/brit/

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every time I post about the misses' mannerisms I get told how cute they are

Scotland secession fakken when?

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Genuinely not sure if young Elon musk or young Elliott rodgers

89973447
no one gives a fuck you self-absorbed cretin

try talking about something else besides yourself you grim bottom-feeding runt orbiter

*gets blown up*

stayed with a friend there for a couple weeks, southern french girls are so cute and have that inconsistent catholic sluttiness

crying because i'm so happy lads

what you happy about?
summat good?

Got called a beta male in BigW yesterday. Fucking normie cunts. He did it in a clever way not directly to my face.

*boots you in the bollocks*
still happy, freak?

Oooh yes, think it's time for another antacid break.

Just talked about lizards and Elon musk what more do you want

youtube.com/watch?v=-5OeVSiisLU
youtube.com/watch?v=-5OeVSiisLU

you wanna watch yourself on those antacids mate
too much calcium leads to kidney stones or summat

for instance, before we go anywhere I ask her "ready, Freddy?" (her name's not Freddy, it just rhymes)
and she'll ask me "what's the plan, Batman?"
it's gotten to the point where we don't even need the whole rhyme any more, she just calls me Batman

Get called Mclovin alot in High School. Took a toil on the anxiety in public.

Got called a bogan cunt in Lowes the other day

you to be dissipate

Anyway today is leg day

Haha.

I wonder if this city has a high jewish population

At our Tokyo school, teachers came and went. One day we had a new colleague named Lynne, a British woman who looked exactly like a more voluptuous Naomi Watts.

I liked her immediately for her intelligence and insanely twisted sense of humor, the two attributes I find most attractive in women. Carmen—a brilliant, wildly funny person herself—could tell how I felt about Lynne. Though jealous, Carmen couldn’t really complain because she knew I’d never act on it, and she was also aware that I’d overlooked her own extracurricular activities in the hopes that she’d outgrow them.

Carmen and I spent most of our lunches at the top of the old building where were worked, talking and gazing out the windows as we ate. Once when we saw Lynne arriving, Carmen said, “I never realized how busty she is. You can really see it when you’re looking down at her from six stories up. She’s gorgeous, isn’t she, Tom?” And she gave me an arch, sad look.

Carmen herself was rather flat chested. I’m not a boob man; having been born and raised in Venezuela, I have more of a Latin preference. My favorite view of a woman is from behind, when she’s wearing tight jeans. Carmen was a former gymnast, so she looked great from behind, outfitted in her signature tight, faded jeans. But I wasn’t with her because of any part of her body. While I appreciated her excellent caboose, it was a bonus, not a requirement.

During the holiday season of 1989-90, Carmen went home to California for Christmas and New Year’s. She was gone for two weeks. Before she left, she said, “You’re going to spend all your time with Lynne, aren’t you?” Again, said sadly and sheepishly but with a definite trace of vicarious enthusiasm. Spending two weeks with someone else was what Carmen herself might do. She was titillated by infidelity—even that of her mate—because of the naughtiness and drama. There was no question: She was giving me permission.

got called moby at best buy

She sounds too funny and smart to be fit lad.

I'm MGTOW. I don't give a fuck what women say or think.

The only legs I want to be seeing is a cute girls up in the air while I'm plowing that vagina.

By 1989 the worst of the turbulence in our relationship was over, and we’d settled into the happiest extended period of my life. Still, Carmen could never accept that I wasn’t bothered by what she hinted was her astronomical number of conquests, nor could she believe that I’d known of her infidelities but had forgiven her. If I cheated on her, it’d take the sting out of her own adventures. “You did it too!” she could say, assuaging the guilt I knew she felt about betraying me. I therefore had carte blanche to fool around with a British woman who looked like Naomi Watts. If she’d have me.

Two weeks to do whatever I wanted
After Carmen departed for California, Lynne and I went to lunch together every day. She cracked me up because all Brits are wordsmiths who love to imitate the millions of regional accents in their island kingdom. Being from Manchester, her own natural accent—Mancunian—made her sound like a pirate, and she was very sarcastic. I gelled my hair in those days; during one of our lunches, Lynne said, “Let’s ‘ave a feel, then,” and touched my slicked-back locks. She burst into laughter.

