/brit/ + /Aus/nz/

incel coombrain cope

it was a dig at /fr/

does a gobby count as pumping and dumping

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mad how i could just metoo any cunt in this thread and you'd lose your job in seconds

chat plop get flop

i think you're supposed to grab a snake by the head and the tail and point it's head away from you and stretch it out so it can't suddenly lash out at you

it was slightly squishy which was weird

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not me

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jokes on you bruv i'm a NEET

oh man how will they ever recover

plot twist: it was a poo

choked on some rice earlier and now my throat is sore
the chinks have done me dirty once again

interesting...
*turns around and talks to someone else*

yeah but grabbing it by the head puts your hand near its head nyway which nullifes the whole thing
i think its by the tail and hold it as far from your body as you can

ive never even spoken to a girl so try your best

Also like women with short hair
Like pony tails as well

literally a bloke here mandhandling snakes, poor timing on that joke

*is that person you turned around and started talking to*
sorry m8 do i know you?

only snakes ive ever seen up close have been pythons
when i was little apparently a red belly got in the house but our cat killed it

imagine dropping a log and you look down and you'd actually shat out a living breathing python

but can't it then bend in half and bite your hand/arm?
if i was in australia i'd be constantly googling how to handle snakes and spiders

its a snake though its got no arms or legs

they have terrible eyesight i think and if you keep one hand in front you can reach around with the other

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good point

do aussies get taught in school what kind of insects and animals are safe and which are dangerous

if i did i have no memory of it

you encounter snakes much less often than you'd think
fucking hate spiders tho me

Getting a gf is no easy task
You have to make a girl want to fuck you

it was just because that one really wanted to be in a codl dark bag. Outside they're fine because they hear you walking and are scared shitless.
Now that i think about it what i did was pretty retarded because thats the only way you get bitten

half the lads here are manhandling their snake twice a day lol

they took me to the zoo on an excursion in primary school and they told us

i am cumbrain, destroyer of worlds

why didn't you just chuck the bag outside and hope it slithered out

>box jellyfish
for what evolutionary purpose can something that small kill a man

the sea is a dangerous place so it helps to be lethal

When you divorce the state of the nation of people it's supposed to represent it's beholden to no one and inevitably becomes a tyranny. And every western country is being pushed into the "post nation-state" world order as fast as possible.

Hardly ever see a snake but was on the highway going through town once and saw a snake on the median strip
Like how'd you get there you silly cunt you're in a bit of a predicament now aren't you ahaha

don't care

be quiet

bit weird how there are sea monsters but no space monsters

HEYOH

You probably should

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they like sleeping on the hot roads

horny but i've already wanked 3 times today

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kind of shite that cause if they're long enough they can get entangled when you run them over

>that we know of

did you ozzylads hear about the old man dying from a magpie scare?

it wasn't gonig anywhere it wanted a nook to hdie in for the day. And i couldn't just leave it otuside because it had a macbook and other shit in it
and i didn't want to look like i'd rifled throguh the whole thing because it also had bras and shit

you. have. to. make.
you dont have to do anything you dont have to impress anyone thats whats wrong with this clown world weve been conditioned to believe we have to jump though hoops for the slightest chance at putting your nob some slags gash and theyve been conditioned that you have to do that because they are special even the fat ugly cunts you see walking around in gym clothes wearing make up face paint but because they wear that they are more attractive in clown land the world is backward the most you can hope for is a fat slag that sits indoors and lets you shag her daily but the cost of that is you working all day to fund the cunts eating habbits

I'm here for the banter not the banal

it flapped at him and he fell off his bike didn't he?
imagine getting bantered out of existence by a bird

yeah a neighbour got one so far wrapped around their engine it had to be cut out

imagine being the first guy to shag an alien, must be some feeling, even if it was some weird blob creature.

is your godsister peng

Saw a snake once on a road trip we stopped for 10 minutes for a break and I went to piss on a tree and it rigged near me. Never moved so fast in my life, cock in hand.

you can just say 'Aussie' mate it's alright

yee so much for Ozzy hard men lmao

no they can't they try to pronounce the s's as s's

Magpie swooping season occurs each year across the country in September and October, during Australia's springtime. This year, the season started early after a warm winter, according to CNN affiliate Seven News.

The territorial birds begin breeding in August and often swoop to protect their young from perceived threats.

Visitors to Australia might notice people walking around carrying large sticks, or bike riders wearing helmets with a dozen zip ties positioned so they stick up into the air.

Just over a foot in length, magpies can cause quite a bit of damage with their sharp beaks and sudden attacks -- last year, a toddler in Perth narrowly avoided being blinded by a magpie after it swooped down and attacked his face as he sat in a pram.

So far this year, there have been 1,570 swoopings nationwide, resulting in 189 injuries, according to the community-run Magpie Alert website. The number will likely go up -- last season, there were more than 3,000 reported swoopings.

The highest number of reported attacks so far this year are along Australia's east coast, in Queensland, New South Wales, and Victoria.

Magpies are a protected native species in Australia and it's illegal to kill them or take their eggs or chicks. Local councils will act if one is reported to be a real menace, otherwise residents are urged to stay away from trees where they are known to breed.

Magpie Alert warns that injuries tend to occur when cyclists fall off their bikes during an attack, like the man in Wollongong. Of all the attacks reported on the site, almost 70% occurred while people were cycling, 22% happened when people walked by.

To stay safe during swooping season, cyclists are advised get off their bike during an attack, and to keep calm instead of flailing -- which may come across as aggressive behavior and provoke the birds further.

screeching

imagine if it bit your willy
have to show your willy to a doctor or die
i'd probably die

this

>Visitors to Australia might notice people walking around carrying large sticks, or bike riders wearing helmets with a dozen zip ties positioned so they stick up into the air.
What a pisstake
This is definitely one of those things made up to rile up the foreigners

ive shown my willy to a doctor(girl)

was at least an hour away from the nearest hospital in the middle of nowhere. I think it was poisonous because it had like red bits on it.

decently yeah

Are you saying you have to type it that way or you'll trick yourself into reading the s' wrong as per your real accent?
mental

going to have to scarper tonight at uni when we do the half of the lesson dedicated to the assignment because i haven't started

cor

get locked up for that these days
#metoo innit

>magpie alert

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no I just like to say ozzy haha

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Need my knob busted.

Wonder how much undertakers get paid

no she told me to take it out

Best thing about Magpies is they mostly go after cyclists, Australia's real menace

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me on the weekend vs me in the week

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based dollarydoos

toilers get wound up by the most insignificant things

Debbie

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What's Brisbane like?
Is it comfy?

Pretty lovely unless you're a cyclist

no its hot and humid

isn't that every city on the coast?

not if you're south enough

>Thai PM defends police monitoring of Muslim university students.
baste

Heading out into the rain lads
Quite cool today

/brit/ as dead as my future

Don’t talk about your future like that mate

bet he's a cunt anyway