Job hunting

Temp agency?

Do drugs for the interview

Unironically considering

Was in your boat for a bit. Just got the offer I wanted this evening. If you don't seem passionate about the companies enough, study up about them before the interviews. Figure out what their competitors are doing and where their limitations are. Asking questions about those will do you a lot of favors. Pretend to give a shit by stalking the company.

>older brother is a big shot at IT company
>he gives me an IT job right out of HS
>get trained on the job, never went to school
>only work weekends, full benefits $36 an hour

Just do what I did.

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capitalism’s great, isn’t it? :^)

because being assigned to stamp AKM recievers all day long for no money wearing the same clothes as every other worker because tests during your education decided it was the only thing you were good at is better

Nepotism?

>be a male
>talked with male hiring manager on the phone
>he seemed really enthusiastic about me
>we really hit it off
>expect to be a shoe in
>get there
>female HR manager doing the interview
I just get up and leave at this point. They’re looking for a woman or a minority. I don’t waste my time talking to females who are just going to find any excuse to throw my resume into the trash.

It truly is the best way to succeed.

That was me last year, before I decided to take a 4th year at college and now I got two amazing job offers this year. I think the best is just have energy in interviews and not lifeless and like a board. Just keep at it and you'll get there. Don't seem too crazy and overboard, just be yourself and good energy and care about the position.

I see your NPC reflex response is in working order!

Nope. I can’t tell you how many jobs I’ve lost due to female idiocy
>interview going great with male hiring manager
>going later than the planned time
>he’s just about to give me a tour of the office
>female coworker with a septum ring comes in
>asks vague, half-baked questions like “so what do you like?” and “so you’re a taxi driver or something?” (I did like 6 months of Uber driving toward the end of graduate school, and the bitch’s takeaway was that I’m a taxi driver)
>I have a reciprocal personality, if someone asks me vague questions like they don’t care, I give short answers to match their obvious disinterest
>get a call from the male hiring manager next week
>well I liked you, but when we (read: the dumb bitch) asked you about your interests, we felt that you didn’t really open up to us....were not sure you’d really “fit in” in our office that well

yeah, stay far away from any place that says they're looking for a rockstar programmer. that's a sure sign that they are all just a bunch of idiots.

man just fake it. Just dont be yourself until you get the job. No one gives a fk about the company itself, everyone is just in it for the money. You can become yourself after you get the job. Its just an acting game

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finally landed a good paying startup role
i had been physically harming due to so much rejection

I don’t even know what these paychopathic females want to hear. Should I say that I’m a gay transgender with adoptive black parents who moved to the country illegally to give birth to me?

>have bipolar disorder
>get interviews during maniac phases
>do well and look extremely motivated and productive (if they send a case to solve for instance)
>get the job
>enter a depressive phase

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just want to say thanks to all the spergs out there like OP who make getting IT jobs easy as fuck for people with a little bit of charisma

?????
>profit

no all you do is be enthusiastic. Make sure you smile, talk loud, go for a handshake or watever, and respond. When she asked what do you like, you could have just talked about all the things you liked about the company. What kind of technologies your interested etc.. You show interest, thats the biggest thing. You basically kiss there ass, thats all. After you get the job, you dont give a fk anymore. Your never gonna meet HR unless you get in trouble, and you can be yourself.

>face one rejection
>"hell"
Mammals should have a strong backbone.

>doesnt know how to talk to women
>racist
i wonder why youre not getting employed user

I'm unable to talk to and despise women and racist and do just fine. Just need to study body language and avoid women if incel or lift/show forearms if not.

The question was about my interests, user. My interests are guns, porn, anime and Jow Forums. What level of enthusiasm or speaking with a deep voice would make these palatable to a female?

based

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Stop replying to yourself trying to impersonate me.

I fucking hate this question
I could be dead by next year, what the fuck do you expect me to answer

Kek and based. I hate we can't be genuine during an interview, it's all a fucking game, a fucking joke. Despicable. Wish I had the inspiration and drive to be my own boss

idk, last solution is go to banks. They are desperate, but the wage is low

you enjoy growing as a developer and seeing projects through to the end which gives you a sense of pride
say that with enthusiasm

They did you a favour. Guaranteed they will be gone in 5 years or bought out by some multinational tech conglomerate, just like every other bugman startup.

