>ability to meet tight frequent deadlines and handle multiple projects in a FAST PACED ENVIRONMENT
>"fLeXiBle sChedULe"
>think "creatively" and the desire to work in a team environment
>meeting OR exceeding team/client expectations AS WELL as making sure goals are hit on-time and efficiently.
burn in hell HR
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Only subhumans work in HR.
Change my mind.
Just work at a startup, they usually don't have an HR dept. proper
>coding
Into the trash it goes
forgot
> offering "competitive" wage
I dont get the op pic
everyone hates JR devs because they always wind up making more work for everyone else
"Coding and SQL" is just a broad claim to make that the person who made has absolutely no fucking clue what they are talking about. SQL is coding and doesn't need to be treated as two separate things. Absolutely asinine. Not to mention that it is a JR dev position so coding is already an implicit.
There's that. The only downside is that from my experience working at start-ups has often been very high pressure as youoften don't have a senior to show you the ropes.
Solution.
>Contact other devs currently working via LinkedIn, have them recommend you to the boss
>Time spent coding in University/college counts as experience
>"Flexible schedule" is when they need crunch time before deadline. If you're a senior or have family, you easily can tell them to fuck off. But you need to be in position where they can't manage without you
This.
Working at a startup means you have a lot of responsibility usually, which is GOOD because it forces you to learn and get good. There won't stagnant managment processes and hierarchy chains. Working 50h weeks at a startup beats working 40h weeks at a corp any day
working 9-5 at a large company making good pay and not being cucked by management because you deliver tickets and they dont care about much else is better
i work 3h a day tops, the rest i spend waiting on other people
Just apply, coast as hard as possible on any of the contentious shit and then get fired or quit when it's getting toasty.
Yep, working at startups is great for junior devs, sure you might work more but you'll learn more, it's short term inconvenience vs big long term gains. You'll literally become a god if you can survive it.
go away joshua
they have to show that the company isn't such a joke that they'll take anyone, retard. you're expected to understand this basic fucking concept and apply anyways and convince them you can do the job.
repeat after me, retards: "I am a skilled developer that you can depend on. Any technology you require I can easily learn."
Every hiring department is afraid that they're going to accidentally hire a moron that had to be baby sat for 3 months before they fire because then THEY get fired (HR). If something happens they have it documented that they posted that they required certain skills. and that you must have lied or embellished. See, that is the thing. You are expected to lie and embellish a little as newbie.
Why are faggot ass pussy no brain zoomers so fucking lacking in common sense? They see these job postings and are just scarred off? Jesus fucking christ I hate all the young people now. Biggest fucking faggot weakling pussy generation ever that can't think for themselves.
You'd be surprised how many people lack these qualities and you have no idea you need them until they're missed. They also probably can't program their way out of a paper bag. If you sound sane and amicable most chances you'll get past HR
SQL is technically a type of code, if code simply means language. SQL probably in this context is referring to database experience.
>I am a skilled developer that you can depend on. Any technology you require I can easily learn
this isn't a substitute for experience, and if you legit say that, that just comes off as boastful/arrogant and as a red flag.
i'm starting at one next month, here are the details:
>develop modules for github.com
>1hr commute but boss is lenient towards remote work since i'm still getting my IT degree
>Pay is slightly above average, wont post number though cause i live in a third world shithole and any one of you could flip burgers for more than i'll be making
the codebase is huge so that frightens me a bit
wish me luck bros
There are some men there too, though. They're just rare.
"FAST PACED ENVIRONMENT, fLeXiBle sChedULe, think creatively and the desire to work in a team environment, meeting OR exceeding team/client expectations AS WELL as making sure goals are hit on-time and efficiently." are things listed on literally all job descriptions.
I'm not in dev but all marketing or communications roles I applied for say the exact same thing.
HR are just copy+pasting the same general advantages for everyone.
It basically translates to: "we want a good worker that works with other people" i.e the most basic of requirements that literally any applicant will claim to have.
I wish i could communicate the true horror that is job listings in my country. but basically, for even the most mundane positions like working in our big box electronic chains or grocery stores you'll see things like "Do want to be a part of the winning team? Are you a social, outgoing responsible hardworking...."
It's even worse for codemonkey jobs.
good luck bro, just remember everything is a learning experience and try to learn a lot from the whole process even if it does not work out it should be interesting and teach you a lot about how and what you want to work on in the future
those are all just words, don't pay attention to that. The difference between a good job and a bad job is always just how people treat each other while you are working there and you can only ever learn how that will play out after the fact
>apply anyway
>literally copypaste the reqs and write around it
Guaranteed interview.
fuck that working at a big corpopration rules
>37hr work week
>5 weeks vacation a year
>30% of my base salary as a bonus early
>13th month (1 extra month of pay at end of year)
>free child care
>wife gets 8mo maternity leave (+2mo over mandatory leave)
love being rich
>Interview for first job
>HR boomer actually only cares about technical skills
>Questions are only technical no bullshit personal question
>After making sure i know my stuff within the first 20 minutes we just end up chatting about technology, not some """coding""" webdev bullshit, for half an hour because he is genuinely interested in it
>get told i got the job right on the spot
Sometimes boomers are alright
>Job is incredibly boring cubicle work with tight deadlines and very specific limitations
>so boring all I do is X until I die?! fuck this wagie shit!!! cubicles suck!!!!
