Who is /paranoid/ here?

No?

No I had a great childhood but I got kicked out of many schools even though I was described as "extremely bright" I didn't do well following orders.
My parents are great I still get along well with them.
everything was normal until about 2016 when me and my fiance called off the marriage and split up. I entered a rabbit hole of sex addiction, tinder, friends with benefits relationships, constant fornication, etc. It was a dark point in my life.
I indulged heavily in what the world has to offer. I think I've experienced just about everything I ever wanted to.
>Fell in love
>lived with a woman
>Performed music live
>Traveled the world
>lived in different countries
>had religious experiences where I met Christ
>Quit drinking alcohol.
What's strange is I'm more stable and centered than ever before, and healthy, but in terms of contributing to society I'm a "degenerate."
Maybe I just need to leave America since I discovered it's a slave plantation for Israel.

itt: self diagnosed retards

Allow my extensive expertise to fix your posts which otherwise would be mistaken for quoting.
¥View everybody as a potential enemy
¥Assume people are soulless vampires and deserve to be erased
¥pray for a massive depopulation event
¥Car crash dreams every night
¥Can't hold a job for more than 6 months without stealing and going in high
¥Turn every conversation into an explanation why the conversation is meaningless
¥Isolate self for months, get depressed, try to enter world again, get bored and go back into isolation
¥listen to power electronics, IDM, EBM, etc.
¥It started after I started taking LSD daily and self medicating my depression with mushrooms.
well yeah it was mistake.
¥Fell in love
¥lived with a woman
¥Performed music live
¥Traveled the world
¥lived in different countries
¥had religious experiences where I met Christ
¥Quit drinking alcohol.
you're welcome

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Speak for yourself, Jew. Your race is prone to schizophrenia more than any other race.
Also you get diseases nobody else alive gets.
What's with that? Why did you inbreed for so long?

>jews
>race
dumb mutt

¥jews
¥race
dumb mutt

I fixed it for you

i didnt abuse the quote function
dumb mutt

¥i didnt abuse the quote function
¥dumb mutt
i fixed it again, thank me later

okay… have you tried visiting a psychotherapist? it could be something genetics-related or something you were born with rather than caused by childhood.

too expensive in America.
250$ for a 30 minute session with a shitty therapist.
500-2000$ for a 30 minute session with a "good therapist." (good therapists are the same pill pushers, they're just typically more attractive and sociable.)
I may have been born with something since I've been getting kicked out of schools since age 5

How much lsd/mushrooms would you dose a day?

well… I mean, it's your life man. I get it that you're blackpilled and have trust issues. but if you want a real advice, then see a therapist. at least they can tell you what your condition is. whether you want pills is up to you.
feeling this way isn't normal, and surely doesn't sound like happy life. I'd seek treatment if I were you. it's not really about being "functioning member of society" or "fitting in" but just feeling happy and well.

you can't take shrooms more than once a week or they don't work. I would take 5grams of shrooms soaked in lemon juice every friday or saturday night, and every other day I would take anywhere from 50 micrograms to 500-2000 micrograms. I tried a thumbprint dose once and tripped for four days straight before feeling slightly sober.

Lol you got rekt by realizing the innate, infinite meaninglessness of our lives after eating some shrooms and lsd. Make meaning, pussy ass bitch. Try dmt.

It's just hard for me to feel happy sitting in an office or a factory for 40 hours a week when I'd rather be at home with my family, or hunting, or gardening, or playing guitar.
Every job I've ever worked ALWAYS ends up in this pattern.
>Impress employer with my charm and charisma during interview process
>get job easily
>do very good for a month or two
>slowly lose interest in the job, the people slowly get on my nerves.
>start going into work high
>start stealing, calling out, coming in late
>Stop working over-time, make up lies when they ask me to come in on saturdays or stay late.
>Eventually get fired
>enjoy not working for a few months
>repeat the process
The idea of spending 30, 40, 50 years working the same job sounds like hell to me.

Already broke through on DMT five times using a silver surfer vaporizer (one of the best possible DMT vapes you can use)
I remember my first DMT trip ever, I was with my ex-Fiance in her room.
After I came back, the first thing I said was "I'm quitting my job tomorrow." and I did.
then I spent five or six months just living in the present.
Eventually my fiance got fed up with my new mindset.

I think that was your problem user. Taking a sub-therapeutic amount is what you were supposed to do (microdosing) if your goal was to take psychedelics as an anti-depressant it like a dietary supplement. And yeah when you microdose there's no concern for the tolerance factor since you're doing an amount so low that it won't affect that

*Or like a dietary supplement

This is me

How can I get this stuff? No one I know sells it

>Eventually my fiance got fed up with my new mindset.
oh… so that's why she left.

black market, you pay with crypto or monterey and it gets shipped to your house

I discovered the majick of semen retention and started rejecting her for sex. I told her I don't want to have sex anymore because it makes you weak. She started doing shit like telling me she NEEDS sex and is becoming attracted to other men.
When I said I didn't care, she said "Well you SHOULD CARE!"
I think she was trying to get me to break up with her but I never do that, I just stop putting in effort till they break up with me.

