Hi everyone, As per the subject. and probably posted before but i am overwhelmed
Long story short I've cheated once on a girl I adore and have been with in a relationship for 4 years, I was not in a right state of mind and fucked up.
Now how do I deal with the feeling of guilt? and how long could this last?
* she doesn't know, don't want to tell her either
* I know for a fact not in my life again will this happen
* No issues in the relationship
Tell her.
She deserves to know and you deserve whatever happens to you.
Break up faggot. She deserves better even if she's a shrieking harpy.
I can't
I love her
Hi user. I've posted a few threads here which end up being 80% femanons' autistic screeching about my cheating. So I think I can help.
If you're quite sure honestly won't work, then time travel it. Basically, here's the theory, the longer ago things are, the less you know what order they happened in. So create a fantasy world in which this hook-up happened before you met your gf. Every time you think about her, force yourself to also think about your fantasy timeline. Easy. I've moved girls from last year to 2008 like this, put the memory of the sex into a house I haven't lived in for years. Give it time, understand what cognitive dissonance is, and the longer you go, the less guilt you will feel. You're welcome
You don't deserve to be happy
Here come the roasties
Not a whaman. I'm just calling out cunts for being cunts.
>>>/R*ddit/
You don't belong here, onions basedboy
If you truly love her then tell her what you did and break up with her. She deserves better. Your relationship will never be the same no matter how much you try and not let this get to you. You have to breakup or tell her.
OP don't listen to this oestrogen-burning jet-powered cuck rocket
>Time travel it
>Time travel it
>Time travel it
Trust me, guilt is normal but destroying your relationship over this is retarded. Cucks telling you to confess just bought into the (((Lampshade))) meme, and want your gf to go and fuck 100 niggers and asylum seekers. You don't want that, do you? No
The time travel advice is extremely pathological because if you begin lying to yourself and believing those lies, you've corrupted your own structure and only hell can follow.
You have to tell her because she's proceeding on false assumptions, and you couldn't have truly loved her if you broke her trust. So let everything be out in the open and allow truth to take its course.
People like this believe themselves to be a saviour for their significant other. But they are no hero, not with their deeds. Tell the truth.
Thanks Sigmund, now fuck your mother
I'm no saviour. I'm just choosing the life I want to have, and making sure I get it
>destroying your relationship over this is retarded
He literally cheated. On the list of things worth destroying a relationship over cheating is in the top 10, right behind domestic abuse.
cheat more until it doesn't feel weird anymore
>denying reality
That's what children do, particularly children who endured traumatic events and are unable to cope with them, so in order to protect their psyche, they come up with elaborate scenarios in which the bad thing didn't happen, or happened to someone else or sometime else. I won't even ask how many times you got diddled as a child user, but let me tell you, self-deception relying on negating the past is not healthy nor productive. Suppressing things rarely works the way one wishes it to work.
OP, if you are a mature and decent human being and you respect your partner and want to have a healthy long-term relationship with her, you should have an honest conversation and come clean. Only then you two can decide how to mend this relationship. Otherwise, assuming you are a morally conscious person, you will have hard time dealing with the guilt, disappointment in yourself and fear that she may find out. This in turn will likely negatively impact the relationship. It's always better to address these things asap than letting them rot and fester inside you.
Says who? Jesus?
Based
>thinking objective morality must come from an external authority
Childish.
I saw a wall of text, didn't read it. I assume it says
>REEEEEEE EVERYONE MUST BE 100% MONOGAMOUS ALL THE TIME
alpha detected
No you fucking plant pot, I'm pointing out that monogamy isn't universal and in the West is the result of religious dogma. Literally the opposite of the opinion you're attributing to me
>this one mad faggot who is against monogamy and has to make sure that everyone knows it
Listen buddy, it's okay, plow as many holes as you want. Nobody cares. But there are people out there who want to have fulfilling monogamous relationships and sounds like OP is one of them, so you can fuck off.
i've been in a similar position, have been cheated on and my partner tried to hide it from me as long as they could, despite it never happening again.
the guilt will eat you from the inside out. there is nothing you can to alleviate it, unfortunately. it'll make how you feel towards yourself change and how you feel towards her change. i've noticed that my ex got more and more jealous and controlling of me after he cheated, since he didn't realize he was capable of it, he thought i could be too. it ended up destroying our relationship. didn't even find out until after we broke up.
i think the best option is to tell her. if she leaves you, she leaves you. if she doesn't leave you and y'all work it out. that's great. i think being honest and getting it over with is better than trying to hide it and having it slowly destroy the relationship.
