Boyfriend got really violent, not sure how I feel

Last month, while out with my boyfriend we were more or less jumped by two junkies with switchblades, looking to rob us obviously. I don't know shit about any actual self-defense and my boyfriend doesn't either, so yeah, we complied. I don't know what set one of those guys off, they were twitchy to start with, but he backhanded me really hard and I ended up going down. I had no real clue what was going on, but I did hear and partially see my boyfriend jumping straight at him.

When I did get up eventually with the help of my boyfriend, both of those junkies were down and they were both clearly in a lot of pain. When I looked better one of them was stabbed in the stomach with one of their switchblades while the other was screaming while holding a hand over his eyes. I later found out my boyfriend pushed in his thumb there and blinded him completely. There were more injuries and they're all pretty fucking horrific (partially torn ear, gouges in their faces and really obvious signs of them almost being strangled to death). Anyway, someone who saw or heard what was going on called the cops and that was that for the incident.

I had never seen my boyfriend get really violent. We'd been together for almost three years now, we're not only just getting to know each other, so this came completely out of the blue.

He's generally a kind and caring person and even before the cops and the ambulance came he looked me over to see if one of them didn't do something to me more than the backhand. I have no idea how he managed to jump both of them and do what he did. He said when they hit me, he was afraid they'd do more and just reacted in the heat of the moment.

I need to really, really emphasize this: I am not looking to break up with my boyfriend, I love him just as much as I always did, if not more, but the fact is that I am scared shittles of how violent he was. I have no idea what I can do stop feeling scared.

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It sounds like it was a primal instinct to protect someone he cares a lot about. If anything it should speak to you about how much he must care about you and shouldn't scare you.

Unironically sounds like a quality dude. Would you rather he not protect you from muggers?

Only replies you need, both are right.

No, I get that, I rationally understand that. But you didn't see what he did to those guys. I'm both terrified of the act itself and so much in love for him for doing that to defend me and I don't know how I'm supposed to reconcile the two. It doesn't let go. I don't want to be fucking afraid of someone who protects me. This isn't how life is supposed to work.

I don't want to feel like I have to worry about being around him. Is there anything I can do to stomp on this shitty feeling?

Well that's intense. Obviously it's understandable to feel scared and shocked and that might last a while, but try and hold onto the knowledge he did what he did in defence of you, and that he was probably just as shocked as you are that he even had that in him.
Pretty much everyone has the capacity for violence if they're really pushed to defend themselves or their family. Try not to entertain thoughts of this as anything negative or worrying.
It honestly wouldn't be unreasonable for the two of you to look into a little counselling just to come down from the shock of it all and avoid ending up not on the same page. Your boyfriend's probably going through a lot too. If it was just one of you dealing with some shit, the other could be there as support, but when you're BOTH dealing with some shit, it complicates being able to understand each other, so an impartial third party could really help keep your heads on straight.

It was just natural instinct. He was protecting you.

You should be happy he was capable of that. Trust me every guy is capable of going off like that.

It takes a lot for me to get angry, I mean a lot. I have incredible patience and violence is always the last resort but I snapped once helping out a friend. We were at a bar and a drunk guy sucker punched my friend, caught him off guard and he went down. A switch came on in my head, it's like I turned into someone else. I turned to the drunk guy and just went off on him without even thinking. Knocked him out by luck because I don't know how to fight but I was just full of rage after seeing my friend get hurt.

It happens. I've never gone off on anyone I care about or anyone. He was just protecting you.

Don't slap his girlfriend and you should be fine.

Its self defense. A fight in the streets won't always be clean. Especially if someone is holding a knife.

If he doesn't do that normally you shouldn't have to worry.


To me it sounds like you’re more in shock of the violence itself. What you went through was traumatic. And I’m sure it was traumatic for him as well. You should talk to him about it. But people are capable of insane things when they feel threatened.

you've no reason to be afraid. that happened because your life was in immediate danger. he's not a pressure cooker liable to go off again at the slightest instigation.

>never been violent in the three years you've known him
>only got violent when he needed to protect you
>worried that he's now a violent psycho
Women are fucking shit jesus christ
You clearly don't deserve him and he'd be better off with a woman who actually appreciates that he would defend them.

He acted perfectly reasonably.

As long as the muggers were only out for your property, he had no reason to expect that something horrible might happen. But once one of them hit you, he realized that the two guys had absolutely no intention to follow the script. Which meant that the junkies could've killed you both there and then.

Wow and if your bf would have died trying to protect you, you would still open a go fund me for the medical expenses to help the assailants.

Not gonna bash you OP because I see women like you all the time with a bleeding heart for those poor junkies that were forced to resort to armed robbery to medicate. I only hope your bf realizes you are not grateful he risked his life for you and he ends the relationship.

