>Dutch ships accidentally bump into strange, unknown continent
>after poking around for a while, they decide there's nothing of value there, just a lot of desert and dangerous wildlife
>smart lads
>James Cook later checks it out a bit more
>yep, it's a desert with dangerous wildlife
>after the burgers become independent, Britain needs a new place to dump their criminals
>I guess this dump is good for something after all
>large fleet arrives in 1788 with a load of convicts
>most of them starve or die of disease within two years
>eventually free settlers start to arrive
>and cities and farms get built
>Abos die or get their land stolen from them
>who cares, it's just Abos and they aren't people anyway
>explorers die in droves trying to cross the continent
>yep, it's just desert--no useful land there
>neat, we found gold
>suddenly everyone and their dog wants to move here
>Australian workers get eight hour workdays and other rights unheard of in Europe and Burgerland at the time--even women's suffrage is way ahead of everyone else
>businesses try to get around this by importing slant eyes for cheap labor, so it becomes necessary to ban the immigration of slant eyes
>after a decade in the economic shitter when the gold boom ends, self-governance
>the government says we can't use brown people to grow sugar anymore
>fuck
>chinks go home
>the mother country goes to war and forcibly conscripts Australian men to get shot by cockroaches on some beach 14,000 kilometers from home
>thanks, we appreciated that
>after more than 200,000 Australians are killed or wounded, the war ends
>the 1920s is mostly just about copying burger fashion trends and movies
>although we have a native film industry, most people would rather watch burger movies instead
>they also try to copy Prohibition, although not so successfully
Dutch ships accidentally bump into strange, unknown continent
Other urls found in this thread:
>uh oh, it's a Depression
>for some reason, we start becoming really good at sports during this time
>and we war again
>defeat nips in PNG in some of the most heroic, bloody fighting of the war
>many more Australians die courageously and prisoners suffer brutal treatment at the hands of the nips
>burgers steal all the credit for victory and also help themselves to our women
>after the war, become burger colony
>continue copying burger fashion trends, music, and suburbia
>Bongland is gradually becoming more and more irrelevant to Australians
>beat up commie jungle gooks in Malaysia
>help burgers in Vietnam but they're faggots and won't listen to our expertise on handling jungle gooks so the war is lost
>the government tries to fund and encourage native arts and culture for a while anyway
>communist cunt Gough Shitlam becomes PM and drinks China's cum
>removes white only immigration laws so the entire Turd World can now come here and passes a bunch of welfare programs during a _recession_ (what do we pay for it with again?)
>also Abo guilt--mmmuh stolen generation
>the CIA overthrows Gough Shitlam
>oh well, that was fine--I'm not even mad
>AC/DC becomes a thing--this is generally regarded as a very negative development for the human race and popular music
>continue being burger satellite
>the government stops even funding Aussie art and culture in the 90s so we're now just the 51st state of the United States
>13 year old boys have their first fap to Kylie Minogue (I know because I was one of them)
>we host the Olympics or something like that
>I discover World of Warcraft
>some feminist bitch with a voice like a strangled monkey becomes PM for a couple years
>chinks slowly turn Australia into South China
>some autist from Canberra who is obsessed with nurses and penises posts on Jow Forums
The end.
