Finding a good man

Hello Jow Forums
I need some advice on places where I can meet and bf a cool guy who is just a regular chill dude. I'm a university students but guys here are either super loud bros who slay pussy and drink whole kegs in one go, or "normal" dudes who have a lot of issues. I don't care about looks or wealth, however I don't want to date a guy who is one of the following
>very promiscuous
>completely inexperienced sexually
>has depression
>has anxiety problems
>has low selfesteem
>is shy
>struggles with socializing
>has no friends
>abuses alcohol or weed
>is addicted to porn or vidya or something else
>doesn't have a job or doesn't pursue education
>is a sexual deviant or isn't heterosexual
It seems like all I guys I fall for struggle with some of these issues and as I take dating seriously and want to marry and have children one day, I don't want to date guys who have mental problems or are kinda incompetent in daily situations due to being shy or sheltered. I've only dated 2 guys, but in both cases they revealed after some time their issues and ultimately the relationships failed. So were can I find regular good dudes who don't date just to pump and dump or to have their own personal emotional tampon? Just regular guys, on more manly and responsible side who will want to eventually make a home and have kids? Are there any particular hobbies these men pursue or places they frequent?

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Sorry to break the news, honey, but if you're having trouble finding someone and you have all of those disqualifications then you're not enough of a catch for a man who does have the qualifications.

And why would such a man want you when he can have anyone?

>Are there any particular hobbies these men pursue or places they frequent?
Not this palce here FYI

>i dont care about wealth
>i just care about everything conducive to wealth

Basically this. Usually, these kinds of demands are in some capacity projections.

Let's hear how you stack up against your own standards, to get things started.

I don't struggle with any of the "disqualifications", so I want to date a guy who doesn't either. I don't want to date god knows what a catch, just a regular dude who isn't a mental case, who wants a family and is serious about his future.

Perhaps you didn't quite understand me:

If you're asking from all of that from a man then you need to also be good enough for a man like that. I don't think you are.

>And why would such a man want you when he can have anyone?
I think I'm a reasonably interesting person, I have hobbies, I partake in spots, I work half time and pursue my major, I volunteer, I have healthy social circles. I'm no model, but I always dress neatly, I use moderate amounts of make up, I make sure that my hair and nails are healthy and presentable. I have no history of mental illness or generally speaking more serious health issues. I have character flaws but I try to work on them...I'm not sure what else should I do to deserve a man I want to eventually marry.

That's a problem, how?
Success is conducive to wealth
Being strong of mind is conducive to wealth

How the fuck are any of these bad traits to want from someone

connect through mutual friends

The best man will have no friends

shes superficial isnt she ? Is every girl like this ?

Nope. I won't take this bait.

Some of your standards are absurdly high all together, you need to chill tf out on a few of them.

>very promiscuous
Good standard, don't want STDs or a cheater.
>completely inexperienced sexually
Dumb standard if everything else is perfect about him.
>has depression
Decent standard as long as you don't have any mental illnesses yourself to account for, otherwise you're a hypocrite.
>has anxiety problems
Same as depression.
>has low selfesteem
Same as depression & anxiety.
>is shy
Dumb standard, introverts are good people and typically have better boundaries than extroverts. Which is a common theme in all this shit you want.
>struggles with socializing
Varying standard, depends how severe it is or if you think anyone making any kind of fuck-up while talking suddenly makes them unworthy of love.
>has no friends
Friends often come and go, it depends how long he's been friendless.
>abuses alcohol or weed
Abuse is one thing, use is another. Abuse is bad, use in moderation is acceptable. Weed also depends on your State's/Country's laws.
>is addicted to porn or vidya or something else
Vidya is harmless, porn causes issues in the bedroom. Two very different addictions, one is more easily solved than the other via time management. Addiction =/= does it as a hobby or for fun.
>doesn't have a job or doesn't pursue education
Good standard, NEETs aren't for everyone.
>is a sexual deviant or isn't heterosexual
Same as promiscuous.

>mental illnesses
>low selfesteem
wut

I agree with all of her points except for:
1. completely inexperienced sexually
2. has no friends
3. is shy (this is retarded)
4. struggles with socialising (with who?)

>very promiscuous = asshole
>has depression / anxiety problems / low self esteem (and still getting in a relationship) = retard
>abuses alcohol or weed / addicted to vidya / unemployed / sexual deviant = degenerate

That's a pretty long list, but speaking anecdotally I fit your bill outside of some anxiety issues (social anxiety, but not that shy anymore) and I only either go to class, go to the library to work on homework, or I'm in my dorm watching netflix or playing vidya to pass the time or some shit.
I also run very early in the morning (6am) and the only club I'm attending on right now is the Disney Club, with my eyes on the Japanese Club (I've been studying the language for years, don't really watch much anime anymore).

