We're looking for a team player

>well you see, building useless apps to extract money from middle schoolers' boomer parents has always been a dream of mine!

>Leadership skills

This one's my favorite.
"I feel like I'm a little naive, maybe too trusting."

this is actually the worst offender for stem majors I think, I ended up just lying.

>check white/non-hispanic
>resume gets trashed

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>robot trashes your resume for you

Where do you see yourself in five years

I had an over the phone interview, then an in-person, now I have a second in-person tomorrow.

Never had a second interview before, what should I expect? Am I close?

As a dead inside high functioning alcoholic.

Very. Expect questions to be more technical.

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Yes and no. Most likely first meeting you had was with some HR drones who don't know shit about anything. Now you have meeting with people who actually know shit and care about who they will get. There will be plenty other people who will have meeting like this and if they make better impression they will get job instead. If you make sure they will not make it to their meetings your chances will be better.

>2 years experience in a random assortment of languages/software frameworks you would never learn or use within that amount of time

>requires masters degree
>at least 5 years of relevant experience
>Three round interview
>Must be able to work nights and weekends
>$15 per hour starting

This pisses me the fuck off. Saw a well known company asking for 5 years experience and professional certification in finance for 55k. I live in a decently hcol area too

I love it when minimum wage job interviews have this, such a bootlicker question

It's too make sure you're a good little cuck

You have no idea how many people give answers like Any have the wage slaves questioning if the unpaid mandatory diversity training seminars are wasting their time.

>not preparing for interviews and knowing how to get the job you want by telling the stupid ass HR exactly what they want to hear

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Had mine. Was completely ridiculous. Blatantly said theres too many whites. I work in a giant accounting firm

just start your own business
seriously
my dad started a restaurant in 2006 and now he works only on the weekends
he doesnt pay rent, so thats a competitive advantage, but seriously, a little spot in lisbon or any city like that costs you what, 50k? running it costs next to nothing and a fucking coffe costs you 2 cent i nthe making
you wont get rich BUT
you might hire vegan stacy to run the place for you
she will pay you rent and be able to run a business! how cool! and she can sell those amazing wraps and green juice to faggots in pollunders!

im a perfectionist and i obsess over work

Way too common an answer. Better to give something completely unrelated to work

pounding the fufu with my brothers
ny hand

>what are your greatest strengths
>what are your greatest weaknesses

a good company doesnt have a dumb hr bunny
a good startup has the boss doing the interview

my dick is an inch too long and most girls cant take it all
man i wish i could just pound away. can you pound away, sir?

All of this and especially the starting wages is exactly why I dropped out of college. Make more doing shit that requires sub 100 IQ levels. Also almost all Jow Forums jobs that require a degree are literally high school drop out tier IQ work.

always wondered how company owners / management hand over that power to HR roasties who will just hire the most charismatic chad, which might be shit in terms of actually getting work done

Inside your wife.

Good except for asking the interviewer a question

>we'll let you know in 1-2 weeks for your second interview

Meanwhile I have two other places who offered me a job the same day.

big companies always have hr. 50/50 whether she is a retard or not.

anyways, in most cases the first interview is done with hr, and its there where you will encounter all the dumb ass questions on "soft skills", "team play" and "diversity". its good to do "well" there.

after than, obviously, you will have an interview with a guy who knows his shit (manager, boss, partner, executive or whatever).

but its fucking important to do every stage of the process well

admittedly startups are a different story

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Friendly reminder that 95% of restaurants fail.

Lmao. Upwork feels

These kinda questions and requirements always drive me up a wall. I always have to fight myself out of the thought that id just splur out something like;

Teamplayer?...me? Nah bitch fuck that, i dont want anything to do with your fucking ass if it doesnt include me titfucking those fat milkies of yours.

Why i want this job? So that i dont fucking die of starvation? Bitch you might be dumb enough to have PASSION on serving food to rich cocky boomer fucks. But that shit aint me, im here to get my fucking paycheck, most likely gonna steal fuckton of food and piss in the soup.

HR here.
Your attitude towards the questions is more important than the answers.
We can tell if you're lying or too beta.

>hr here
Any male in hr is a legit faggot

Nah I'm pan

payscale.com/research/US/Job=Human_Resources_(HR)_Generalist/Salary

>87% female
Checks out.

youtube.com/watch?v=YaG5SAw1n0c

>We can tell if you're lying or too beta.
nah you can't faggit. cheap normie tricks work on HR

jesus christ

>we need a self starter who is willing to roll up their sleeves

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If you have a masters and are making as much as a Walmart Support Manager (entry level manager) you need to end your life as quickly as possible in a manner that destroys your body so you don't CONTINUE to be a burden on your family

bro i'm fucking dead

Went through that for the first time in 10 years 2 months ago, major international firm, so obviously the standard HR-infused interview.

