Pirate Arume thread

>the year is 2050, an alien species known only as Arume have taken over the planet Earth. The human race is on it's last legs, and a ragtag resistance is the only thing between them and total annihilation
>But who gives a fuck about that, you're a bunch of pirates who "borrowed" (read stole, modified, and repainted) a ship to go off into space and sell illegal shit highly illegally
>pic related is your ship

Attached: yarrrr.png (719x532, 297K)

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youtu.be/IBH4g_ua5es
youtube.com/watch?v=YMOXmtT18w4
twitter.com/AnonBabble

who am i selling it to

Realise humanity is lost, the universe is terminal and the redundancy of resistance.

people who will buy it

I join the banners of the resistance!

>Boot up and chug some oil

I smoke some of our illegal wares

>wake up

>arume space station 13
would be fun

>Mechanical laughter

>Listen to this until something happens
youtu.be/IBH4g_ua5es

I should mention that you're carrying several tons of space drugs and banned weapons
>you wake up in some dirty ass ditch next to a "borrowed" spaceship that has it's cargo door open
>you get high as balls
>the oil is expired and tastes like complete ass
>You wake up in the shield room
>You laugh after hearing a very funny joke from the engine room
>you hear a disembodied voice call you a faggot for not buying the vidya

>wake up
>depressed because he woke up from his dream of pillaging an arume town

Take some banned weapons for the resistance fighters and be on my way.

"Fucking rude"
>Continue listening to my awesome music

>Walk into the fucking engine room and get to tinkering
>Check if there are any incomplete projects laying around

>yell to everyone on my crew to form a line and call out their roles

Attached: z8g5za1eybd8pp4ypm38.jpg (750x445, 77K)

>Wander the ship aimlessly, looking for some good oil for the journey ahead

Turn on

>Your sadness is offset by the fact that you're a chad pirate
>You steal a plasma pistol, a very menacing looking blade launcher weapon, and some weird tri-barreled weapon that you don't know what it does
>you do continue listening to the music
>You have a couple, like the automatic and portable spine removal machine, the pain gun, and a quantum toaster that toasts bread before you put it in
>You have one engineer, one robot "pilot", a synth, and just a regular ass pirate
>You turn on, nothing seems to be amiss
>You find some oil (retard)

>get two epic pistols from the armoury and a sword

>Go and find the captain while I wait for the incompetent gm to give some pointers

>Listen until my ears bleed

start to create MEDICINE with what we have and see if anything is out of normal on the ship when i'm done doing MEDICINE

>Toaster?
>TOASTER?
>Finish the toaster immediately

>get up and stretch before going to the armory with the others
>try to find a heavy firearm to use

>You get those
>You wander around the ship and find yourself in the cloning room
>Your ears start bleeding, but you can still listen. The song is drilled into your head
>You start to work, and then stop. You have no idea where to go with it
>You go into the medbay and start crafting medicine
>You can't find any heavy weapons lying around

>Fuck the cloning room, go to the cockpit and start flying the ship around
>Chug some more oil

>Implant some fucking cyberdongs onto the toaster
>Flamethrowing cyberdongs

>Attempt to find an intercom so that the crew may be graced with the miracle of music with me

>fuck it, i'll look for a weapon later
>walk back to my compartment and pull a stolen beer out of a bag
>crack it open as i turn on the wall computer and make it tune into the arume news

"let's go sell some shit barry."
>sit in the captain chair like in star trek and wait

Make that shit niggu

"Beep Boop"
>Smash my head on the controls to make it go faster

>You go to the pilot room, and take off into spehss
>You Attach some cyberdongs to the toaster, but that doesn't seem to help
>In the camera room, you also have an intercom to play that music
>there is no wall computer
>Pie Rates of the Carry Bean music starts playing as you fly through a group of Arume ships without being noticed
>You made a pack of stimpacks, use them wisely

>Do and keep flying until we pick up anything on the radar

Go check for any issues on the ship

>ojh, forgot
>rummage through the bag of stolen goods again
>try to see if i stole a weapon

>Go see if we have any sort of quantum physics-abusing devices that we´re not using
>If there are any, take them apart and wire the fancier elements of the damned things into the toaster

>Turn on intercom and blast you are a pirate 10 hours version
>set override so that only super hackers can turn it off or if they somehow guess the 20 letter code

>wait

>Smashing your head on the controls somehow makes it go fast. You and the captain come across a small unarmed Arume ship
>You managed to steal a revolver
>You find a device only known as the "plot device", then tear it open and wire the quantum fluxuation controls and quad ion points to the toaster
>Everything's fine, for now
>You do that
>You wait in dubs. And notice an unarmed ship ahead with the pilot

>Turn the toaster on and wait
>Also check whatever is left of the plot device, see if I can find the remains of the plot laying within

"Beep. Orders, Captain?"

