I have a girlfriend who is a foreigner. She's living here for 5 months now and that's the same amount of time we're having this relationship. Before that she lived in another country (not her country either). I know her longer than that though, we first met on the internet in 2014 and we are very good friends since. She came here basically because she likes me and because she always wanted to live in my country. She has always been very independent and courageous, traveling by herself all the time.
I live with my parents. She lived in my house for 2 of these 5 months she's been here but went to live by herself months ago because my mother wasn't really too welcoming anymore... We're having some relationship troubles since then but it never got close to what happened today. She's also having some financial troubles, she can't find work without a permanent visa and now she had an altercation with her landlord and doesn't want to stay in that house anymore. She doesn't have enough money for a new place and neither wants to find a cheap place (even though she was already kind of living in a cheap place there) because it will either be full of people (she doesn't want that) or it won't have home appliances (which she doesn't have either). She's also not having enough time to do stuff because she's spending the day in makeup classes (she wants to be a makeup artist).
So, she gave me an ultimatum: I have to convince my parents to let her live here until she can find a better place or she'll leave me and go back to the other country where she lived before because she had friends there who supported her with places to be and work.
I don't think that's fair, I have no control over my parents' decisions and the house is theirs. Is this even worth doing or is it cruel emotional blackmail on her part? I feel really bad thinking that the price of our love is my parents' decision whether she stays here or not. It just doesn't seem right.
She's showing some MASSIVE red flags about being a manipulative cunt. Dump her
Ayden Bennett
Giving an ultimatum in any relationship is never healthy and she has no right to put you in that situation. Even though you should probably have your own place at this point you have no right to try and convince your parents to let anyone start living in their home. The best thing would be to just drop her ass and send her back to her shit country
Joseph Thomas
you are a useful idiot for a low key golddigging whore, i hope the sex worths the complete humiliation
David Gray
If she can't get a job and you're having relationship troubles, why should she stay/find a shitty place when she could live a better life elsewhere? It's not fair of you to expect her to sacrifice her happiness for you. Seems to me you two didn't plan this very well at all. Either you support her through this phase or she goes back and figures out the whole visa thing from afar (or you break up). Love is nice and all but it doesn't pay the bills.
Nolan Butler
This. She's probably not making enough of an effort to get a job, but at the same time it's fair for her to go back if she can't build herself a life here. You can't expect to stay here if you're not prepared to help support her.
And I wonder if it wasn't actually an ultimatum. This seems like exactly the sort of situation where she's presented her options to you and you've taken it to be an ultimatum.
Gavin Sanders
Do you work? Can you move in with her and help pay bills? Sounds like she's having a tough time and really needs help. Boyfriend should be the first place to Turn for help right?
Christopher Carter
It's quite obvious she's using you for your home and money, OP.
>She has always been very independent and courageous, traveling by herself all the time. Well, the fact that she thought she could stay in a foreign country without a work visa isn't "independent" or intelligent at all. It actually shows a complete naivety about foreign travel. What did she think would happen?
I think she's going to have to leave anyway. Without a work permit to work in your country, how does she expect to pay next month's rent - even if she DOES end up moving to another cheaper place? It seems like she depended on your hospitality to enable her to stay in the country with you. Almost treating you like a friend, paying you with sex and affection, because she's "always wanted to live in my country". She's using you.
Out of curiosity, what do you do for a living? it's really presumptuous of her to expect your parents to be hospitable; you, yeah, she's compensating you for your time, but the same can't be said for them.
Wyatt Brown
Was it actually an ultimatum, or is she just saying "unless I find a place to stay (ie with you) I'll have to go home"?
Ethan Garcia
Yeah, the whole manipulation thing sickens me.
For every passing hour, I'm less clouded by emotion and the whole thing seems more and more absurd to me. I think she owes me an apology or else she is the one who should be worried about our relationship, not me.
She's not a gold digger. I don't have a job and she never cared about that. She encourages me to pursuit my interests, of course, and we have talked about work but she never pressured me to find a job or get her money. The sex is great though, she has a very open mind to a lot of stuff that even I was surprised.
