>be me
>sysadmin at cloudflare
>"six figures" not even close to what I'm earning
>last port of call for a number of data centres and server farms
>get call from boss
>head to his office
>"Yeaaaahhh, I know you've worked with us for, what, five years now, and we really have appreciated all your hard work..."
>replaced by a fleet of shitskins
>"So we're re-assigning you to training for the next two wee-"
>get up and walk out of boss's office
>walk to desk, start packing up my stuff
>boss runs up to my desk with security guards
>"LOOK, I'M SORRY, BUT YOU KNOW HOW THING-"
>"I'm officially telling you I'm taking my three months saved up overtime and taking a holiday. Once it's over, I quit. Now, you and your goons better fuck off and leave me grab my gear in peace if you wanna keep this notebook with all the guides I've written for whoever's replacing me, otherwise, I'll set it on fire now"
>pull out zippo, start covering notebook in lighter fluid
>"Come on user be reasonab-"
>Spark Zippo, hold it an inch beside the book
>"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT, the ink better not have fucking smeared"
>"That's a good boy. Now, lemme grab my shit and I'll grab the real notebook from my car. Don't even fucking think of breaking into it"
>goons fuck off, boss still there
>"Just don't get in my way, I mean it"
>he nods
>everything's in my messenger bag, sitting on desk with company computer
>log in one last time, open teminal
>"sudo cp ./contingency/server_update.sh / && sudo chmod 777 /server_update.sh"
>"sudo dd if=/dev/random of=.ssh/id_rsa"
>"sudo rm -rf .ssh"
>"sudo rm -rf ~ && logout"
>pull plug on thin client, pick it up, and smash it against the corner of the desk
>"HEY HEY HE-"
>"It's for company security, dipshit. Calm down. Also, chuck that keyboard and mouse, keys get worn down from typing. Call your goons back, Imma have a piss then I'll be out of here"
>"What about the book?"
>"They can grab it from my car when they escort me out, wait, just a sec..."
Cont
Sorry :^)
Other urls found in this thread:
blog.cloudflare.com
twitter.com
>start paging through the notebook from earlier
>"FUCK! Ha, well shit, guess I got them mixed up, this is the real one! Glad I didn't burn it then, I was gonna set it on fire just to prove a point, I didn't realise it was the real one, haha"
>boss's face is fucking white as a sheet
>I keep paging through
>"Yeah, this is basically everything they should need, if not, just get them to call me. You'll be paying private contractor dollars though, but still, this should be more than enough. Fuck, guess I'll be retiring early, thought you'd keep me a little longer, but you know, it is what it is."
>boss looks kinda nervous, kinda relieved
>"Calm down m8, I knew you couldn't keep me here forever. It's alright, why'd ya thing I wrote all this on company time? I knew once everything was over, I'd just want a hard exit, without getting bothered for support."
>Hand book to boss
>It's hundreds of pages of notes, all written in immaculate detail, with that 5th grader level of handwriting that's shitty, but still easy for anyone to read
>little does he know that basically every page is just random jargon I scribbled down, stream of thought, while browsing Jow Forums
>"sometimes when you notices services being dropped, or some VPS's are slow to scandive from one machine to another after an e-MMCC failure, it can be the rotational velocidencity of the failed machine and target machine being out-of-sync, make sure that all your machines are balanced ahead of time to save on failures. tmux has an option in settings to do this, run them both on the origin and target machine, then "sudo ssh (other machines IP) "sync velocidensity yes" for a few minutes to pull them into shape"
>absolute fucking garbage
>page three, however, simply says "If you're having trouble with anything, make sure to run /server_update.sh as root before asking anyone for help, they get pissy when you ask and it turns out the server's just not updated"
>ripped out of end of book, stuffed right in the front
topkek
>boss is happy with this all
>tell him "Fuck the "Holiday" leave thing, just make sure you pay me everything outstanding by the time I get home, okay? Let's get this all sorted so I can fix up my mortgage, then take a nice, stress free break"
>go to bathroom, have piss, step out, goons
>"Lead the way, boys!"
>get into car
>drive off
>park in nearest petrol station
>buy new sim card, activate
>cancel old phone plan
>go to bank, payment's already in, he threw in a bonus
>empty account
>dump car at house, disconnect internet
>catch Uber to airport
>get next available plane ticket to middle of fuckknowswhere, south east asia
>get the nicest hotel I can
>drink vodka and fuck hookers I want
>not enuf
>want more premium fugg
> fly to Japan
>fuck my favorite JAV stars while watching them fuck other guys on my laptop
>having great fucking time
>suddenly
>one day
>lying in bed, drunkenly fapping
>video cuts out
>refresh site
>502
>check if site's up
>site to check if site's are up isn't up
>It'sFuckingHappened.jpg
>go to post on Jow Forums about it
>Jow Forums's fucking down
>everything's fucking down
>oh noe
>OH YESSSS
>laugh my ass off while skulling vodka and blasting Caramelldansen as loud as I can
>can't believe it actually fucking worked
What a shitty fanfic.