>reeee slavery bad
>okay let's stop it
>reeee I'm still oppressed because people my skin color thirty years before I was born were treated badly
>okay here's free stuff
>repeat for women
>keep giving them free stuff and double standards on basically everything to keep them happy
>minorities and women realize they can get away with anything due to apologists and shit all over white people and men respectively
>drumpfies and associated alt-right fuckwits decide to be even more obnoxious (and just as hypocritical) as SJWs, making SJWs the victims and good guys to the public
>everyone is just telling about liberals/drumpf/jews/men are responsible for literally everything I don't like
And that's how American culture is the way it is today
Yelling about how how liberals/drumpf etc*
>bongs found colonies
>bongs oppress colonies with bullshit taxes
>colonies get rid of bongs in war
>expand west and kill Indians
>take clay from spics
>fight war because Southern hicks don't want to pay niggers for a hard day's work
>build industry
>take more clay from spics
>save bongs and frogs from krauts
>party and drink bootleg booze
>Depression--fug
>save bongs and frogs from krauts again
>beat up nips
>get butthurt about commies
>fight wars against commie gooks
>give niggers freedom and gibesmedat
>drugs and rock music
>put a guy on the Moon
>shitty economy
>Reagan makes the economy un-shitty again and defeats gommunism
>kids watch cartoons on Nickelodeon
>Mudslimes start Mudsliming
>war, war, more war
>elect nigger president
>elect god emperor
...
Forgot.
>save Aussies from nip invasion in WWII
>20,000 of their women marry American soldiers because during sex they for the first time in their lives experience this strange sensation known as an "orgasm"
>Germanic tribes migrate southwards from Scandinavia
>assimilate local Celts
>interact, trade & fight with Romans for centuries
>establish new kingdoms when western Rome falls
>the Frankish kingdom is the most powerful out of these, expands eastwards and conquers most of modern Germany
>decades later there's a battle and the empire is split among three sons, Eastern Francia becomes the Kingdom of Germany
>after defeating the Hungarians who raided Europe for decades and ending infighting in east Francia king Otto is crowned emperor by the pope and the HRE is established
>centuries of infighting and decentralization follow
>when the Habsburg dynasty comes to power in the HRE it tries to expand its influence over the various princes
>simultaneous reformation gives a good pretext for civil war
>European powers and the German princes fight an extremely brutal war in Germany (30 years' war)
>Prussia becomes another great power under Frederick the great by fighting the Habsburg
>Napoleon defeats and abolishes the HRE, but is defeated in the end
>German confederation (essentially HRE part 2) established
>rivalry between Prussia & Austria about supremacy in Germany
>Prussia wins under the leadership of Bismarck
>all German states except Austria defeat France and establish the German empire
>colonies, science, rapid industrialization, growth etc
>WW1
>revolution, Weimar republic, financial crisis, political violence etc
>Nazis come to power
>third reich
>WW2
>partitioned
>fall of communism
>reunification
here we are
Rased and bedpilled
>Spanish arrive in Central America and do Indian women to create a half-breed race
>pick bananas
>fight horrible civil wars
>be poor
>repeat for hundreds of years
There, that should cover everything.
part 1/?
>some random slav tribes merge into one big tribe
>they have a prince that rules them
>our prince wants that prime Chech pussy (she's a princess btw)
>she won't let him because he's a dirty pagan
>he gets baptised and get's his dick wet
>a little war with a german dude
>he got fucked up
>kid of that babtised prince parties with german emperor who creates archdiocese
>iguessweareimportantnow.jpg
>german emperor dies new emperor does not like poland another war
>polish prince year before his death is like fucking and gets crowned
>few not very important princes and kings
>one of the princes divides whole country into smaller countries so his kids don't kill each other
>his kids do the same
>whole thing turns into a an awfull mess for almost 3 centuries
You forgot the earthquakes and natural disasters, but yeah that should about cover it.
>Since independence, nearly 300 small internal rebellions and civil wars have occurred in the country, including some changes of government.
>establish the German empire
Unified Germany was a mistake.
Indeed.
no it wasn't.
2/?
