Been living with 5 years older woman since i was 17...

Been living with 5 years older woman since i was 17. She provided the whole time except one time when i made roughly 12k and took care of us.

We were together for 5 years.

I flirted a lot with other women, visited them at night etc.but never actually cheated (i have my code).

She was pregnant with our kid, twice. Told her to abort it, twice.

She sucked off her ex before we started having sex. And then 4 and half years later she once sucked off another guy.

She was my first (woman), and i was the first guy who had her pussy (except a rape from her father).

Now, we have been apart for 2 years.
She had sex with one girl over those 2 years, no men.
I had about 9 opportunities to have sex with other women but i could NOT get hard.

We are still in contact. We see each other once or twice a year. The magic is still very much there.

BUT! I am not in a good place materially (dont have any income or my own place (at least not technically).

What the fuck do i do about this gigantic pile of mess? I cannot fuck other women because muh dick just doesnt get hard for them.

I cant have the one woman i love because i cant provide her with the basics.

Advise, please.

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>i was the first guy who had her pussy (except a rape from her father).
In other words she wasn't a virgin at all, and very likely was lying about other men.

Fuck right the fuck off back to with this autism.

I told you already that she sent the other men to shit in the woods.

>I cant have the one woman i love because i cant provide her with the basics.
She already provided for you, before. What's stopping her from providing, now, while you get your shit together?

This is pure autism.

>IP count didn't change.
What are you trying accomplish?

Go back.

Because i dont want that now. She deserves better. Not by much (she is still a massive whore who cheated on me with her mouth, twice) but she does.

I need at least a semblance of normality in my life before i will feel ready to invite her back here again.

And that means solid place to live and a guaranteed income (no matter how small, we survived off minimum in the past).

Working on both of those things and things are seriously looking up, but i feel so torn, empty and hollow without her (physically) beside me.

>make stupid choices
>get stupid prizes
You made your bed, now sleep in it.

What if i turned into insomniac mate?

So wtf do you want? You want her, but won't put aside your pride enough to just go and be with her while you look for a job. You also still resent her for her infidelity. I think you should block her and get your shit together. Once you get your shit together, see if you still yearn for her.

I cant work mate, i am officially insane in the brain (took a lot of work and time to get there and i dont want to fuck it up).

And the fact i resent her just makes things that much hotter, i feel like you should understand. She deserves the occasional beating, cold shoulder and piercing gaze for what she has done.

> just go and be with her
Not that simple. I suppose if i really pushed things she would succumb to me in this state, but i really want to be on top of things before i try my luck (with her), again.

>on permanent disability
What a fucking surprise.

Like i said it took a lot of work, time and energy so i need to be careful about what i do, where i do and with whom i do.

So in other words you don't know what you want, and you want other things to change for you so you don't have to change. Good luck.

>it took a lot of work, time and energy
>permanent disability
Sure seems unlikely that you're disabled if you were capable of putting in all that work, time, and energy into a complex legal process.

I know exactly what i want. I just need it right NOW, today, this minute. Otherwise i wouldnt burden your mind with my problems.

Im so sorry i had to spell this out for you but it IS NOT PERNAMENT. And thats the problem.

I am in purgatory and i like it here for the time being. You can go up and down, left and right, inwards and outwards.

Its the perfect situation which, yet again gonna mention this-took a LOT. You have no idea what happened to me or what i had to endure to get where i am so fuck right off with being judgemental.

And just to ease the sour taste in your soul- i have not recieved a single motherfucking penny off my disability. Yet (hopefully), anyway.

>i have not recieved a single motherfucking penny off my disability.
I am laughing my ass off. You are pathetic.

Thanks mate, i will remember that next time my bros invite me to drink and do drugs (for free), the girls invite me to their homes (for my charms) and the government gives me cash (for my disability).

>mooches drinks and drugs
>thinks women like him but shacks up with a rape victim
>thinks he's ever going to get a disability check
I'm popping the popcorn.

Yeah i know that jealousy is a horrible feeling, but dont be so obvious with it the next time matey-o?

>jealous of someone on permanent disability
Sorry, I like to have a purpose in life other than breathing.

Exactly because
>Nobody can start up a business, side project or a career while having 24 hours everyday for themselves without the stress of worrying about the bills