Scrum master calls a meeting

Capitalism was unironically a mistake. All software development teams should be democratic workers cooperatives. We need to admit that the concept of hierarchal management is fundamentally flawed, and fundamentally conflicts with human psychology.

The reason higher paying jobs are considered preferable is because, as a general rule, wealthier people live happier lives, but if your wealth comes at the cost of working a job you hate, and happiness if your ultimate goal, aren’t your methods conflicting with your motive? The stress/happiness of the workforce should be considered alongside how much they are paid. When you take that into account, the increased profit that hierarchal corporations generate is offset by the fact that they invariably create oppressive workplaces, and unhappy employees. People do not like to be given orders, and I’m sure almost anyone would be willing to take a pay cut if it meant being free of their boss.

Capitalism optimizes for profit; workers cooperatives optimize for the wellbeing of their members. It’s extremely indicative that the greatest dream of the modern worker is to retire – to escape from capitalism.

I don't mind taking orders at all.
I come in, grab my tasks, finish them and proceed to the next. I'm just a junior programmer and I do what I'm asked. If shit doesn't work because my superiors have no clue what they're asking me to do that's their problem.
I don't understand the stigma against just doing what you're told to do.

This. Makes it super easy to leave your job at the door on the way out. Plus you can pace yourself a lot easier with tasks instead of burning out

programming is my only hobby but this is why i will never work as a dev

ITT seething NEET-trannies

T. Chad Master

Agile/Scrum/etc is just fancy ways for marketing people to say "iterative development".

Isn't agile development the idea to make workers even more replaceable, denying them every basis for negotiating more money or off-days?

steve-yegge.blogspot.com/2006/09/good-agile-bad-agile_27.html?

Based and redpilled, if you guys are satisfied with the salary. I wouldn't mind being a wage slave as long as wage is good. I'm doing what I like anyway - programming.

Scrum is literally visual micromanagement system using colorful notes for each task and whatnot. Just a replacement for excel sheet.

It's Daily Scrum part and the chart is not to scale, don't worry

More like scum master, ha ha

this, it's faggot speak for a shared excel sheet

>servant leader
my doublespeak sensors are btfo

You talk about scrum board, which is, in fact, a glorified kanban board.

too many MBA's, not enough chainsaws

why have i never seen a real functioning example of agile/scrum/whateverthefuck? all i want is a real program and a detailed description of how it was developed

It's really easy to become a scrum master and it's really comfy to be in an actual agile small company I'm the company's sys admin and can freely decide what to buy or book, if I don't have anything specific to do and am bored I can read manga at work or browse 4channel

>tfw im the techlead and have to constantly deal with codereviews and my coworkers hate me because I didn't merge their shitty code completely devoid of code standards and not even working by citing that the spec didn't specifically mention that use case and then get in an argument because I tell them to pay more attention and to at least run the basic test cases attached to each ticket.

;_;

>wealthier people live happier lives
We're not all hedonists. There's more to life than happiness.

Why don't you become a scrum master user? It's really easy and the cert only costs 150$. Companies love when scrum masters also have an idea about what devs are actually doing

This is my exact point. Most people would lead happier lives if they weren't worked half to death by their employer, even if it means less pay.

I've actually read the scrum book and we had a SM on our company for a while... I think that most of what's in it is just standard dev procedure, but it couldn't really apply to our team well, because we work on about 6 different big projects/products.
We tried the point system... but it didn't really work out, because projects' knoweldge is really divided in three teams, and we didn't have the time to do 3x Agile rites for each team (total 15 people, with some members covering multiple projects).