>a manlet unites the country and crowns himself
>manlet's and his kid's work turns country relevant again
>manlet's kid dies without a legal heir
>but it's cool because he made a deal with hungarian king and he's going to take care of Poland
>he dies without a legal heir
>fuck it give it to one of his daughters lol
>she gets married with a lithuanian dude which starts a new dynasty
>few years earlier one of polish noble invited teutonic nights to help him with pests (pagan prussians)
>they stole his land and counquered all of prussia
>wars with tuetonic order
>destruction of teutonic order
>Vassalisation of prussia (former teutonic order)
pic rel is manlet king władysław łokietek
>ooga boogas from Sicily arrive on the islands
>ooga boogas build temples to worship fat mommy
>ooga boogas mysteriously disappear
>new ooga boogas from Sicily arrive
>purple people called Phoenicians arrive on boats
>purple people civilize ooga boogas and share everything with them
>purple people change name to Carthage
>purple people fight red people with funny helmets called Romans
>ooga boogas side with Romans
>Romans like ooga boogas and let them be free-ish
>Ooga boogas live peacefully for a long time under red people
>wierd guy shipwrecks and converts ooga boogas to Christianity
>red empire splits, first be under west, then go under Greek purple people
>savage vandal people attack and take islands
>Greek purple people take islands back
>Angry brown people attack and take islands
>Angry brown people destroy Roman city
>faith of ooga boogas is uncertain, possibly ded and replaced with new Christian ooga boogas from Sicily
>Christian ooga booga pay Jizya
>Some time after, a Norman boy named Roger along with his boys arrive to Malta
>Christian ooga boogas are happy
cont..
>Roger takes over
>Angry brown people are allowed to stay, but they try to revolt and are kicked out
>Malta is now a part of the Kingdom of Sicily
>Somehow Aragon is also involved but I keep forgetting what the deal exactly was
>lots of pirates attacked during this time, which forced ooga boogas to form militias
>As some point in time new Angry brown people attack Mdina but they give up and leave
>many ooga boogas were killed or enslaved
>islands rented to a group of Catholic boys called Knights of st.John.
>Catholic boys set up shop in Birgu, and start building defences on the island
>Big evil red man called Ottoman attacks Malta, fails to capture Mdina and turns to Gozo
>Big evil red man enslaves the majority of Gozo's population
>Big evil red man comes again
>This time lots of fighting happens at the Grand harbour
>Siege goes on for 3 months
>Big evil red men is put to shame
>Epic win for outnumbered Chrsitians
>Catholic boys build new capital city
>The islands flourish under the Catholic boys' rule
>At one point in time Big evil red man attempts to attack again but fails
>Some time after, a guy called Napoleon comes asking for water.....
cont...
>Portuguese discover this land
>'João, we could make a nice port here'
>makes port
>port becomes relevant, for trade and strategic issues
>port is in the line between Spanish and Portuguese colonies
>'hostia manolo, we should take that profitable and well-made port from the Portuguese'
>Spain goes to war against Portugal for this port
>Portugal goes to war against Spain for this port
>Spain goes to war against Portugal for this port
>Portugal goes to war against Spain for this port
>Spain goes to war against Portugal for this port
>repeat.....
>Argentina becomes a confederacy, independent
>Brazil becomes an empire, independent
>we are under Argentine rule
>'João, we could steal that profitable and strategic port from Argentinians kkkkkkk' says the Brazilians
>Brazil goes to war against Argentina for this port
>They conquer us
>Argentinians want the province's ports again
>war against Brazil and Argentina again
>the province gets tired of being under war for so long
>they ask Brazil to get independece
>Brazil: 'kkkkkk vai dormir filho'
>the UK sees how profitable that province's ports are
>UK: 'Oi m8 stop fighting the disputed province will be independent (*so we can control that port coff coff*), otherwise we'll beat the fuck out of you both, would ya?'
>Brazil: 'k'
>Argentina: 'k'
Uruguay is born.
>Catholic boys refuse request
>Frenchie comes in anyway
>Frenchie takes over
>Goodbye Catholic boys
>Frenchie makes some reforms ill-recieved by some ooga boogas
>Ooga boogas revolt
>Ooga boogas locks Frenchie in the capital city
>Both sides are running out of supplies
>Ooga boogas ask Anglo for help
>French are eventually kicked out
>Oooga boogas were to be returned to the Catholic boys but Anglo had other plans
>Ooga booga is now a crown colony of the UK
>Some time passes, WWI comes and Malta acts as a nurse.
