Alright assholes, listen up because I'm about to go dark as fuck and there's nothing you can do about it. I'm a research director in a facility that doesn't even have a name right now, but a hash to identify it. To enter, you need to know the password which is hashed into what we call the facility, as weird as that is. Literally anybody can enter if they wanted, but, it does have security and rules.
We're working on a project right now called "LOGÊ". When I heard what we had to produce, my first reaction was "this is absolutely insane and there's no way this is even possible". This is what I was thinking, but, I was wrong and we've made a product recently which as the research director of my department, have come here to share with you the scale of what it is we're doing.
Imagine if you would that you had a modulo function which could be used to generate noise or encrypt information. Well, that's very useful, but, what if the modulo function could also be used to completely circumvent the entire need for processing information in order for the information to produce an output from an input? Imagine if you would, that we had a formula which was 2+2 and we put it into a machine which consist of a number that represents the information, however, that number which represents 2+2 is a number we create when we put 2+2 into the machine. That number is merely like 1 basically. When we move the number from 1 to 2, we get an output of 4. The output of 4 doesn't come from adding 2+2 together. The output 4 comes from a formula we've created that is like noise. We call it melody noise. It's much harder to find out work on google this way because you have to search through a bunch of crap. (1/2)
So what good is any of this shit? Well lets say you want to train a neural network on getting a high score at something. This could take years, decades, and lots of super computers. Not anymore. Now we instantly train neural networks just by putting information into a noise formula and skipping forward as far as we like. We even managed to create a chess bot that instantly does the minmax algorithm without the need to alpha beta prune, and we can create a bot for any game that can minmax that game to any length we would like.
If any of you had any idea of what the hell we're doing with this, you would just get on your knees and worship in awe. We have real world models that accurately predict things in a short time and those models are so refined and elaborate that our business is literally pretty much going to end up taking over the stock market soon and we're likely going to be the next Amazon. Enjoy.
Julian Morgan
fake and gay
Samuel Powell
a thread with anime tiddies died for this stupid shit
Easton Thompson
I am sorry, but you are on Jow Forums not on /x/.
Your words are also entirely incoherent, at least try to do a tiny bit of research before posting, just using technical words isn't enough.
Bentley Martin
> Imagine if you would, that we had a formula which was 2+2 and we put it into a machine which consist of a number that represents the information lost you here
You're a research director that had to present this to another research director?
Gavin Perry
>we're likely going to be the next Amazon I haven't bought anything IBM since I don't know how long.
Jason Perez
Nice LARP
Daniel Gonzalez
WOW, YOU'VE MADE A HASH FUNCTION!
Angel Rogers
fucken a
Eli Harris
Imagine, if you would, that I'm a research directory in a facility that, imagine if you would, doesn't have a name. Imagine, if you would, that this facility only has a hash to identify it. Imagine if you would that to enter, you need to know the password which is hashed into what we call the facility, as weird as that is, imagine if you would. Imagine if you would, that literally anyone can enter if they wanted, but, imagine if you would, it does have security and rules.
Imagine if you would that we're working on a project right now called "NIGGÊŘ". When I heard what we had to producer, imagine if you would, that my first reaction was "imagine if you would but this is absolutely insane and there's no way this is even possible". This is what I was thinking, but, imagine if you would, I was wrong and - imagine if you would - we've made a product recently which as the research directory of my department, have come here to, imagine, if you would, share with you the scale of what it is we're doing.
Imagine if you would that you had a modulo function which, imagine if you would, could be used to generated noise or - imagine if you would - encrypt information. Well, that's very useful, but, imagine if you would, what if the modulo function could also be used to completely circumvent the entire need for - imagine if you would - processing information in order for the information to produce an output from, imagine if you would, an input? Imagine if you would, that we imagined we had a formula which was 2+2 and, imagine if you would, we put it into a machine which consist of a number that imagine if you would, represents the information, however, imagine if you would, that number which represents 2+2 is a number we create when we put 2+2 into the machine. Imagine if you would, that number is merely like 1 basically. Imagine if you would, when we move the number from 1 to 2, imagine if you would, we get an output of 4.The output of 4 doesn't come from, imagine if you woul
Nicholas Ward
>pretty much going to end up taking over the stock market soon and we're likely going to be the next Amazon I'll believe it when I see it
Jeremiah James
Is this the new pasta?
Leo Ortiz
>our facility doesn't have a name, and our brand new system tells us that 1+2=4 Damn, spinning off divisions really taking its toll on IBM.
Noah Rivera
My dad works for Microsoft and he will ban your Xbox account.
Hunter Fisher
my dad is the mayor he’ll take away your computer
Samuel Morales
>that number which represents 2+2 is a number we create when we put 2+2 into the machine. That number is merely like 1 basically. IBM finally discovered compiler optimization! Good job guys! Proud of you!
This would have been fun if OP actually had the vocabulary to describe what he's pretending to know about.
Camden Gray
So when will you be making good laptops again?
Jordan Baker
...
Connor Anderson
10/10 Here's your (You)
Evan Perry
>what if the modulo function could also be used to completely circumvent the entire need for processing information in order for the information to produce an output from an input? what the actual fuck am i reading here?
Joseph Allen
Just random noise user
Nathan Barnes
Here I was hoping IBM had invented a genius CPU manufacturing process to make threadrippers at $100 MSRP and half the TDP.
Thanks for nothing OP, go play dolls with your "AI".
Luis Adams
No. Just no. There is no "quantum" anything, this isn't poorly understood near magic effects of some mythical theoretical particle. This is simply electrons being so small they can move through any material at the path of least resistance, because nothing can exert 100% perfect electrical control over them. It is current leakage. It is nothing but current leakage. It is current leakage in short channel devices, and it happens at literally every feature size, it is not exclusive to small FinFET devices like upcoming 5nm EUV FinFETs. Even planar devices have extremely high degrees of leakage through their channels, directly under the gates, electrons still leak out. Yet despite this the transistors still function.
Liam Ward
did you put some random words through your modulo function and end up with this text? this is literally nonsense.
Leo Johnson
NumbEr FifTEeEn IBM HAESH fUnctiOn
Charles Turner
What even is this pasta?
Dominic Lewis
why are you typing like that?
Adrian Rogers
It's exactly like this old meme, listen to the first minute. youtube.com/watch?v=9PWjqgM_CU8
Thomas Nguyen
Fucking chills man
Kevin Peterson
>IBM Big Blue is a whore demanding attention. Their time is long gone, they are not relevant any more since the 60s. Nowadays they are busy trying to scam customers with their blockchain product.
>instantly does the minmax algorithm without the need to alpha beta prune Exploring the entire tree without pruning is always less efficient. This makes no sense.
Cooper Miller
(you)
looks like babby's first encounter with homomorphic encryption.
old news, faggot. do some research and get gud
Gavin Hughes
>he probably thinks those are normal vocal inflections for a presenter
>t. neet Every relevant business has an IBM Mainframe. Sorry but it's true.
Jaxson Nguyen
based.
I work at an ad company and we're trying to move all of our big data shit to homomorphic encryption. its a bitch but its neat in theory
Hunter Powell
>homo encryption Sounds gay
Nathan Wright
>I work for LBM Stopped reading there.
Parker Martinez
So what is this magic formula of yours that performs calculations at light speed?
Jack Thomas
it sounds like OP might be trying to do something akin to that one formula that calculates the nth digit of pi, but instead of pi digits its results to an actual formula, and in reverse.
