What the fuck happened?

>have gf
>a bit shy
>has a bit of anxiety and depression problems
>get into her
>everything going great
>trying to get our own place
>she tries to find more work to pay bills and get new place
>isn’t able to for close to a year
>things are a bit stressful but she seems to be into me a lot
>she says anxiety and depression are hitting hard recently
>says she desperately needs her own privacy
>one day she stops being responsive/barely communicates with me
>two weeks after that
>have a long conversation
>she states that she feels she can’t be “romantically involved” at the moment
>reluctantly says she doesn’t want to be in a relationship
>haven’t communicated much since, if at all

What happened?
How did it come to this?

It feels as if a baseball bat hit the back of my head.

Attached: 351ED171-D9D2-4811-A5DD-C7545280C48E.jpg (750x500, 65K)

Mission failed.
You must be pretty shit at comforting her.

I went back the next day and asked her “what if I get another job and we’re able to move in to another place, right now, would you?”

She took a long pause and said no.

Just confused me more. Or cleared up things.

And maybe I am. Could you elaborate? How do I know if I’m shit at comforting her if I don’t know what I’m doing wrong?

If someone can't give you a legitimate reason for why you're breaking up, drop them. They're obviously hiding something. Nobody actually just up and decides "gee I don't really love him/her anymore" without any reason

You Jow Forums autists are dense beyond belief. Is your question seriously "What happened?". Lets just lay this all out so we understand clearly.
You voluntarily entered into a relationship with a shy, mentally ill woman knowing full well what her psychiatric issues were. You continued into this relationship, blasted past the initial honeymoon phase then when the mentally ill girl you specifically chose to date started acting mentally ill your question is "What happened?". You essentially put a firework in the palm of your hand, lit the fuse and then when the thing went off and blew your fingers to shreds your question is "What happened?". You happened, OP. You honestly need to sit in front of the mirror and do some serious thinking about your intelligence and the direction you want your life to go if you're genuinely surprised that dating a mentally ill girl blew up in your face. Anybody with a functioning brain stem could of seen this coming 6 months before you two even met, OP. The most bewildering part isn't that you dated a mentally ill girl and the relationship didn't work out. The most bewildering part is that you are surprised about this, as if an introverted girl with anxiety and depression being unable to commit to a healthy, long term relationship is a shocking revelation. You're in a real state, OP. You gotta pull your head out of your ass

Damn user. You hit hard.
But you’re probably right.

Sorry for ignoring, but did you like even hug her, like make it clear that you loved her?
That should've been more important then hey let's move.

I don't mean to be so harsh but seriously, OP. A relationship is an investment and you made a terrible investment. Do not give mentally ill women the responsibility of acting mature and rational in a relationship. Do not expect them to take care of your feelings when its so obvious that they're not even capable of taking care of their own. It will always blow up in your face 100% of the time.

She has a mental illness. Mentally ill people often don't act in ways that seem rational to others, and it can be impossible to pick out exactly what is going on inside of her head. She needs to get help to be better.

I understand.
Do you think this would have mattered?
Just wondering.

We thought about this but they can be a bit expensive. I did think that was the best way to go, but it might be too late now.

No, it ultimately would not have mattered. The relationship didn't disintegrate because you didn't make her feel loved enough. She didn't feel loved enough because she's mentally ill. Nothing you could of said or done would of fixed the underlying problem. People in codependent relationships like yours operate under this delusion that just loving someone enough will heal them; that if you are just sweet and supportive and loving enough that they'll choose you over their mental illness and now you know, from experience, now incredibly naive that is. Maybe smothering her with love can make her feel good enough to be with you for days, weeks, maybe even months, but understand that all you're doing is scooping water out of the sinking boat. There's nothing you could of done to fix the leak.

Take this opportunity to do some soul searching yourself because I can guarantee that if you end up in another relationship with someone you think you can save the result will be exactly the same.


That something that came up again. I have been reading about. You’re just the confirmation of what I have been thinking.
How do I deal with codependency? I don’t want it.
Also, I know it doesn’t matter to you but just vocalizing (materializing) things, I am moving out of town. I’m getting an apartment with an old friend. He seems pumped to be rooming with me. I’ll be doing a job I have never done in a place I’ve never lived.
I know you don’t know me, but I am listening user. You seem more than alright.

OP's gf most likely fell into this because of her not finding employment and getting into a rut. She seemed fine before as OP described, but she tipped, she got tilted. OP couldn't balance both her mental illness and a non-stressful environment because it's simply impossible.
OP, you just made a bad investment, and then the market crashed, and it fell down.
The stuff I mentioned before can work, but mostly it won't. But at least it's a chance.

Also, you don’t have to answer this but,
Has this happened to you before?

Read up on codependency. RECOGNIZE YOUR PATTERNS. This is the most important part. As you know, codependency is fairly simple. In this case, basically, you both needed each other to compensate for some kind of internal struggle. She's mentally ill and has no self-esteem therefore she needs you to give her all the self-esteem and validation that she isn't able to give herself and you need her because you're subconsciously compelled to fix broken people. I don't know anything about you but would it be inaccurate for me to guess that there was something slightly intoxicating about how much she needed you? It was stressful every time she had an "episode" or was feeling down but whenever you were able to kiss or her or hold her and make her feel better it was this incredible feeling of power and connection that felt amazing? Like you two were just emotionally intertwined and couldn't even contemplate a future without each other? Chances are you probably don't feel as connected with mentally healthy women because that incredibly powerful connection you have with women that need you isn't there with them. Correct me if I'm wrong, please.

New beginnings are good. New settings. New jobs. I'd really focus on the road ahead and make sure to be mindful of yourself and your decisions. Now you know for a fact that you are incredibly drawn to broken women. This is who you are. Now that you know, then the next time you find yourself head over heels for some girl with BPD or depression or a bit of anxiety you'll know exactly why and you'll know exactly what will happen if you go down that road again.

Depression and anxiety are a disease, one that can be extremely debilitating and ruin or even end your life. I don't know your ex, I don't know what was going through her head, but I do know what it's like to live with severe anxiety. If she's like me she can't keep the fatalistic thoughts out of her head. She may think that everything she does is doomed to end in failure. She may think that she's holding you back and you'd be better off without her anyways. Maybe she's afraid you'll stop loving her because she can't be a perfect unbroken girlfriend for you. Maybe she doesn't know why she does what she does. Nothing you say will be able to change her mind on whatever toxic bullshit is floating around in it because the thoughts she's having aren't coming from a rational place. She needs a doctor, and she needs the resolve to commit to change.

Yes, it has, when I was much much younger. I hooked up with a girl right out of high school that had a terrible home life and PTSD from a whole childhood of abuse. She was sweet and kind and loving and all that great stuff but underneath there was this incredible dysfunction that neither of us really liked to talk about until about a year into our relationship when it became unavoidable. I held on for another 4 years, if you'd believe it. 5 years of my life I spent doing everything I could to save this girl from the misery that existed in her head until, eventually, the pieces just came apart. She ended up leaving me and getting pregnant a few months after our break up. It was hard for a long while but, eventually, I moved on. This was nearly 15 years ago. I've learned a lot about myself since then so please, trust me when I say I know exactly how you feel.

This is beautiful, the true answer in this thread.

Damn. I see.
I wish I could shake your hand my man. I relate to, and understand what you’re saying. Too many connections in what you said and what I’m going through.

Thank you.

Good luck, user. Stay strong. I'm glad I could help.