
>they clog up everything
>"What the fuck sir you just fucked everything"
>LOL USER ERROR. U CULDNT DO IT RITE BECAUSE UR NOT HARDC0RE ENOUGH BITCH. IF U PRESSED THE BUTTON EVERY 3/15ths OF A SECOND IT WOULDA WORKED
>drive away
pasta-slackware, pasta-bank, pasta-intimidating, pasta-hipster
Carson Young
ah shit there is an indian place by my work that does that.
Aaron Sullivan
>Slackware Cafe
>really old aesthetic
>words everywhere are even in old jargon
>menu has great items and is complete
>want pickles on my bacon cheeseburger
>"Sorry, but the owner said we're not allowed to change anything."
>meh, get the burger anyways
>good food
Nolan Walker
Dylan King
>Jow Forums café
>imagine being at computers
Jack Williams
>pulseaudio cafe
>everyone is deaf
Ryan Gomez
>One chair breaks
>Too expensive to fix/replace chair, build whole new restaurant that is slightly thinner.
Kayden Cooper
>so fat you look and see food
Jayden Morgan
Vim cafe (cont.)
>want to leave
>can't figure out the door knob
>what the hell
>HEY! LET ME OUT!
>staff spouts some irrelevant gibberish
>*leave by jumping out of the window*
>hey, sir, do you know that we have doors?
Benjamin Walker
>multithreading cafe
>sit down and order a coffee
>get the check
>1/8th of the staff is perpetually fulfilling my order
>nobody serves me my coffee
>restaurant eventually crumbles from too much coffee
Elijah Wood
Android Eaterie
>show up early
>talking robot attempts to guide you through simple process of getting your meal
>push them away with hand on face, surely they can't feel anything
>meal is already there when you sit down
>exactly what you wanted
>demand menu anyway
>upon receipt of menu, decide that you can't eat words; tear up menu
>loudly complain about staff treating you like you're stupid by doing exactly what you ask
>go to bathroom
>your shit disappears without a splash
>look for chain to pull, no chain; look in toilet bowl, clear water
>try to leave
>door has been replaced with cardboard Monty Burns with sign "don't forget, you're here forever"
>walk through him
>see Apple user on street, looks exactly like you, smiles
>"kys, casual"
Joshua Ward
>windows diner
>walk in, someone immediately forces you out
>diner closed for users until renovations are done
>all that changed was someone put tape over live wire
>burger you ordered was so greasy, it made you feel disgusting
>macos diner
>walk in, order salad
>salad comes with a side of dicks
>you look around, when'd you enter a gay bar?
>salad tastes great though
>linux diner from 10 years ago
>walk in
>try to order a steak
>waiter can't hear you
>walk out and back into the diner
>sound works again
>order steak
>waiter asks how you want it done
>waiter asks what part of the cow do you want
>waiter asks what spices do you want
>waiter asks how much steak you want
>steak comes in reasonably fast
>no utensils
>told by people that you need to download your utensils from your manufacturer because linux can't into WiFi drivers in 2009
>linux diner now
>walk in
>menu is a bit short
>order your food and a coke
>"is Pepsi okay?"
>eat
>walk out
>less than 5% chance things catching on fire
Jose Powell
>subtle energy restaurant
>beautiful menu, get lost in it for a while
>get dish
>looks gorgeous
>eat it all
>friendly waiter makes finger pointing sign and says to flip the plate over
>with sweeping gesture, flip the plate so it flies up in mid air momentarily; lands on opposite side defying laws of established physics
>opposite side of plate has another, better meal
>consider leaving
>larger, more friendly waiter says 'right this way please'
>walk through door
>subtle energy restaurant Upgraded edition
Chase Bailey
>punch card café
>walk into a bar
Anthony Gonzalez
>Rust restaurant
>Order some food
>Pretty good, don't finish it all though
>Ask the waiter for a box
>He refuses & insists it's unsafe
Easton Torres
>A health inspector walks into a bar before the grand opening
>He tries ordering a beer
>he tries ordering 2 beers
>he tries ordering 999999999 beers
>he tries ordering -1 beers
>he tries ordering a water
>he tries ordering a fnwenifoenfsklfndskofbreuofbdui
>he tries ordering a rm -rf
>he tries ordering a 69
>he tries ordering your mom
>he tries ordering one last beer just in case
>everything looks good
>grand opening arrives
>customer asks where the bathroom is
>everything in the restaurant catches on fire simultaneously and 92 people die in the inferno
Leo Allen
This person programs
>vidya food establishment
>menu diverse, older dishes treated well, newer dishes often need work but chefs work hard
>order well done steak
>spend several years at the dry cleaners
Jaxon Reed
>order a coke
>"Is pepsi okay"
Luis Martinez
yea, but i actually stole this from the R-word, sorry to disappoint
Ryan Hughes
>start off with a bunch of maps pf town
>try to find beginners coding place
>show up after wild goose chase
>party's over
>whatever, I'll eat alone
>have to memorise ingredients for every meal before they give you even one
>finally get your food
>first time you see the Jew waiter
>try to eat but he's staring at you
>refuses to let you go to the bathroom until you address them as Her
>try to leave
>have to recite the menu by memory or the next time you want to return it'll be hard to find on the maps again
>decide to order pizza to your house instead thenceforth
Juan Howard
>Java Diner
>your food is served in a box
>you reach inside and pull out a factory box
>you turn the crank on the factory box which spits out yet another box
>you open up the final box and it's empty
>the restaurant disappears