How do I deal with this pain

Little backstory...

I used to work at a supermarket when I was in highschool
I had this huge crush on this one girl
One time after work when I was in a bad mood, the girl I had a crush on comforted me
Outside the store we stood wrapped in each others arms
Had a long talk and I think I kissed her 2-3 times on the forehead
When we let go of each other, this other guy (also from the supermarket) called her over
We never dated or went out, I never actually had the guts to ask her out
Some time later she became unfriendly towards me.
I tried to give her a friendly peck on the cheek but she rejected me.
I left the supermarket as I was leaving for UNI.
Years later, all of a sudden I got a friend request from her on facebook.
At that time I was not myslef and I rejected the request.

End of backstory.

Just now I was getting groceries and I saw her again.
I quickly sidestepped into another isle so she would not see me.
Right now a whole load of conflicting emotions are running through me.
What do I do? How do I deal with the girl I loved dearly having been the on I let slip away?

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She's still working at that same grocery store she worked in high school? Sounds like a fucking loser

OP here.
Anyone here? Anyone got advice or an idea how to deal with this?

1. It was a different grocery store
2. She does not work there, I know that she's a mom now.
3. She was at the store doing groceries like me

Ask her for a coffe

OP here.
Sorry for bothering you, seems no one want to hear my bitching and moaning. I will close this thread now. Sorry to bother you.

OP here.

This might be my fucked up brain, but when I read "Ask her for a coffee" to me that sounds like "Ask her on a date".

I know that you mean, just grab a drink as friend, chat and catch up. Yet I do not dare do that.

I like how you put that into a list, like people do in the movies when they're mad but still trying to be civil and explain something they think is very important. Exactly the kind of behaviour I'd expect from a professional, fully licensed and full time autist who hides from people in supermarkets.

stop opening doors and closing them. have the guts to face rejection.

Okay dude, let me give you the run down don't close the thread

did she become mean to you or just unfriendly? if a person kissed me and then it wordlessly didn’t go anywhere, theres a chance I’d withdraw from that person.

OP here, yes I was diagnosed with Autism.

I’ve been around a couple of people with autism lately. It can be frustrating when they want to connect with you but are held back by anxiety or confusion. It’s like, shit or get off the pot. I don’t consider myself someone they need to be afraid of.

Okay my dude, here's the rundown on your situation. Basically and most importantly is this: your life hasn't progressed at all since that time you worked together, you still dreaming about her like back then. So one, you ain't shit. Two, you said the bitch has had a human child pumped in and out of her. She has obviously fucking moved on. Finally, you cant even work up the courage to face her when you see her in the supermarket or to invite her out for coffee, how much of a fucking benefit do you think you'd make in her life? You worked up that one moment in the past where you were being weak and she was feeling bad for you like some delusional stalker and now you're wondering whether you should call her if Tyrones son will pick up.

OP here, sure I'll wait.

She only became unfriendly. Giving people a kiss on the cheek is not a big thing over here.

Are you a lady or a gentleman?

Who is the stalker? me or her?
In all those inbetween years I had not though of her at all, she had more or less faded from my memory.
Everything came rushing back when I saw her just now.

I have no reason or right to ask her to go grab a drink
To me that it feels wrong
I don't know how to put it in words.

brb 5min tea break

gentleman. the frustration I’m having is with a lady. I’ve since moved on, though. she lives kind of a childlike life and probably wouldn’t be ready for dealing with a fully grown, cynical man.

my girlfriend in high school was developmentally impaired in some vague way, but still keen enough to keep up with the standard curriculum.

I’ve had people acuse me of being spergy. The irony of me being frustrated with that girl I mentioned is that I am also too shy to initiate friendships and sexual relationships. there are so many cases where cool people dropped me hints and I just responded like a coward. =(

All I can say to you is that living in fear hasn’t gotten me anywhere. Some situations like improv club were just bad ideas for a socially slow person, but when it comes to taking people up on invitations, I’m left to contemplate for the rest of my life what could have been.

What if I took that rich guy up on his invitation? What I would have gotten married to that fantastic girl who had a crush on me but I didn’t have the guts to ask out? DON’T LIVE IN FEAR AND REGRET.

OP here.
I can not move forward, I'm stuck in the past because I have not been able to experience things like regular teens would have done.
My youth was of isolation and solitude.

OP here.
I think I'm jealous. I wanted to be married. I wanted to have kids by now. I wanted to have a loving wife.

I have the career and home. All this is missing is a loving wife, kids and pet hamster.

you aren’t stuck at all in reality, just in your head. everything you can conceptialize as a hurdle is something that can be overcome, but not with the defeatist attitude that most autistic Jow Forums males have.

I think It's mostly shame. I'm somewhat overweight now and I dare not venture outside at all.
I mostly work from home.

yep. at least by being cautious you’re conserving your energy. but be careful not to waste your life in fear and regret.

I think I've wasted too much time allready on fear and regret.

There is no way to catch up.
I'm going off for a bit.
Can you pause a thread? so I does not get archived / locked?

why would you want an advice thread open if the situation is already hopeless attention?

Yeah sometimes a bit of fear is good. I've made bad irrational spur of the moment decisions and still left with regret.
>rich guys invitation
Yeah we end up doing coke and one of the hookers turns out to be underage and we get busted. I've literally been to fucking jails a couple times it is not fucking fun my dudes
>married the "fantastic" girl
Yeah turns out after ten years and two kids she doesn't feel so fucking fantastic anymore, or "fulfilled" as she calls it and decides to move in with Richard the douchebag next door who has a pool, who she's been fucking for two years already anyway. And now your ex wife and her boyfriend are your fucking neighbours.

You're just over playing how great a missed opportunity could have been but it could have been a disaster. Like my first girl. If I didn't put the moves on her I would have regretted it forever but knowing now what she's truly like I regret even introducing myself to her.
I guess what I'm saying is, everybody gets filled with regret in the end. That's just God's little joke.

lets look at this rationally.

the rich guy. being rich doesn’t automatically make him a good friend or a bad friend. that about settles it, unless we want to try and glimpse into a crystal ball.

the woman. true, she might not be as good as I see her, but neither were the women I dated after. in fact, the women I dated after were nightmarish. and they threw me away as fast as they started with me. the girl I brought up as a main point had a crush on me for like five or six years, and she a virgin. the women I was with after have partners in the double digits, whereas the nice girl is now engaged to a friendly looking chad who is studying law.

you’re just being negative and devaluing things with the same fortune-telling you accuse me of doing.

I'm OP and I will always start my post with that statement.
= not me, nor my post.

That wasn't supposed to be you, loser. If i was pretending to be you I'd say something whiny and threaten to leave the thread.

you said something whiny for sure

I'm not fortune telling I've literally lived that shit. Okay just the first part the part about the girl happened to my grandpa.
>they throw me away waa waa waa
So most women who dated you decided to treat you like shit and you think it will be any different with the one that got away? You living in a dream world, knave, wake up to the fucking reality of your life and stop fucking dreaming and talking about fortune tellers and bitchin about the the women that did you wrong. Nice girls don't fuck with you, son. What are you going to do with that knowledge?
I'm being negative? Maybe life is negative nigga you ever think about that?

You have no point, dude. I was saying that the girl I didn’t have the guts to ask out was quite good compared to the thots who took the initiative for me. So, good things in life are there for those who try, and the rotten, low-hanging fruit are there for the cowards.