“Oo, it’s awful, innit, Tom!” she shouted. “‘Ow can ya ‘ave that on yer ‘ead all day? Feels like dried wood! Ah could use ya fer kindlin’, coodn’t Ah? Start a fire wif yer ‘ead in me fireplace!”

She was hotness incarnate.

On Christmas Day, we went to a British pub in Tokyo that served a traditional Christmas dinner: roast turkey, brussels sprouts, roast potatoes, cranberry sauce, parsnips, bread sauce, chestnut stuffing, pigs in a blanket, bacon, and gravy. With Christmas Pudding doused in flaming brandy for dessert. It wards off evil spirits.

told the oneitis i have strong feelings for her and she does too and we're going to make it work

bffling this isnt in ex-yu or one of those countries since thats literally where the majority of public porn is shot since nudity isnt illegal

>Girl I like is really into the ol' maymay culture
>Never has said she browses the 'chon but she says some shit that infers that she does like soyboy or alpha or cuck
>I'm loving this cause it's the only way me (Mr Autist) can communicate after being on this site for six fucking years
>We were simply friends for a bit until things started bordering on sexual
>We're really getting into it and she says she really likes BDSM (how original) and asks me if I liked it too
>Still was kind of in Jow Forums mode so to speak so I simply typed
>*raises paw*
>She suddenly had to go have dinner and didn't come back

Think I've fucked another one lads.
She could have been the one too.

yer mam could use a walk

Didn't read a single word of this.

We also had Christmas Crackers, little paper tubes twisted at both ends. When you and your date pull at either end of the tube, they pop and a paper crown, a prize, and a joke written on a piece of paper fall out. Our prizes were a plastic mustache and a toy penguin. Lynne put on her crown and managed to look even hotter. There’s something about beautiful women in silly headgear…

It was the best Christmas I ever had as an adult. The combination of the company, the food, and the erotic tension made it magical.

After our Christmas dinner, Lynne began talking about sex. I’ve always had a problem doing that, but with her it was easy. She was so funny and clever that we were able to relate in plain English what we liked and didn’t like, as though we were discussing movies or food.

“‘Ave you ever—?” she’d ask and describe a technique or position. “‘Ow d’ya like that? Not for me, mate. One thing Ah ‘ate is ‘avin’ me [fill-in-the-blank fill-in-the-blanked].” We never talked about Carmen; neither of us brought her up. It was a weird but intoxicating experience to speak so frankly about these things with such an attractive woman. A lapsed Catholic, I was ridiculously inexperienced for an American man of twenty-seven.

Lynne was also an electric-bass devotee. She loved the bass because she found it much sexier than the guitar. Male bassists were far more masculine than male guitarists, and the lower registers affected her lower register, she told me. (“Noodge-noodge; wink-wink!”) I played my bass for her at school during our lunch breaks. She watched hungrily, like a panther.

she has body dysphoria from being slightly chubby as a kid so despite going for 5k runs most days and working out 4 times a week, she still doesn't believe how fit she is
will admit she's not conventionally attractive but I don't like that type anyways

not sure why any neurotypical thinks we give a fuck about his relationships

doing a very shoddy job of cleaning that street, whilst implying that street maintenance is a humiliating occupation, when in fact it is the diligent and thankless work of street cleaners that ensures she can lark about outside with her bare hands and knees and hair and that on the floor, without getting broken glass and dogshit and god knows what else all over her

dont care

also, you've been hanging out with some dog tier women if you think rhyming plan with Batman is the height of wit

alan what degree should I do?

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SHE UGGERS AT LEAST YOU ADMIT IT THO BIG ON YOU NEUROTYPICAL LA

?

I sit through you lot banging on about your "isms" and your e-celebs so throw me a sodding bone once in a while, alright?

