ITT Jow Forums runs a computer store

ITT Jow Forums runs a computer store

What do we sell, what kinds of repairs do we do and what is the general attitude of the store?

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We sell neither Intel nor AMD nor Nvidia nor RISC-V nor ARM because they are all glow in the dark botnet shit. Our attitude is fuck the customer.

We refuse to service and apple product

data recovery and sell those data to someone else

We sell old thinkpad, old thinkpad parts and old thinkpad accessories.

selling all kinds of hardware, but strictly with preinstalled gentoo
also no support or repair if the computer isn't running gentoo

It wouldn't be a real store. Just a website with an address you can send your shit to get repaired or to order stuff. I don't want to interact with other people especially "tech" people, bunch of unbearable low IQ autists.

We sell computers made by Mac.
We also do a poorfag section in the basement full of "pee sea's" but it absoultely stinks down there.

we don't sell anything made in the past 12 years

So we sell Elbrus processors?

No we exclusively sell IBM PowerPC and Blue Gene.

Refurbs / custom. Will buy/sell new(ish) stuff if I can get it cheap secondhand. Lots of Optiplex, ThinkPad, and Dell. Avoid Appleshit.

Components will be carefully cleaned and ID'd and packaged in plastic.

The store will be organized, clean, and ventilated. Slight tint on the fluorescent lights so it's more comfortable for my eyes.

we fabricate our own processors in the basement
we'll call it
Jow Forumspus

We sell Internet and Internet accessories. We repair anything that unscrews (rather than popping plastic tabs). Fuck anyone who is unwilling to learn. Two warnings and then you're blacklisted.

"hi my mac is-"
"GET THE FUCK OUT"

Do you report the boomers with CP littering their desktop or give them a knowing nod and knock 50% of the price of """virus removal"""?

Host a retro night at the store to lure in these people, lock the doors, block the exits, burn the place down.

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>IBM
So you're infiltrated by NSA.

Free electronics recycling available we don't except printers or CRTs though.
That free recycling 'service' is such a great scam, you'll get a ton of shit working computer parts and random other electronics that could be turned around.

Some old boomer will bring their old Windows vista pc in and we will convince them with our superior conversational skills to install gentoo and brick their machine in the process

The majority of the money in said business is iphone repair, fyi

>What do we sell
Logos.

We should have trapdoor for this case

we assemble PCs nice and quick, except when it comes to the thermal paste application because we argue every time we do

Any customers that make this face in the store will be shot on site.

shit I can see people doing that just to find financial information and perform scams.

thinkpads with riced linux desktops, we charge more for the nicer looking rice

We sell used macs that are kind of scuffed and seem to be stolen

So i suppose that despite all our advice, tyrone never gave it back.

We sell the boypussy uwu.

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no fags allowed

>h
RISC-V is the farthest there is from botnet.

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We sell striped socks & butt toys and offer sex services

Lots of Gentoo books, stickers, and other paraphernalia. Even if it doesn't sell well.
The walls are lined with actual anime wallpaper.
Next to the register is a small display of colorful programming socks.
Store sells Monster Energy from a small minifridge.
Staff gets real quiet and awkward whenever Indian customers visit.
When you pick up your thinkpad after repairs there will always be a few screws missing.
Yelp reviews are mostly 1 star or 5 star
Store always has this weird... sour, musky smell.


Actual non-joke service only a Jow Forums store would provide: Removing hardware cameras and microphones.

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We allow walk ins with laptops and desktops. Not our fault in some are hollowed out cases with drugs inside or that returned equipment had cash inside. Statement of work and disclamer was signed by the customer "Ipee Phreely".

>*BRRRRRRING*
>"Um this is uh.... Jow Forums computer repair. Whom-Who am I gonna be speaking to p-please?"
>"Yeah my name is Chad and I came to get my computer repaired last week and when I got it back it wasn't running windows anymore, all my icons were gone, and the wallpaper had been changed to a transgender cartoon woman, can I get a fucking refund please?"

Install Gentoo on everyone's PC whether or not they asked.

>transgender cartoon woman

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We stock Rambus ram

We sell Raptor POWER9 workstations with Gentoo preinstalled.

Illegal CDs of free (as in price) linux distros

Sell GNU mas linux.

so all we sell is AMD FX and Intel Core 2 procs (the ones w/o botnet)

Head manager here.

For retail,
we only sell all firmware blob free peripherals, and electronic components.

For servicing we don't allow apple hardware.
We prodive BGA repair, NAND replacement, capacitor replacement and upgrade (solid state golden japanese instead of alkaline paper chinese landmines)

We do provide support contracts for *nix based systems and if you come to us with a proprietary based OS we will install and transfer your data to a nix based system.

We also sell preloaded LineageOS phones with f-droid (gappsless), TWRP, Magisk.

1. 50% discount for gentoo users
2. sell only open source/free hardware
3. entai section

Duck you setup phone poster.

"hi, can i have a copy of windows 10"
>get the fuck out of store.

>indian customer visits
>buys the entire store

Moderate chuckle

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But what if someone asks for their laptop to be a Mac?

>let me tell you about the cpu level botnets!

gentoo installing

Despite wearing fedora at all times inside the store, we offer free installs of temple os

remove all stickers with windows' keys from laptops, format hard drive and install gentoo

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>Store sells Monster Energy from a small minifridge.
only the sugar free though

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>one employee does nothing but push Raspberry Pi's onto all customers, no matter what they're looking for
>"My child's getting into video editing for youtube, do you have anyth-"
>"My son's into gaming, have you got anythin-"
>"My kid wants to stream forknife, do you have any-"
>"THIS BAD BOY RIGHT HERE, IT CAN PLAY ALL THE LATEST GAMES JUST FINE LIKE MINECRAFT! IT'S A REALLY INTENSIVE GAME BECAUSE YOU CAN CREATE WHOLE WORLDS, BUT THIS HANDLES IT JUST FINE, AND IT'S ONLY $35!"
>ends up selling $450 worth of accessories, keyboard, mouse, screen, power supply, wifi adaptor, a $50 4GB SD card with an OS image burned on it
>everyone hates this fucking faggot because the customers always come back the next day to return everything saying it made their child cry
>will still try to push them when no-one's looking
>one day an user replaced all the pi's with arduino uno's, he didn't notice

>one corner filled with SBC's, one guys got hundreds of orange pi's he's built cubic cases for including batteries and inductive charges for, they all run scrapers mirroring exhentai, nhentai, and archiving Jow Forums
>also has a display case of intel edisons in cute boxes
>back room has a shelf filled with macbooks, someone bought all the machines no-one picked up from rossmann in bulk for $100/piece, tearing them apart to make working machines, sells everything spare on ebay
>display shelf out front with fixed macbooks
>this attracts 90% of sales
>only takes up 10% of store
>rest of store is just bullshittery
>one dude has a pile of gamecubes running linux mining bitcoin "for teh lulz"
>someone thought they'd make mad cash by buying a bunch of broken nintendo switches and fixing them, has turned into a big pile of fucked beyond repair switches
>three guys behind a counter, one selling HP business class laptops, one Dell business class, and the other lenovo
>all violently competing for customers
>scares nearly all customers who go to them away
>they're the only people in the store who can sell actually functional shit other than the macfag
>front display screen on store constantly fucked, pifag insists they use a pi for everything, hasn't got a fucking clue

Sell meme stickers for your laptop

*this guy walks into your shop*
Hey guys! Can we do a video about your shop right now? :D

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imagine living with this annoying fuck for 1 day

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