If you can be bothered to read through my short life story, you a cool dude. Broken this into 2 posts.
I got a bunch of problems and need to know if my plan to fix them is good. A simple yea/no on each point would be cool but would appreciate advice/comments in general. Or even just rate my current situation?
The Issues:
>Long term depression
I can get through the day and I'm not suicidal. But I've not felt happy or really sad in a long time. I'm sort of a walking zombie. Going to therapy soon and on meds. Used to cry myself to sleep and suicidal @ age 16-18. This is different.
>Unfit/overweight
Browsing the fit wiki. I've had success with dieting in the past but I somehow ruined it. Hoping to get into fitness and dieting properly. Used to have a really nice body.
>0 friends
Not entirely my fault. Friends ended up moving away and I became way too busy with work. 98% of people at work are 50+ and I got no connection with them. Plan is to make some friends my age whilst getting fit. Also got an app to meet people and its looking somewhat successful but still early on. Have a few people talking to me first/replying back too which seems hopeful.
>Find myself looking at other women. Alot
I'm super loyal to my gf and find her attractive and love her. Been with her 8-9 years. Shes quite overweight and it doesn't bother me too much (I think?). But god damn I want to hold a skinny girl in my arms whilst listening to some super chill music. Recently looked up an old crush I had in school and my fucking GOD shes beautiful. I think I just want something new.. Really not sure what to do about this other than try masturbate the feelings away? It doesn't really help
>family is fucking up on the regular
I don't live anywhere close to them. I actively try and help them as much as I can wherever I can. But they always throw it in my face it seems or ignore my advice. Brother is ridiculously ungrateful. But I'm putting that down to him being young and still growing up idk.
Don't have a degree, raised in a shithole and made it out with a job that pays more than my parents put together and im 25. People I work with are twice my age and ask me for advice on projects etc. Also tell me I've got a bright future.
>Consider myself somewhat attractive, above average intelligence and confident. For the most part.
Yea I'm unfit atm but I can fix that. I think I'm decently good looking. Used to work as a waiter and would very often get girls phone numbers/super flirting with me etc.
>Been in a longterm relationship for close to 9 years.
Despite the lust for other women I've never once cheated on her and 99.99% sure she hasn't either. We get on really well. Never did anything with those phone numbers either. I burned them. She helped and raised me out of super mega turbo suicidal thoughts and the shithole I'm from. I could talk for a while about what she has done for me. She knows how grateful I am and she knows I love her.
>Been through and seen a lot of shit. Powered through it.
I got depression at the moment but looking back and considering, I think I got lucky with my current situation.
>The friends I did have are still available if I need them. Just too far away.
If shit went south I have a few people I could rely on all over the country. The friends I did have I ended up bonding really well with them.
>Think I've got my shit together?
If I had to rate anywhere between 1-10 I'd go for 6-7. But I got a lot to work on. No one is perfect right?
Too sleepy to stay awake. If you reply I'll read it when I'm up. So if you have any input that would still be greatly appreciated. If the thread hasn't died I promise to reply back. Its almost 5am.
>>Long term depression If it's chronic you can't help it just take your pills and have something to do. My mom has had depression for my whole lifetime, you can't fix it you just have to live with it.
With the unfit thing, this can be easily fixed, instead of motivation, find discipline. Try to pull your gf into it too and if she starts exercising too, she will become hotter and you might solve the looking at other girls issue.
Friends will come and go, if you'll start doing some time killing activities for example some sport or gym, you might find some friends there. Just give it time.
You can't choose your family. If it's too much of a burden you can cut ties but hey, it's family so you can only live with it.
Other than that you are doing pretty good imo. Some of those issues can be solved easily with enough dedication and discipline. Good luck with your life brother.
Josiah Cooper
>My mom has had depression for my whole lifetime, you can't fix it you just have to live with it. This is complete bullshit. Something in her life, some living conditions are stressing her into depression but instead of taking care of it she chooses to ignore and be depressed about it her whole life.
You're doing fine op. But you need to communicate more open with your partner about your sexual attraction to her. This is a pretty important part in a relationship, and if you decide to have children at one point, she'll gain even more weight.
Tell her you love her and it's nothing you can not work on but make her clear the severity of the situation.
I know she's done a lot for you but it's not a reason to be with her out of gratefulness and pity. If you do that its no good to her too. She can have a guy who loves her for what she is, who constantly yearns for her, not other thin chicks.