Hopefully I'll stay here for the next 10 so that I don't have to go though that again..

Already overqualified in a on the paper "better" job, so didn't have much to lose, which helps.

Because most restaurant owners don't look at demographics of the area and end up doing retarded shit like opening an oldies dinner or by a campus or make a gigantic fucking menu instead of a one page 8 main courses max menu.

Restaurant owners are also usually egomaniacs and won't change anything. Thankfully they just get bankrupted into the dirt as they deserve.

>fast-paced, dynamic environment
>compensation commensurate with experience

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>salary: competitive

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>If you could be any tree, which one would you be and why?

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>group interview

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>ping pong tables at work
>casual Fridays
>team movie sessions
>weekend social outings

I JUST WANT TO DO MY JOB THEN GO HOME AND IF I WANT SPEND TIME WITH PEOPLE I ACTUALLY LIKE NOT PEOPLE I ALREADY SPEND ALL DAY WITH REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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literally this

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>was there ever a time you had to set aside your ego and what did you learn?

This is a push by all companies to integrate their company in youre life, basically make it your life

This is literally every fucking tech startup ever

>Cucked insider here

I know people that went through 4 ROUNDS of interviews for one job and didn't get it. I can't imagine being able to hold back suicidal thoughts after something like that Kek

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i don't even like spending full weekends with people i DO like.
spending my only off hours with people i'm already stuck with 40 hours is the last thing I want to do

More than one round should be illegal. Its fucking retarded. I'm sitting on offers from other places already and you're trying to make me wait a month or longer for a fucking offer. Unacceptable.

Truer words have never been spoken on this board. Reason I broke up with my ex. Work consumed her life either physically or through whatsapp

This is pretty much every job in STEM.

>what are your greatest weaknesses
- Fire
- Those feel-good insurance commercials they play during the holiday months. I blubber like a baby.

>fire
>literal weaknesses
I'm trying this next time.

be aware that youll have to own it. be confident

>My greatest weakness is that I am a perfectionist, I just have to get every little detail right

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kek

>Salary: Competitive

Opposite happened to me. Lost my girl because i feel for the meme. Destroyed me

> Please describe a difficult situation you encountered in a previous job and how you resolved it

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>Describe yourself and how you align with the company culture, vision, and values.

I DONT CARE I JUST WANNA BE YOUR FUCKING WAGE SLAVE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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>Position: Data Entry
>Tell us about a time when you demonstrated leadership over a team

no one saw me so i blamed it on the barely-functioning 40-year-old alcoholic.

>le flaws that are really just positives

>Position: Blockchain Developer
>Minimum 8 years of Blockchain experience required

This was from a real job post I applied to today. Kek anyone that was in Bitcoin in 2010 or earlier is fucking retired on a beach somewhere you dumb fucking autists

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I feel like you could be really successful by starting a business where you don't follow the usual HR bullshit and instead just hire the most competent people.

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that would be racist and sexist though

Jesus that sounds horrible. I love my NEET life but planning a clean break with this POS society

>explain the gaps in your employment history

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honestly, i feel the best answers (aside from going full Chad with answers like "Fire") are honest and harmless.
- I'm pretty slow when using autocad, i usually give my cad time to someone faster
- im not familiar with competitive bids in this area, do you guys use a standard worksheet to estimate proposals?
- i prefer to let others lead meetings/groups/(fill in)

>Not just lying

come on bruh

>I was a fund manager at Bitcoin

>Went through 2 rounds of interviews
>One of the most respected companies in my field
>First one was an hour and a half with 2 people
>Second one was over 5 fucking hours
>Every aspect of my school, professional, and personal life was psychoanalyzed by 3 managers
>Hyper-analyzed every word of my college transcript
>"Well user, you have an impressive GPA, but it says you dropped a class in the Spring semester of 2014"
>They went down every line of my resume
>PRINTED OUT my fucking LinkedIn and Indeed profiles
>"Well user, it says here you did X, but it wasn't on your social media profile"
>These niggers think I'm lying just because I didn't update one of my job search profiles
>Started questioning if I wanted to work for these micromanaging assholes
>2 weeks later: rejection letter

95% of people would actually believe this if you put it on a resume

I'm addicted to adderall and I have anger issues especially against women. Are you single? Nevermind you'll probably lie, whore

The absolute audacity of these companies. I'd be tempted to just fucking walk out. Also I deleted my Linkedin and Facebook. If that's a problem then I don't want to work there anyway.

What if I don't have social media? I don't even own a mobile phone except for an emergency cheap burner

>Snopes Fact Check: Pants on Fire!

buy HEXX

y-you too