Trying to hire for my company

>trying to hire for my company
>resumes come in from self proclaimed "software engineers"
>skills: HTML, CSS, JavaScript, Node.js

Will you guys fucking stop it?

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HTML ninja here, fight me fgt

CSS Dalai Lama
HTML ninja turtle
Visual BASIC Rockstar

JavaScript artisan here.
Are you looking for a software engineer who can really move the needle? If so, check out the fire resume attached!

"Coderdojo trained ninja from child"

Big Burger Data Cowboy here, howdy pard'ner.

What else should a software engineer do?

>need new employee who knows JavaScript for backend work
>HR starts looking for candidates
>one day new employee introduces himself
>doesnt know shit about JavaScript besides some meme frameworks we dont use
>HR hired the guy without any programmer sitting in the interview to check if the guy knows shit
>He got a 1 year contract
he is currently on a long term leave because ""sick"". I don't think this company will survive this year if management doesnt get their shit together.

>long term leave because "sick"
Did you infected him with HIV?

I wish. We hurt his feelings cause the guy couldnt handle our work ethics of talking straight and not sugar coat shit so his depression kicked in again and he ran to his doctor and therapist wasting more taxpayers money.

Does he get paid for that, or is it just "keep my position on hold"?

you sound like a REAL rockstar posting on Jow Forums like this. Please shitpost more about your larp career problems

>software engineer
>bootcamp graduate

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he gets paid for a few weeks then his health insurance pays which means all of us pay.
the guy is a prime example of modern day programmers. no clue what to do with their live so they study some IT cause its easy money. now the market is flooded with piss poor programmers who still don't know what to do with their life so they get depressed. they jump from company to company for fresh paychecks to pay the bills until they either do an hero or become jobless just to get free gibs from the gov.

You're hiring wrong. How about listing the attributes you're expecting from prospective employees you fucking faggot?

>complains that normies invade his Jow Forums safe space
>posts on 4channel
the absolute state of depressed Anonymous

Hello friend, I'm Java Juggler and MySQL Mage, pls hire.

nice, sounds what I'm trying to start doing right now, except I never got into IT for money
what a shit fucking field

This.
Tell us more about the guy. What he was like? Did he had a thinkpad? Maybe programming socks?
Any stickers?
Did you asked his name?

he could've been you afaik

At least they didn't put running a furry meet-up as an example of good leadership, especially when they were only able to do it for 1 year.

Maybe
That's why I'm asking, dummy

>programmers fault
>not HRs
based retard

You're supposed to sell yourself and all qualities to get in, idiot

>need new employee who knows JavaScript for backend work
>JavaScript for backend work
apparently management has decided nobody on your team "knows their shit"

Actual C++ magician here, plz gib money

dont forget they also know python and php you CEO cunt :)

>be shitty C retard
>take 12 months to make some shitty application that leaks memory everywhere and sucks dick anyway
>can't even run on all platforms after all that

>be chad JS
>npm install electron, npm install bootstrap
>hook it up to some easy APIs I wrote over the weekend, just werks and responds in 5ms
>make it look good in about a week of front-end work
>finished your job in 2 weeks
>works on web, mobile and on desktop

B-BUT MUH DEGREEEEE