My 4y gf let herself go and got chubbier to a point that I'm not really attracted anymore (meanwhile, I've got much fitter while "lifting myself out of depression"). Despite that, I get a feeling that she could be "the one", since I never got along with past gfs so well as we currently do.
I've already tried to get her to lift a few times over the last year but she has a hard time keeping it up with it, though she enjoys the few occasions she actually hits the gym.
Should I resort to deliver it straight to her and get sort of ultimatum thing going (and likely hurting her a lot) or simply break up and go away (hurting her even more?) ?
If shes the 'one' you would tell her this instead of asking Jow Forums about it. Talking about your gf weight is not a taboo like media tries to make you believe. It concerns you, if in 20 years youre married to her and she gets a stroke at 300lbs and has to eat out of a tube for the rest of her life you regret not talking to her about it
Noah Adams
Just leave her. Believe me when I say if you really loved her you wouldn’t even notice or care.
Elijah Williams
Don't step around the issue by only saying "gym". Losing weight is more about the diet than anything else. You have to be clear with her, that you don't find her as attractive anymore and you would like her to lose weight. Don't mask it over something like "concerned about your diet", "get healthy", etc. Tell her clearly. Don't do an ultimatum, she'll feel pressured and not do as well. After you have made things clear, then you can start to think about breaking up if she continues to be unattractive.
Jose Perez
I get your point. She's not health risking obese, she's chubby (about 27 BMI). I won't marry her if her won't get it straight, so 20y into marriage scenario is not my current concern, though.
Not so sure about that. I think it's more about that the details... it's something we might be able to overcome, bc it might be that she's willing as well.
>Don't do an ultimatum, she'll feel pressured and not do as well. After you have made things clear, then you can start to think about breaking up if she continues to be unattractive. That looks sound. My main worry is that by telling her I'm not attracted anymore, she simply wants to quit (out of shame, possibly, since she seem very sensitive regarding her own appearance).
Charles Perry
Btw, thanks for all responses.
Justin Bennett
If you're already thinking about the different ways of leaving her, I'd say either of those options will do. You obviously don't believe that she will lose the weight. You clearly don't think that this relationship is salvageable.
>she could be "the one", since I never got along with past gfs so well as we currently do And honestly, this makes it sound like you're worried about being alone and playing the field again. If you're unhappy, just leave, instead of sticking around because you can't find someone better. Once someone "better" comes along, you'll leave her in an instant.
Not passing judgement, just saying that you asked for advice on how to dump her - not how to get her to lose weight. You've given up on the relationship already. Also, any delivery will do - she'll be hurt either way.
Brayden Anderson
As a fat chick, when I gained my weight in a LTR relationship (3yrs) and he wasn't cool with it, I just found a guy who was cool with it instead of changing my life due to my now-ex's preferences.
Leo Perry
Positive reinforcement bro.when she does work out and eats right start being much more affectionate and when she's making bad choices be cold.
Josiah Williams
Eww. He dodged a bullet
Juan Myers
>if you really loved her you wouldn’t even notice or care. There's a point where weight gain is really unattractive + it often shows a lack of self care
Julian Jenkins
>tfw chubby girlfriend is working on it I prefer not finding someone whose standards are so low, but you do you my dood
Connor Clark
I don’t care, I’m saying if you REALLY love someone, that love is unconditional. The same way you see guys that stay with women after they get into horrible accidents and come out disfigured.
My friend’s wife was in a fire and her face and body are totally fucked up now. I swear he still thinks she’s beautiful. It happened when they were dating and he still chose to marry her.
Same goes for fat. It’s unattractive, absolutely, but if you really love someone you’ll be able to look past it in a way you can’t if the feelings weren’t genuine.
Michael Lopez
Nah. You're wrong.
Kayden Morgan
> You obviously don't believe that she will lose the weight. You clearly don't think that this relationship is salvageable. I was worried that it would come up as that. And I guess it's partially true at least, since I'm already not physically attracted to her anymore.
I found hard to believe there's anyone as nice as her, ever, and I do worry about getting in the field for that reason, but it feels shameful that is something as trivial as getting into shape is getting in the way.
At same time, from what I gather from our conversations, she feels the same about me regarding niceness and trustfulness, but not so sure about every thing else.
