Red pill me on southern Italy

And with a final, subtle, masterful stroke of his brush, da Vinci added the finishing touch to The Mona Lisa. His eyes welled up with oily tears as he thought about the generations after generations that would travel from all over the world to see such a beautiful masterpiece.
"A Mona? I'mma done! You canna get uppa now!" da Vinci wiped his fat, happy tears away and looked over to his model, but instead seeing that alluring, mysterious mistress he saw a raw skeleton stripped almost clean of its flesh and six angry baboons howling like fucking lunatics. He shoulda guessed something was weird when he heard all that crazed baboon howling and Mona screaming like fifteen minutes early.
Da Vinci dropped his brush. It fell slowly and dramatically landing handle first and then bristles which flicked some nut-brown paint off. This was symbolic of how surprised he was to see these frothing baboons. It's like his innocence flicked off. Pretty clever shot really if you think about it. "Mama mia..." he said under his breath trying to remain still.
The baboons stood there in his beautiful sunlight Italian Renaissance style studio apartment with their fang teeth glaring. Their chests rose and fell with deep and quick breathes. Their pupils were dilated so completely that there were no longer any whites to their eyes. Their butts, oh god, their butts were burning red, giving off a hellfire glow.
Yep, these baboons had all the telltale signs of being high out of their fucking minds on crystal meth, or bathtub crank, or Uncle Jack's rock candy, or Missouri Adderall, or gofast gohard powder, or redneck Oxyclean, or peppered penis (though there's a lot of debate on those last five).

Da Vinci knew there was going to be no chance in the Vatican style hell that he was going to get out of this (and I can't stress enough what a great deal this place was) studio apartment alive while any of these baboons still drew breath. Yeah, that's an art pun. So, he did what any savant inventor/artist/long-dong would do. He took one step back and tripped his secret floor board which transformed his amazing studio apartment into a full-on evil scientist laboratory. All his shitty looking scrolls and empty wine bottles flipped away and these clean, beautifully hand-crafted displays of all his greatest inventions (the ones the Vatican doesn't want you to know about) showed themselves. Of course, a handful of very elegant doves were release from their unveiling cages as per tradition, but the blood-lusted baboons quickly snatched them out of the air and tore them to fucking shreds. They didn't even eat the poor birds, they just tore them up in some sort of sick display of barbarism. Have they no shame? No, they had no shame because they were baboons high on methamphetamine.

Their black eyes locked onto da Vinci and they all let out blood-curdling shrieks all in their own unique style. I like to imagine it as if they were introducing themselves, but I suppose it was more akin to rabid baboon screeching than anything humanizing like that. One of them launched at da Vinci, spinning and flipping primally in the air, wildly slashing with its unclipped baboon claws, and pooping solid, assertive poops. He was ready though, my boy da Vinci was ready. He tightened his gaze and said, "Let'sa go!" and with a sly son of a bitch smirk, he high back hand sprung over to one of his work benches and quickly swiped up a back-mounted steam cannon. That baboon was still flipping and twisting savagely in the air as da Vinci put his arm through the straps, buckled the fronts piece, loaded the water and heated the boiler. He was slick I tell ya. Then with a whistling blast, a column of steam met the baboon in midair and just steam cleaned him into oblivion. Absolutely nothing was left, not even a tooth or finger nail. Da Vinci smirked, "Looksa likea you canna pick up you dry cleaning uhh NEVER! Hahaha!" Being still just a prototype for the Pope, the steam cannon rattled and fell apart.

The other five baboons looked at each other, huddled up, quickly, and what appeared to be painfully, groomed each other, and then faced da Vinci. The leader, distinguished by a glowing black scar that ran from his lower lip all the way to his red glowing ass, brought his thumb to his throat, then slid it across. That motherfucker. Our guy da Vinci slammed his fist on the workbench and wooden and canvas gauntlet formed around extraordinary talented hand. He brought his armored arm up just in time to deflect and flying baboon lunge. He stumbled back and managed to bat away another baboon then ducked under another lunge. His flipped over a chair which was nothing more than a delicate assortment of tightly coiled springs. They shot out all crazy which spooked one of the baboons, but they just kept coming at him. With his other hand, he managed to grab an ornate staff that was also the world's first kaleidoscope. He caught a baboon right in the stomach, voiding its bowels.
He spun the kaleidoscope staff over his head as the baboons regrouped. They circled around the luxury studio apartment in a serious stare down. The leader baboon nodded at his cohorts and all their asses began glowing redder that the brightest red light possible, and that's even taking into account our modern science. They pointed their rears at da Vinci and unleashed a barrage of hot, sharp turds. Thinking quickly, like the genius ahead of his time he was, he tapped his wooden gauntlet and a large pyramid-shaped parachute sprung out just in time to shielding him form this ass artillery. The baboons were hooping and whooping and didn't let up for a moment. A few turds pierced through the heavy canvas and whizzed uncomfortably close passed his face. The smell was sharp like a bee sting and stinky like a baboon turd. Completely unpleasant and instantaneously so.

Da Vinci reached over to a nearby rope and tugged that baby like his weiner the night before Mona Lisa showed up. This rope was attached to a pulley, which dropped a lead ball which rolled along and wooden track, did a loop-de-loop, rolled across a series of matches which lit them, and the flames burned another rope which snapped and dropped an iron figurine onto a lever which was force upward and into the trigger of a perfectly placed cross bow. The bolt unleashed and struck one of the baboons right between the eyes. Just like our boy drew it up. Before that monkey body could even hit the floor, the other baboons tore it to pieces and horfed down his flesh. They even ate the hair which I think is pretty gross.
This fueled the baboons and increased their blood-lust. The leader axe handle chopped at da Vinci, breaking his kaleidoscope staff in half. Then another baboon landed a spinning heel kick into poor da Vinci's ribs while the other two rolled through and landed a couple quick punches before leaping up into the exposed rafters of his incredible studio apartment. He stumbled backwards, dazed from the well-coordinated attack and wiped the blood from his lip.

