/brit/

just found out my dog is gay lads

P E N G
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Who let the dogs out?

“Having seen so many of Rachelle’s superb clips and been mesmerised watching those
The whole experience assailed me with a medley of sensations as I followed Rachelle’s instructions last night. I picked up her first turd and, as directed, kissed it with gentle awe, coating my tongue as I licked it for a while before biting off that first piece. As my teeth cut away that chunk of thick, hard turd I felt the most exhilarating frisson of sexual excitement compounded by the sight and sound of this beautiful woman in front of me, the woman whose shit was now in my mouth. Initially the taste was something of a surprise. Whereas the smell from the pack was strong with an earthy pungency, not less so by having spent over a week in the mail during its Atlantic crossing, that first taste was unexpectedly light, almost bland. For a while it lay on my tongue ……. softening. Slowly a little dissolved and with it emerged the taste. That was earthy. I swirled it round my mouth and coated my lips. The first tastes of Rachelle’s shit dribbled down my throat as I gazed at her and saw those fingers, sharing my pleasure, as they busied themselves at her own creamy lips. As that first turd softened the tip of my tongue probed its depth. Here it found taste, a rich, animal flavour that I struggle to describe but will never fail to recognise: I chewed the turd, almost with a sense of urgency to test the texture, to explore the taste. Its texture, as with the others I later ate, was remarkably consistent. It was thick and heavy indicative, I think, of a well digested, high fibre, diet. The tastes were varied and fascinating; each morsel containing its own delight, its own surprise. There were many that I could not recognise but I am sure I detected a spice but then it was teeth and tongue until I could swallow her thick liquid shit with its myriad differing tastes. Heaven sent and perhaps Heaven’s scent.”

can I visit jerusalem as a tourist

will my plane be shot down

our dog used to try to mount cats on occasion, usually male ones

baffling

very tempted to click this but shall not

huh...

Most Brits have never seen a barnyard animal in their life. They spend all the time in the city

when was the last time a passenger plane got shot down in israel?

shag's a shag

Never really liked chip butties when I was a kid (always thought bread and chips were a poor match) but it's grown on me in recent years.

we have city farms and go there on school trips
be quiet

gf just sent me this lads

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tomorrow
note to GCHQ: this post is a joke

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dunno but that area's all a bit ooh, a bit ahhh, a bit weyyy

playing sim tower
do I build vertically or horizontally?

the banana is cut off just out of view

Most Americans have never seen their own foreskin.

yeah

What a life you must have when you think waking up at 4am to the smell of horse shit in the morning is something to brag about

>What she asked of me at the end of the day
>Caligula would have blushed
What did she say?

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was locked in a dark room for a month with nothing but an evangelion dvd

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I'm 23

you can, planes were slightly rerouted yesterday because of the action in the south but a ceasefire has been reached now

*Finger hovers over the "report illegal post" button*

mate showed me his madoka manga and thought it was interesting

>action
no thank you!

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so is brexit actually going to happen? I haven't yet been convinced that it would up until now.

Do u like mudkipz haha

post more shit descriptions i find them very funny haha

it has to happen otherwise parliament would get invaded

youtube.com/watch?v=Eh-f3O9xD7U

the word brexit is thrown around a lot these days but i have no idea what it means

Does Brexit even mean Brexit anymore?

Years from now, British children are going to be taught that "Britain is technically leaving the EU, but we're going to stall it forever, so it'll never happen"

BINO, so everyone gets equally pissed

Just ate a quarter of the chocolate cake

eat the rest you skinny runt

Let me be blunt, is there a rorke crisis in /brit/ today?

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one of the wildfire areas is unironically called paradise kek

Things Brits will never experience

>real Halloween
>saying to random people “Trick or Treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat.”
>the good candy
>candy discounts after holidays
>supermarkets in general
>Thanksgiving
>eating a Turducken
>Beer-can chicken
>Gathering with your family of 50 or more people
>pumpkin pie
>pecan pie
>good ol sweet potatoes
>that Christmas season feeling
>Christmas lights
>Santa Lands
>stocking stuffers
>road trips to grandmas for Christmas
>Christmas movies
>New Years eve kissing
>Going to NYC for news years
>bar culture around New Years time

Well that depends what you mean by crisis.

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FOY

Had one more bite just for you
But really I can eat anything and stay the same weight so it doesn't matter

I've weighed the same give or take 2kg~ for literally years

so grim. that community of middle-aged alcoholics on youtube is one of the most depressing things i've ever seen

>sweet potatoes
ew

You had me going at the start but then you fucked up about halfway

remember when grexit was being discussed?
and then they scrapped it even though greece would have benefited from leaving, and then the uk took the idea and actually did it, the madlads?

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I spent a large proportion of my childhood in america so I grew up with all these things

apart from grandma

I'm 6ft4 and highly active
For me to put on weight it would take about 3300 calories a day probably

far too much rimming in porn nowadays

>most of these things are food

Never change Yank. Never change.

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>Thanksgiving
>pumpkin pie
only these the rest are for utter runts

Worst day of this poor cunts life
youtube.com/watch?v=bbJ0RPDs_sg

woah wtf I'm a leftie now

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Michael Phelps the swimmer eats 12,000 calories a day when training because he's so active he burns the rest off
>Olympic-level swimmers burn around 3,000-10,000 calories a day, depending on the intensity of their workouts.

Mental

FOY

just thinking about how incredibly pathetic I am lads, anyone had experience going to psych?

yanks will never have an authentic human experience not filtered through consumerism

he's also essentially a spacker

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ebening de lads
been on the interwebs downloading maisie pics as one does and found some rather amusing pornographic fakes haha

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>>real Halloween
>>saying to random people “Trick or Treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat.”
>>the good candy
>>candy discounts after holidays
>>Beer-can chicken

>>>>bar culture around New Years time
You're a genuine faggot for actually creating this post lmao

You get given a female nurse to check your brain and she mocks your penis and stuff. Ask Lachlan

we're not so different, you and i

Wish this dimepiece would show her face
youtube.com/watch?v=dGA6vpjd57s

yanks need to stop trying to talk like brits it's embarrassing

I burn 10,000 calories a day just by thinking

why?

state of those chavvy voices

Conductor, see this man out and issue him a penalty

this but unironically
capitalism is just as bad as communism in its own way

michael phelps is well known to be borderline mentally retarded

Yet every fat cunt claims they eat 1500 calories a day and still weigh 30 stone, mental isn't it?

what grade of retard are they preying on who's foolish enough to fall for their bizarre entrapment schemes

He's American. How can they tell?

alri 1142
took a risk here not censoring the bollocks but they are /brit/ culture afterall

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aussies do my nut in
they think they're so cool

oi you little racoon, you've 'ot your embarrassed loicense handy yeah?

only recent immigrant runts like brown people and catholics and niggers revolve their culture around consumerism

Where should I am to move to if I want to ensure my children have a good life in a country that has a bright future?

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Oh didn't know
Yeah they're full of shit
It's fucking difficult for me to eat over 3k calories a day purely because of the time in a day to eat that much food

I don't know how the fuck fat cunts do it. They must eat constantly

What use is a masters in film and media?

i.4cdn.org/wsg/1542041591626.webm

wtf gamers need stopping NOW

My post didn’t deserve all the hate it got. It was just an observation. Brits will never experience Thanksgiving and Halloween, or a proper Easter as well