I'm a 21 years old, kissless, friendless neet.
I don't really care about money, I don't mind being poor or eventually having to go to work once my neetbux run out, my problems are solely looks and mental related.
I am repulsive because of my looks and people tend to avoid me, which is why I've never had friends. It goes without saying that I've had 0 contact with the opposite sex (girls are repulsed by me and call me ugly in my face). I tried forming some friendships in HS but they all fell apart due to my looks and mental state (I am very weird)
I don't socialize at all, as I've said, I have 0 friends.What's even worse is the fact that I have severe social phobia. I can't even go outside without starting to shake uncontrollably so I usually just resort to never leaving my apartment. My parents have both moved on with their lives (divorced and out of the country), fortunately they left the apartment for me so I'm not homeless.
I have no plans for the future and I suck at everything. Even if I had a talent I wouldn't be able to put it to use due to my mental state, I'm very depressed and extremely lonely. Every day is the same, I wake up, shower, order food or cook something up, then spend all day on my Computer until I fall asleep. I can't socialize at all, my eyes start to tear up even during phone calls.
Every day in my life is a mental torture, wouldn't it be better to just kill myself already? I don't enjoy anything anymore. If I play video games or watch TV Shows (the only things I do really) my mind just drifts off and I start thinking about my situation, by the end of an episode I realize that I did not understand anything at all, it's like I had not just watched the episode and by the end of a game every team-mate is mad at me for being brainless.
There's zero substance in my life, the only emotions that I can feel are fear and anxiety.
This is not a larp, I'm just tired of life.