I guess it worked out nicely for both of you.
I've been trying that as well. At times she seems thrilled, but as often she'll say she's tired, or that gym is too far away etc
I feel that you got a solid point, and I do believe what you say - but for marriage, as I will only be able to live up that once.
Isaac Cox
>same goes for fat
You're comparing two very different things; someone who did not choose to be on fire and someone who did chose to not take care of their body.
It's disheartening to see someone mistreat themselves like that, and can cause you to fear that her negligence might extend to other aspects of your shared life and relationship with her.
Regardless of that, you're trying to argue a firm definite for something that is extremely malleable. Love meanders and evolves with time, so to have such a narrow view of It is unintelligent.
Also, you honestly make is seem like having any negative feelings for your S.O gaining weight is absolutely taboo.
I'm a fat femanon and I would appreciate direct approach like >sweetie, you are too fat, it makes you less attractive in my eyes and you're risking your health and beauty, so get down to work Going together to guy sounds like a good idea but >she has a hard time keeping it up with it, makes me think that you're expecting more from her than she can give. Maybe try easier exercises/less demanding workout plan? Cause for some fatties jumping into deep water = failure. Maybe in her case baby steps would be more effective. Also it sounds a bit like you are ready to break up with her anyway, so think about it carefully, do you want to stat with her and support her weight loss journey (which may be frustrating to you both), do you really see the issue with her weight or are there other issues in this relationship? Cause her weight may be just the most convenient/visible issue prompting you to start considering breaking up with her.
Jayden King
I don't really agree with this. If she was a healthy weight when they met, it's perfectly reasonable for him to notice if she has gained a significant amount of weight.
I don't think any love is unconditional, other than perhaps parental.
Your attitude is the reason why people meet at a perfectly healthy weight and both end up massively overweight because neither of them want to face reality.
OP, I think you need to be more frank about your feelings regarding her appearance. I'm not saying you should berate her, but explain how you're concerned that this is going to continue and you really want your life together to be as healthy as possible. You could even make it a joint thing, drawing attention to both of your diets and talk about changing what food you buy in. That way, she won't feel as targeted.
Ultimately though, I think the only way to deal with this situation is to be blunt. If she reacts badly and throws a shit fit, there's your answer - she doesn't want to lose weight and isn't willing to accept it as an issue. It will only get worse as she gets older, has kids, etc.
Isaac Gray
> makes me think that you're expecting more from her than she can give. Maybe try easier exercises/less demanding workout plan? Her workout plan was 3x a week, basic full body routine, I would expect this to be very basic, and would drive her there most of the time (for us to work out together). Since I'm somewhat knowledgeable about exercising/health care/dieting (due to med school and sports), I would instruct her, discuss favorite lifts and such. However, still she would miss whole weeks very frequently. The whole deal was kind of disappointing desu.
Unfortunately her weight is not the only issue we're having in our relationship, but it's the only one I see as a deal-breaker. This year has been a rough year for me personally as well, so, if I had to let her go, I would, though I would be happier if went through this together.
As I type this down, it seems to me that I'm expecting her to adopt a different behavior, which we already been through trying and didn't work, and might not even be fair on her. It's a shame...
I getting to think that being blunt is the only way to go in this case. I'm pretty sure she won't react badly, but not so sure if she would stick with it afterwards anyways.
Levi Phillips
Don’t bother getting her to workout. Fix her eating habits!
Elijah Morales
t. Fat roast
Angel Richardson
I am in 100% the same situation. Except 8 years strong now. She built me up from rock bottom and I feel I owe her and it would be extremely selfish if I left her. I still love her and find her attractive in some ways but I'm dying to hold a skinny girl in bed.
Nothing smells better than a chubby gals butthole after a long day of her butt cheeks flapping together.
Justin Baker
i would just tell her you think shes fat and you dont like it. if she keeps at it bring it up one or two more times if she doesnt fix it. if its still a problem you will have justification to break it off and would have given fair warning
Anthony Baker
If she doesnt stick to lifting, why not help her find something she will stick with? Maybe something you two can do together, like hiking or something. If you feel like she could be the one, encourage her to do this shit. Dont give her ultimatums, because if she isnt able to pull this off she might feel like youd just leave her or something like that. Just take it slow and ease her into a healthier lifestyle.