"You a monkeys are a good. I'lla give ya that..." da Vinci stood up straight and raised his fists. "But a it'sa gonna take a more thanna that to take a me down! You a baboons are a more like a buffoons!" One of the baboons, the most prideful one perhaps, gestured to the others to stand back. This was now a one-on-one battle.
They squared up. The baboon did a monkey swipe and da Vinci parried and counted with a stiff jab, cracking one of the baboon's teeth. The baboon quickly shook his head side to side. That stung. Then he threw out a monkey swat, but again, da Vinci caught the attack and countered with stiff, accurate jab to the teeth. This went on for a few minutes until the baboon’s face was complete pulp. After a while, the baboon just sort of dropped dead without any flashy killing blow. That's why you always gotta work on your conditioning, kids.

Confident now, da Vinci made his move towards the leader. Running straight at the baboon, da Vinci swiped up some mechanical knight pieces to augment his gauntlet and he was sure glad he did because all three baboons caught his punch at once and judo tossed him across the beautiful studio apartment. He crashed into a bunch of schematics and quills and then just like that, the baboons were all over him. Their butts were just red blurs as the bounced around, jumping in and out of attacks. To da Vinci's credit, he was deflecting and dodging most of the onslaught with the expertise he was known for. Big History wants you to forget what an incredible athlete he was.
But they were getting sloppy now, the drugs were wearing off maybe, I don't know for sure what the deal is. Da Vinci was able to grab one of them and pin him to the ground. He stomped that baboon’s spine, grabbed the back of its neck, and just fucking ripped its head off. The hot baboon blood hissed as it hit the floor. Da Vinci roll dodged as the leader thrashing lunged overhead, and then, still holding the baboon viscera, da Vinci made a run for the window. The leader and the remaining baboon followed in pursuit, but the other baboon had a sudden and tragic heart attack related to the copious amount of meth it smoked before this battle. It's sad really, that baboon was only 19 years old in people years, which was 19 years old in baboon years.

His gauntleted hand yanked a lever as da Vinci sprinted to the gorgeous open concept window of his studio apartment. Out from the floor, his magnum opus invention, The Ornithopter activated. He hopped on with the baboon hot on his heels. The Ornithopter took flight over the roof tops of Florence. The leader baboon clawed his way onto the back of the flapping, mechanical behemoth and da Vinci, this god damn motherfucker, was waiting for him arms crossed.
"It'sa me, da Vinci. I a don't know whatta you buffoons are a doing here, but a it'sa a time for a you to meet the a big banana in the skya" The baboon said nothing. Its fierce black eyes only stared straight ahead. Then it threw out its arms. They twisted and cracked and distorted. Then the baboon's legs did the same. Its body sprouted another pair of arms and another ass. More cracking and popping, and the baboons jaw extended, the teeth sharpened. Now, fully formed, the abomination screamed a piercing, disgusting shriek.
Da Vinci had always theorized that the right combination of methamphetamines might morph a run-of-the-mill blood-lusted baboon into a Super Baboon if that baboon was brought to a high enough altitude. And guess what. He was exactly right as always.

Now was not the time to be so smug about being so smart though, because this nightmare Super Baboon was ready to rumble. Da Vinci withdrew his boot pugio that had been handed down to him by a Cardinal after he translated all those Sumerian texts for the Vatican. If ever there was a demon or twisted evil that this pugio was meant for, he was staring right at it while soaring through the skies of Florence. The Super Baboon made its move, throwing a mean hook and killer uppercut simultaneously with those gangly arms. Da Vinci narrowly side stepped the attacks but was caught by a surprise butt slam. He was thrown to the flapping wing of The Ornithopter where he managed to get a hold of the canvas before falling. The Super Baboon screamed again, but dared not go out on the wing, otherwise this whole motherfucker was going to spiral out of control.
The lanky limbs of the thing quivered with rage. It drooled and screamed. The heat of those dual asses were starting to wear down the flight mechanisms of The Ornithopter. Da Vinci clung to the flapping wings. Up and down. Up and down. He started doing the math, working out every possible scenario. They were heading straight for the Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore, which, come on, I don't have to tell you what a disaster it would be if The Ornithopter crashed into that baby with a Super Baboon on board.

Doing a muscle up at the exact perfect time, da Vinci rode the momentum of the flap and launched himself in the air. The Super Baboon extended its disgustingly long arms, trying to intercept the marvelous Renaissance man, but he was so in the zone that he was able to air dodge whatever the monster had to offer. Beautifully, and with stunning accuracy, da Vinci brought that holy pugio down onto the Super Baboon's skull. The beast hissed as its precious life essence was rendered from its body and consumed by the pugio. Within moments, the abhorrent thing was gone, and da Vinci was able to steer the The Ornithopter away from the Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore, amen. The crowd of peasants below him cheered and kissed each other (with tongue). Our boy was a hero, yet again.
Now the Pope would have to let him meet Jesus Two.

Ok

I read most of it.

Didnt read lol

cute straight twinks and hunks if not inbred, nice fertile lands
awful mentality and organization, mafia and brigants are an inheritance there like beheading and torturing is for mexicans
they also have big tiddies women there and good moor influenced desserts
people have poor taste and tend to look like british slags or scumlords and are very fond to materialism showing off brand logos whenever they can in the most retarded and vulgar outfits and hairstyles. They are a confused mix of somewhat traditional values that clash with them costantly voting for commies or shilling for muh migrants and faggots like Norba TV.

The favela inhabitants known as Naples is the worst possible.