Open office HATE thread

>all those destroyed spines

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>Imagine having to be close to all of your co workers, listening to them talk while you're trying to work.
>imagine having to use your own laptop for work intstead of having a dedicated desktop
fucking disgusting. what is wrong with the software industry.

>stays back late and replaces installs a killer usb into your keyboard so when you come to work the next day and turn your computer on it gets fucked up
heh..

We have just installed these comfy new beds in the 'resting room'. Feel free to take a nap. Remember, a healthy state of mind means better productivity! We truly want our employees to feel lucky to work here!

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having to carry a backpack to work everyday because the company cares so little about you that they won't even pay to allow you to have a private cubicle to keep items in.

This is why I firmly believe that software companies should have small offices for every programmer.
They don't need to be big or well-furnished - but they need to have a door that can be closed with a "do not disturb" sign that the person can use when they're doing serious work.

A desk with an overhead cabinet for storage and a chair. That's it. I'd bet productivity would double.

Also: adjustable height desks and monitor stands available to workers so they don't ruin their posture.

can you tell me why programmers need a game room to function like normal adults but doctors, lawyers or firefighters don't?

As someone who recently started working, open office has made me a lot more productive. Anytime I have a question I just swivel my chair and ask my mentor or a dev on my team. In a minute or less, I’m good to go and back to my problem. Perhaps I broke the concentration of my team member for a little but eventually it’ll me whose concentration is broken by my junior

That makes it harder for management and "leads" to come over and check on you though!
By checking on you I mean pointless smalltalk that slows everyone down.

>keeps fucking going on and on about what they did over the weekend or what their kid did.

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>hey user just thought i'd come over and talk about something useless for a fucking year while you try to work because I am a retard who likes to talk all the fucking time and never shuts up
yea thanks dude just fuck off and do your work ok fuck how can you talk for that long like surely you are a fucker who needs to shut up some time right?

I don't mind pointless small talk every once in a while. It lets your brain go on "auto-pilot" mode so you can think about a problem you're stuck on.

because the tech industry is filled with childish autists. even in the highest levels.

>*SIIIIIIIIIIIIIP*
>AWWWWWWWW
>NOTHING LIKE THAT FIRST CUP OF JOE

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>shhhh

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This is the only situation where an open office works.

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Fire stations often have small game rooms for when they're not on call.
Doctors don't because they've always got shit to do.
Some law firm probably does have a game room. Law is one of the most chad-dense professions there is - I guarantee at least one of them has a pool table and a fully-stocked bar.

You know the stereotype is that firefighters spend all day working out and playing cards right?
Doctors and lawyers live for their work.

there is absolutely nothing wrong about pĺaying cards, that's badass

>that one guy that carries an iMac around

this is such a piece of shit. Libre office is much much better

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I'm surprised this took so long.

Holy phuck user, that looks like a phucking sweat shop! YIKES.EXE!

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Fucking sweatshop

Can you niggers answer me, why there are no demand for remote?

It is so simple - private github repo, code reviews and weekly pay.

Easy come, easy go. Simple tasks, simple commits, the way people are writing thing like GHC or Webkit.

Why, niggas, why? Just because the legal department could cut your balls if you are trying to steal the fucking code or break NDA?

That is fucking ridiculous.

Look up 'Ke Xu'

Some cutie frontwoman. Very smart marketing. Now what?

No, the bloomberg article

Apartment in old building with separate rooms office masterrace reporting in.

forgot pic

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Fuck Open office! Even the logo pisses me off! It's like two seagulls coming to drop a shit on you.

I thought cubicles were "open plan" and I hated it, didn't realise it got so much worse. I now work from home in a dedicated office and am so much more productive

>beer
10/10 design choice

Well, It is over-dramatized. BTW, the dude did well, fuck these "aristocrats" who cannot afford to pay competitive salaries.

The solution is to never give access to the full sources. Only to small parts.

And how to split a big system into an orthogonal independently developed parts (via clear interfaces and protocols) is an art. Old school people like Dijkstra knew how to do shit.

Underrated

>tfw the company I'm working for builds a new office building to centralize all the offices that are currently scattered around the city
>looks like op-pic from the outside
>rumors that it won't be equipped with AC
guess I'll be needing some noise canceling iems soon

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>all that space
>not even given one monitor
This has to be some library or something. God this would be an awful work environment.

I work in a cubical farm and someone near me bought a mechanical keyboard. I fucking want to kill them. Also I hate people who practically punch down their keys with anger.

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ear plugs.

not an anal plug, watch out

You should try "hot desking" and see if you can keep your sanity.
You have too many people and not enough desks. If you leave your desk someone else will start using it. Too bad about your work in progress.

