How do I become a smug asshole? People are often rude to me at work...

How do I become a smug asshole? People are often rude to me at work, and I would like to turn it around on them without being the instigator.

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Give example of what they say and we will give you response (s) to practice

There's no "trick" to this, you can't really fake it. It works if you are objectively awesome, you know it, and it can't be changed or damaged by other people's opinions or petty comments. If you are truly secure in knowing your own value, then you truly will not care what other people think, and you can be the smuggest of the smug.

One guy in particular loves to disguise insults as "banter", I'm not the only one he does this with and everyone is just as spineless as me because we all just laugh along. How pathetic do you have to be to laugh along with someone who just insulted you, instead of standing up for yourself? More than anything I wish I could be more confident.

I need to work on my self loathing and try to be less self conscious then, easier said than done.

Give us examples of these insults, because right now I'm suspicious that you're an autist and he really is just bantering.

He mainly gives me shit for taking "too long" with what I'm doing, even though it doesn't impact him in any way. I'm pretty sure I have mild OCD, so I tend to double/triple check everything I do at work. It does become very time consuming, yes. But it doesn't impact him at all as I don't directly work with him on anything.
>"Are you NEARLY done?"
>*exaggerated cunty sigh*

What is "banter" to you? I don't understand how anyone can feel comfortable being mean spirited with their coworkers they hardly know.

It's better to have a superiority complex than an inferiority complex, I need to find a way.

I deal with shit like this constantly at work. Like catxhing each other in a-ha moments count against your IQ. My sarcasm is in the bad answers i give to things sometimes.

In Real Life this is often done as a form of mild apology- he knows you like to check often, he does not care, but he has a deadline. Rather than say
>can you hurry up?
They exaggerate to show they commiserate with you.
Shorter - stop sperging

Just be a cunt back to them and respond with something like:

>"Nah I'm taking my sweet time"

Or just do an exaggerated sigh in response to them, honestly how I do it is just flip everything they say on their head.

everything u say can and will be used against you. say nothing

>you like to check often
It's actually torture.

Just look him dead in the eyes “man and to think they keep passing you over for that supervision’s position”...

>"I'm just being a smartass!"
Being a smartass does not necessarily equate to being funny, jackass.

>"I can go slower if you want."

>"I can go slower if you want."
and then just smile. I've noticed that if people like this can't get under your skin they actually respect you. But you can also bant back, because that's how being friendly works between a lot of dudes who are afraid of expressing

I'm not sure you're capable of providing any casual but usually you would just pick a weak spot and turn towards it. For example if you know he's going to go banter a specific person next, you can get in a quip or two with that framed as him chatting them up. But like chess you pick the actual current weak spot and don't preplan it.

how to teach yourself to be witty?
takes years and years of practice. I grew up with 2 brothers trying to one-up each other constantly, no breaks ever. After 30 years there is literally nobody I can't fucking own off the cuff. Nobody but them I have met can even come close except for people who actually watch comedy/roast humor constantly and practice with television and random movie dialogue.

trying this, wish me luck. I hope I can pull it off without stuttering

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