>Job is loose and lets you do what you want with creativity etc
>OMG soi boii job!!!1 these fuckers sit on their beanbags while I'm being a REEL KODER!
>Job is advanced/hard/complex
>They over complicate everything! fuck I have to put in so much effort for mr shekelstein!
>job is easy as shit
>NO WONDER IS GOING TO SHIT!!!!!
>long hours
>No work/life balance!!!
>short hours
>Not enough money!!!
>remote
>I'm lonely and struggle to be motivated!
>at the office
>Fuck I wish I was at home! These people are cringe bro!!
You wouldn't be happy no matter what the job was anyway
>oranges are served
>wooow where are the apples?
>apples are served
>wooow I wanted oranges
Fucking different people, they're such a single hypocritical retard
This. I was working at a small startup and was the fucking boss, then I joined a large one and was treated like a nobody and utter trash. It was humbling, sure, but I honestly haven't seen anything good come out of the experience yet. I'm just a bitter disillusioned cunt now.
>not applying for lead/technical manager
cogitating
>Time spent coding in University/college counts as experience
sorry, but no. never. ever.
Non-self taught programmers aren't real programmedz
self taught is a meme.
Accurate and based.
Most people will never be satisfied
Unironically calling yourself “the fucking boss” shows exactly why you deserve to be overlooked now
What kind of technical questions?
sad but fucking true.
I got my dream job but theres a fucking aspie on the team who makes everyone re-do shit in code review to how HE would have done it. the lack of management on the team enables him to block people for weeks at a time and drag projects to a fucking crawl
what if you joined a company and just popped out babies every 9 months? you could get paid 100k and sit on maternity leave constantly. Then collect your massive severence package when you leave
Effeminate men doesnt count.
Seriously. Fuck recruiters. Fucking bottom feeding faggots
We already have that. It's called a government job.
>slay phone screen
>slay onsite
>job portal never updates past “interviews underway”
>weeks go by
>follow up with the cunt
>”OH yah hi sorry for the delay we moved ahead with another candidate” : ^)
Swear to fuck I lost that offer because he forgot me.
Nah you were 2nd/3rd pick and they found a equally qualified black tranny military vet.
Are you me? I am 100% remote so at this point I just straight up nap on the clock. If they're happy to pay me a day's wage for half a day's work then fuck it.
this
fuck jr devs
In my experience, it's the managers that are trash.
"Being able to work independently" means "do my job for me and bear the responsibility while I chat with the rest of managment all day".
Always follow up two to three days after, max. Companies don't take that long to ponder things over and forgetting about candidates is actually common.
dont you mean less qualified
you just gotta play the game then. maintain the illusion of work/progress and you can work at your own pace
>transphobe is also a pedophile
Visualize the jolt of mine
Those are common red flags regardless of whether it's IT related or not.
Blame the "everyone can code!!" movements for the higher barriers to entry for Jr. Devs. Why? because we already had the problem of people not being able to solve fizzbuzz, and now it's even worse. And now even asking PROGRAMMERS to PROGRAM something during the interview is apparently a bad practice. And if you dare bring a whiteboard, then you're literally the devil.
So everyone asks for experience, even for Jr positions now.
>get job
>fLEXiBle SChedUlE
>just don't answer calls or emails from work as soon as i leave office
>get fired after a year
>t-train your replacement
>no
>spent time at work writing applications
>already found a new occupation 1 month after i am let go
such is life in the zone
We hired a code camp jr dev. Never hire them, ever. Only, and I mean only, trust candidates with degrees. This guy is absolutely incompetent.
>MUST HAVE 10 PROFESSIONAL REFERENCES
>MUST HAVE 18 YEARS OF HELPDESK EXPERIENCE
>MUST HAVE 20 YEARS OF CODING EXPERIENCE FRONT AND BACK-END
>MUST HAVE WORKED WITH A STARTUP
>MUST BE WILLING TO USE A SOLAR-POWERED, ECO-FRIENDLY BICYCLE TO TRAVEL TO CLIENT LOCATIONS
A new hire with a degree recently asked me to review their pull request to pick out 52 values of an array. He used 52 if statements.
A degree means nothing.
>coding
Not even worth a CV from me.
That's not just computer jobs either. Literally all white collar office work is clogged with this bullshit. It's what made me leave for greener pastures.
> If you sound sane and amicable most chances you'll get past HR
problem is HR is some shadowy and insidious entity that you never actually see or interactive with, and yet still holds the keys to your fate. You can hit it out of the park interviewing with management and yet still get rejected because some HR cunt that you've never corresponded with whatsoever didn't like the format of your CV or whatever the fuck.
nothing wrong with that
this is 100% true. I recently decided to bite the bullet and pay for a professional to "modernize" my resume and create a new cover letter. It worked wonders.
