Now Hiring

We are seeking a highly motivated and responsible team player who is NEVER late for any reason to fill our entry level position.
IF YOU ARE EARLY THEN YOU ARE ON TIME!
8+ years experience preferred
BS MS preferred
18+

RE.SPON.SI.BIL.I.TIES.
INCLUDE BUT ARE NOT LIMITED TO:
Ability to hold 50+lbs regularly
Ability to stand for 8+ hours without sitting down.
Answering multiple phone lines at a time
Resolve customer complaints
Must have a state driver's license
Plaster a fake smile on your face and never portray any other emotion than how happy you are to be representing your humble employer.
Must not be married or have any kids that may result in an 'emergency' leave from work.
Keep EVERYTHING spotless all the time
Ability to multitask a plus.
Retrieve my coffee and handle my schedule
Must have smartphone with unlimited data and storage.
Must have reliable vehicle manufactured in the last two years.

Ability to power through 'breaks' and continue the job assigned to you.

Must be available M-F 7am - 11pm S-S 8am -10pm
Available weekends and holidays.
12-15 hours/ week
We don't work hours, we work tasks. You leave when the job is done even if that's hours after your 'shift' has ended. I'm also unable to tell you when that might be and I don't expect it to matter since you shouldn't have a family or be making plans because I might need you here. But I might not I don't know lol
If you have a second job or 'need' a second job to help supplement your income, please be aware that if I need you here and you are unable to show up for work because 'YOu aRE At YOUr othER JOb' then I will be forced to terminate our working relationship.

Wage will be discussed during interview. But I will be deciding what I pay you between $8 and $9.

Must be willing to submit background check, random drug tests, access to social media, location, photos, and mic.

Posted from my iPhone

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Boomers are fucking retarded.

That bachelor of fine arts paying off for ya?

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not even unrealistic
Was looking up entry level jobs in my area and many want 7 years experience for positions that pay 12$ an hour

Actual slaves had it easier. A whipping every now and then is nothing compared to the constant torture of the modern corporate culture.

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i'd be up for the job ez, yall need to stop bitching around

People will read this and laugh then insult someone who says job system is fucked by telling them to suck it up.

Dumbass boot licking boomers

Id unironically welcome slavery again as long as Mastah lets me take breaks in the sun every now and then

>You leave when the job is done even if that's hours after your 'shift' has ended.
You also pay for the time I'm working even if that's hours after my 'shift' has ended.

I got fired from a commissioned sales job for being late when I don’t get paid anything to be there lmao

I'm gonna need you to go ahead and take your hour lunch. When you get back and clock in I'll go ahead and let you go.

I got fired for refusing to do “optional” over-time

Nail on the fucking head. Today op wasn't a faggot.

We're sorry user.
It came to our attention that, unfortunately for you, you just aren't the self-starter and go-getter we are seeking.
Your profile and work history with us has been submitted and archived with iCIMS for any potential future employers to reference.
Good luck on your future endeavors faggot.

Shut the fuck up.

nope all they said was
“don’t come in tomorrow”
no explanation why but I know it was because of over-time. they pressured me into doing it every single day and I would always say no.
It was a welding job, jobs expect welders to want to work non-stop.
welding sucks. Go for low responsibility jobs

2-3 years is a norm nowadays for entry positions
in 10 years people after college will have to pay to be allowed to work for some corporation the first year, instead of being paid (it was already tested by kikes with airline pilots)

In America, hair stylists and barbers have to rent and pay for the booth they're using in the salon or shop.

You forgot "and don't be white."

>Dumbass boot licking boomers
It's easy to lick boots when it's your own.

I am looking for an electrical apprenticeship. Every fucking company wants 2-4 years of experience, even though you get your license after 4 years. Then they complain about not finding enough workers. It makes me beyond pissed. I wish I had the power to give people cancer.

We're both an Equal Opportunity and Affirmative Action Employer

>mfw every job says this

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We’re already on the road to the next best thing anyway. Corporations will be the new manors and we get to be serfs again. I don’t think they’ll let us take breaks though

That’s one of the most jewish things I have ever heard. It’s one thing to run your own vehicle into the ground for sub minimum wage with Uber or pizza delivery, but damn

boots taste better when they are your own

Also, as part of your application, we will need you to fill out this survey to see whether you will qualify us for the Work opportunity tax credit (WOTC) program.

You're white? Sorry user we need fresh enthusiasm that will qualify us for your tax money and the money of your unborn children so that we can get the government to subsidize Jamal and Jose's wages.

