Imagine bricking your shoes

Why do people need self-lacing shoes?
I can't even remember the last time I tied my shoes, I just slip in and out of them.

Zoomers. Not even once.

imagine brick shoes...

>hey user, want to go out?
>hold up, just gotta charge my shoes

imagine your shoes going on fire

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>tfw a virus takes over your shoelaces and cuts off your feet

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i can't even fathom spending $350 on fucking running shoes
shoes at this price range are supposed to last you several re-sole jobs, like a good pair of work boots

so when the sole completely wears down in 6 months and the circuitboards get exposed, you just throw them out and buy another pair?

>access the latest shoe updates and features

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The button is on your phone so the Jews can know when you tighten your shoes.

Satire is dead.

Imagine pairing your shoes individually

Imagine a high powered shoelace jamming device.

>In a decade, you won't own your shoes, you'll be a subscriber.

This.
Fuck Hypebeasts. They should all be put down.

>shoes updates
what's next ? clothes with lights and wi-fi ?

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user, those already exist.

Only because everything we've been satirizing is becoming a reality

All this happened because back to the future. But all we have of hoverboards is segways with no handles, clothes don't adjust in size and are outrageously tight instead of baggy, most phone calls are still audio only, and the shoes brick themselves because nothing can fucking operate on its own without needing a phone app.

And just forget about flying cars.

>smart shoes
>self tying laces
>motors
the actual fuck is this product kek
>shoes get dirty
>wash them
>shoes now a paper weight
>cant even wear them broken since you cant tie the laces

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SHOES IS BOTNET

Sure, why not? Imagine buying a black t-shirt that looks ordinary but... the inside will be made of regular fabric and the outside will be a display so when powered on it can change into any color, pattern, logo or whatever. It has access to a virtual cloth store through Wi-Fi so you can download more shirts. Want your black shirt to display the Intel logo? For only $0.99 you can advertise your favorite CPU brand! Want a pink shirt? For only $0.49 per color you can unlock all colors of the rainbow (and more)! You can even buy multiple t-shirts and sync them to your account so you can use your paid variants across all of them. It also fits perfectly because it was made after a scanned 3D model of your body. It has access to a virtual cloth store through Wi-Fi so you can download more shirts. It comes with thin layers of batteries that can keep it powered on for 2 days without charging. The premium model also features embedded solar power cells so you don't have to charge it during summer. Oh, and since it can't be washed by conventional means you have to purchase the company's own $199 washing machine.

That was my point yeah.

exactly me thought, user.

We live in decadent times

Do keep in mind these are the same people who bought a juicero.

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Feel yourself slapped please.

>joos
Sounds about right

I recognize these thighs

Chill with the anti-semitism

you better not be the user who was asking for them kek

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Nah, I know that I'm supposed to use yandex. I have to say tho, I checked google results for this image and they are, khm, questionable.

I'll set the oven on the low setting.

You'd be surprised what shit shoes teenagers buy nowadays for WAY more than 350

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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I mean at least put a single button on the shoe to use the auto-lacing so it can be used even without a fucking TELEPHONE.

Imagine hacking a shirt for it to show disgusting and/or illegal shit

No these are not the same people that bought whatever the fuck that juicer is

>new vulnerability discovered
>every botnet shirt is now displaying goatse
Can't happen soon enough

Fuck you

>pacman --Shoes -uy
>X tying server wont start
w-what do anons?

Imagine hacking the opposing team’s shoes while they’re playing

>cops chasing after a drone with a bluetooth pairing hijacker that turns all smart clothing images into hardcore gay sex with hats on
This is not the cyberpunk future I was promised but I will take it.

>Fuck you
Fuck you

Open your shoe.conf and replace the auto-measured size with the actual one. Don't touch anything else unless you want them to amputate you feet.

>>Fuck you
Fuck you

Kek

Or they'll be hacked to read subscribe to pewdiepie.

>Fuck you
Fuck you

>access the latest shoe updates and features

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god fucking damn it, put my actual size but its 0-indexed, now my blood flow to my feet stopped and i cant utie them because some libtie dependencies are fucked

This shouldn't be happening.