"prepare for battle! we will board the ship and take whatever we can find! YARRR MATEY."
>prepare the ship to board and the cannons

epic
>Go find a weapon or some homosexual shit

>he hears the word "battle"
>he rushes to the cockpit
>sees the unarmed ship ahead
"humans or arume?"
>he loads his revolver

Ready the ship's gunz for the skirmish

"Yaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
>Position the ship for boarding

"ARUME MATEY YARRRR"

>You recover several parts from the plot device, notably an unobtanium-nokium fusion device
>You ready the ship, and aim both the laser and ion cannons at it
>You trip on a wire and bang your head against the wall
>you load that shit, are you going to help board?
>You do exactly that
[incoming transmission]
>Wh-who are you? Identify yourselves! We will not show mercy!

"I'm afraid that my masters are interested in your "booty" Surrender now and you'll make this easy for both parties, do not comply to my masters orders and we'll open fire."

>Load the unobtainium into the waste disposal compartment, I'll have none of that avatar shit in my quarters
>The nokium, on the other hand... Remove it from the device's reactor and use it to coat the mechanical limbs sprouting from my back for additional resistance
>Also, fashion a knife out of it
>Retrieve my quantum toast, too

>he rushes to his compartment to go get his bag of beers
>he comes back to the cockpit and plops the bag next to his seat
>he sits down and helps the ship board

"ATTACK!"
""

>Blow some holes in the side of their ship with the laser cannons for the crew to use
>Focus our shields on their side in case they try to fire back
>Fire the ion cannons at their ship to try and fuck up their modules

>"Booty? What do you mean by that?"
>You hear a big ass explosion over the communications
>Your toast appears to be burnt
>You grab some beer and get yer spehss suit ready for boarding
>You blow a giant hole in the side of the ship and directly hit their engines, now they can't run away

"PREPARE TO BOARD"

FIRE IN DA HOLE, AIM FOR THEIR OXYGEN SUPPLY

>he starts putting on space suit
>he shoves his revolver in one of the pockets
>he throws the bag of beer over his shoulder and puts his visor on

"groovy."

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"IT'S WORKING!"
>Cackle violently, overjoyed at the quantum toaster's perfect fucking anti-common-sense toastmaking abilities
>Shove the burnt toast into whatever mechanical contraption has taken the place of my mouth, then head for the Cargo Bay

>Chill in the pilot's seat and drink some oil
>Get totally watsed

>You ready the arm to place niggas in
>While you enter the weapons room and shoot the fuck out of their oxygen
>You get to the cargo bay, ready to be thrown in
>You shove the toast in your mouth and open up the cargo bay, jumping into the waiting claws of the grabbing arms
>You spill oil all over yourself like a retard desu

>Staaaaare at the arms, think about how I could improve them
>Check if I actually equipped all my fancy mechanical weaponry onto my mechanical arms before deploying

>Good
>Keep chugging away and try to use some of the ship's mechanical arms to pull off useful parts of the Arume ship

>ONCE IT'S READY GO IN AND START SLICING NIGGAS UP AND SHOOTING THEM UNTIL THEY SURRENDER
>youtube.com/watch?v=YMOXmtT18w4 THIS PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND

KILL NIGGAS AAAAAAAAAAAAA

>fuck it i'll throw myself in
>he jumps in the cargo himself
>as soon as he makes it in the ship he pulls out his revolver in case anyone is waiting for him

>You remembered your shit, and also the array of combat cyberdongs
>You place asomtavruli in the ship and start trying to find scraps in the hole, no such luck
>Unfortunately you don't got a spehss suit
>You fire upon the ship and cause quite a bit of damage
>With the techpriest, you board the ship

CAUSE A LOT OF DAMAGE

>he looks for any explosive devices or weapons
>go to the nearest intercom and turn it on
>he talks into it:
"head to the cargo bay if you want to live."