What we discarded:
Kanban (not really much use, we already use Redmine/JIRA to manage tickets)
Sprint Cycle with deliverables (we do this on a per project/client basis with devops, depending on the money put on the table..)
Point System (SCRUM Poker, literally didn't work out for our team)

What we kept:
Daily standups (literally the beast feature of SCRUM, being able to talk about what you did, difficulties and what you will do made us more synchronized)
Brownbag meetings (when the need arises, with lunch covered by the company)
Kaizen sessions (when the need arises)
Retrospective meetings (monthly)

If we were a company with like 1-2 big projects and sizable teams, I would've kept scrum poker

Lmao wtf there are certifications for being a scrum master.
And there HR was, rejecting me because I was "overqualified" and missing this one tiny skill I could pick up in like 10 days or so.

lol scrotum master

I feel the same. I work at my best when I have an objective (or several). I know what I need to accomplish, what the timeframe is. I can split that down into problems and figure out step by step the how and why.

This picture sums my thoughts up about agile.
You're in for 2 weeks of boredom, but at least you're getting paid for it right?
Honestly, this is just going to be your scrum master's excuse to pretend like he's doing work and making a difference whereas if he'd just get the fuck out the way everyone could get on with what they're doing.
This is typical boomer behaviour. They got by in their life coasting and having shit handed to them, now when they realise that the IT industry requires a brain and an understanding of how to write code, a lot of them panicked and switched to meaningless roles like scrum master or product owner or whatever. The problem is because they're sitting in the job until they die/retire, you're stuck basically babysitting them but making it look like they're babysitting you so they feel important because otherwise they make life hell and talk shit about you behind your back.
Ya dun goofed by interrupting his meaningless business shit, so now you're all suffering through some bullshit. Now you gotta suck a bit of dick to get through. In your 2 week (fuck me that's long) seminar, pretend like you've "learned a lot" and that it's a "good idea" and "we should all use agile practices" and talk about how efficient it'll be.
After that comes the hard part. When stand ups or sprint planning or scrums or whatever start taking up too much time, start passive-aggressive questions that people will agree with. Feel the room, but ask shit like "Do we need to be here for this?" "Can we take this offline?" "Shouldn't these only take 5 mins?" to basically vocalise what a waste of time it all is and ask other devs what the point of the meeting was. There's no point to them, so the devs have no answers, but it starts fomenting a group of you who hate this stupid shit, so it becomes a bunch of devs thinking it's a waste of time and one or two boomers wasting your time. Revenge needs preparation and subtlety.
Good luck user, you can do it.

Attached: waterfall vs agile.jpg (800x361, 38K)

Totally right, I'm an intermediate dev now who just left a job about a month ago because shit was awful there.
Here's how "just doing what you're told" doesn't work and the system breaks down, and guess who's fault it is?
>Product owner or whoever is creating tickets makes a bunch of nonsensical shit
>A lot of business jargon and shit that makes no sense to you as a programmer or misses things that you don't know how it would be done best
>Product owner is part time and splits between different projects across the office
Ok, so a bunch of shit there, but you've got some specs that semi-make sense that you can at least make a start on.
>Break down tasks into smaller tasks
>Assign estimated hours to the task, regardless of whether or not you know how long each task will take or what needs to happen for it, just do it.
Great, now we're ready to start work
>Smash out some code (here's the one good part of the job)
>Get it all working and all bugs you can find ironed out, commit and open a pr.
Now here's where someone who should have been involved earlier will now see what you've made
"Why doesn't it do this?" "Why did you code it this way?" "Where is the x that wasn't in the ticket?" etc.
>Ok no prob, I can fix those up and the few bugs that made it through
"What the fuck, why is this taking so long?" "You estimated it for x hours, why isn't it in master?" "You need to move something else out of sprint to make room for extra time."

And guess who's fault it all is: The product owner who shit out some half-requirements? No of course not, it's you who had to do 95% of the whole thing and estimate against something you've got very little idea, you stupid kid.
Oh look, here come performance reviews! Guess what yours is like? Tasks take too long, Work often goes over estimated hours.
Who else has a perf review like that? The rest of the team? Fucking engineers, must be their fault.
cont.d