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I don’t lie.

>retired
make some shit up about developing the next big mobile app or something

I want that slav queen on my cock rfn!

Friend with no formal programming education (Math Bsc) became a Project Manager at a software firm and told me he literally faked his way into the position and still has no idea what half his employees are talking about or how to program all that well. When asked for an opinion he just lets them talk out a solution and agrees with whatever they come up with.

Shit is wack.

Same boat as me. You and I, we value integrity. But HR and boomer managers don't, they only say they do. We have to eat shit and kiss ass to make it in this world, apparently, and it pisses me off. How do these retards get into these positions?

Being likeable and competent isnt enough. You have to have wanted this job since you were a sperm in your pappy's balls

Posts like these REALLLLLY make me want to start lying. What's the worst that could happen, I get caught and am back to square one?

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is this company run by north koreans

Tell me more about how he started this. I actually have programming experience but I'd rather be a PM.

maybe just remember something you can find on the internet that sounds good

Here's the thing. You can be honest. But you're being honest about being less qualified than the other applicants. So of course you won't get hired.

Good advice. Gay reality. Time to play the game

Unfortunately I don't have much more. He just told me he really stretched his previous jobs qualifications to make it seem he managed more than he really did.

depends where the company will be in 4

Ahh gotcha. Leadership. I'm starting a business that will probably make me no money, but I'll be sure to hire some interns and tell them to do things so when I have to go back to work I can get a PM position.

>apply for position online
>don't even get a confirmation that my application was submitted

is it because i selected "white" under ethnicity?

whatever you do, don't pretend to be enthusiastic. Don't even be concerned. Don't be a beggar.

What position are you applying for? What's your education and professional background?

They also tend to treat programmers as glorified data entry administrators and give you no respect at all because they don't even know or care what you do and see you as nothing but a cost.

Just pretend to be a Jew

Passion just translates into 'will work for free'

fags are worse, I had this job at a pawn shop but I was under temporary contract AKA "test", the store manager was a fat faggot turd who was trying to literally fuck me but because I rejected him every single time he would start a grudge against me, I was good goy of the month the 6 months thanks to my ni/g/ger hax0r skillz fixing broken shit, instruments and electronics (they have a "we buy and loan on anything" policy) also fixing the lingux valuations system which was a piece of turd that went down everyday, but this fucking turd would not only be mad at me but also jealous, so he would suck dicks and move his strings so the upper bosses wont consider me for an indefinite contract, when I got fired he was like "you only got hired bcoz I though u were handsome", keyed his shit and flattened his tyres like a good NEETger after leaving but fuck I really liked that job, got to mess with a lot of ni/g/ger toys, rare tech, and antiques. When I found one of the zone bosses peeking at another store he would inmediately recognized me, he was like "ahh u are the metalhead dude, DUDE u wuz one of our best employees! ur store was a dumpster but when u left it was the best store in the region, its a shame that Jorge(the fat beaner faggot manager) screwed you over but the choice of keeping u was unanymous, if it makes feel u better, I was on your side homie, here have a 50% discount"

Cool blog post faggot

>Just do what I did.
Just get born again and chose to have a successful brother this time, right?

You're applying for a programming office job, not auditioning to be a singer. You don't need charisma for that.

This cuts deep. Here's something from a similar thread.

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next time you say you are a depressing rockstar like J Mascis

What the fuck does this mean? I’m a CRNA with 18 years of experience. I applied for a real low hour position so I could make 90k but still have a life outside the hospital and they told me I didn’t live up to their expectations of an American hero. At a hospital. for a minor CRNA role. I don’t mind rejection or failure, I’ve faced it a lot but who the fuck do they think they’re gonna hire?

Don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Businesses look for enthusiasm and motivation for professional entry level roles. They also look for someone who can take a lot of shit and do the notch work or stay late. You may as well settle in for 3 years and deal with it. After that if you’ve kept up with certifications and your languages you can go anywhere my man.

What degree do you have?

>landed remote work gig
>day 12
>woke up at 11:45
>>o shit fug o shit
>realised working remote
>>he he, internet troubles and I was on just not online!
>all good
I'm a cunt for having forgotten to set my alarms, but I can make up for time.
Feels fucking great working remotely.