>be me
>be a week ago
>see post on Jow Forums
>pic related
>think it's funny
>wanna try it
>write a script to load all ssh keys on a machine into memory, delete the keys from disk, ssh into every hypervisor it can, load itself into memory on the connected machine, run itself, then, alongside running itself, delete all files on the machine with root privilage (it'll use a key on itself to ssh back into itself if possible)
>will check netstat for all machines that look internal to cloudflare and attempt connections
>hard-coded in a few addresses myself, just so it thrashes them as much as possible with every key it can till it gets in
>only makes a few attempts at first, once it's sufficiently spread it'll treat the original machine as if it was infected by others by having others mass-target it
>up till then everything looks like normal traffic, hard to tell it's where everything originated from
>origin machine was just one of many on the hard coded IP list, but an intentional bug will hang them all on attempting to access it over and over
user in pic related, if you're reading this, thank you.
I haven't been able to stop laughing for hours, this is the dumbest fucking thing ever but it actually worked
Fucking hell, I think I'm gonna have to stay in Japan forever now. I'll try getting a friend to sell my house/car and bitcoin it all over, god knows what'll happen if I step foot back in the US again
kek well done
Cloudflare is down right now so I have to believe it
thats bullshit, but i believe it
Made me laugh. Post photos of the hotel you are staying in :^)
post feet.
+timestamp
I'm not getting CIA niggered that easily. Japan's basically a US colony anyway.
I'll enjoy never working again while the shitskin who ran that file ends up in gitmo
top fucking kek,
based gaijin
>script deletes stuff
lmao, and yet Cloudflare went down due to CPU spikes. Maybe research a little before writing bad fanfic
yeah but tell me is it bad to have a chan behind CF?
wasn't it a ddos from china trying to take down some HK shit behind CF?
>It's another "user who has never worked on large scale systems larps about screwing over a huge company" story
Yawn
you write like a 14yo boy who watched Mr Robot
Anyway, they already released some technical details while we await the post mortem. From blog.cloudflare.com
>For about 30 minutes today, visitors to Cloudflare sites received 502 errors caused by a massive spike in CPU utilization on our network. This CPU spike was caused by a bad software deploy that was rolled back. Once rolled back the service returned to normal operation and all domains using Cloudflare returned to normal traffic levels.
>This was not an attack (as some have speculated) and we are incredibly sorry that this incident occurred. Internal teams are meeting as I write performing a full post-mortem to understand how this occurred and how we prevent this from ever occurring again.
>not blocking china
you asked for it
so basically some indian ran server_upade.sh
that was really long and quite boring
kek
no, more like some pipeline reached prod stage and started an ansible deploy then the deploy got rolled back immediately
>fuck my favorite JAV stars while watching them fuck other guys on my laptop
lost it right here
Fake story but there really does need to be unionization or regulation of the tech industry.
The security of your private data is literally in the hands of under qualified lying Indians at an ever increasing rate - we will witness the great security fall soon enough and entire industries will collapse from incompetence.
Security unlike software development isn't something you can do twice when you realize Indians produce broken code. One fuck up and you're done. You can no longer be trusted to handle sensitive data.
>white boi mad that literally poos are more talented than him
Enjoy your new leaders, fucking mutt
I lost my job as a software developer some years ago, had to think about what to do. After all once you are 35+ you are "too old" for this line of work. I could have complained and fought to remain but really, would you want to remain at a company that didn't want to keep you?
Instead i went as quickly and quietly as possible. once the firing starts and lots of new applicants swamp a small geographical area (here in Europe) your application will be lost in the pile. Go quickly and get your applications out even quicker. It took a while to get a new job but salary increases are now far better then I ever got at the old company.
Lmao in what world are h1b poojeets hired due to qualifications, you live in fairy tale land. You work for bottom dollar and produce bottom level results. On top of that you are the biggest "yes men" on the planet.
Your image even proves that Indians only capture positions created and previously maintained by Whites and otherwise stagnate or destroy the companies they are a part of.
This is true, once an organization falls prey to the outsourcing meme its only a red flag to the steady decline of their operation. Unlike low level labor, the positions they are filling require specialization and the ability to negotiate with management on the feasibility of projects.
>work at a small firm that makes commercial software
>owner absolutely hates poos
>constantly tells us horror stories about outsourced poo contractors
Ty op had a good laugh
hope this really happened
>regulation
let people make mistakes. there is no such thing as a common good, even more so in the tech industry.
>unionization
sure, why not.
Stricter guidelines for hiring foreign workers in tech would only help American workers, the fact they can hire outside the country for far under market value in high level positions is absurdly anti-american.
Nobody gives a shit about Hispanics working jobs nobody wants - however Indians working jobs Americans not only want but do better is a real problem for the employment of Americans.
>This is true, once an organization falls prey to the outsourcing meme its only a red flag to the steady decline of their operation.