If I had to guess it's the dudes in your 8am class who'll likely be the ones you are looking for. That weeds out most of the impulse driven and irresponsible.

>pursue my major
which one?
I volunteer
>might be turnoff if its the wrong group
>I'm no model
attractivenes is basically the number one thing men are looking for

Your list cuts out too many men, nerds/losers fails you, alphas fail due to having too much sex or (together with average guys) enjoying alcohol/weed.
Protip: true love is recognizing that the flaws of your partner is part of what makes them special to you

>constantly thinking you aren't good enough isn't a precursor to mental illness
Imagine saying you have a constant cough that isn't related to allergies or smoking but you're sure you're not actually sick.

I think this second standard (completely inexperienced sexually) is in a way caused by my second ex. He was clueless in sex but wouldn't listen to my advice, he said that he wants to figure out everything on his own but that made our sex life terrible. He couldn't get me off, cummed himself 20 seconds after getting naked, he got frustrated and angry whenever I asked him to move in a different way or do something differently. Overall it was a complete failure. We've been together for over a year and not once did he give me an orgasm. I know it's a superficial thing to worry about but I like sex and it was just very frustrating and made me unhappy. But I'm willing this one go, not all inexperienced guys are bound to be like my ex. I just don't want to be any guy's sexual guinea pig, and I worry that a guy who only had sex with me will sooner or later want to try it with someone else. So it's just my insecurity speaking.

You have a point that porn and vidya addictions are two different things, but I'm wary of vidya because my friend's younger brother is really addicted to gaming. He can spend 2 days in his room gaming away, without eating or drinking in the meantime. I don't think that's healthy. As long vidya are just his hobby, I'm fine with it.

So youre saying quarterlife crisis of college students is because of the fact they have low self esteem because they didnt make money yet or didnt make any contribution to society ?

Don't set stupid criteria, embrace the qualities you want in a man in your own life, and nature will bring one to you.

This post was useless apart from maybe understanding yourself better. Good men are impossible to come by nowadays, if you can, try to look back in your life for someone who was morally perfect and aesthetically mediocre/decent and try to reignite that friendship and see what happens.

If you want a pure man, you will either need to cultivate an intimate friendship (lasting years maybe) or have one with a pre-existing friendship.

Think about yourself more than your partner. You don't need to know everything about them, think about what a partner is for too. Procreation, somewhat companionship in late age, fitting a societal quota for relating and networking with others more effectively (parents of your kids' friends). Families allow for better networking.

>Good men are impossible to come by nowadays
We are striving to get better nobody is perfect.
Bless you and wish you well.

>I'm not sure what else should I do to deserve a man I want to eventually marry.
Maybe shouldn't have gotten horizontal with two guys that turned out to be weirdos? Signals you have knowledge of people and need instant gratification achievements
Let me guess: chubby?

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>He was clueless in sex but wouldn't listen to my advice
Now THAT'S a more reasonable undesirable trait. Guys can be inexperienced but still listen to you, sounds like he was being a headass about it and that's unattractive to anyone.

Video game addictions can be fixed with time management, it's how I slowed down from spending days playing huge RPGs to just enjoying stuff like Splatoon, ACNL, and mobile app games. Some games are extremely time intensive with too much commitment, while other you can pick up and put down much easier. It's also important to just enjoy the time that you have and use it to relax vs playing something that is intense and stressful (or making a fun relaxing game stressful lol).

Feeling sorry for yourself because you didn't succeed at what you wanted to accomplish isn't the same as having a permanent view that you are lower than other people even when you're at your best.

>>completely inexperienced sexually
Because you screwed around already and would be too insecure for a virgin because he'd make you feel cheap? Just tell it like it is, poppet.

Putting your penis in a vagina doesn't make you 'experienced'.

Sluts feel offended by virgin males. They want to be the purer one

That has nothing to do with being sexually 'experienced' or not. He came 20 times and you were together for a year? Then he wasn't inexperienced anymore, yet still unable to give you an orgasm. He is just bad at it and will still be bad at it in 10 years -- maybe too stupid or selfish for good sex.

OP you're only willing to settle for out of your league.

These men EXIST, but they're not coming to look for you. Unlike assertions made by feminazis, this DOES stand up to the reverse-genders test and a man fantasizing out of his league also cannot expect to have a perfect woman show up at his doorstep.

>isn't the same
so i have a completely new mental illness now fuck me
Better not think of how many of them i got because i can live a normal life if i dont constantly define myself with these fucking mental illnesses. Its like in the daodejing. stop thinking and end your problems. bless you.

This, the church of worn out vagina is mad at the fact that non-chads even exist.

How good looking are you?

I study dentistry

Thanks user, I'll see if my friends know any cool single guys

The first guy I dated was my childhood sweetheart, and we dated for 3 years, when we were still teenagers. The second guy I dated over a year and started doing sexual stuff 2 or 3 months into relationship, and that is roughly when red flags started to appear.

