It's not a lack of trust i guess, because he told me his entire past so far, and many twisted things that happened too.
The thing is that, he always runs from talking about his problems. I thought it'd help for him to vent and i never denied that for him, as i want him to be well always, but he starts acting weird, he clearly tells me he's affected by something, which also gives me lots of anxiety as i don't know what's wrong or how i can help, but then keeps running away from it. Takes hours to write things that don't bring us anywhere, says that he can't make a point properly, goes away to do something and when he's back online he simply plays as if nothing happened. Which always ends bad, with him being affected by it again. And then, he goes to have a nap or play something to "put his mind on tracks", which is a good thing, but he comes back very late, too late to talk about anything. Then the next day, plays it off as if nothing happened again.
Nonethless to say it gets to a point where he's too affected and i'm too anxious, and we talk about things on the last second. I never force him because i'd feel bad for it, how can you force someone that says "i need to rest a bit, sorry"? It sounds too wrong. But this is really annoying. I just want to help, but he doesn't opens up properly.
Is there anything i should do when in that position? He really worries me too much sometimes. I feel like this may become a bigger problem somehow.
I would never share deeply personal problems from my past online. No matter who it was with, the idea that it'd be recorded forever without personal context is scary.
Joseph Roberts
I think what kind of personality/approach style someone responds to just depends on the person, try things out. He's a guy so you can probably force some reasoning by vocalising it calmly. I don't think it should ever be too late in the day to figure something out. Also, you can bring it back up the next to but in meta (reference the cycle of it).
Bentley Nelson
What if it was by voice user? He also got problems to make a point by voice, but in this case nothing is recorded (unless you're dealing with someone fucked up that would do that)
He also already told me things that are so fucked up/harsh, i don't think any of his current concerns could be worse.
>I don't think it should ever be too late in the day to figure something out I don't know, it's a bit bad for me to stay up too late, but i'm used to that. But i'd feel bad because this kind of conversation takes some time, and he's used to show up again at 1 or 2am. Wouldn't that be too late to mention it? The weirdest thing is that we always had such conversations at this time (after his nap), while we're clearly free for the whole afternoon but he simply avoids it entirely.
>Also, you can bring it back up the next to but in meta (reference the cycle of it). Oh sorry, can you clarify a bit that kind of approach to me please?
I 100% of the times try to go to the point calmly too, calming him down and giving him all the time to think, letting him know i'm here and want to help.
John Hall
Anything but in person is iffy. And there's always something worse.
Cameron Carter
It's a guy thing. Any time we open up to anyone it's perceived as a sign of weakness and we can see that person loose respect for us. You might think you're ready to help him but if he really opened up to you, there's a chance you'll see him as weaker and he's not willing to risk that. If you actually want to help him, stop asking him to open up and support him if he comes to you first.
Hunter Bell
>OP is willing to date a mentally damaged man >I'm not even half as deranged and yet I can't even get one date
Why? What is your BF doing right that I can't do?
Michael Bell
Hell no I would never share that kind of information with my girlfriend just so she can use it against me later fuck that shit. Or thinks about me less for doing so. Don't bother him about it he'll figure it out on his own or at least he prefers to
Nathaniel Nelson
I'm guessing he's got a nice """"""""""personality""""""""""
Dominic Long
I do understand that mentality that is spreaded in society, just that one of the things i most admire in him is his sensitive side, in touch with emotions and a bit less scared of opening up. But not always the case i guess. I do understand the part about not bothering and letting him deal with it unless he comes to me, when i'll support him. It's hard to see him suffering but maybe i'll have to endure that then?
Just that i'm sorry you guys had to deal with people who'd see you as lesser if you were more open about your problems. Guess the majority of people is like that and there's no help in it, but i feel sad that when it's me who want to help my bf, i'd be held back by putrid people who hurt him when he tried to be open before.
I don't want to sound harsh, but step up your game, leave this place, go to some nice place and get to know someone. If you're "not as deranged" there's nothing holding you but yourself or the kind of people you're unlucky enough to meet.
I really appreciate that you truly care for your boyfriend on an emotional level you seem genuinely sweet and that's very rare. Let him know that he can always talk to you in a very casual manner emphasize you wouldn't think less of him for doing so and don't bring it up unless he does. You can lead a horse to water OP
Hunter Parker
No. You haven't told me what to do.