>WWII comes, where pizza and wurst planes bomb the shit out of ooga boogas
>Operation Pedestal happens, which saves Malta from starvation, lack of supplies, and being surrendered to pizza
>WWII is over in Malta.
>Oooga boogas are poor
>Time passes, things got better
>Ooga boogas achieve Independance
>Oooga boogas achieve Republic
>Anglos leave for good
>Malta, for the first time in God knows how much, is completely independent with no foreign influence
>Ooga boogas finally rule
This is a bit silly.
>Bismarck unifies the germanic kingdoms into one nation in 1871
>proceed to never do anything wrong for 247 years
fuck i forgot one retard king that died in battle against turks but thats more of a funfact than anything important
pic rel is him charging on turk lines
>end of another dynasty
>everyone decides that it's a good idea to elect a new king
>french dude applies and wins
>once french king dies he runs away to never be seen again
>hungarian king from bathory family (yeah that bathory)
>war with russia
>king from sweden
>wars with ottoman empire sweden and russia
>another swede king
>another war with russia
>another war with ottoman empire
>another swede king
>civil war
>war with russia
>BIG war with sweden
>king from poland
>war with ottoman turks
>another king from poland (nice)
>war with turks
>battle of vienna
>2 germans kings that did nothing interesting desu
>polish king that allowed 2 partions then tried to do something about it helped with creation of constitution
>then he says he had nothing to do with it and 3 partition happens
>poland disapears but poles riseup few times with little to no effects
>good guy napoleon creates dutchy of warsaw after beating russia
>good guy napoleon gets his ass kicked and everything gets back to normal (poland still does not exist)
>ww1
>poland exists again
>war with soviet union
>democracy does not work
>one of generals decides that enough is enough and makes a coup
>things are good (not absolutely fucking shit) again
>ww2
>gommunism
>fat plumber and pope destroy gommunism
>democracy which again does not work
>settle on Eastern coast
>get slaughtered by hostile natives
>fight natives
>fight French + Natives
>get taxed for fighting French + Natives
>get told we can't expand beyond the Appalachian mountains to claim the land we fought for
>do it anyway
>American Enlightenment
>have a hissyfit and throw some tea in the harbor
>steal some cannons from the his majesty's royal army and hide them
>his majesty's royal army comes to reclaim them
>shot heard round the world
>propaganda all around
>fight protracted war against the crown
>don't have to win battles
>just have to keep an army in the field
>France goes bankrupt supporting us
>war becomes to costly for the Crown
>Crown realizes trading is more profitable than war
>harmful federalists take power
>fin
>win war
>lose war
>win war
>lose war
>win war
>lose war
>win war
>lose war
>lose war
>lose war
>lose war
>legalize gay marriage
>be separated tribal pagans
>Mind our own business, develop rukesinging and sell magic to Vikings
>Occasuionally fight against other Finnish tribes and Sami
>1155 Swedes start a crusade and convert south-west coast of Finland
>Two more crusades to the major tribes of Tavastia (Häme) and Karelia
>1323 Sweden and Novgorod split Finland
>Be a Sweden's disease-ridden, wartorn, backwater shithole borderland against Russians
>1596 Clubber war begins as Finnish peasants revolt against Swedes, led by Jaakko Ilkka
>Fails, but leaves a lasting remark on the Finnish national identity
>Thirty years' war, rape and kill Catholic Germans and Poles in Swedes army
>Still get raped and pillaged by Russians
>18th century, the Great Northern War
>Finland gets raped, killed, pillaged, kidnapped and enslaved by Cossacks and Russians even harder
>Also famine and plague, but that was common place
>Some Finns go to America and befriend American Indians
>19th century, Finland gets conquered by Russia with almost no effort from Sweden
>We get a status as an autonomous Grand Duchy, with our own laws, schools, military and Senate
>Russians literally gave us more in less than a century than Sweden ever gave us, despite raping and pillaging us that whole time
>Shit was good for about 80-90 years
>Finnish culture and nationalism was promoted, truly the golden era for Finland, despite a famine in 1867
>Late 19th century Tsar Nikolai II started to bully us
>Separatism grew and in 1917 after Russian revolutions independence was declared
>Right after communists revolted and got genocided by based commie removers
>Good shit for 20 years, then WW2 happened
>Winter war was fought and lost, so we teamed up with the G*rms to get Karelia back
>We failed, so did our attempted ethinc cleansing of Russians but we're not going to talk about it
>Forced to expel G*rms from Lapland, they act like Russians and burn and rape the town of Rovaniemi
>The 26 year reign of based Kekkonen kept us from getting occupied by the Red Army
>Many immigrated to Sweden around this time
>In the 90s USSR collapsed and so did our economy
>90s were mostly depression and suicide
>Currently everything is shit and not getting better
>emerged 22 million years ago
>first humans showed up around 9500 b.C
>first European shows up in 1501 (~11000 years later).
