R8 my rap:
Allahu Akbar
Is what you say
When you’re hittin’ that plane
On a hot summer day
And then you’re on the street
Bombing everyone you meet
When you hit another tower
On the hour
And you say ‘hey,
That’s just the jihadi way’
1-2-3-4
So you talk to Mohammed,
And he said he was gonna bomb it
But you worry for the jihad
Because who the fuck is gonna run it?
So you talk to your goat
He can’t speak for scroat
And you you wanna fuck it
So you realised you don’t it
And again now x2
Other urls found in this thread:
Oops,
*realise you done it
tl;dr
Pls don’t be rude, constructive criticism only pl0x
the rhyming scheme overall is kind of generic and does not really have a smooth flow to it.
for example the lines,
>"So you talk to Mohammed,
>And he said he was gonna bomb it
>But you worry for the jihad
>Because who the fuck is gonna run it?"
stand out from the rest because the rhyming scheme is more interesting (ABCB). most of the others are just AABB which sounds more robotic.
i give it a 0
its bad try harder
I like it
first off, the beginning sounds okay.
the rhythm and flow is fine but around the last few line of the first stanza, it just...starts falling apart.
second of all, pick a better topic
literally who the fuck raps about shitskins?
also your verses are just mentioning cheap and obvious stereotypes.
get creative, insult in a way that it's not often used or said.
I don't really care about rap at all, that was just a shit-post lole. I want to start writing actual poetry though, and of course it would be quite different to this because I didn't put any actual effort, but I don't know where and how to start. I like the Symbolist , modernist and romantic movements so I would like to do something along that line.
I have written short-stories though
yeah, even a shit-post is funnier when it's more complex. Maybe one day, with enough practice, I can be one of the greatest modern poets of our times.
>I like the Symbolist , modernist and romantic movements so I would like to do something along that line
combine them and start a new movement.
3/10 if OC
6/10 if copy/paste
>3/10 if OC
oof
Yeah, I have been trying to in my short stories. One thing that stresses me out in poetry is that every thing, down to the last comma, has to be there for a reason so I don't even know where to start with writing one.
can you share some of your short stories?
i'm curious
oops, forgot about this. One sec.
sorry, my computer crashed and I had to boot it up again pastebin.com
Bump out of hope that Moldavia might see
>namefag
saw it just now
also call me Stefan, Sonya.
thank you for the bump, you saved this thread.
I did recognise you ofc, but I decided to call you Moldova for some reason. How have you been recently? It’s nice to see you.
>decided to call you Moldova for some reason
you were just tired hehe
>How have you been recently?
busy with uni.
although i did go to Ukraine 2 times recently at a ski resort and i had plenty of fun.
what about you?
>It’s nice to see you
likewise
just finished the first story.
aside for some grammar and spelling mistakes, a few passages where you are repeating yourself and the slight overuse of "wind", it was really good.
although i am a bit confused of the surroundings.
are both of the girls prostitutes?
was the beginning talking about the aftermath of rape or something else?
bamp
Why do girls post on Jow Forums
is he really?
i don't mind them as long as they aren't your average run-of-the-mill attention whores.
>being this sad
what is that ever supposed to mean?
*even
I dumped some armenian twink i met on Jow Forums
okay?
Don't get your hopes up dum
Half of the fags on here are ironical and girls can't be single unless they're mentally ill or fat and ugly
i'm not trying to date anyone here, are you dumb?
i just don't mind women posting as long as they aren't shit.
>i'm not trying to date anyone here, are you dumb?
>i just don't mind women posting as long as they aren't shit.
Spoiler: they're all shit
Wee
>implying you aren't going to treat a girl on the interwebz like a queen to get nudes or become her pup
>implying if we somehow convinced you that OP is a girl you wouldn't start courting
>implying you aren't a wannabe fuckboi
Try harder town rapist
Imagine thinking that a discord relationship is real lol
Imagine having a life on Jow Forums
>they're all shit
whatever you say
>>implying you aren't going to treat a girl on the interwebz like a queen to get nudes or become her pup
>>implying if we somehow convinced you that OP is a girl you wouldn't start courting
>>implying you aren't a wannabe fuckboi
projecting much?
Korbo you spiteful tranny, you know fully well that I am not a girl. Just because I don’t sperg out about women every two seconds, doesn’t mean I joined you in becoming a tranny.
Oh, being Russian is cool. Cyкa.
Thanks,
I am fine, been playing a lot of Dragon Quest 11. I need to study more. I also went to see Wagner’s Siegfried last year if you are interested.
Yeah, I need to tighten my gramma and check for over-use of certain words since I write from a stream of consciousness a lot.
I didn’t really focus on who the girls were, I was focusing more on of the psychology of these girls, their relationship and their adolescence. I would say that the being prostitutes is an interesting interpretation, but you could also see the man as providing a certain sense of security and attention for the second girl that she was overwise was deprived of which is why she attaches herself in a relationship to him. I did it in a way where there were multiple ways you could view the situation, especially with the first girl.
The beginning is simply the girl waking up and starting her day, it was a simple event but her thoughts intertwine with the mundane routine of her life into to show something deeper in herself that she hates and that she refuses to show to others.
why are you suddenly Russian?
are you or were you proxyfagging?
>Wagner’s Siegfried
sorry, not really into operas.
>I write from a stream of consciousness a lot
that's good for a beginner.
you just need to practice on organizing that stream as it comes before you can write it.
>I was focusing more on of the psychology of these girls, their relationship and their adolescence
and i'd say you did a good job!
seriously, you have some potential, you just have to polish it up a bit and maybe you'll find some success as a writer.