CONGRATULATIONS YOU HAVE BEEN APPROVED TO BE INVITED TO THE NEXT STEP OF THE HIRING PROCESS

Attached is a simple 120 question personality assessment. Once you open the assessment, you will have 15 minutes to complete. Don't close or change tabs or the assessment will lock.

Please print the attached pdf and fill your answer out by hand as well and mail it back to us within 3 business day. Postage not redeemable.

sad how this isnt even an exaggeration
i sent out 5 resumes, all of them i said i was white
no response for a week
send out 5 more, say i was hispanic
3 responses within 24 hours

now i just say im hispanic everywhere because fuck it.
this is now a liar's market

and then they don’t say a thing back when you apply

What about the 2 hour psychological assessment/personality test to submit your application?

From: NO-REPLY
UPDATE:
Your application for part-time position #14367 has been viewed.

>I got fired for being a lazy piece of shit.
Poor baby.

Well at least I’d be getting more info on my application than I do now.

Company uniform ($40) will be deducted from first check.
All applicable certifications and licenses required and up-to-date. 3rd party sources will be provided to you at a 10% discount reimbursed after completion

>3 responses within 24 hours
I didn't want to believe it was because of my race but there's really no point in denying it. Obviously other people will have better luck if their skills are more refined but us working class guys are pretty much fucked.

Then there's the boomers.
>just get educated and rich bro
I thought the consensus here was that of anti-immigration?

Minimum four year experience
Excellent Customer Service Skills
Data Entry Skills/PC Basics and use of antiquated software/hardware a MUST
Positive Attitude and Neat Appearance
Knowledge and experience preferred

Our Employees Enjoy:
Very Competitive Pay Levels starting up to $9/hr
Benefits Package: Medical/Dental/Vision, 401(k) Plan after 6 months of employment
Paid Holidays, Vacation, and Paid Sick Days after 2 years of employment
Opportunities for Cross Training/ Ability to Take on Extra Responsibilities for Little to No Compensation
Good Working Conditions

Upvoted!

>wanting to work over 40 hours a week
good goy. You'll have free time when you retire at age 80

exaggerating a bit there.. loved the mic part at the end.. how long did it take you to mix your thoughts into small pieces of a help wanted ad?

i would never apply for this job

>deus ex predicted the corporate future

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>boot licking
back to rebbit faggot

>free time
To do what?
What do you need so much free time for?

Reading and lifting.

Yes that's right goy. Why spend time enjoying life or bettering yourself? You should spend all your time furthering company interests.

How much time does that take?
Or if you had a physically demanding job you would not even need to lift

Being a serf would be comfy as fuck.

Have hovel, wife, kids, job. Get to fight in a war every once in awhile.

Why did feudalism have to end bros

>Why spend time enjoying life
Kikes are the ones pushing degenerate hedonism

you really don't know what to do when you're not at work?
How do you allow yourself to become that dependent on your masters to give you purpose and occupy your mind?
>Lifting
>reading
>making music
>crafting
>spending time with family
>hiking
>Kayaking
>Fishing
>hunting
>meditating
>prayer
>watching kino
>observing world events
>practicing self discipline
>making money from home
>playing vidya
>expanding your consciousness through communications with God
and more.
If you don't know what to do when you're not wageslaving congratulations you are a drone

We'll be holding a company wide sales challenge starting immediately.
Top three performing challengers will be rewarded a company branded T-shirt and a .25% quarter percent bonus distributed over the next three pay periods.

I don't like boomers but I feel like u don't do this regularly

>if you had a physically demanding job you would not even need to lift
Not if you're a skele.
t. Post-Skele Construction Worker

As for reading, you should do at least 3 hours a day I'd say, but after work all you want to do is shower eat and sleep. There's the weekends I suppose, but that's difficult if you have family.

>any level of enjoyment in life is hedonism
Why are you posting here again? Don't you have work you should be doing right now faggot?

Lost it at “sent from my iPhone”

It’s so fucking true, and that’s a huge problem. It’s hilarious when you read these ultra professional descriptions of menial jobs and when you see who is actually hired it’s braindead nigs and women. So fucked.

Fucking based. Imagine being a slave-class consumer bot.

>making music
>watching kino
>playing vidya
why?
Its not bad its just not important

Thanks for the PTSD and flashbacks OP you bastard

You didn't answer the question slave. Why are you posting on a bootleg Vietnamese handicraft forum instead of working?

Starbucks wouldn't give you a call back, Film Studies user?

>passing up on optional overtime makes you a lazy shit
Get a load of this good goy.