>Panamá separates from Spain in 1821 (320 years later) and joins the national project of Simon Bolivar called New Granada.
>Panamá becomes independent in 1903 (82 years later, 82 years in which Panama gained and lost independence in several occasions and New Granada had dissolved leaving Panama and Colombia alone).
>The US ends the Canal in 1914 and maintains sovereignty over its surrounding areas.
>until 1977 when the Torrijos-Carter treaties are signed.
>as a result all American military and civil presence in the isthmus officially cease in the year 2000.
>in 2018 Panama as a republic will be 115 years old.
Tldr:
>~11000 years of precolonial existence
>320 years as part of the Spanish empire
>82 years as a part of Nueva Granada / Colombia
>114 years of republican life.
>British rednecks start an expensive war with the French
>mainland Brits try to make them pay for it
>British rednecks start a war with the British
>France helps them
Then we spent 250 years hating the next wave of catholic immigrants
>be free
>be greek subjects
>be free
>be turk subjects
>be free
>be russian subjects
>be free
>petty kingdoms unified by harald fairhair
>some colonization of some islands
>some madman converts to christianity in normandy and later becomes our king
>attempts at invading denmark and england
>later join the crusades
>que 110 years of civil war
>proper succession laws made, culture and shit flourish
>que black death, most nobles die off and country becomes dependent on sweden and denmark for food and trade
>king marries danish queen, they have a kid
>said kid becomes king, then dies young and danish queen becomes our queen cause she's his only relative
>que union with denmark
>lots of wars with sweden
>denmark loses the napoleonic wars and must give us up to sweden
>we declare independence and write our constitution
>short war with sweden, we get to keep our constitution and government as long as we enter into a loose union with sweden
>some madman becomes the first man to reach the south pole
>que nationalism, a referendum in 1905 makes us independent
>ww1 begins, we're technically neutral, but trades in secret with the entente
>ww2 begins, nazis invade us and a practically paralyzed government doesn't mobilize the army so we're occupied in like 2 months
>end of ww2, we later find oil and get rich
>we wuz cavemen
>we wuz gauls
>we wuz gallo-romans
>we wuz franks
>muslims BTFO
>we /empire/ now
>spainiards BTFO
>kraut BTFO
>we wuz kangz
>anglo BTFO
>kraut BTFO volume 2
>muslims BTFO, volume 2
>burgundy BTFO
>templar BTFO
>anglo BTFO, volume 2
>italians BTFO
>we wuz philosophy n shiet
>protestants BTFO
>kraut BTFO, volume 3
>spaniards BTFO, volume 2
>dutch BTFO
>we wuz revolution n shiet
>we /empire/ again
>europe BTFO
>army loses in russia
>we wuz kangz again
>we still /empire/ actually
>but that only last for 100 days
>we wuz kangz
>revolution again but we still kangz
>revolution 20 years later but now we /republic/
>we /empire/ for the 4th time
>get BTFO by prussia
>we /republic/ again
>krauts BTFO, volume 4
>Hitler invades
>we surrender
>but in the end krauts BTFO, volume 5
>stronk economy
>now we are shit
This girl is fucking disgusting
i doubt thats a girl
>live in wonderful savaganess
>every now and then vikings attack, we pwn them
>sweden turns Christian and invades us
>we lose because Jesus is just too powerful
>get colonized by Sweden
>get abused by Sweden for like 7 or 6 hundred years
>russia attacks sweden, takes Finland
>they give us more freedoms and respect
>nice.jpg
>russian dogs try to oppress
>wtf? kill russians
>russians quit oppressing
>russians try to oppress again
>wtf? kill russians
>russians quit oppressing
>russia has ww1 and commie uprising
>we get independence
>based
>we get civil war
>fuck!!!!