Extract it yourself. It's pretty easy and the materials are easy to get, at least here in america. Pretty sure it'd be easy in the UK but I'm not sure. Do some research and be safe

to be honest with you this reminds me of some descriptions of personality disorders. borderline in particular. have you heard about it?
It sounds like you're abnormally impulsive, and this lack of control over yourself has impacted your life. like you say
>The idea of spending 30, 40, 50 years working the same job sounds like hell to me.
you can think of it as "free spirit" but really this impulsiveness certainly does more harm than good in society.
also, what you describe sounds like dissociation, and overall lack of commitment to anything.
so on the surface, it sounds pretty similar to borderline personality disorder. read on it if you're interested.

oh man… this is a real lack of commitment. I mean, there's a bare minimum most people expect in a relationship, some sort of commitment, trust and stability. but you sound like you actually did NOT care. it's kinda obvious why she was upset.
I mean again, you might think of it as being a "free bird", but really there's some bare minimum below which it just isn't normal social behavior anymore. I feel your pain though.

To me I think he fried himself doing way too much psychedelics. Absuing something such as psychedelics is no joke and definitely will fuck with you. I honestly don't understand why someone would want to absue psychedelics in the first place. My first psychedelic trip was intensely great, so great that I wasn't desperate for my next trip. One trip is good enough for a year if not many years. Those who understand and respect the experience aren't itching for their next trip. They understand something as profound and amazing like an lsd trip is so awesome you don't need to do it every weekend or every other weekend

I feel mentally stable, I just have zero interest in responsibility, commitment, career, etc.
I've already tried all that the normal world has to offer and NONE of it is fulfilling.

I wanted to break free from conditioning, that my value was determined by my productivity.
I noticed my youth was fading as I was slowly becoming a boomerkin wageslave and falling into the same lifestyle pattern that boomers before me fell for.
>Spend your life wageslaving
>around age 65 maybe get a year or two of rest
>die, having never really lived since you castrated your ambitions to make yourself more "productive"

I realize the whole wageslave for life and etc is bullshit too, I didn't need to take big doses on psychedelics to realize that. In fact there's a lot of people that already realize this and have never taken psychedelics.
To me it sounds like you want to live off the grid. Go find some cheap land/house and grow your own food. Get a satellite for internet so you can do odd internet jobs or maybe even sell some of what you grow around your new off-the-grid land in the sticks.

>To me I think he fried himself doing way too much psychedelics. Absuing something such as psychedelics is no joke and definitely will fuck with you.
yes, absolutely this played a role too, but he said he's been a real problem child since school, so…

I had hopes the psychedelics would open the doors of perception.
They did, but perception doesn't help you think of escape routes from life, it just makes you more aware there are no escape routes.

>I feel mentally stable
yeah I didn't imply otherwise. and borderline disorder doesn't imply that. what it means is
—intense, extreme reactions and views, thinking in black and white about things
—unstable relationships, lack of commitment to anything and impatience, easily feeling slighted
—impulsive behavior, such as substance abuse (and what you describe), often the only way to cope with problems and stress
so… always living "on the egde". hence "borderline", I guess.
you sound like your "off the grid" views kind of reflect that, and are defined by these traits, not really your logic.

They say the best way out is through. And I don't mean that in the "go back to wageslaving goy" kind of way. I mean escapism isn't the key to dealing with your problems. Unfortunately we do live in this bullshit rat race society. If you want to get out of it, start working towards going OTG (offthegrid) and live a simpler/peaceful life. Right now I'm working towards that, I've gotta play the game a little to save up money so I can invest into building my otg lifestyle first though. Good luck user and I advise you to hold off on the psychedelics for a few years or maybe even for good. Sounds like youve had your fill of them

oh yeah btw this description sounds close too, if you're still here
Petulant borderline (including negativistic features): Negativistic, impatient, restless, as well as stubborn, defiant, sullen, pessimistic, and resentful; easily feels "slighted" and quickly disillusioned.

damn you're 1000% right.. wtf I've never realized this before.
What do I do now?

yeah I feel resonating with both.
Should I go to a shrink and get legally diagnosed?

oh wow.
certainly I'd advice to go to a therapist. but if you have your doubts or simply don't want to rush with it, you can still do something and get some self-help.
I suggest you read up on this condition—wikipedia or health/psychology sites will do for starters. it's free, unlike going to a therapist, and it certainly won't harm. maybe you'll better understand your condition and what caused it. if anything, you'll be more prepared for later.
try and learn on how the condition is managed, treated, etc. and of course once you get the 101 on it, you can try reading books about it.
also, try to identify your behavioral patterns linked to your condition, and try to become more aware of them. for example, if you want to do an impulsive thing, maybe ask yourself twice before doing it. it's hard, but it certainly gives benefits.

yeah since you posted that I've been reading about BPD and everything is starting to click into place on why I've been like this my whole life.
Sadly there is little hope in these readings, as the only advice I'm finding is
>Expect to quit and be fired from a lot of jobs
>nobody is looking at you
>calm down, twenty minutes from now you'll be in a different mood.

this seems like a rather short and useless article. sadly, they're rather widespread on the web. which site is it?
I'd suggest reading on wikipedia. btw, a short look at the treatment section says that the condition is mainly treated with psychotherapy, with drugs playing secondary role. so this is good news, you might even be able to manage it without a therapist.
the rest depends on cause, I guess. if it's biological, I don't really know what can be done; maybe do some reading, and this is where therapist might actually help and their job is required.
there is still a small possibility it's childhood trauma which is suppressed. but if you're sure it's not, and nothing of this en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder#Developmental_factors rings a bell, then probably just gonna read on management/treatment.
if this is still insufficient, find some books on the subject.