cont.d from
>Just make bigger estimates
Oh, of course I see the error of my ways, how could I have been so stupi-
>"WHAT!? Why is feature x going to take so long? It's literally just adding y to the project?"
Now you can answer in a few ways
"I don't have all the requirements and this always happens, so I'm extending out the time to account for that."
which gets followed up with
>"Well we can't do that, because we need realistic estimates for the sprint, this number is throwing the whole thing out."
also sometimes coupled with "I'll sit with you and make sure we have all the requirements." Which either never happens or goes into detail to a point where you can't know what technical hurdles await you.
And that's one of the many reasons why a medium sized company has managed to lose almost all of its senior staff, a significant portion of its intermediate staff and juniors still there because it's their first job.
Mix in some shit pay, add timesheets and managers who spend their days combing through timesheet descriptions, retrospectives that are all talk and no action and middle to upper management who keep asking "Why is everything taking so long?" And if the answer is anything to do with how much badgering management does and how much time is wasted in stupid meetings or other shit, you get a line like
"we'll take it into consideration." or "we're working on it."
It's not that doing what you're told is miserable, it's doing what you think you were told, then being told that it's wrong followed by passive aggressive shit about development being slow. I'm happy I'm free.

you could replace a $200 an hour scrum master with a $100 an hour dominatrix and get better results. problem there is that guys start screwing up in order to get spanked.

name one popular socialist-developed operating system. we'll wait.

it's just more bs they fed you with. the most retarded one was safe training. lead by a pajeet bcz who else would do this shit. in my team we just said fuck this shit and do whatever needs to be done. we even scratched daily stand-ups. our scrum master was not happy about that. although he's a great guy i still don't understand why this position even exists.
and then all that shit with retrospective and task grooming that only take hours of our time which we could actually spend productively. and not to forget iteration reviews which in our case is just measuring each other's cocks over stuff we didn't manage to finish every two weeks.

This post is a complete non-sequitur, you clearly didn't understand a single thing I wrote, and you're a fucking retard. A self-employed individual working on his own behalf clearly does not have a manager, which is exactly what I was arguing for. So, the obvious answer to your retarded question, is that any OS developed by self-employed individuals, workers cooperatives, or volunteers, would be an operating system which was developed by socialism, or what you have decided to call socialism (I never mentioned that word.) Linux, you fuckwit. Neither Linus nor Stallman were working under the employment of another person when they developed their contributions to the Linux operating system.

This post is so retarded I’m not entirely convinced it isn’t bait. Or perhaps you just read the first sentence of what I wrote, and replied entirely based on that, in which case you might actually win the award for the most worthless post on Jow Forums.

Man I miss agile
The last team I was changed the lead dev to someone that thinks syncs are disguised useless meetings and started to remove the agile.
Fast forward a few months this team has runned around with moving goalposts and no feedback from what they are delivering and what the goal is

A programmer that can see and tell management that they have their heads up their asses is waaaay more useful

Yeah but most boomers have very fragile egos and being told that they're wrong or something of theirs isn't working will get them to throw a tantrum and make life difficult for you. You have to be careful when you tell them about how far up their asses their heads are.

I had a look at their salaries and honestly why the fuck are they getting paid so much?

Because they know the CEO's spawn through their spawn. The boomer job market is different to our job market. They would wander into a building and say "I work here now." and they'd just be working there.
Companies think that these business people are just automatically good and it must be engineers who are shit, but it's almost always the other way around.

Suggested reading.

Attached: Bullshit_Jobs.jpg (232x350, 24K)

>scrum master is an actual job

Doesn't the lead developer fill that role?

I work in a young company, fragile ego isn't boomer specific. Also, knowing how to deliver is a top tier soft skill, it can literally define your carrer

Yes but not always, your lead dev may not know agile or has too many stuff to do to do agile
I do believe a scrum master has to be in a lot of teams at he same time to justify being a full time job

>All software development teams should be democratic workers cooperatives.
Fuck off, idiot

Ballbusting is the thinking man's fetish

>scrum master
>master is used in master-slave relationship, which we have already established in PROBLEMATIC
>get the scrum "master" fired
>get a pay raise for being so inclusive
Anything we could add?