I'm socially well adjusted. I have friends. I socialise and go outside regularly. I have "normal" hobbies. I am well groomed and well dressed. I've been told I'm attractive. And yet no girl wants to go on a date with me.
Why are you willing to date your current BF, but you are not willing to date me?
Caleb Campbell
You sound more deranged than the bf No sane man is that entitled
Ethan Morgan
I was just thinking about telling that to him when he comes back, i said similar things but i guess i never exactly told him i wouldn't think less.
I just hope the horse drinks. At his own pace, but that he does. I thank you for your words too, i can't take any sense of proudness in that, it's just that i value bonds over everything in life and genuinely want things to go well. The thing is that, i want us to be together, but i want us to be happy too.
That's a hard thing, i can't tell you "go to the café tomorrow at 2:26pm and you'll meet someone that'll love you". Even i and my bf met by complete luck and never expected anything until it happened.
>Why are you willing to date your current BF, but you are not willing to date me? I know his heart, he also got friends and socialize well, and i do think he dresses well and takes nice care of himself (despite he saying that's not true, i can see it). I found him, he found me, we clicked well.
It could be a matter of luck, sadly. Judge my personality by the few words i wrote. If you think it's nice, then know i've been completely alone for 19 years and never understood why either. Sometimes the cards just play against you, but you need to insist.
My suggestion? Keep being what you are if you think there's nothing to improve. Go outside, and try to not think much of it and specially don't stress yourself. Be open to chances and, if you're into that, try dating websites or something (aware to filter the kind of people you may find there).
Camden Moore
Good luck user I'm rootin for you. Just remember if he doesn't open up its not your fault. Guys just think about these things different don't take it personally. I myself only talk to 1 other person (female ) about personal shit on rare occasions because I know she can be completely impartial to the information and give me the best feedback. Feed back for me is the most important part. I wouldn't talk to someone if I didn't think I can get genuine attention to what I'm saying and help me the best to solve the problem.
Austin Young
I have this exact issue - sometimes even though he may not completely express what the issue is, I just think you should be honest - ask him what the problem really is, and implore him to talk to you. Don't force it. You never know, he may appreciate you so so much just because you're there offering to do it, he just can't put it all into words and stuff.
Carson Brown
>not deranged btw
Gavin Lewis
Something you need to know about men, we usually don't like talking about our problems, we prefer either straight up solving them or just ignoring them.
I would advice you to give him his space and just generally be supportive if you can tell he's going through something. It sounds like he's the king of person that will definitely close up if you pry way too much. Try talking to him about your problems, actually, see if that works.
Elijah King
why do you want someone to date you? so you're 'validated'? so you don't have to think about how the rest of your life is shit?
OP, I was like your bf. all I can say is be supportive as FUCK. my ex eventually made me embarrassed to talk about my feelings. of course then I figured out that most of my 'feelings' were actually misdiagnosed by myself. honestly just go to therapy with him. :)
Blake Ross
He does not want to bring his problems home to you and make it your problem too. Unlike girls, guys do not enjoy talking about problems just for the sake of talking / bitching about it. We just get it solved or ignore it if we can’t do anything about it. Take it as him protecting you from all the bullshit the world is flinging at your family.
> t. Married guy who does not bring his problems home.
Gabriel White
Simple, men dont whine about their problems.
>I want to a sweet guy who is open about his emotions yada yada >guy opens up about his problems >break up some time in the future Have seen that four times happened to people I know, some I've warned even but they did not listen.
Evan Sanders
>manchildren ITT blablablabla men dont talk about problems blablaba, expect they do, just not to their girlfriends
OP: hes afraid youll think less of him plus hes attentionwhoring because he knows you wana know about, stop trying to help, stop asking if anything is wrong, watch as he gets butthurt when mommy gf doesnt care anymore, you are conditioning him the wrong way
Grayson Jenkins
it's not just a society thing, it's in nature. You admire his sensitive side, but he's not sensitive all the time nor he can express it all the time, that's something to be appreciated too.
if you give him space, he won't have to keep running away like this.
Daniel Price
Just dont force it, he probly has a reason for not sharing and/or is trying to forget it, focus on the now. My last 6 year gf simply cheated and left me to rot for a rich chad, so I'm not gonna bring anything about it on my next relationship and Ill just let it heal over time, besides, relationships are supposed to be good times when both are together, and talking about my problems doesnt sound like a good time.