This. Men who are violent in nature, and will likely hurt you, show signs at the very start of the relationship.

t. girl with an abusive boyfriend

I mean, a thank you would be nice. Anal wouldn't go amiss.

>WITH abusive boyfriend
So you recognize the issue with him and you're still with him? You must really like being treated like trash then

What the fuck are you talking about? I don't give a shit about them at all. If you'd actually read further into the thread, you'd know as much. And I didn't imply anywhere whatsoever that I gave a shit about the people who tried to rob us or worse.

You seem fixated on finding some reason to hate on me because I'm female. Fix your fucking issues.

Why do you stay with him?

Low self esteem.

He punched me after he spilled water over the bed.

it wasn't violent until they turned it violent and were harmful towards you specifically, this implies that his violence came out as a direct result of you getting hurt by another person - he took those actions in response to you being hurt and immediately made sure you were okay after the fact

this is somebody who genuinely cares for you and feels a great deal of emotion to see you in any peril, you shouldn't feel scared of him.


Masculinity. You need to dump him and find a sweet boy in touch with his inner womyn, who would have screamed and shit himself, cowering behind you and begging the junkies to rape you first before they took his sweet bottom-cherry. I recommend you try on >>>/R*ddit


No I'm pointing out that you are finding fault with a partner that did nothing more than protect you and instead of worrying about some unknown junkie that may attack you randomly you turn your fear on the man beside you.

For that is irrational as you state and perhaps should speak with a professional. Had your bf not been there and you survived the attack there would be other issues you may need to resolve, like why did they pick me, etc.

Why should you be scared? In 3 years you encountered a side from the man that you never knew he had because you have never been in a situation that required him to act.
I think it's more like pointed out that you are shocked of the violence because it's a concept that you are not familiar with.

Every human being is capable of violence. The fact that you have not seen this behavior while being in this relationship doesn't speak badly about the character of your boyfriend, like he'd be trying to hide something. If hate, fear, violence and other negative behavior would be normal on a daily basis you would have seen it much earlier.

Props to the man, he could have gotten killed, doesn't matter if they were "just" junkies
Stop panicking women

It’s called sexual arousal. Women tend to feel it when they see a man succeed in committing horrible violence. It’s not necessarily a good thing but yeah. Fear and sex are pretty closely related in our brains.

I wouldn’t call myself a violent person or an instigator. But watching my bf strangle a guy who shoved our friend unconscious and then cracking the backbone of the asshole who tried jumping in was something else. We ended up fucking like 3-4x a day that week.

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There's self esteem and there's common sense. Don't live with a crazy person.

Nah, you’re just a masochist

OP, this.

Same thing happened to him.
My boyfriend is the kindest person I've ever met. He never hurt anyone in self defence, even. Got mugged more than once, had people threaten him, and he didn't react. But he got really violent to defend me.
He loves me like crazy, he turns into a beast when I'm in danger.
The violence itself is fucking scary, too. I'm not scared of my boyfriend, if anything I know he will never hurt me. He'd rather die than hurt me, really. On the other hand, it was a fucking terrifying experience.

Go to therapy, possibly take him to therapy too. It was traumatic, and reasonably so.

Good luck.

If you know he's abusive yet you stay with him you deserve everything you get

Protip: The most caring men are the ones that will take the most from someone when crossed. Genuinely caring, not self-proclaimed nice guys.

Your boyfriend is alpha as fuck

Ungratefull bitch. Muh feels. What about how He feels you selfish cunt?

He is the one who risked his life and has literally blood on his hands.

Each and every woman I ever met always switch the focus on themsleves no matter the topic or situation.

*t. Retarded woman

Those poor muggers... Having to interact with tranny fag cucks.

Save the rape muggers!

Thats hot.

You are dumb
this is what you should do.

Sorry, stepped away for a bit. Since the incident, we've been having sex three times a day, at least, and it would happen even more if we didn't have our jobs getting in the way. I never did consciously connect the event to my heightened up libido.

Your boyfriend is simply to metal for this peaceful society

ohh grow up. I if someone threatened death to the ones I love, they would 9 times out of 10 be dead. No mercy, period. Your're lucky your boyfriend had balls and did what had to be done, or else you would have been raped and very possibly killed.


You do realize that when someone pulls a knife on you, all bets are off, and ones body goes into fight-or-flight mode

And when your body is in that mode, all rationality goes out the window. you either rip those hostiles throats out or your dead.

You should be happy that you have a bf that is capable of fighting off two armed assailants.

Dude is a badass. He kept his cool until he was forced to protect you.

Talk to him and get closure that he was only doing it to protect you from bad people

late to the party, but that's metal as fuck
sounds like a cool dude

I would have maimed them both too. Adrenaline is a hell of a drug. I've been like this as long as I remember.