Attached: Kizuna Ai - Smug Laugh.jpg (540x562, 56K)

What do you mean with
> how to deliver

Knowing how to tell hard truths without hurting feelings and egos

Even though I am a junior I am still given a voice and I can speak to my seniors and team leads if I see something is off.

Scrum is a method of agile development, no?

And you totally should, because you are knee deep in the code, you are the fist to spot code smells

yes

I'm the user you were replying to and I just got off work. I understand what you're saying perfectly as it reflects, to a scary degree, what's going on at my company with our main project.
And yet, I still think that taking orders is fine. If something is not detailed in the tasks, I tell the team manager, and escalate to the product owner to get what I need. Something I deliver doesn't do what they expected? I show them what's written in the tasks and how I did exactly that, if the reqs and tasks are not properly detailed the fault lies on the product owner and scrum master. Client keeps asking me for new developments and changes during testing sessions? I tell them they need to talk to the product owner and team lead.
Most of the senior devs at my place are bothered by the "beurocracy" but I see it as a way to cover my ass through protocol. I trust my team lead and seniors to help get the project done. Worst comes to worst, I just bail from the company and go work somewhere else, got plenty of offers as is.
When the product isn't delivered its the product owner, scrum master and team lead that have to answer to management, I'm just a peon, I'll tell you if something you're asking me to do is stupid, or if there's other ways to do it, I'll ask for info when I need it, and try to find solutions, but I don't do miracles.
Let management keep their jargon and the company go under, I got my certs, experience and networking to find a job after the incompetent managers run this company to the ground.
Basically just do your job and stop worrying.

the only development process I've thought looked good was having a big whiteboard full of tasks that need to be done, and then everyone picks one and does it.

Alienation user, using your time on earth as a cog, a drone, and wishing for nothing more, what a fucking NPC you really are.

It's common sense 101
Why it needs certification and training is beyond me

is this some /sp/ shit or what

I mostly just hate the daily fucking stand ups. Other than that it’s not any better or worse than waterfall
>supposed to be a quick 5 minute meeting where you say what you’re working on and if you have any impediments
>usually a fucking miracle if it takes under an hour because someone starts rambling

What the FUCK does that diagram in OP even mean. I work in the field and I swear to god, there's so much bullshit surrounding software development it's insane.

Is it a coincidence that the only team in our company doing scrum is the one dealing with Americans? Is this the norm there?

>Is this the norm there?
Starting to become that way, yeah.
Is exactly right, higher ups and people who don’t code love it, but can’t tell you why. They just heard they’re supposed to love it compared to big bad evil waterfall.

I don't work in software development but just reading about this scrum and agile shit makes me mad. Fuck.

Also I'll never take it seriously because I always think of scrotum when I hear scrum.

non-technical people like "project managers" managing technical people are worthless, only reason they have jobs is they like sending emails all day

How about the fact that waterfall is now considered a "bad" method because the military couldnt be bothered to read 50% of the paper and created their own waterfall standard with that over simplified schematic, which everyone copied and started pointing out its flaws, even tho all the flaws mentioned are already talked about in the ORIGINAL PAPER.
Fuck I wish I kept programming as a hobby

Must suck being a mindless drone

But did the original paper suggest any solutions

I recommend that you stop going to Jow Forums since it is turning you into a babbling moron.

Have you tried T-shirt sizes?
Let's say there's XXXL XXL XL L M S XS
XS big task would take you 30 minutes etc.

It has nothing to do with being an NPC you braindead nigger.
Bet you have accomplished nothing in your life, you worthless NEET.

Dumb drones like you are destined to end up working for pennies or replaced

Meetings are a great way to get paid for doing nothing. Why are you complaining?
I'd be fucking psyched if half my day was spent doing inane shit rather than working.

Devs that are against agile deserve their extreme go horse

I'm 23 years old and already make substantially more than the median income in my country, I'm good.
I'm just not a retard and see nothing wrong with just doing my job as a way to further my career and skills.
I have my own personal projects and life outside of work, and I'm not autistic so I don't go on a bitch fit when my superiors tell me what to do, because I don't have issues with authority like an edgy Jow Forums NEET autismo.