Tfw haven't shit in 5 days

Fuck man, get that out ASAP by whatever means and then fix your diet. Have a few prunes after every meal

Same thing happened to me last week. Buy magnesium citrate at your local pharmacy. 10z bottle cost less than 2 dollars. I chugged 8oz right when I got home and within 2 hours was shitting water. That unfortunately lasted 2 days as I likely drank too much. It'll do the trick though

it's time to consider the dreaded apparatus my friend

Don't be fooled by the "Fiber" meme. Fiber actually makes your poop harder and makes your bowel movement infrequent.

Benis?

just drink coffee and smoke a cig lol

drink 4-5 liters of water in the next 24 hours

Eat some raw radishes and wash them down with black coffee. Instant diarrhea. 100% guaranteed.

Do you eat much fibre? Oats, apples, prunes.

Ah, the Soviet diet. That could work.