I am supporting her with all I can but what more could I do? Easily said by you but what is the solution you give me? She was always very independent and supposedly had all figured out, I really didn't have much to do until she just snapped now. But to be honest, my dad helped her find both work and a place to stay but she turned out both because she didn't want to work on a supermarket and the place didn't have appliances. Oh, and it was very much an ultimatum, she was very aggressive about it. When I said this was a blackmail, she said "good".
I don't work. She is very independent and never asked me to help her financially. She hate accepting money from others. We also don't want to move in together like a married couple.
She's living off a huge compensation she got from her previous job where she suffered workplace harassment but the money is now draining off. What I didn't like and have said this to her was the costly makeup classes she's having now. I think it wasn't a nice choice by her. She actually could have something like a part-time job by now. My dad actually found a work for her on a supermarket (he knows the owner) but she just didn't want it. I don't work, I'm a NEET now, she always knew that and never pressured me into getting a job but does encourage me into following my interests.
Cameron Bennett
>She's living off a huge compensation she got from her previous job where she suffered workplace harassment but the money is now draining off. What I didn't like and have said this to her was the costly makeup classes she's having now. I think it wasn't a nice choice by her. She actually could have something like a part-time job by now. My dad actually found a work for her on a supermarket (he knows the owner) but she just didn't want it. I don't work, I'm a NEET now, she always knew that and never pressured me into getting a job but does encourage me into following my interests
Look, you're a NEET and think this girl is so "independent" and mature because she's worked more than you. She may not want you to get a job, but she is expecting to live off you in terms of accommodation. I envision her as one of those people who loves travelling, based on your posts - and she's using you as a place to stay whilst she experiences a different country.
You may not know it, because you're retarded and jobless, but rent and living costs is the biggest chunk out of your pay pack. Depending on someone for a place to stay isn't "independent" and living off savings isn't "independent" either. You're deluded - get a fucking job.
Kevin Howard
Nice advice for my life but not the problem of my post.
Josiah Hall
>she didn't want to work on a supermarket and the place didn't have appliances. Oh, and it was very much an ultimatum, she was very aggressive about it. When I said this was a blackmail, she said "good".
>too lazy to just slowly buy necessary appliances >said "good" when you called it out as blackmail
It honestly sounds like she’s got her shit more together than you. She’s independent while you’re still with your mom. She also can’t work, so she’s facing a tough decision. She came over here for you, what’s stopping you from moving over there with her? Also, how old are you and her?
Elijah Martin
uhm you got the pic without the statue?
Caleb Peterson
Those are big red flags, I agree.
Neither of us want to live together like that. It just seems like marriage and we don't want that. I'm 26, she's 29.
No, I don't, sorry. I wish I had it.
Josiah Johnson
Dump her, dump her, and dump her. She can go back to that intermediate place, so don't feel bad about doing it. Also, FUCKING DUMP HER
Luke Green
Well, she now said she's sorry and acknowledged she's been too hostile yesterday. I have yet to speak to my parents about letting her her but I'm about to do it right now.
Justin Howard
Fucking moron. DUMP. HER. SHE WILL DO THIS AGAIN, AND SHE WON'T STOP
Luke Kelly
Ultimatums are sometimes warranted. For example, go to rehab or I'm leaving you
Jaxson Phillips
I still don't like the sound of that
Angel Cook
My parents didn't let her stay here, as I already predicted, but she stayed calm and we're finding a new place for her together.
I mean, I'm gonna give her a second chance. Maybe she was desperate. I didn't say it before but she does have huge anxiety problems. Perhaps when she's stabilized in a home, a job, and therapy, she's going to be okay.
That is a valid ultimatum. The one she gave me wasn't.
Benjamin Rogers
>The one she gave me wasn't. Kind of is a valid choice, what choice does she have besides going back to her country. I'd expect my s/o to allow me to cohabitate until I were on my feet. Not to say that I'd abuse of the hospitality given to me.
Leo Barnes
>glory of rome forever rome gone >tits are temporary every female born and every female to come has tits ???