>Fulfilling
>Monogamous
One and only one, user
That's just your opinion.
you should get a therapist to help you work through this shit instead of listening to a bunch of user HKV faggors larping
trust me, I'm a 6'2" married HFF alpha with a big dick and a high paying job. I have a super sexy blonde wife I plow on the reg and we're 100% monogamous and go to couple's counseling
Don't tell her. It will only bring pain and hurt beyond words for her. Honest is not always the best policy, as much as people repeat that meme.
To lessen the guilt:
- Men have been "cheating" in large numbers for millennia. Only recently has it become really immoral.
- Men are naturally inclined for sexual variety. Our hormones dictate our behavior and emotions.
- You aren't married, you have no vows to uphold with your girlfriend. While you made a selfish move, you aren't her slave.
- People still cheat all the time. Up to 30% of marriages even experience infidelity. It's because complete monogamy forever is really really hard as it runs counter to our primal drive for sexual variety and natural inclinations. Only societal taboos are trying to keep us monogamous, but our bodies crave polygamy.
- If you feel bad and try your hardest to not sleep with others again, you're doing the best you can and that's good enough.
- Dont listen to the shame peddlers to get you down. They aren't you and are not better than you. Yelling at you is a reflection of their fear and anxiety.
t. doesn't have the balls to own up his mistake
It's funny how some men come up with elaborate mental gymnastics only to cowardly avoid being honest about their mistakes
The worst kind of man has convinced himself that his cowardice is a virtue.
Found the Catholics
>honesty is an exclusively Catholic virtue
Found the idiot
Found the retarded edgelord.
I bet you're still mad that becky called you gross in fourth grade.
same except im 6'3" and black
Not saying honesty is bad. It's not bad at all - it's a good virtue. Being honest in this case will bring about further pain and suffering, which aren't good.
The fact is that men need sexual variety, and beating yourself up about for eternity is going to serve no good. You can be honest or keep it a secret, as long as you dont let it ruin your life - because you shouldn't.
>- Men have been "cheating" in large numbers for millennia. Only recently has it become really immoral.
The spread of monogamy toppled an empire and built better ones in its place. The harem system was right up there with lead poisoning in terms of destroying the world of antiquity. Four out of five males are frustrated ancient weebs, and the fifth male is playing with warm fleshlights all day instead of tending to his elevated duties.
In these "better" empires, men were still cheating. But this time, they set up hypocritical laws to make it seem like they dont- but they definitely do in droves.
Found the divorce Anglican church / druidish Episcopal church.
>Being honest in this case will bring about further pain and suffering, which aren't good.
So you've consciously done something that will bring pain and suffering and now instead of facing the consequences, you masquerade your cowardice as being caring and protective towards the very person you've knowingly wronged... I'm sorry, but this is bullshit. And if you care about your partner so much that you should want for them the best: therefore, not a relationship build on lies and betrayed trust.
Most evolutionary biologists actually think humans moved towards monogamy way before civilisations started
This time is an awful lot like that time.
Sex, drugs, no rules, nonstop entertainment, and lordly status for entertainers. That is the life of people who should be leading; the life of people who should be following is laying down in the filth from people who should be leading.
It's a fact, it not bullshit. You might not agree with the choice, but its not bullshit. Honesty will, in fact, hurt the person because their self-image and ego will be crushed. I don't see how that is a misrepresentation of the facts. There's no right way to handle this situation in many cases. People like to pretend they have all the answers, but they're just being immature and naive.
