Help me get out of wagecucking

What's the best way of getting sick fast so you dont have to go to work?

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smell your own farts, idiot

Quitting.

I like wagecucking, just not tomorrow

>find deactivated nuclear plant
>find toxic waste
>roll around in toxic waste
>superpowers?
>??????
>profit

You can stick it out for a thursday. Then it will be friday. Don’t fake sick, they know user. 80% of sick calls are just unplanned vacation days. And a symptom of bad workplace culture

Plz I dont have time. Work starts in 6h

do you have any rotten food?
eat it

I have some very outdated whey protein and some old milk. Will making a shake out of that work?

if the milk is over the date it will work

Why you need to be sick actually, you have to go to doc and shit stream of diarrhea on his floor to get a sick leave?
just tell you got chest pain or sth

Yes, i'll drink it now.

thanks for getting me a day off bro

No, but I dont want to lie to my boss

Take some fentanyl, that will do the trick real fast

no problem buddy :)

pussy

Take a shit ton of vitamins

You will get sick as fuck trust me

I guess I chomped the bait

If being honest with your boss is a pussy move then call me a pussy

Eating chalk would give you a fever

So tell him you dont feel like going to work then, you contradicting faggot

But then I might get fired. So I need to get sick so i can get the day off and not have to lie

If you have kids, one of them is vomiting uncontrollably, pink eye, fever, etc...
If you dont have kids, impacted molar, uncontrolable bowels, food poisioning, new onset of migraine headaches, vertigo.
Best thing is to always come up with subjective sysptoms that are defined by the way they make you feel.
Example being pain tolerance, it's different for everyone.

Also, it's better doing it tomorrow than friday. Worked in an ED for years, without fail friday mornings would be full of brainlets comming in to get "treated" for some bullshit. Same went for sunday nights. Always thought why dont you idiots come in thursday and make it a long weekend, or come in saturday to extend the weekend. Way less obvious that way.

Save up 500$, find good startups with revolutionary potential that just started

the one a day caffeine vitamins will make me guaranteed throw up in about 20 mins. take something like that before your shift then throw up in a trash can so you can leave

op is a dumb fyuck.
if you're gonna fake sick, FAKE SICK.
keyword here is FAKE.
call and tell them you're sick.
do you really need to PROVE you're sick?? mcdonalds obviously isn't the place for you... try sucking dick for money.

also, i thought this was /biz, a place where people like to try and make money, not get out of making money. op is really a fucking idiot faggot nigger.

>i dont want to upset master shekelberg

cottage cheese

why would you actually need to be sick so you don't have to go to work? Just call in and fake it. If they demand a doctors note just go fake it to your doctor (say you have bad back pain, they can't really diagnose back pain issues very well) or just shop around for a doctor who will give you doctor notes to get out of work regardless of your condition, plenty out there.

Dinty'more is more convincing and can serve as vomit or shit. A blender can help get your desired consistency, corn starch helps with thickness.