>The solution is to never give access to the full sources. Only to small parts.
Object Code Only? We tried that in the '80s.
Hampered us more than the competition.

Yeah I hear you but virtually no company would do that. They're all afraid their employees would take their idea and run off with it.

I work at a plant and have my own medium size office, everyone in th office does. I laughed when my bay area tech friends making twice my salary were jealous, I had no idea open offices were so common. When I told them I could shut the door when I wanted to take a call they were amazed.

I'm entering into something like this..
Open office plan. Startup cult environment. Games room. Sound isolated room for naps. Mandatory all hands meetings.
Why the fuck am I doing this to myself?

i unironically want that mug

>work in open office
>no carpet or accoustical ceiling tile
>people can play music on sonos
>music causes people to talk louder
>need to put headphones on and blast music to drown out the noise
>10 years later
>need hearing aid

How do i get around this? Anyone try sound blocking earmuffs?

>rumors that it won't be equipped with AC
Look for a new job right fucking now.

Get a better job is the only real solution that won't leave you with either PTSD or permanent ear damage.

>people can play music on sonos
absolutely millennial

Make all rooms with soundproof glass walls and doors from waist up. Music schools have been doing this for ages.

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I'm in a 4 person office and the person directly oppsoite to me has a LOUD voice. He also likes to do 1+ hour conference calls regularly. He also likes to throw his stress ball around, at walls, at the floor. Constant noise, my headphones don't block it. Send help

Someone post the human face blinders companies are having their wagies use to compensate for the open office meme's lack of privacy

Can't have that goy. Privacy would mean you might spend some of your shift watching youtube or browsing the internet! Who cares if your overall productivity is increased, who cares if taking a break helps you not get completely burnt out, we just can't allow that

What if I need to masturbate?

None of these groups spend 8+ hours a day watching at a screen. I even believe they can talk to people and stuff

why does every wagie have an orange ball next to them?

Earplugs and earmuffs, change when tired or use it together for last-human-on-earth kind of isolation

We also have high tech bathrooms!

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I guess they all went to the yearly well-being and mindfulness courses

>square seat
How do you seat without crushing your balls or stabbing your legs?

hahahah, this

That's exactly the point. The design is only a thinly veiled excuse for being as uncomfortable as possible so you get back to work asap.

Not really. They made by far the best offer, like almost twice as much as the second one, and I guess I don't value my mental health as highly as I thought.

Is it Facebook London?

I can't slack off

libre office ftw

No but it is Europe, and it's not even a code monkey job. I will be managing a team of code monkeys.

>guy brings a mechanical keyboard
>his passwords are basically qazwsxedcrfv or zxcvbnmzxcvbnm or any combination of those which always is fucking loud whenever he enters it

>Can you niggers answer me, why there are no demand for remote?

I'm 100% remote, there's demand, you just have to look for it.

>>imagine having to use your own laptop for work intstead of having a dedicated desktop
Unless you work on a poor company. Mine lets us use dedicated work laptops they supply to us. Means I can pretend sick and work at home most of the time

you aren't supposed to sit on a toilet seat for an extended period of time. it cuts circulation and pinches nerves. this is why squatting in the street is the most ergonomic way to shit.

>eats noisy snacks LOUDLY
DIE

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do offices actually use those laptops? that cant be good for your back to sit like that for 40 hours a week. jesus. get real computers you fucking morons.

>no AC
Yikes

>tfw used to have my own office in a shitty paying job in a small company.

I honestly adore squatting, it means the only point of contact to the dirty toilet seat is your feet. Also it means that shit can slither out more efficiently since your cheeks will be more spread and less shit that'll smear on the side of your cheeks near the hole. Also more easier to clean up.

Pls help, where did you look?

>those laptops
we use hp elitebook 840 that look pretty much the same but they come with a dockingstation, 1-2 monitors, kb+m.
I'm already looking for a new job but for other reasons

There's a lot of demand for e-commerce developers (Magento, etc). A lot of these agencies are remote-friendly.

You can do the same with offices for 3-4 people.

>tfw just lost my remote job
I'll likely have to work from one of those open-plan monstrosities now. Hold me, Jow Forums

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The head of HR at our small company (I deleted the pic just now) used to work at Google. And he told us that open office is the worst thing ever for productivity.

What did you do wrong

Was inbetween projects when a lay-off wave hit.

>being a wage slave

>breaking your neck staring at a laptop screen all day

What language do you use?

>Magento

No. Thank you.

>mfw everyone in the pic is an iToddler

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You're a naive fool if you think lawyers and doctors live for their work. Most do it for the paycheck to the point where my country law and medicine is completely saturated despite needing like 10 years of shit after uni for you to be considered a proper lawyer or doctor.