What is the programming equivalent of spitting in someone’s food?

writing something for other people to use in Electron

fast software bad

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calibre

By spitting in someone's food you're purposely trying to fuck them over without them knowing, so I guess something like logging passwords in plain text.

This works too.

forcing developers who want to make plugins for your programs to use Python

configuring infrastructure wrong so that what works in docker on one machine doesn't work on docker in another machine

rewriting something they're proud of

Reeee my friend goes mad when I do this to his code

>hey I'm going to kill myself
>"you'll probably fuck that up too, let me help"

I have this problem as well in group projects.
To prevent being a dick to my peers, I just tell them they should probably rewrite this and give them arguments to why they should. If it's okay code and not worth rewriting, I just let it be. Otherwise I give pseudocode.

SELECT DISTINCT *
FROM bigSchema.biggest_table

>What is the programming equivalent of spitting in someone’s food?
putting an easter egg in the code, so that (for a hypothetical example) if someone holds down the control key and clicks the screen 5 times a dialogue box pops up and a video, of a girl having a shit on the bosses desk, starts playing.
Or a message opens that says, Your boss smells like cheap aftershave, shit, piss, and yaks cum

Global variables

This reminds me of the 'Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie' easter egg for man

submitting a pull request with a code of conduct

>ask programmer a question about a function
>they shrug
"don't know, it worked on my machine"

>all my code is like this
>get a new job, 2 week notice
>hand them everything as is

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Sending a proprietary program

Using Rust

PHP

Introducing a proprietary dependency.

this, desu

kek

Adding an autoplay video in your website. Seriously, fuck off if you do that shit.

Adding onto someone else's code in a group effort and not using comments

obfuscating code

no docs

It's irrelevant now, firefox stops autoplay by default

Replacing all colons with Greek question marks.

Making a program that only works perfectly on the development PC or a web page that only looks good in the resolution that it was designed around, and turning that in

Leaving comments like "Hohoho, you'll never guess what this does".

kek

mixing tabs and 4 spaces

Or "You'll never guess where and when this gets mutated"

void bigAss(string titties,int fart)

Including proprietary license, obviously.

this

the few very vocal discord trannies here seem to make rust look tolerable, but don't give in, it's AIDS

>C good, fast
>writes spaghetti code that runs like shit because the algorithm is hot garbage

>java is good, fast enough, easy to develop, quick to deliver
>writes good code that is inherently performant because the algorithm is well designed

C only realistically wins in microbenches, which and cutting edge servers that the entire software industry has dumped hundreds of billions in development hours

gist.github.com/aras-p/6224951
>#define true ((rand()&15)!=15)

fn boring_utility_method() {
...
time.sleep_millis(10);
...
}

fn main() {
while mainloop() {
....
boring_utility_method();
.....
}
}

Deleting comments.

Every pull request my current intern opens.

php

> C only realistically wins in microbenches

This

>if I pay loads of money for a good Java dev I will get better results compared to hiring a shitty C dev
now who woulda thunk it

>Java is good, fast enough
It's because of pajeet tier coders like you that RAM manufacturers are making a killing.

git push --force

Introducing C++ to a C project.

>Replacing the lowercase letter l with capital I
>Flipping a parentheses
>Turning : into ;

for literally what purpose

h1b

Artificial load times on a timer.

Just merge straight to master, no pull request. Bonus points if it fails tests, doesn't build, and rewrites the git history so can't be easily reverted.

>java is good, fast enough
People like you are why working on a computer today is much the same speed as 1985 Amiga Workbench.

window.undefined = 'undefined';

So, then he got what he wanted?

Do you actually have a job writing real code?

It's not as simple as

>gotta go fast

>picking java over C
You could've said python and not exposed your street shitting.

This is pure evil.

subcontracting to a pajeet

Ego has a time and a place, both for the original writer & the rewriter...

{} {
}

() { ()
} {
}

Overriding the JSON.parse function so that it sometimes randomly replaces words with swear words, but only in very rare occasions. And only in production.

For instance, instead of "add to favorites", a customer would suddenly read "add to motherfucker". But since the swear word insertion only happens very seldom, no one would believe him. I feel like this could go on for years and drive one or another person crazy.

Anyone has even more creative ideas for messing with JSON.parse?

Bad faith here.
Java is good, but too verbose & not fast.
C is excellent, but you Must absolutely know what you're doing. Someone who masters C deserves respect & recognition. (not sure if anyone truly does,I wish I could because it's very hard)

Just insert commas into the input string at random points and watch the world burn.

>What is the programming equivalent of spitting in someone’s food?
code obfuscation of malware

Nice
Just lean, back and enjoy

Also throw a bit of this on the fire:

inputString.replace('"','"');

hm, thanks Jow Forums for parsing my homoglyphs. That's supposed to be a homoglyph attack, you'll have to imagine it...

Interesting, I had to read about that.

Pushing to master because you can't figure out how branches work.

Allowing your devs to push to master because you can't figure out how configuration works

>what is branch protection

Jesus Christ, user

Now that's service!

>on SQL:
using cryptic table names instead of descriptive verbose ones
bad normalization.
having tons of embedded queries inside another language with tons of concatenations instead reading them from an external file.
>C++ and C
placing a whole huge framework inside a header so it takes more than a minute to compile a project each time.
Auto-generating tons of code using preprocessor

>Python
Writing things in python its a cancer by its own self.

>"Commiting suicide is illegal. Stop or we'll shoot"

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Service with a breach and a smile.

>Java is good, but too verbose & not fast
Java is pretty fast, just not C fast.

making them learn cmake

Best reply in this thread

boomer scum rot in hell

MFW Jow Forums would hate my programming "skills"

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Haha....i came upon a view that does just this....against 3M records.

>why is the app taking 17 seconds to return my users authorization?

Writing anything in Java.

All fields are called field1, field2, field3 etc. and their type is VARCHAR(255).
There are no indexes or keys.
Business logic is done almost exclusively inside stored procedure.

Are there ever any actual reasons to not use stored procedures/functions or would everyone just insult your code? It seems like a pretty good idea since it lets you abstract away your raw data with the least software layers possible but I never see anyone use them. Not saying you should write full-on algorithms using it, more so just adding abstractions like converting a set of booleans to/from a bit-array stored in the actual table.

seems like that would result in an error showing exactly where the problem is.