When will the internet of things meme end?

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this is the most retarded fake 'innovation' I have ever heard about

You need to pull parts of the lace in the right sequence, that gives you back control and then you can reset the whole shoe. Dunno, google it. Otherwise have a knife ready in case you have to cut it open.

Some corporate overlord has a foot fetish and he came up with smart shoes (read: shoes with a camera inside).

We'll soon see "smart sandals" for women, with a camera on the interior soles.

nvm fixed it :^)

why wouldn't they just sync with each other and lace up/ unlace by holding down a button for 10 seconds?

why bring a phone into this?

Never, it's too profitable. I've actually had a nightmare about this where absolutely everything is now networked one way and everyone just accepted that none of these things are even remotely secure. Think borg level of IoT but nothing actually works.

Guess I have to keep up my habit of buying several years out of date things in order to flash them with sane software until I die

the future: internet connected toilet that can only be flushed by a paired smartphone app.
>Sure, why not? Imagine buying a black t-shirt that looks ordinary but... the inside will be made of regular fabric and the outside will be a display so when powered on it can change into any color, pattern, logo or whatever.
this is actually cool

You joke, but this will happen. They will claim that it's more hygienic.

>the future: internet connected toilet that can only be flushed by a paired smartphone app.
already happening

ERROR: you have reached your 2 free flushes. Please purchase the premium plan at $99 for unlimited flushes.

to tight. my shoes have been hacked.

imagine having to cal in the fire dept. for the jaws of life

>Fuck you
Fuck you

>sorry boss, I can't come to work today. A firmware update just bricked my shoes.

>agreeing to an SLA for a pair of shoes

>he doesn't even sync his aerobic exercise logs with the SmartWalk app

NIKETODDLERS BTFO

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>only for Android users

lmao @ all these pajeet shitters
if you want to stay on top of the hype game you best have the latest and greatest iPhone XS Max, no poorfags allowed

WARNING: We detected your shit stinks too much, that will cost you +$50 more. We also detected an STD in your urine, notifying your healthcare provider

btfo

>not installing steel toe update

I hope all these people step in a puddle with their shoes.

No smartphones in back to the future 2 and they seemed to work fine

>back to the future
ubersoywojack.png

Soon valuable loyal apple customers will be wearing their new and exclusive iShoe. Please remember to buy your exclusive iShoePolish, for only $59.99!

Reminder that Nokia released a ""smart"" hair brush too.

trustedreviews.com/news/nokia-withings-kerastase-hair-coach-hair-brush-loreal-2948747

>Nokia’s $199 hairbrush listens to your hair with a microphone

>So how does it work? Well there are four main technologies involved, the first of which is a built-in microphone that “listens to the sound of hair brushing”, supposedly in a bid to identify brushing patterns.

This is retarded, but hey, that describes almost all the modern tech maniacs

I would agree with you but that movie is literally the only reason nike made these things. Before these they actually sold a limited number of functional replicas of the shoes from the movie (which these shose are definitely not).

youtu.be/DJklHwoYgBQ

It's called "smartwear" and it's all the rage right now.

>self lacing shoes
>needs to use your phone to work
You can't call that self lacing when you need some secondary separate device to operate it.

>this is real life
I've never actually been this close to having a panic attack.
>AN APP TO CONTROL YOUR SHOES
>A FULL OS IS REQUIRED FOR A SHOE
>UPDATES ARE A CONSIDERATION FOR SHOES
I WANT TO FUCKING DIE.

and all because grown adults want to avoid tying laces and have light up shoes

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Oh come on. It's not like this shit becomes unwearable or unwalkable.

Unless you're 5 years old, the second you put lights on your shoes is the second they become unwearable.

>imagine your shoes going on fire
would be pretty rad brah

>imagine
Is it the shoes?

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Shoe lease

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Imagine unlacing someones shoes in the middle of their run and seeing them face-pavementing.

And people want smart homes and self driving cars
I'm very close to having enough money for buying land far away from civilization and living off the land. You guys are fucked