You need to smile man

looking like an autist does not help you

Bruh your hours are not enough to afford comfortable living

masters in statistics from a top 5 world school. yes I managed to fuck that up.

what happened was I tried to get hired at extremely competitive places with high salaries when I was about to graduate and then after for a while. none of them hired me. I spent months preparing and doing well over 100 interviews with no payoff at all. then my gap started being a problem. then I lost hope. which is where I am now.

I have a 4.5 year employment gap where I just got fucking tired of people. When interviewers ask about it, I just tell them I was taking care of an elderly relative full time.

What type of role? I'm wfh a few days a week but I want it all.

How long of a gap? You can take like almost a year to find a job right?
t. mech engineer graduated last December

Never don't claim to be American Indian. 1/1024th is within the margin of error for a genetic test and that's enough to get you a scholarship.

>paying down my mortgage with a steady job

C’mon, that one is easy, just tell them what they want to hear

my gap is over 2 years now. for the last year I've basically lost my willpower and haven't been trying hard enough which has made things worse. watching my hopes go from being on the top research teams in the world to applying to noname office jobs put me in a pretty serious depression spiral, as did watching all of my successful peers have the time of their lives many of whom I tutored because I was at the top of my class. at the start I was interviewing at places like deepmind and it all feels like it was a lifetime ago now.

Man hang in there. It seems to me that the only thing holding you back is your depression. I don't think the gap is that much of a factor.

does your older brother have an older brother

it's really mostly depression at this point. I'm pretty sure if I could have just kept applying and interviewing at 100% I would have landed something ages ago, I just got too discouraged from the constant failure. I also had one really bad interview where the interviewer made fun of me in front of a room and spent the whole interview calling me stupid. that was at an algorithmic trading firm. it really took a toll on me even though I understand that's just something traders do. anyways yea I posted in this thread in the first place to let op know to keep going because once you get in a spiral like me it's pretty hard to get out of it.

>Began job searching.
>All ad want a shit ton of experience.
>Junior role.
>2 years experience.
>Graduate role.
>2 years experience.
>Fuck it I will apply anyways.
>Tons of interviews.
>All go well.
>Know my stuff and connect with the interviewer.
>Never get the job.
>Sorry don't have enough experience.

>deepmind
>hiring statistician
>hiring anyone without a phd
lol. I don't think any research team in the world accepts non-PhDs in research roles, and at big companies it's even worse. Your problem seems to be that you don't know anything about the job market you're trying to enter.

>we want a rockstar
>pull out hipflask
>light up a splif
>tell the hiring manager to suck your cock
>???
>profit

deepmind was hiring analysts at the time straight out of undergrad and masters. I did 4 interviews there, 3 phone and 1 day in person in london.

maybe you should get some experience

>Fuck it I will apply anyways.
>Tons of interviews.
>All go well.
And they still take the time to interview you? What manager in his right mind wastes time like that? At least you know which companies to avoid like the plague.

every company does that sometimes, you can't avoid it

That was a long ass time ago then, close to 9 years now. Or you were actually thinking of DeepakMind, the pajeet spinoff of deepmind. And of course they don't need you to have a phd if your goal in life is to do data entry but that's neither here nor there is it now?

Why didn't you make him eat dick with your statistics knowledge in front of his colleagues and make him resign? Or are you an introverted beta cuck?

it was 2 years ago. you can still interview there with only masters and research experience. my advisor had a masters student go there last summer.

i have a phone interview today. wish me luck boys.

i should add that i am a max autismo and i hate talking on the phone. weirdly enough, i would much, much rather talk in person

A lot of companies have people with fuck all to do. So they try and fill their time with anything.

Having a high cooperate job can be one of the most boring positions ever.

make sure you smile IRL, it improves your mood and makes you sound happy

>rockstar
It would have been a hellish job, so maybe it's for the best. Still, try to show some enthusiasm, even if it's only during the interview.

Internships are never a problem there with a master's, and every position always says "master's degree with strong research experience or phd" in the reqs instead of just "phd". In practice, though, it's only phds who can possibly be hired. If you have a master's you can get a job as a glorified data entry clerk, a software engineer, or another similarly dead-end position. The only time this isn't the case is in mid-early stage startups, depending on where they're located.