>Humans have moved to monogamy before civilization
Humans still aren't monogamous. They try to be, but fail horribly at it. You've only had one woman your whole life?
Convenient isn't it, that by "protecting" your betrayed partner you protect yourself too. What is truly reprehensible is that by keeping your cheating secret you take away your partner's right to decide whether they still want to be with you, and you decide for them that they will indeed stay in a relationship constructed around lies and betrayals. And that's optimistically assuming that your partner won't find out about your cheating.
>You've only had one woman your whole life?
Actual chads are remarkably rare. What's common is people speaking marriage vows with no intention of keeping them, then letting their marriages fall apart from neglect with no intention of repairing anything even the basics.
Show me a sexually dysfunctional couple and I'll show you a dirty household and disorganized lifestyle. It's like fat people with rotting healthy food in their fridge, just look and you'll find it.
Yeah if they find out, honesty is probably going to be requested, and it should be given.
It's true that a relationship that can make it out of infidelity is probably strong as a rock in terms of love and understanding.
Careful consideration should be given to the emotional stability of the partner though. There are therapists who suggest not disclosing the infidelity. The partner could end up killing themselves if they have personality disorders or mood disorders. Not to mention the huge amount of pain any normal, healthy person would feel.
If you want 100% honesty in your relationship, try asking your spouse about their complete sexual history and exactly what they did. More often than not, you will be disgusted and repulsed by such stories and detailed information. Honesty in sexual past is not a good idea.
Honesty about sexual past =/= honesty about cheating. One's sexual past is their own thing, it's a finished chapter which should not influence negatively one's current partner. Whereas when you are cheating you are actively betraying and disrespecting your current partner. That's not the same at all.
Tell this story to a man in any point in history before 1960. His response would be "Just one?" and laugh.
Don't feel bad, it's normal by all means of measurement.
HEY OP LISTEN HERE.
Ive been with my wife 4 years also... i have same situation....
AND I CHEAT CONSTANTLY LMAO
no issues in relationship.......... and guilt will rott at your insides!!
this is what i do....... i tell myself i dont know what this bitch does behind my back ultimately .......... and i tell myself that is silly to think she is an angel herself...... and i tell myself that i dont have to apologize to anyone except god.... i remind myself that this bitch in inperfect just like me and im sure she has looked at some guys dick print
Cheating is sexual past after it's already happened ;)
But people usually don't want to hear about their partners sexual history because they know it will eat them up inside to know exactly what debauchery their lovely sweetheart has been up to. The same can apply to infidelity while in a relationship. It will hurt you and the relationship.
Maybe you should ask if your girl has ever cheated in her previous X amount of relationships. I doubt she will be honest about it, because most people cheat at some point (even if it's as insignificant as high school).
Follow Don Draper's advice (gif related).
Get out there and move forward. This never happened.
>You've only had one woman your whole life?
No him
But I did, i was completely prepared to be life long monogamous with her. High school sweet hearts, married on the 11th anniversary of us exchanging v cards in the back yard of the house i let her pick out. She planned the whole thing. - she threw it all away because of FOMO 6 weeks later and immediately started dating this poly guy she used to work with that we fought about.
I don't know if ill ever love again or even be monogamous but I know I wouldn't cheat. Only cowards cheat.
Grow up user
Another example of why people are really bad at being monogamous. Only 6 weeks into marriage and BAM....the craving set it.
Bet you loved her when your balls were slapping against another whores ass. Amirite? Get bent. Exwife was a cheater and that shit is terrible to go through. She deserves to know and you deserve to learn from this. By yourself.
Tell her op. Maybe she’ll come clean about getting dick on the side, or thinking about your friend when you’re porking her.
It's true though. The best way of dealing with mistakes is to forget they ever happened, learn from them of course, but take that secret to the grave.
I cheated on my boyfriend and it's been one year. I don't feel guilty because I don't externalise it. Deleted all evidence, blocked him, and ignore him irl. I used to be worried about revealing it when I was high, but it's been a year and still a deep secret.