I've never had to hurt anyone yet. If I can then I just run, since I've always been alone. It's calculated as the best option to maximize the chance of avoiding harm to me.

Sometimes I haven't been able to run. Then I just get ready to use a weapon or a shield, anything I have or see around me, including other people if there are any. I don't show it externally. Just preparing in case they come at me. They've always gone for a stranger instead. I look pretty scary, maybe they think someone else would be easier. So I always managed a quieter escape once their backs were turned or the doors of the enclosed space like a subway car or elevator came open or similar.

But if I were with someone who couldn't run as fast, who mattered to me, and they were focused on us, then flight is no longer possible. And if she has some distance from them, so there isn't too high a risk of her getting killed, and if the attackers just tried to target her or me. Then the highest chance of minimizing the risk of serious injury or death to her or myself is to catch them by surprise.

But if you fight then you have to destroy. Because if you don't, you die.

If they forced me to fight, I would have blinded them both so they couldn't identify me. I don't want them dead if I can help it. Bodies attract more attention, higher risk for me. Just shattered and incapable of retaliation.

I have never had any trouble with law enforcement. I have never had to fight. I hope to keep it that way. If I can't prevent the latter then I intend to at least prevent the former.

And if you are thinking of robbing someone, reading this thread. Don't do it physically. You can't predict who is like me. Steal if you must, when no one is looking. Don't rob. For your sake and mine.

Also, this.

Violence is channeled better by some people than others. The ones who channel it best don't seem violent at all. Unless it is needed as the least dangerous way.

Yeah exactly.

Better not cheat on him hoe

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OP, I had a similar thing happen to my boyfriend of 2 years when we were in an elevator and a guy attempted to rob both of us. Luckily my boyfriend saw the guys gun, pushed me behind him, kissed me but then preceded to stomp the guy to death in the elevator. I really appreciate what he did since he saved my life but I couldn't look at him the same again.

Bait thread lmao.

How do you think he feels? He just permanently blinded a dude and stabbed another to save your lives. Why would this not even be something that you consider? I'm sure he's a little confused and scared himself.

based driver

Your boyfriend gives me wood
Full disclosure


low key troll post 8/10

Holy shit I'm so disappointed I didn't see the reference!

your bf is alright with me. sounds like me. thing is humans have all got that violence in them. we're all capable of physical judgement and your bf did that to protect you. he tried the compliant way. he tried to avoid the conflict and didn't want to hurt anyone though he clearly could, and they hit you, someone he obviously cares a lot about. that's the point all bets are off. you've got a good bf, the muggers are lucky that's all they got. I mean he even left the knife in to keep the dude from bleeding out before an ambulance could get there. most people when they stab someone do not leave the blade in. either, he really just got lucky, or he was entirely aware of how to do things with hopefully no loss of life.

also, to take two guys with knives, your bf has some training. idk what you want to do with that information, but it's highly likely.

yeah, you're not used to anything like that and have never experienced it. I get it. but I'm the same way and I can assure you that you have nothing to fear from him.

under rated post.

you got some smarts.

wait, did he leave the blade in? I think I misread. either way. takes some skill to take down two people with knives.

Your boyfriend sounds awesome. Be grateful you weren't robbed and raped instead of bitching on the internet.

You should be scared, you realize he's not a push over, and might come back at you. Sounds like youre scared of him because he might find out something that will set off his violent instinct.

Suck his dick more often and he'll be calm.

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i'm not gonna read the whole thread because i am lazy, sorry

but this happens with guys. and i know what you feel, it happens with people that witness the violence happen.

the part where he said he was worried that they'd do more? That's entirely true, even if he was bullshitting to save face. if he hit you totally unprovoked then that means the junkie was pushing both of you guys buttons. they were looking for what else they could squeeze out of you. you have to understand - these street scum - they learn that a lot of crime happens in the dark and never gets reported. they make a living taking advantage of this fact. they probably just treated you like any other easy mark.

it's a shame that they got hurt and lost an eye or whatever. but that is what ultimately is waiting for their kind.

let me tell you. my dad owned a police dog for 4 years. the one day i got brave enough to pet it, he tore my arm up. ripped into it and almost broke it. when my dad saw what happened, he got a wooden stick and beat the dog until its skull got smashed into little pieces. and yet, he is a good father. he is a kind man. that's just what happens in these types of situations. even the best guys are pushed.

and OP i forgot to mention ebcause im a little drunk

but there is some sort of shock/trauma therapy for people like you. look into that. just take some time alone, go cry it out, etc. and then since you say you love him, or maybe when you calmed down you realize you dont love him anymore, but either way just try to forgive him for it

but you know what? CBT and bullshit aside, just get over it. what you feel right now is temporary. it will pass. its called shock.