>Let me guess: chubby?
No, my weight is fine and my body is a generic skinny white girl body. I have some muscle definition thanks to spots but it's barely there

Can you explain to me logically why a men like this are out of my league? I only want a guy who has similar mental health and mindset as I do. I don't expect to chase me, I'm willing to put hard work to find then and prove myself worthy of them, but I don't know where.

>Can you explain to me logically why a men like this are out of my league?
from the guys I know, probably less than 5 % of them I never heard of having or having had any of these problems, but even if i dont know about it, its most likely they have suffered them and I just dont know them enough.

In my experience its basically impossible to find someone who has never had such problems. So if youre asserting you want someone without these "red flags", youre basically saying
"i dont want to support the guy if something happens and I can put him into the "depression" or whatever box"

Again, I might be completely wrong, but I think your standards are over the top.

I fit the criteria and I have friends who do too, but with one exception, which is depression.

It is really hard as a guy not to be depressed in 2018, I won't go in full details about the why and such. In my opinion and many of my friends, it's a difficult time to be alive as a male in terms of mental health. I'd say it's the disease of the intellectual, but I'd probably come across as being full of shit. But it's not something blown out of proportion, or associated with suicidal thoughts. You couldn't even tell. From what I hear, they don't ever tell their girls about it, and for a good reason it seems, looking at your post. I didn't ever talk about it either.

Problem is, if you aren't part of their circles, it's not easy to find such guys because they don't spend time on normie activities or places where girls hang too most of the time. The guys I know that fit the criteria I met mostly by being in the same political party, and besides going to the gym, library, or going out with a moderate amount of friends, they don't participate much socially. And in the gym you'd statistically come across more of the meathead types, which you don't seem to like so there's that.

Honestly, Opie, good standards.

You don't want to date very promiscuous men because STDs and cheating.
You don't want to date virgins because they're get that fear of having missed out and cheat on you. And they're not amazing in bed on top of that.
You don't want to date someone mentally ill.
You don't want to date a shy guy. Shy =/= introverted. Introverted is fine, shy or unable to socialise is a pain in the ass.
You don't want to date a guy who is addicted to anything.
You don't want to date a bum.

Keep at it. Improve yourself as much as you can, both physically and personality wise, and meet new people.

Shut the fuck up stupid whore you're a fucking NPC compared to me... your only prerogative in life is to be the target of someones desire it's to be choked and fucked and overpowered like prey that's what it means to be a woman stupid bitch you think you're in the place to put up these prerequisites dumb whore your brain is two marbles rolling around why should I care what you want or don't want... everything that comes out of your pretty mouth only serves to sublimate your role as a fucktoy, theres NOTHING you could say to me thats worthwhile you can NEVER be an interlocutor to anybody except your fellow whores dumb bitch you're all alike in this simple fact don't think you can judge a genius like me based on superficialities like self esteem or being a virgin trust me you won't know the difference between the hands of a virgin or a sex master when they're wrapped around your scrawny neck trying to choke you out because you're more useful without your consciousness... dumb bitch I'm prolific don't think you understand me, you don't understand anything but your own cosmopolitan interests you bourgeois cock sleeve never utter this nonsense ever again.

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Hello mister attention whoring baiter. I wish you luck and I bless you and I forgive you your rude behavior.

>over a year
>and that is roughly when red flags started to appear.
No they were always there you just didn't see them because you are trash.

be more humble in the future if you want to be happy. Wanting a manwhore and not a pure virgin guy is a good start.GL

Your standards are unrealistic and completely ignore the complexities/difficulties of life.

>and not a pure virgin guy
so you think there is a good quality if you have retained your viginity as a man ?
Dont I need to guilttrip myself because society is completely different than me ?

Next school shooter coming thru

whatever just remember what was said... your kind don't deserve my tortured genius, my heart of gold, the love im capable of... im misunderstood that's right, I'm a pearl before your swine

This

>or "normal" dudes who have a lot of issues
>I'm looking for a normal guy but I don't want him to be normal
Just go suck some more party bro dick, that's your place where you belong

It's hardly unrealistic to want someone mentally sound, lol.

Yes ! pearl in front of the pigs! youre a jewel !
I love you user. Can we meet irl ? can you give me your sweet gaze, the jewelry in your eyes is so pure. Its looking deep into my soul. I cant... please. take me, come here. I want to have you in my arms user. I... I... love you. you are the biggest and best human being, you are unique. come start a family with me. I dont know what to tell you. youre better than beethoven ! youre better than dostoevsky! your soul is pure !

Party bros are unironically more stable than quiet/nerdy guys. They are more likely to cheat or have STDs, but you can find some relatively clean and somewhat faithful. Better that than some shy austist with femdom fetish whose main hobby is watching anime and cranking ;)

>mentally sound
have you read
the guys not joking. he is right.