“They’re rubbish!” she scoffed. “‘Ow can ya listen to this shite? That’s the great Flea you always talk about? ‘E’s awful! Every solo sounds exactly the same!”

She preferred the pathetic Japanese opening act, these cargo cult Chili Pepper clones who performed with hats made of egg-crate mattress foam.

So Lynne and I weren’t a perfect match after all. Actually, I think she said what she did just to be perverse and tweak me a little. I hate being teased, but like Carmen and Steiv, she could do it to me without making it hurt. How many men would be upset if Naomi Watts teased them?

Even though Carmen dumped me three years later in the most inhumane, painful, selfish way possible, I don’t regret my decision. I still think I made the right choice, because now I have memories of a great Christmas Day; an even better New Year’s Eve; some of the frankest conversations I ever had with a woman; amazing intimacy that didn’t end negatively; the hilarious improbability of a beautiful blonde Brit offering herself to me and not being offended when I declined; Carmen’s joy when she came home and realized I’d chosen her, warts and all; and the three years of total fulfillment Carmen gave me before it ended.

Wherever you are, Lynne, thank you.

>hanging your rifle over the edge of a window
>making yourself an obvious target
0/10 would not operate with

need a kurd gf

Ah former fatties. The wise man's choice

you're the man
congrats on making it

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Having a cuddle with my dog

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fucking hell theres tons of uk stuff in this thread

What about stretch marks and food-related neuroses though?

ah
so shes that ugly
very grim
but also sad

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What's going through her mind here?

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>now I can get fat

pewdiepie has done videos about soylentboys and shit like, it's normie now

>not conventionally attractive automatically means ugly
whatever helps you cope, mate
I'm sure you find Ms. Palm and her five lovely daughters fucking beautiful

vile dogs the lot of them

>*smacks lips*
>we gun haf some wittermelonz

I love this concept.

We need a 2.5D dungeon crawler run and gun game about incels.

>teehee user its YOU i actually love ;33

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Parents get $1,245.60 from Centrelink for me being a life failure.

>now I can expose the reptillians

ALL THAT THOTTING FINALLY PAID OFF

>they will love me as much as they loved diana... THE FOOLS

she's already exposed the reptilians on a beach mate, I've seen the leaks

>misses
>not "missus"
Embarrassing

cats following me about ouse but keeping at a respectable distance so i dont "see" him haha what a twat

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its literally the germans who invented this sort of public degeneracy. i say degeneracy but i dont think its bad, just weird

>the one and only wog in our friendship group wants to go out in Brixton Saturday for this birthday instead of somewhere normal

Fuck sake lads

>>*smacks lips*
>>we gun haf some wittermelonz

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cant even afford a studio here with that

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almost as if individuals on /brit/ have distinctive phrases or ways of typing
we should have a word for this, maybe something beginning with G

Did the Aussies go to bed or something?

>do STEM course at uni
>go out with the lads
>they're all virgin freaks with no hope ever pulling

How do I find a new group of lads?

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you should get him a little cat mate so they can stalk each other and muck about

hid the last banana so mummy doesnt scoff it later and so i can have it tomorrow :L

she cute

wtf is wrong with you brixton is one of the best places in london to go out, is normal to you fucking tiger tiger in leicester square get out you absolute runt

a watermelon and chicken diet sounds pretty great actually

i just feel sorry for you that youve had to settle for someone so physically repulsive that even on an anonymous board you feel compelled to mention that they arent good looking
i feel sorry for her aswell though, what a desperate state that girls face must be in. at least there are some people out there whose standards dont exist, which enable people such as her to experience relationships, to a degree

89974021
give it a rest you stupid cunt

are sophie lads

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>oops teehee I just ruined thousands of years of tradition in one fell swoop ;333

>ayo dis white boi on dat racest sheeeet
>yo trump luffen raceest ahss ima post dat der kekistani sheet take dat

100% this women is now dead. She's leaning her rifle out the window like a big "I'm here" flag.

don’t chat shit I want little white Essex slags not baboons

Play a sport.
Or take up a language.