>germany helps, whites win, nice
>we become an awesome country
>USSR invades
>Fuck!!!
>kill like 1 billion russians but more keep coming so we give them some land
>become friends with nazis
>kill like 1 trillion russians with the nazis but more keep coming, give them more land
>russian also demand we get rid of germans
>ok, we defeat nazi germany single handedly
>become the best country in the world
>Bunch of religious weirdos, drunkards, and other undesirables from the British isles decide to move over here to escape their problems
>Land is constantly being warred over, the kingdom back home takes a lot of debt in keeping the French from taking control
>They demand cash that a bunch of hicks and preachers can't possibly have, we tell them to fuck off and end up fighting
>With the help of the French (who just want to spite the British), we kick them out
>Spend years as some bizarre backwater place that is subject of much international mystique
>Get monstrously huge because everyone keeps selling us giant pieces of land for pennies, then use that as an excuse for trying to dominate the continent
>Get into several fights along the way to coast-to-coast control
>Bunch of Catholics move over, makes all the protestants butthurt
>Half the country gets demolished in a fight over slavery, which results in us forcing a pan-American culture on everyone to ensure there are no more civil wars
>British industrialization makes its way over here, the frontiersman culture dies as everyone moves to the cities for work
>Invite a bunch of other Europeans into the country to get even more workers to make more money, making us a mutt country
>Get filthy rich off of using our massive resources and giant population to make tons of shit to sell abroad, plus we're geographically detached from the east's problems
>Economy goes belly up anyway, it takes another war to get us out
>Spend the next half century in an extremely petty contest with the Soviets
>Win at the cost of destabilizing a good chunk of the planet, which comes back to attack us
>Since then, slowly suffer the ironic fate of becoming more and more tyrannical by the day, proving the Soviet Union right all along
no he's not
>ayy lmao were a bunch of tribes
>get conquered by the Romans
>Roman empire collapses
>..
>fucking m*ors conquer most of Iberia except the north
>We fight these subhumans and expell them from Iberia
>Might aswell expell the jews
>Holy shit we just found a new continent lmao
>lets conquer all of it alongside our Portuguese brothers
>annex Portugal because royal marriages n shiet(also because theyre rightful spanish clay),also annex half of europe kek
>Most powerful country on earth
>autism
>not so powerful now
>endless wars with a*glos and other subhumans
>still powerful and relevant tho
>Retarded king(literally) fucks up the country because he cant fuck a girl
>lose more power
>allied with Napoleon
>Napoleon is a fucking traitor who would have guessed
>btfo napoleon with guerrilla tactics
>all the macacos chimp out in the colonies
>we lose most colonies,colonialism becomes cool at the same time in Europe
>fugg never lucky
>have 5 civil wars because autism
>a*erica steals our last colonies
>depression
>Spain becomes a shitty republic
>autism
>civil war and we become a dictatorship
>buddies with Hitler
>Hitler loses
>fuckwhatnow.jpg
>..