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BS=bullshitshitter MS=Master Shitter?

you can count me in.

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Because I don't need to
I was only referring to people complain about how life is unfair that they have to work to support their lifestyle

Today I saw a boomer post on Facebook that people gotta stop bitching about rent. She said when she was young, she used to negotiate rent down 50% (this is in NYC) and all young people need to do is learn how to negotiate. She says she pays cheap rent not realizing it's cheap because of rent control and her being there her whole life. What didn't get me is the ignorance but the disdain she had for anyone complaining. She was arguing and insulting anyone that challenged her and called them spoiled. Old people are really weird these days. This is more than mocking the younger generation. I feel like boomers have utter contempt for us which wasn't a thing in the past with other generations. I think they are pissed they are going to die and will never see any type of immortality or whatever.

You know user, the interviewers are picking up on your sense of self-importance and entitlement, and that's why you're not getting hired.

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Attention to all employees:

Please 'CHECK-IN' before you 'CHECK-OUT'.
Check in with your supervisor before clocking out for the day with your completed checklist.

Thank you
-HR

> Whines about not having money.

> Passes up a chance for time and a half.

They use the guise of state tax reasons but in reality they just want a quota.
If you apply to some min wage cuck job even with a BA and say you are white they will either never respond or give an automated copy pasted response within the first couple of mins saying they have more qualified candidates. Put your hispanic on the form and say you misclicked it during the interview you will automatically get or "prefer" not to say.

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At Company Pol llc
We offer flexible scheduling from 12-15 hours a week. That allows us to free up hours for any unexpected overtime. Which isn't legally 'overtime'.
We just ask you give us 72 hours of availability.

congrats, you've failed step one of looking for a quality worker. You've given up before working a single minute.

FUnny I saw a Dominos delivery sign on a 2019 Ford f150. People are stupid with money.

"We're sorry, but we will not be giving you the promotion that you are perfectly qualified for, we are seeking a more diverse hire for that department"
>>Be white male, and hiring department doesn't have a single white male on staff
(Bonus-- only employee with very specific skill set advertised)

Why is that a bad thing?

Thank you user.

ATTENTION EMPLOYEES

Our customers a fucking idiot and Im 1 micron from getting fired for incompetence. Mandatory overtime shifts are required for the weekend from this point onward. Ive left a sheet by the whiteboards so you can figure it out amongst yourselves. Also, if there's an emergency do not call or email me on the weekends, call this random low level wagecuck manager.
T. Your boss

You should have stopped after "state driver's license," the rest is too far and the art of satire is subtlety. I shouldn't have been able to tell this was a joke. 6/10, you can do better.

do you really believe everyone hired actually has all that experience or unreasonable qualifications? No, they don't. A list like that weeds out the retards.

BUMPS

This happens with extreme narcissists. They cannot accept old age because it contradicts their grandiose perception of themselves. They can't even look in the mirror without feeling suicidal.

that surprised you? If you are hired to sell cars and don't show up until noon, don't be shocked when you get fired.

you weren't fired.. you quit. refusal to work is quiting.

Boomers unironically think of millennials like niggers. They'd rather die than see Millennials happy at this point, since they think we ruined their fun in the 90s and 2008

Work a trade you fucking imbecile. I've never even had to show records of education and I'll be buying my first home around the end of the year.

Most millennials are worthless overgrown children

Same goes for Boomers. The difference is the boomers got handed jobs and think they actually earned what they have.

Pretty much, and I am one. I work with a fucker that uses unemployment like a summer vacation when he feels like it.

>apply for job
>You will be hired once current members have been dismissed or discharged you are #43 in line
>Literal cog system that get instantly replaced the moment something happens

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Any idiot can still get a good job now

The sad thing is that this could easily pass for a real help wanted ad and I wouldn't even blink.

Good jobs that pay 60k+ aren't easy to come across.

Yes they are
Learn a trade
Learn to code

My dad is peak boomer and whines about this all the time
They bitch about millennials not wanting to do trades while simultaneously inventing all kinds of bullshit barriers to entry.
Also they don't want to train you to do ANYTHING, not 1 hour of training, and if they are forced to do so they will absolutely hate you for it.

The fact you just emptily say these words shows how little your opinion is worth.

if you know the tax system, that new truck delivery driver wasn't that dumb after all. YOU pay more for his truck than he does.

Why is it so hard?

Boomers

How is it boomers fault?

Sadly same experience here.

not like the boomer decided to fuck up everyone with hyper inflation that would the bank but you know that you just hate your parents thats all