It's a very childlish and dishonest way to deal with your shortcomings
But then, what else can be expected from a cheater
you seem angry, what's wrong?
There was a part in Tokyo Vice where a cop told Jake not to confess to his wife that he'd had sex as part of his job. He said "confessing adultery is purely for your own absolution. It eats up the other person just so you can feel relieved. Its selfish, really"
in reality it is the other way around
This is true.
Do not tell them. Never do it again.
That is selfish, but that is the only way you can save this without putting your relationship at risk more than it already is.
Pretend it never happened. If the guilt is that bad, tell them but dont expect them to want to stay with you afterwards.
dont worry man it happens all the time. dont tell her but try to not become a sex addict
If you truly believe that it will never happen again, and are remorseful, there's no need to ruin a relationship over a mistake. I'd she finds out, tough luck for OP, but you cross that bridge when it comes.
Forget it ever happened OP and be a better boyfriend.
you are only feeling guilty because other people tell you to feel guilty. Sex is a normal desire and act. I bet it felt great while you were doing it, no?
This, you've already stepped into the red zone so you may as well keep the ride going till being monogamous is more up your alley.
I don't 100% disagree, people often DO confess not because they feel it's the right thing to do but because they can't bear to carry the secret alone.
However there's plenty of people who would simply not want to continue a relationship with someone who cheated and you are robbing them of the ability to make an informed decision about that by deciding it's in their best interests to keep quiet. Especially if you are just dating and not yet committed by marriage or a child.
Do me a solid and make a post about how you get caught and divorced in a couple years my guy. Should give me a good kek
Based satan
You know a narcissistic friend of mine once told me "what you don't know doesn't hurt you"
we're not friends anymore, that is the worst fucking outlook you can have on life, I would rather know and face reality and truth than conform to a version that someone else skews for me
it's kinder not to tell her if you KNOW you're not going to cheat again. what's to say the situation that led up to this won't happen again? most cheaters cheat more than once...
Who says it will ruin the relationship? Op's gf deserves to know she was cheated on, that's the least OP can do for her in this situation
OP's gf will likely live longer, suffer less stress and depression, will work less thoughout life, and will keep the kids and be set for life if they marry then divorce. I think she owes user, not the other way around
OP, your gf is lucky to have you. Make sure she gibs extra blowjobs to appreciate you more
>she is lucky she gets to date some generic cheater
oh yeah, totally
Even if she chooses to stay, the relationship will be a shell of it's former self.
Trust me, I've taken back a cheater and I'm regretting it.
You can be non-monogamous without cheating
Not post-hoc
>I was not in a right state of mind
That doesn’t mean it won’t happen again
That’s what I’m saying. Cheaters who use “muh non-monogamy” as an excuse are retarded. The very real and observable existence of healthy, functioning polyamorous/open relationships only further shows that there is literally never an excuse to cheat on someone. If you want to fuck other people while staying with your partner, fine, just find someone who’s into it and be considerate about it. Wanting to cheat on someone has nothing to do with fucking other people, the only quality inherent in conscious cheating is betrayal.
INCELS LEAVE HOME.
>Wanting to cheat on someone...
Cart before horse. You don't think "I really want to cheat, guess I'd better go and have me some SEX". You meet someone, realise you're into them, but you already have a gf or waifu. So what do you do?
>Hi waifu I want an open relationship
You'll either have one and sleep with waifu and the new chick (unlikely desu) or end up single and sleeping with the new chick anyway but not waifu
>Hi waifu, I'm working late tonight
Sleep with waifu and new chick, not at same time
Familiar with prisoners' dilemma? Option two is the best risk / reward
>bawww I cant have everything all at once and can’t be bothered to find the right person, I’ll just have to trick some girl/a into completely wasting their time on me
>wasting their time
Project some more, roastie. Did you father walk out on you? Or do you hate men because you couldn't keep one
I don’t think you know what projecting is. Or what men are. Cheating is cheating, women do it too.
I've argued with some straight up retards in my time but you are on a whole new level
That’s nice, dear.