Are most people delusional?

Most people can become 8/10s with enough effort.

No I agree with you. I do my best to get by, but it's quite deceptive. I'm seen as as happy, cheerful, motivating... people want to be around me and enjoy what I have to say, being positive is the only logical conclusion all things considered.

But truthfully when I'm alone, I feel a deadness, no passion, no fire. Nothing. I don't feel intellectually remarkable, or again by logical conclusion, I should be rich, an academic or satiated enough to ignore my crisis until my end of days.

I am paralyzed by the infinite choices I could've made, instead I'm average in all things. As they say, Jack of all trades, master of none. And to excel in a capitalist system, it's better to master a trade.

Yes yes and then you have to pay rent and taxes and food for your children which shows you that this thinking is totally useful and appropriate.

The keys to happiness and truly the keys to Heaven's gates open for those who seek truth and knowledge. The gates open for those who can bear witness to horrors and harrowing, uncomfortable truths and come out on the other side stronger mentally and emotionally.
Ignorance is evil.

you're only halfway there. you still think you're special

>you still think you're special

Not really. Just odd. But is it wrong to aspire to be 'special'?

To become a 'specialist'. Which requires ambition, motivation and other keywords to achieve.

Unles you mean 'special snowflake'... which, no. If society was homogenous and 'boring', I'd fit right in.

Maybe you're too self absorbed to look from inside to the outside. Consciousness is one thing, but connectedness is what you might actually be missing. This is assuming you feel negative about what you decribed in OP in the first place. Reality has to be lived not understood, I prefer being present to being conscious. This takes certain kind of wisdom that again has to be lived not learned. That being said I feel you brother, we're social animals and if you can't engage in the same shit everyone's up to you tend to be lonely. Independence is solitude, when feeling good about it it's possible to connect with people on the level where your beings overlap without feeling like there's something fundamental missing. But it's a struggle. Truth sets you free and there's no going back

this is a very buddhist way of thinking imo, meditation can nurture this type of thinking if anyone is interested in learning more about this

for example you can separate things that just 'are' and things that are judgements you form in your mind, such as :

>It is raining outside today
>Damn, it's raining, I hate this weather

This is just an example but if you practice 'mindfulness' (seems to be a meme nowadays but cut through the bullshit) and you will get less triggered and think far more analytically and objectively.

no in the way that you pretend to accept the "reality" of purposelessness but also believe you must achieve something or be "special" to be fulfilled. this is causing your cognitive dissonance which is causing your suffering. you missed the most important part of your post. the "dead, passionless" empty vessel is you. not all the things you think you should be, or that others demand you be. and guess what, that's the "real" everyone else too. when the most successful man in the world is alone he feels the same, because that's the truth. but you're missing the truth. you're pontificating around the truth, because the truth is too uncomfortable. but if you can accept the truth, your problems of feeling like you're missing out or are special or even should be special, whatever that means, will be gone

exactly
if you work you should just give up life