'Funny' release notes

>work in a job where I often interact with the IT development department
>they are releasing a new version of our companies app
>one of the managers is a woman
>she found a list of 'funny release notes' on the internet
>is now insisting our app has funny release notes
>I have to write them

The application version is 5.1.4. It isn't a significant release as I understand and is mostly bug fixes. but I have until tomorrow to come up with a 'funny and entertaining' set of release notes for the download page. The problem is I don't know how to be funny, they just threw it to me as I was available. I have been researching have come up with a potential funny release note and will send it to them tomorrow. I will post my idea in the next post, could someone tell me if they think it is funny enough?

Has anyone here ever had to do this?

Attached: release-notes.jpg (847x300, 34K)

here is what i have so far

Attached: releasenotes.png (681x280, 32K)

I'm laughing imagining your boss reading this shit.

Attached: 1560118410819-0.png (360x594, 250K)

Just tell them you're not creative enough for it.

I did and they said that was nonsense

Why?

They will believe you when you show them this:

based

>the virgin release notes vs the chad “bug fixes and performance improvements”

If you send this to them you will be fired

>implying that's a bad thing in the current situation

I prefer
>The virgin release notes vs the chad "read the commit history".

Sounds like your HR woman would appreciate something like this:
>our monkey wonkeys fixed many maany bad buggies in this release! ^///^
>we've even spent time improving our performance, so you can faster than ever before!
>we hope you enjoy all our new improvements XD

Copy and paste the entire script of Blazing Saddles into the notes.

Demand to see your personnel description and refuse to do this shit when it is nowhere in the PD. Have some self-respect user.

>PD
?

I want this as a copypasta but I can't be bothered to type it out

>not using an online tool image to text OCR
why are you on Jow Forums

Hello! And welcome to the release notes! I am the prisoner here at the bug fix prison, and we call them RELEASE notes because they will.... ... Tap tap tap. .... hang on, the guard is coming with my meal. Its my favorite meal, Prison Curry version 1.0.0! Such an early version IT STILL HAS PLENTY OF BUGS IN IT! All the food here has this. Anyway, what was I saying? Yes, I am the prisoner here at bug fix prison, and they convicted me for sneaking lots of bugs into their app. How does one sneak bugs into an app? Its pretty easy, you just need to make sure you know a guy with a good amount of space in his groin! As my friend is transsexual we hid bugs in his vagina, and then put a telescope in his pants so they assumed it was his penis! The bugs ran out and got all over the app (note, those with allergies to post op trans vagina cannot use this app). I hope there are no bugs left in the app! They tell me, if we go 2 months without a bug report from any user, I will be allowed back out into the exercise yard. I don't exercise out there at all, but its still better than being trapped in the prison with all the bugs. There are no bugs outdo.... Oh DARN IT ALL! I've just been informed that there are bugs outside. Lots of them too. Well then you better stay inside and have fun playing with the new app. Have fun everyone

>why are you on Jow Forums
because otherwise how will I get other anons to use an online tool image to text OCR for me

kek
you got me

>We're still working on that CTD but in the meantime enjoy that
>We found a new workaround you can use instead of , we greyed out the bugged option for your convenience
>We've added a new autosave feature (and trust us we tested it thoroughly) so when it inevitably crashes you won't lose all your work!

>ocr
is there any decent ocr that can do scanned handwriting to text? I've got a shit ton of bad poetry I've written over the years and would rather not have to transcribe it myself if I can just scan if and run a program on it instead

Have another (You)

At least it's not one of those managers who insists everyone try an entirely new framework or state of mind of design philosophy for programming whatever the main project is literally every single week.
Like, my dad was a software engineer at a fairly large company back in the day, and he had a manager like that, and it was a nightmare trying to get anything actually done in that kind of environment, because all the project manager did was point his finger at a new library he wanted in the program every week.