Hudson Martin
Probably you have experienced depression for a few days after your gf broke up with you or something and suddenly you are the expert. She has been diagnosed with chronic depression and believe it or not, having it for 25+ years she has tried everything to no avail. It's just pills for her. So go call your bullshit elsewhere Mr. Know-it-all.
Gabriel Fisher
Forgot to add this. If your body can't generate some hormones. You can't just force it with happy thoughts, that's not how it works. People don't grow limbs or organs.
Robert Adams
I am a women (32yo) who tends to depression myself. I have seeked therapy and can manage now. The professional himself told me that depression only stems from being stressed for too long. And it is true. You might not notice why your mother is stressed because something that may even be relaxing for you could stress her the fuck out. Everyone is different. Maybe she hates your father and only won't divorce because of financial reasons. Maybe your father cheats on her. Maybe she hates her job and feels trapped. Those are just examples. It really could be anything. She should seek professional help. I mean real professionals not some dumb dipshits with a degree.
I'm from Germany btw we have one of the best healthcares world wide, so yeah.
>If your body can't generate some hormones I don't believe that there are humans with this kind of defect. At least they have to be extremely rare, so rare that telling op he's a hopless case is utter bullshit.
Ever seen a chronicly depressed toddler or kid? I'm talking about kids who are growing up sheltered and loved.
There's the sudden infant deayh syndrome. I think such severely "defect" babies at some point just die before reaching adulthood.
Parker Wilson
Do you think that since you are from Germany you are the best? Don't be so stuck up and stubborn, female Hitler. And maybe accept there might be things that you do not know of. There are millions of defects and illnesses and you can't believe there can be one like this? I just said what I know from my experience and here comes you calling bs on things you know nothing about.
Yes you might be from a better country but isn't that fact clouding your mind? Open your eyes. Maybe you would understand if you went through what we did.
Isaiah Williams
>Do you think that since you are from Germany you are the best? Pretty much this to be honest... I've tried giving you advice not to insult you or anything but to help you and op have better lives. If you think you're right and I'm wrong, so be it.
Continually living like a zombie, under heavy medication and just accepting you "were born this way" is just sad.
But at least I tried.
Sebastian Lewis
Go ahead play the victim now.
>I'm from Germany btw we have one of the best healthcares world wide, so yeah.
That's just boasting. I'm not saying I'm right, if it's the same as my mom well that's bad luck, he's still gonna need to seek help and see what comes out of it.
Don't be all polite and hurt now, when before you call out bs and act superior, that's just ridiculous.
And we were talking about my mom. Of course I will be right on that one. When I turned 18 I actively sought out help for her but nothing did.
Austin Robinson
>Go ahead play the victim now. That's what you're doing with this post. Right here and now.
Joshua Martinez
OP here, thanks for the replies.
>If it's chronic you can't help it just take your pills and have something to do. My mom has had depression for my whole lifetime, you can't fix it you just have to live with it.
Yea I'm just gonna stick to the pills and focus on other things. Not sure if I'm that pessimistic about the future though. I do hope to get better.
>Some of those issues can be solved easily with enough dedication and discipline. Good luck with your life brother.
Thanks man. Yea its dedication, discipline and motivation which I tend to struggle with. I know its the logical step to do all of these things but I tend to stick to my comfort zone.
>Tell her you love her and it's nothing you can not work on but make her clear the severity of the situation.
I do tell her often and she knows that. I have tried to get her into dieting as well and she agrees. Its just she doesnt stick to it. I'm not with her out of pity either. Atleast I'm fairly sure I'm not. I do find her attractive still and do love her. Its just the issue of looking at other women which I'm struggling with. Maybe getting her into fitness too would be the best approach.
Just to chime in on this. I've been stressed out for a good amount of time and it could possibly be related. I'm not a professional though so I can't really say for sure. Just putting my 2 cents in.
I think what could help me the most is fitness? It will relieve a bunch of stress I'd imagine.
>I think what could help me the most is fitness? It will relieve a bunch of stress I'd imagine. OP I'm Do that or if you think it doesnt help, try other things. This plus removing the stress from your life as good as possible. I know some things you just have to pull through, but if you have the choice, decide to relax rather than pushing yourself to do things.
Just keep in mind, if you push yourself too hard, you might break (fall into depression again)
Michael Sullivan
>I do tell her often and she knows that. I have tried to get her into dieting as well and she agrees. Its just she doesnt stick to it. I'm not with her out of pity either. Atleast I'm fairly sure I'm not. I do find her attractive still and do love her. Its just the issue of looking at other women which I'm struggling with. Maybe getting her into fitness too would be the best approach. Ok I'm confused. Do you think her body is attractive or not? Does she turn you on?
