If you became American today

also a truck and a shotgun, then join one of these snake-handling churches and lynch niggers

>Non-Americans of Jow Forums, what kind of things would you do if you became American today?
Own guns and shoot 'em all day

I've been stuck here my whole life and have never done any of these things

get shot

Is it true that Chocolate in America tastes like vomit?

Buy a huge plot of land somewhere far away from civilization. Get some tools, hire a few dozen illegals and play Dwarf Fortress IRL.

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it actually took me a while to realize this. I vomited from car sickness when I was around 7 years old and one day I was eating chocolate while driving with my friends down the same road, and the memory came back and I realized that yes, this candy bar did taste like vomit. Well, we have variety but the big brands do taste like that. Maybe I'm autistic but this does have a faint vomit taste but I still like it

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Buy a gun probably

can't both of you buy guns right now?

I'd be the most stereotypical american ever.
I'd become christian, would buy a trailer with a bunch of guns, would get fat as balls, would vote republican and have, like, 10 american flags around my (wooden) house.

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Yes but I need a license which takes effort.

Why can't we get Mexicans like you instead of the "why don't you learn Spanish amigo" people?

we're still turning into brown english speakers anyway why not just no mexicans at all

I'm not that hopeful.

Try not to get shot on the first day, but that would be an overwhelming task given my skin color.

Move to one of the northern, mountainous statesblike Washington maybe Rhode Island..even though it is mountainous. Buy a big gun and do wilderness shit.

find a way to emigrate anywhere else quickly

i thought that was a lithuanian flang and got really confused for a moment

I'm from Washington :D

LOL buying a gun in Washington or Rhode Island is a task, my friend. You need to move to New Hampshire if you wanna be in the northeast or somewhere in the south or the north-west. Coasts are liberal hell dens.

are you high right now?

get some shitty apartment and enjoy the low cost of food, probably become obese

nah
>Coasts are liberal hell dens
eastern and central washington are doing fine, hell only the parts circled in red are what you need to avoid.

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I do not know much, also I meant about rhode island "even though it is not mountainous". Your country is very vast and beautifull. Maybe some of the northern states in the middle of the country. I bet they have laxer gun laws.

Seriously, when I get a BIG vacation I will just head over there. Live and work a bit to finance it and travel.

If you aren't high all the time you are not really from Washington.

>Buy a AR15 rifle
>Buy a Dodge Challenger
>Buy Ludwig USA drum
>Move to New York

Find an office job, like the one i have now here, and enjoy living the rest of my life on easy mode.

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We-el, probably i would buy a gun. I dont know why. And go to Vegas. As well i dont know for what because i'm poor like the church mouse.

Are you from Colorado or California by any chance?

Go to the south I went to Georgia for Spring Break and it was great. I live in New Jersey, everyone here is mean and crazy on le trump hate.

New Jersey, My family is in Colorado though.

>northern states in the middle of the country
nothing but farms. but you'll be popular because all the people there are german muh heritage
t. spent a long time in Bismarck north dakota

Farms are comfy though.

Buy a machine gun (no joke)
Watch the latest movie
Get a white trash gf

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Domestic terrorism probably.

Automatics are banned

>Explore America's vast outdoors?
>Buy a gun and hit the shooting range?
Probably these two, also:
>See some of NASAs stuff, maybe even a launch
>See one of your reenactments
>Your best east coast museums?
>Go to a football game, preferably in the south
>See aligators and manatees in the everglades
>See the Rockies, try legal weed in colorado
>See a redwood forest
>Celebrity spotting in LA
>Broadway and Pizza in New York
you could go on and on

Then I would just get the biggest gun and a shotgun

One of the ingredients used is the compound that makes vomit/parm taste the way it does

Migrate to western Europe asap

I'd make Oklahoma bombing look like a fucking joke.

Did that. BK ain't even 100% America now. It's Brazilian owned.

>Car+InNOut
Done that. It's very nice. Specially good memories of driving to InNOut on friday night with shitty car and friends in high school.

>Buy a flag for 4th of July
Surprisingly haven't done that. But good for you. Seem like a good citizen. Never got those CHI that buy Mexico flags and fly them without US flag.

edgy

Degenerate.

Like pic related? Sadly I won't do this because I'm not from the rural parts or the south.

Can't you do that already in Switzerland?

Ok.

Those aren't particularly "American" things, but rather things that Hollywood might propagate. Also America is very large. If you live in Hawaii then you probably won't drive a monster truck, will surf instead of football, never think of Canada, etc.

Was going to say you can't do that, but then again you probably can depend on where. Most likely it's dessert clay though since all the good clay costs a lot.

Couldn't you do most of that in Brazil except the gun part?

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I would buy an open roof Jeep, american flag to put on it and drive from LA to Las Vegas all while stopping at IN-N-OUT's and other various locations

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Its Brazilian owned now? Is that why they’ve been so shit?

Hmm, cool. Couls teach german. I guess.
I have lots of book recommendations!

Sounds nice. Northern California (aka real nor cal as in north of Sac and not bay area) to Washington is a lot like that. East coast has been much more developed and you won't get too much nature-y stuff. I really enjoyed my time in nature in Cascadia. Some say the people are "cold", but that's not a thing a German would worry about.

Hope you mean NY city and not state because that car won't do well there. Also NY has cali-tier gun laws.

Been to vegas. Not sure why you have to bring a gun there. It's pretty safe except that one time.