Such a stupid, silly nuance. But it means the world.
I’ve actually seen this at Canadian subsidiary. 5 fucking kids, I think she’d worked 12 months of prior 6 years. I had her canned as part of integration redundancy since it’s bullerproof rationale.
> you will be joining a team of coding ninjas
>>Pay is slightly above average, wont post number though cause i live in a third world shithole and any one of you could flip burgers for more than i'll be making
I know that feel.
>6 dollars an hour sysadmin
>more than enough for house, vidya, food, taking out every night and buying shit off amazong while being debt-free
>Some shitter flipping burguers makes twice as much as me in a civilized country.
I wish you luck my fellow third world subhuman
This fucking bootcamper we hired commits his code line-by-line. I shit you not, he edits a line, saves and commits, edits another line, etc. It's fucking infuriating.
>remote
>I'm lonely and struggle to be motivated
this one is not that true though, it allows me to spend time with my dad, my gf and my bro, and when I don't feel motivated I just fire up my PSP and play some games or read something, it's pretty great.
projects ARE a bit weak tho, but I read or do challenging things for myself on the side, so who cares.
exactly. i dont nap but i do play games, watch shit etc
wtf are coding ninjas?
they're magical interns who code entire megaapplications for the sheer fun of it. Managers seek these candidates because they can exploit the shit out of them
kek
my boss wanted me to do this. i literally asked him if he lost his mind.
make me
california is going 1 step ahead of u.
they are going on maternity leave, quitting immediately after, then SUIING THE FUCKING COMPANY for a fat discrimination lawsuit.
vice.com
L E L
E _ E
L E L
Here in Poland some woman actually do that to some extent.
>get pregnant
>get sick leave due to pregnancy complication, which is 9months
>after birth get maternity vacation + "parenthood vacation" which overall can make her absent for 2 years (the 2nd year is unpaid though) if this is the first child
I wouldn't mind less, but the fact that employer is supposed to pay part of the paycheck is absolute bullshit.
You assign him a ticket where all he has to do is tweak some css and instead of one commit it turns into 100+ commits, which all get merged into master as they are. It completely fucks with our history and makes reverting changes a huge pain.
HR is for job leaches. The only people that work there are those seeking comfort, security, and strange bits of power over others.
I have no idea why it exists.
Income is just a number. It's how much you make relative to your cost of living that actually matters.
>not working for a place that gives paternity leave
fucking nerd
applying for jr front end webdev jobs for the first time
what can i expect for the phone interviews?
Annoying the recruiter while interviews are going on is the fastest way to get eliminated. I wouldn't wait weeks, but if it's been a week and nothing, shoot an email
yes this also means you have zero rights as a worker. you already have zero rights in general, but HR at a large corp follows all employment laws and regulations to a T so you can't get fired as easily and won't be openly discriminated against. not the case when a real HR department doesn't exist.
To give women a job
The fucking cunt wrote "after complete all interviews, we'll get back to you"
In other words, if I emailed him, he'd probably fuck me over for "not following directions".
It's the worst copout I've seen yet for a shit hiring practice.
this. I have been at a few companies that had absurdly difficult leet code interviews, and didn't feel it was worthwhile, but the vast majority of whiteboard interviews and block spam articles complaining about them are literally things like "write a fibonnaci function" "design a rest API" "write a SQL query"
If you have a company and don't have a litmus test like this you are an idiot who deserves to hire faggots who waste your money.
What race is he
>using the word "transphobe" unironically
t. white nigger
good luck m8, i've always wanted a remote job desu
trivia litmus tests and checking to see that you can communicate like a human being.
>trivia litmus tests
welp im fucked
white, but soiboi trash white
job listings actually ask for non-internship experience now
You don't know if you didn't get past HR or a manager didn't like the way it looked. you can't know.
where I work HR sit right next to us and we see them every day. r&d have their own hr which recruit for them and work in tandem with them. maybe it depends on the size of the company
>transphobic pedophile is also a racist who hates white people and black people
Alright, that's somewhat new
You forgot
> 5 years experience in 3 year old technology
based
cancer
that wasn't tranphobia, companies hire trannies to fit a quota so they will be more likely to hire them when theyre less qualified
It exists to protect the company, not the employee.
>where I work HR sit right next to us and we see them every day. r&d have their own hr which recruit for them and work in tandem with them. maybe it depends on the size of the company
But I'm talking about job-seekers, not people already at the company. I've never interviewed at a job where I talked to HR rather than a manager of some type.
It's basically the IRL equivalent of being a janny just to get that modicum of power that you then lord over people. But to their credit, at least HR don't do it for free.
>reee I get banned for acting like a retard
>quick, I need a cope
>uuuh he's janny
>ego soothed, now I can go back to being a retard
HE