>dictator dies
>democracy
>crisis,corruption,independentist movements...
>feminism
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>Spanish arrive
>Indigenous people greet them kindly and offer their women for superior white man
>Rape begins
>More rape for 300 years
>everybody is mixed now
>Indepedence declared, a dude decides to become THE SUPREME and lock up the country until he fucking dies
>he dies
>Country is opened to the public again
>Going well until Hue Empire destroy us
>Bad economy for years, another war started and a new ditactor comes up
>"""democracy""" restablish once cold war is over
>Poor, corrupt and hot today, as nothing changed over the years.
Why do you feel the need to lie on a Thai sex change operation forum?
Yup, i'm vision retarded
>The Old Egyptian Kingdoms
>Middle Egyptiab Kingdoms, Nubia is unified with Egypt. Greeks start probing around by ~1000 BC and establidh some colonies in the western nile delta.
>At some point, Nubians invade Egypt and establish the Kushite Empire
>New Egyptian Kingdom, pharaohs wage wars against the hittities for control over the western levant region
>Shit goes down, Assyria invades and briefly controls Egypt. At some point, libyans invade too. Persians come in around 520 BC and use cats among their armies so that egyptian archers won't shoot
>Alexander comes, forms Ptolemaic Egypt and establishes Alexandria. Hellenistic era in Egypt begins
>Romans come in. Rob both greeks and egyptians and heavily tax them. Post-Pax Romana period, everything starts falling down.
>At some point, christianity comes and thr episcopal see of Alexandria is established. Egypt is thoroughly christianized
>Egypt remains roman/byzantine for about 300 years more until arabs invade with only 4000 men by about 650.
>Rashidun and Umayyad Caliphates barely change anything. Egypt flourishes a bit and Fustat/Cairo is established. Coptic remains the official language until a caliph called Marwan changes it to Arabic by force.
>Abbasid Revolt occurs.
>Fatimids, aka shia north africans, rule Egypt for sometime and establish Al-Azhar which becomes the world's most prestigious muslim university
>Ayyubids, aka sunni kurds, rule Egypt for about a hundred years
Ok this is epic
>Mamluks, aka circassians and turkics, come in and rule until about 1517. Bring wealth and prosperity for several hundred years during their rule.
>Ottomans come in and siphon the profits to build shit in Istanbul
>French invade and control egypt very briefly. Eventually the albanian soldiers situated in Egypt, aka Muhammad Ali Pasha, seize control
>Muhammad Ali sorta breaks off from the ottomans but is still kind of loyal to them. Starts campaigns to control the levant, East Africa and the middle east. By around 1840, Egypt controls all the way till Uganda, Crete, the levant until the town of Nezib and Hejaz. average pay of an egyptian farmer quadruples.
>2 Egyptian-Ottoman wars start because ottomans promised Muhammad Ali Crete if he helped them suppress greeks but they didnt deliver.
*at around this time everything breaks down. Only decline from this point onwards*
>Oriental Crisis occurs. Austrians, prussians and brits force Egypt to sign the convention of London. Ottomans regain sovereignty over the levant
>Egypt becomes a khedivate. Brits recognize Muhammad Ali and his descendants as rightful rulers
>Tewfik pasha sells the suez to brits because of huge debt triggering Urabi revolt of 1882 in Alex
>Brits bomb Alex to cinders even though Urabi's followers didnt have armies. Brits decise to invade and take full control
>egypt becomes a kingdom around 1919 as a result of a series of revolts against british rule. Suez still is British controlled tho
>Nasser and Sadat's rise to power by 1956 or so. 3 Arab-israeli wars in the name of ""Pan-Arabism"".
>Mubarak seizes power and remains presidsnt for 30 yrs.
>Revolts
>Muhammad Morsi comes in for only a year
>deposed. Sisi vecomes the supreme leader
Once a shithole, always a shithole :^)