>white trash gf
If you want, but it's much harder if you live around coastal areas and not the south/flyovers.

edgy

>>See some of NASAs stuff, maybe even a launch
Much easier to do as Texas local.
>>See one of your reenactments
Again south
>>Your best east coast museums?
West coast has some pretty cool modern art and asian exhibits
>>Go to a football game, preferably in the south
Probably texas. they really love their sports/football
>>See aligators and manatees in the everglades
Again south. Never seen an alligator myself, but had aligator meat quite a few times. Like chicken, but with a fishy taste... like if you imagine if a chicken lived under water it's whole life.
>>See the Rockies, try legal weed in colorado
Colorado has nice mountains and plains. Weed is legal in Cali though
>>See a redwood forest
Saw that, it was nice.
>>Celebrity spotting in LA
Very hard to "spot" if you're a tourist, but not that hard if you live in LA. I ran into 2-3 celebs, 2 athletes, and 1 musician.
>>Broadway and Pizza in New York
Never tried this not really on my list either. Chicago looks better in my book.

Not sure. Never really preferred BK and it's probably the furthest fast food burger joint from my home too so I haven't had it in years.

InNOut >>>> Carls Jr. >>> BK >= MCD = Jack in the Box

Buy a lot of quality bourbon because that stuff is either difficult or very expensive to get a hold on here.

Go to Walmart shart and get shot and vote for retard president and be fat

>Why do people think we are cold?

As long as they are not rude, all is fine.

Thanks I need a giant Costco poutine now.

I'd buy all the things that I'll never be able to afford or own here only to still feel empty afterwards

Dumb.

>liberal hell dens

Yet our tax dollars support your fly over meth dens. Stop fucking your sister and get a job Cleetus.

Get shot.

I heard they're trying to legalize Machine guns. M60 here I come.

One brand for one type uses fresh milk that when heated sours and causes the "vomit" taste non Americans hate.

uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20120809041614AAQfLnT

I would be trapped in collegehell and do none of those things but rather jerk off multiple times a day to furry porn and feel very depressed.

go to one of your ivy league universities, get 1/2 undergrad degrees maybe one in language and fuck off back to europe where i will assimilate and eventually lose my accent so people cant tell im from america

theres a few american food shops over here so i might go and get a bar of Hersheys to see if this rumour is true

why not go germany and do that there instead

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It's only for the milk chocolate one.

>I heard they're trying to legalize Machine guns.
Lol, where the fuck did you hear that? That's a pipe dream if I've ever heard one, especially since Trump and Republicans across the board are trying to ban bump stocks because they "simulate" machine guns.

I'm kind of surprised at all of the people ITT who were unaware that our coastal states have stricter gun laws than most of Europe. With the influence from Jow Forums and Jow Forums on this site I would have thought that knowledge had been wider spread.

It is, no exaggeration, easier to get an AR-15 in Germany than it is in Massachusetts.

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Get a gun and hot the shooting range desu. And look for a qt bf.

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Go to store, show state ID, wait 2-3 minutes for instant background check to finish, pay. Sorry bud it's really easy to buy here in washington. hell you can even get a permit for a suppressor.

Become a professional mass shooter.

my family is all from seattle but i want to move to everett eventually. we moved to arizona when i was young :(

Move to Cali
enjoy the sunshine
get some job that would let me live a life with no luxury but at the same being able to have some free time for hobbies.

Seriously I’d like to immigrate to other countries.
Nothing of your country is appealing to me today to be honest.

Learn to drive asap
Get a gun
Blissfully ignore racial issues

>Jow Forums and Jow Forums

Jow Forums and Jow Forums are shit tier tinfoil bullshit and so if your post. I've lived in 3 different coastal states and I own 4 different guns. Fuck off with your bullshit.

Cry tears of joy
Then probably buy a gun and shoot myself

I suspect part of that might be taxes/tariffs. But most of the good whisky is in the southern states.

You're welcome for costco btw.

Shit ain't free in USA. You can probably do it on credit and then lose it all.

edgy

Probably the most reasonable of all the shit I read, but this thread is supposed to be about fun stuff. p.s. cali tax/housing is insane.

Very normal.

If I reach 45y I'm gonna move to America, buy a shotgun, buy a Harley Davidson, drive across whole murica listening to '80 hard rock and then shoot myself on the head.

Find a job, live like normal people eat apple pie and drink black coffee every evening

Sounds like a boring version of Pakistan.

suicide.org/hotlines/international/malta-suicide-hotlines.html

no

Mass school shooting

>Enrol a coding campaign
>Move to somewhere that has access to Costco, public library, and affordable fibre network
>Get a job that provide health insurance
>Buy a car
My life is boring.

Buy a bulletproof vest.

Go to the heart attack grill, order the smallest item there. Stand in awe of the huge, magnificent creatures moving around there. Buy weed BC it's basically free there compared to our prices. Don't know what state to go to though. Washington is obviously the best state, but Colorado has magnificent scenery and legal weed. Also would love to go to the Midwest to see real America.

Jelly. Never been to US, but your state seems the best imo.

This. Tfw you will never have a simple American white trash gf with hick accent.

Your ass won't survive riding from Warsaw to Krakow. US is quite big.

Kill myself

I'd go to NY (specifically Manhattan).
Fucking love it there and I don't know why. Only went to the US once (10 years ago) but ever since I left I've been wanting to go back. Don't have the means to get there sadly.