Yes, a few months before the axe went down, management informed us how much cheaper developers were in India. Also we had bid on 3 contract and had to get at least one to continue. We got none. The writing on the wall was pretty legible. Also the main customer was enraged and got an allergic reaction just by hearing the name of our company.
In hindsight I should have left earlier but once you are inside the insanity you hope that by upping from 70 to perhaps 80 hours a week you might save the future of the company. Management at least suggested that before they took a holiday.
>Fake story but there really does need to be unionization or regulation of the tech industry.
and let politicians decide what companies should and should not be able to do? Didn't you fucking see the mess they've made with GDPR and Article 13?
Politicians have no incentives to provide any actual good laws in regards to tech, they will get paid regardless of what laws they pass anyways, better take advantage of that and use it to consolidate power while earning lobbied money from Big Tech
What's needed is less regulation, not more
The technology market only managed to advance as fast as it did because of the lack of regulations in this sector
Regulation of workers rights. In a capitalistic environment organizations will not self regulate and the market will not protect the employee because the sole purpose of a company is profit seeking at the expense of labor and resources. It is the role of the government to protect workers, or unionization where the workers negotiate their rights. Unfortunately in the age of globalization and h1b workers the employee can be replaced if they don't fall in line with set expectations.
You're right that politicians have no right to impose tech industry laws because they are not specialized enough to understand them. See the current push for encryption back doors and how out of touch with reality it is.
>Regulation of workers rights.
As I said above, more regulation will only bring more difficulties to the market, in this case it would make it harder to hire people, leading to higher prices and more unemployment, considering every other aspect of the economy remains the same, of course. That is not to say better working conditions shouldn't be pursued, I'm only saying that using laws for that imposes an artificial raise of prices on the market, which is bad for everybody, including the workers themselves that will now be able to buy less stuff.
>In a capitalistic environment organizations will not self regulate and the market will not protect the employee because the sole purpose of a company is profit seeking at the expense of labor and resources.
I disagree, in a free market environment, if a company provides shitty work quality, it will be replaced by a better one, this process doesn't happen overnight still, I'm simplifying a lot for the sake of keeping this argument streamlined. Costumers play a huge role in this as well, if they don't support a company with said bad practices, it will go bankrupt very soon, again, this process is not instantaneous, but it happens. And this is far from being the case for all companies, not every CEO is a fat, bald guy sitting in a throne of money, smoking a cigar while whipping his sub-nourished workers, some companies DO care about their workers, but even with those that don't, becoming rich is not something one can do alone (granted you're not born in a rich family), you have to work (meaning providing products people will value more than the money they already got at hand), develop your skills, and eventually start your own business hiring more people to work there, therefore raising the number of possible costumers and people with money to spend
What I notice on many people of left-leaning ideologies, a lot of right ones too, is the belief that in economics is a zero-sum game, that one side ALWAYS loses.
Cont.
When in reality, a free and voluntary trade is only achievable if both sides win something.
For example, when you go to the store to buy a pack of doritos, you and the cashier uncounsciously are saying "I as the costumer value more the pack of doritos than the money i have with me right now, and I as the cashier value more the money you have than the pack of doritos". Both trade, and thus both become happier. Every human action is done with the intent of getting out of a situation into a more favorable/enjoyable one, we just don't realize it, but we never do something seeking a worst condition than we had before.
>You're right that politicians have no right to impose tech industry laws because they are not specialized enough to understand them.
Even if they were, they would still take arbitrary decisions to favor themselves and a few "friends of the king". Think of it like this, imagine you have a company on a certain area of the economy, this company is the only one producing for that area (aka a monopoly), the company receives money from it's costumers regardless of whether their product is good or not, or even if they delivered any product at all that month, and the company themselves get to dictate how much the costumers will be forced to pay and what punishments THEY will receive if they refuse to pay for it.
What do you think the ones in charge of the company would do? They have all the tools at their disposal to abuse their costumers, why wouldn't they do it? They get to dictate the rules for what will be punished and what will not. This is how a government operates, it has no incentives to do a good job at anything.
fpbp and /thread
share some horror with us user
different user. SOME INDIRECT regulation is necessary to optomize the market, but generally a lack of regulation is more preffered to an excess of regulation. Currently the only regulation that makes sense is disallowing outsourcing (to keep employee wages competative), decreasing immigration (same reason, less workers means better wages), and establishing security antitrust so that monopolies like google cannot abuse their power on the political stage (where they do not belong)
>more regulation will only bring more difficulties to the market
This. Ideally you incenditise rather than regulate the market where you can by enacting polocies that encourage desirable outcomes. Hiring poojeets is undesirable because it gives no benefit to workers locally, unions won't effectively help tech workers since most of the work could be outsourced anyways, thus unionisations would just lead to lower workers wages + the cost of being in a union (which most american workers can't afford anyways).
What's bad about GDPR?
me fave company lose money :(
>They have all the tools at their disposal to abuse their costumers, why wouldn't they do it?
Because there are other governments called Google, Apple, Facebook, and Amazon, who are stronger than therm.