But now OP I dont want to tell you you cant find your dream guy. I dont have a clue. We are just giving you what we think is the redpill.

Slighty reductive there friend.

shut up stupid whore I don't appreciate your sardonic tone... sarcasm n mockery is for people who think theyve reached a point where they can afford to be dogmatic - to presume another persons invalidity so deeply as to have a chuckle over it... well this ain't it... don't think namedropping some high school required reading makes you any less of an ant to me bitch and dont try stealing the moral high ground either you know you're a lousy resentful WORM

youre so right, my hero. what shall I do to ┬┤get over my petty being and be good enough for you ? how will you ever accept me my darling ? can you tell me how you became so intelligent and sociable my darling ?

yeah talk me to sleep on discord over the weekends post your id

3339

Getting into a relationship limits the capability / flexibility for self-growth

dont trick me this way disingenuous bitch

Monus Croticus#1683

Since when is being shy "mentally unsound"?
I can understand the rest but 9/10 times I meet someone they are shy to some extent.

There are people who are so shy that they can't function normally and it's literally crippling them. I agree that most people are a bit shy, but in extreme cases shyness can be just as bad as any other mental illness

That's literally a social anxiety disorder. It's not just shyness anymore.

go to the library and if you see a guy that looks like this make out with him.

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You are being too critical OP. I think approx. 90% of guys have atleast 1 of your 'red flags'. The other 10% of guys are probably out of your league. Leaving you with a wopping 0% of guys to choose from.

>I think I'm a reasonably interesting person, I have hobbies
> I work half time and pursue my major, I volunteer, I have healthy social circles. I'm no model, but I always dress neatly, I use moderate amounts of make up, I make sure that my hair and nails are healthy and presentable
So do thousands of other woman (men)
>I have no history of mental illness or generally speaking more serious health issues. I have character flaws but I try to work on them...
again

>I'm not sure what else should I do to deserve a man I want to eventually marry.
Heres the thing, no one deserves anything. Especially not for being average.

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>very promiscuous
never cheated in my life, only had a handful of partners
>completely inexperienced sexually
I'm amazing
>has depression
only when life is a right cunt and there's a legit reason
>has anxiety problems
nope
>has low selfesteem
okay yeah, but only cause my last two gfs tore that shit down, get better every hour I'm away from them
>is shy
nope
>struggles with socializing
also nope, I'll talk to anyone about pretty much anything.
>has no friends
plenty of friends
>abuses alcohol or weed
occasional social drinking and no drugs
>is addicted to porn or vidya or something else
nope
>doesn't have a job or doesn't pursue education
I work hard, have had my own business, will be starting another soon.
>is a sexual deviant or isn't heterosexual
okay well I like a little rope and to be called sir occasionally. completely straight though and capable of being totally content with vanilla sex

where do you find me? probably either at the gym, at the pool hall on a saturday night with some friends, at work, or at home. actually, or at a car show, or local art deals and small shows with weird artists or smaller shows that larger artists do. not really about large crazy shows cause too many fucktards about.

now here's my standards
>fit and not all into body issues/insecurities.
if I'm with you, you're beautiful and I need to have you trust that when I say it, I'm not lying to you. otherwise you women just get resentful and decide I'm a liar.
>be driven
I'm wanting to date a woman, not a child. I have enough I have to do in my life, I don't need to also handle yours
>be loyal
it fucks up what I'm doing if I feel like I constantly have to check up on you or do a bunch of outlandish shit to keep you interested. you're either with me, or you're making me take an inordinate amount of time from what I'm doing to keep things going. I don't like failure in relationships and I will follow it through to the bitter end. I will and have run my life into the ground to save a relationship.
>don't abuse alcohol or drugs
I'm not going to be tolerant, I'm not dealing with this issue ever again
>no ex issues.
not going to be tolerant, I don't care if he's a great guy, I. do. not. care. about the dude. I'm not dealing with this issue ever again. get rid of him and give us an actual, committed, shot or I'm gone.
>doesn't contribute or treat me at least as well as I WILL treat you.
if I don't feel like I'm important to you, then I know I'm not and I'm not sticking around
not dealing with this issue again.
>stick to plan and communicate
if we've got plans, know that I hold them above other plans with other people. I expect the same. goes hand in hand with US being important.
>don't be promiscuous or sexually degenerate
you cheat, I'm out, I won't be tolerant, I'm not dealing with that issue ever again. if you tell me that you've wondered what a threesome or orgy is like, huge red flag. no. if we're together, we're it. you're it sexually for me and I should be it sexually for you.

that's about it I think.

OP is average and wants and average bf, sounds like they would deserve each other. I don't know what are you trying to say?

>no one deserves anything

>wanting a heterosexual
Woah OP those standards are waaaay too high

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