Gavin Long
>I know some things you just have to pull through, but if you have the choice, decide to relax rather than pushing yourself to do things.
Yea I have a hard time relaxing lately. I think the therapy and meds will help with this. I won't push myself too hard with the exercise as I know I'll burn out. I want to do it longterm and build my way up.
>Just keep in mind, if you push yourself too hard, you might break (fall into depression again)
Yea I can certainly see that happening if I do break. I just need to learn to take it easy. Which is a real problem as of late.
>Ok I'm confused. Do you think her body is attractive or not? Does she turn you on?
Yea me too lol. This is hard to explain for me. I do find her attractive, the sex is good and she enjoys it too.
I sometimes look at her when we're chilling in the living room or something and notice her weight. Or when she's meeting me after work and I see her from a distance and compare her to other women it gets me down. I think its good to be worried about it because I'm looking out for her(?). I'm not ashamed by it or worried about what other people think. I just think about her and me.
The other issue is that I find myself looking at other girls and just thinking about them constantly. I think about the missed opportunities of all the girls who asked me out/flirted with me etc. I often think like if I was on my death bed. What would I regret more? Giving up my almost perfect relationship with my girlfriend? Or would I regret not experiencing other women and other options?
I hope that sort of clears it up. I started the thread because I'm a little confused myself and need advice.
>Yea I can certainly see that happening if I do break. I just need to learn to take it easy. Which is a real problem as of late. Don't give up. It a constant fight and like everything else, it gets better over time.
>Ok I'm confused. >Yea me too lol. This is hard to explain for me. I do find her attractive, the sex is good and she enjoys it too. Ok, mate first you need to figure it out for yourself first. May I ask how old were you? I think you "notice" her weight because society might be pressuring you. This is something which affects usually younger guys. How fat is she anyways? I can't imagine much. I myself am a short and normal weighted (BMI) woman. Do you have a reference photo? I mean I don't mind chubby people but seriously overweight people (the kind who can't do much without sweating and panting) repulse me and i think about how unhealthy it is. >The other issue is that I find myself looking at other girls Yeah his is a none issue. It is normal to notice other attractive people around you. And I'm telling you this as a female. For males it's even more normal. As long as you don't cheat, it's ok. Looking allowed, touching or being intimate ("friendship", talking and slowly building a connection) is absolutely forbidden.
>and just thinking about them constantly. Giving up my almost perfect relationship with my girlfriend? Or would I regret not experiencing other women and other options? This is a real issue. I've seen floating around often here on /adv Can't help you much with this. I know and always will that my husband is my soulmate. And let me tell you this, as a short, normal weight woman I get A LOT opportunities (wealthy guys, educated guys, literally Chads), even after 12 years of marriage and three kids.
Usually though, I've often read comments like "the grass is always greener", "don't throw away what you have, you'll regret", "you'll never find anyone like her" kind of comments.
Maybe you should try make a seperate thread for this
Brayden Young
>Ok, mate first you need to figure it out for yourself first. May I ask how old were you? I think you "notice" her weight because society might be pressuring you. This is something which affects usually younger guys.
I'm 25. Maybe it is society/social media. She is roughly over 15 stone. I'm bad with height but she is a little over average height for a woman.
See reference pictures. They are sort of close. Most of the weight goes to her stomach. Her arms are a little chubby but her legs are somewhat still slim/good muscles. She does a lot of walking. I love her legs lol.
>Maybe you should try make a seperate thread for this
I might do that in the future. Its a hard one and I'm so on the fence about it.
>See reference pictures. They are sort of close. Most of the weight goes to her stomach. Her arms are a little chubby but her legs are somewhat still slim/good muscles. She does a lot of walking. I love her legs lol. She looks perfectly fine for me, given your age it really is just social media brainwashing. Ok, she could have a nicer shape but she is not unhealtily obese. Why trying to force something you weren't born with. Everyone has their own weaknesses. I do have a slim waist, wide hips and nice b cups, but i also have horrible horrible stretchmarks and other things
The Instagram and porn women everyone beat off to show woman with tonns of make up, plastic surgery and full time gym workout (like it's literally their job. nothing normal people with jobs or housewifes can ever achive). Don't even get me started with camera angles and photoshop.
It's up to you. You can either say fuck it my girlfriend is hot and I don't care what everyone else thinks, or you can go with the tide.
Whichever it is, i guarantee you she will find someone who adores her for who she is without a second tought.
Luis Young
Wew, 15 stone really isn't "a bit" overweight unless she's like, over 6 foot (and even then.....)