>Begin prodding at absolutely fucking everything within the ship
>Identify the alloys it's made of, the circuits running through it and also rip off pieces of the hull so I can analyze them later
>Initiate maniacal cackling once more as I look for fleshbags to 01100101 01111000 01110000 01100101 01110010 01101001 01101101 01100101 01101110 01110100 00100000 01101111 01101110.

>get a space suit and get in there and do the same thing

>You cause moderate damage to the doors, now they can't be opened and shut remotely
>You trip again like a retard in front of some scared Arume. They laugh at you smugly
>you start tearing bits of the ship off, and start making your way to the cockpit
>you are having quite a lot of difficulty finding a space suit, it appears

>I don't know what you just said but keep trying

>he sweeps all of them from under their feet with the beer bag
>after that, he knocks them all out by slapping them across the face with the same bag
"laugh at that will ya'?"

>Head there faster
>See if I can scare some fleshbags into taking me to their engineer

find a fucking space suit you godamn nigger

>you tear off some hull with the arm
>You're slightly drunk, so you miss them with the bag
>All of the fleshbag weaklings are hiding from you
>you find a FUCKING space suit, equipped with cyberdong and all for maximum penetration

>im not sober enough for this
>he gets his revolver out again and shoots the arumes in the shins to get it over with

"TAKE ME TO YOUR HEAD ENGINEER"
>Mechanical wheeze
"You PIIIiiITIFUL FLeshbAGs..."
>Rev up my tentacle chainsaws

>Bring the hull inside with the arm, then start picking at their ship some more

>GO FUCK SHIT UP TILL THEY SURRENDER

>You miss, you drunk fag
>They refuse to come out of cover, even with you revving the saws
>You take off plenty of bits and pieces from the ship, and even steal an Arume or two
>With your magnificent dubs you swing in there and burst through a door, shooting one Arume near pirate daniel and cutlassing another to death

>Leave the Arume to die in space while bringing the parts on board
>Swig some oil
>Try and cut out their thrusters

>kill them until they surrender

"aye, captain."

>he tries again and shoots one in the foot in hope to make her fall over
"you willing to die for your ship?"
>he says as he aims his revolver at all of them

"Ii TOLD you..."
>Wheeze
"To GuIDE Me, FleSHBAgs.. AND YOU WILL"
>Chainsaw their cover

>You accidentally bring them on board alive. They're 2 terrified Arume. One a penguingirl and the other a rhinogirl
>You go through the ship, stabbing the fuck out of Arume before you reach the cockpit and make em surrender
>You shoot yourself in the foot
>To much screaming you chainsaw the shit out of their cover, tearfully, one of them says
"I-I WILL AAAAAAAA PLEASE DON'T HURT MEHEHEHEHEHEEEEE"

>take their valuables, and make them slaves

>Run down to the hold and start screaming in robot to scare them more
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

"Very WELl... Move, XENo-fleSHBAG, TAAKe me to YOUR HEad engiNEER"
>Emit a burst of static before following her
>Don't stop the chainsaws

>i need to cut back on the beer
>he pistol whips one of them and helps escort them back to the pirate ship
"get lassies get!"

>You steal a bunch of shit, put them in spehss suits, and bring em on board
>You hear terrified anime girl screaming in the hold
>She takes you to the shields room, where a girl in a labcoat is cowering under one of the consoles
>You realize that they're fucking dead m8

>he pulls the bullet out of his foot
>he enters deeper into the ship to find anymore arume

"Beep boop, I will tear out your hearts and eat them!"
>Lock all the exits

"YOOUuu... You're COMing witH MEeE..."
>Kidnap the head engineer and also plug into the console so I can steal all their precious, precious data

>lock them up and wait for the rest

>You take the boolet out of your foot and walk into the engine room, where some anime girls are cowering in the face of a mechanical man swinging chainsaw dongs around
>You plug in and start stealing data while the thots hug eachother and cry
>You lock em in an empty room
>They don't seem to be intimidated

>he searches around for explosives as he's holding his revolver
>he points his revolver at one of the arume
"you there! show me where the explosives and weapons are!"