how physical can I get with my gf without being considered a woman beater.
just in case for the next time she gets physical with me. she gave me a concussion last week and I told her this can't keep happening because I can't keep taking time off work and I'm sick of the girls at work fussing over me since theyve known the truth for some time now
I told her if she doesn't get help and does it again that I'm going to have to physically stop her.
realistically how physical can I get? I'm guessing I can seirously hurt her if I grab her arms or wrists. so am I just limited to hugging her?
you should get some support from people who understand relationship violence, this is not a healthy relationship. you need to leave her, probably. also, depending on your state, the police protocol towards relationship violence can be heavily slanted against the man even if there is mutual violence. what is your approximate location, user? state/ region/ or city?
Kayden Nelson
Dude, you're in an abusive relationship. Get the hell out of there ASAP!
Michael Campbell
Legally you can use as much force as it takes to stop her. You can hold her wrists to prevent her from hurting you or even throw her on the ground and pin her down until she's calm. Since you're a man and she's a woman, you're going to be in big trouble regardless of what, though, unless there is documentation of her being physical with you, i.e. did you tell the hospital she caused the concussion or did you say you fell or whatever? Longterm you should leave her. No matter how good the sex is you'll never have a good relationship.
Josiah Thompson
Even if he's the one who calls the cops he may be the one who gets arrested thanks to the Duluth Model. He won't be held permanently of course. But, he needs to figuratively kick this bitch to the curb.
Justin Wilson
>she gave me a concussion last week
Why don't you walk away? You are setting yourself up for a world of hurt, physically, and then mentally when you hit back and things get worse for you.
Get out of there.
Eli Watson
>you need to leave her that's what the girls at work say when they fished the truth out of me but nah, I actually love her and she loves me.
it's dirty enough that when they came over yesterday to give me a get well soon card that I actually let them in and let them talk about how I need to leave her. all while my gf was at work.
Anthony White
>she loves me.
She doesn't, she is hurting you.
Jonathan Turner
That's what everyone in an abusive relationship says. "He hit me because he cares!" It's BS. You're relationship isn't healthy.
Ethan Scott
Just break up with the bitch dummy. Call the police. IDK.
Evan Ross
>she gave me a concussion last week
What the fuck? That isn't a good relationship OP
Wyatt Nguyen
>nah, I actually love her and she loves me this is the norm for the abused in a relationship user. not surprised to hear you say that. at the very least, you need to reach out to a support organization now. when you are ready to leave, they will help. in the meantime, they can talk to you.
Camden Davis
I'm pretty sure she loves me more than I love her and I really do love her.
why else would an attractive woman earning 6 figure salary would date a dude who only works part time and is also a failed boxer.
the only reason I got a concussion was cos I'm sensitive to head injuries now which is why I can't compete. otherwise she doesn't really hurt me. and she is always genuinely sorry after.
she even preordered my a great saiyaman figure even though I never mentioned anything about it to her and told her she doesn't need to by me expensive stuff.
Connor Hughes
You’re thinking about it the wrong way. It’s not about how physical you can get, it’s how you can prove that it was in self defense. If she punches you you can knock her lights out in once punch since you’re an ex boxer. Or you can shiver her away. Whatever you do, HAVE IT RECORDED.
Set up a tiny camera or a sound recorder or something to catch when she hits you and when you’re hitting her back. Sure you can technically all your strength and it still be in the act of self defense but I wouldn’t suggest that, just give her a hard shove or slap in the face and cover your ass with video/audio track. Realistically she can use you for tapping her the wrong way and still get one over on you due to her gender advantage.
All that being said I still consider you a pussy boy for putting up with it and not walking away from this toxic relationship.
Carter Johnson
>it’s how you can prove that it was in self defense.
Why plan for theeventuality of another beatdown when he should just book it? This is insane.
Luke Price
> why else would an attractive woman earning 6 figure salary would date a dude who only works part time and is also a failed boxer. You are an easy target for her abuse
Liam Gonzalez
I don't think I could ever strike her. even in a blinding rage
she hasn't been all that bad, it's very rare it happens now ever since the first concussion she gave me and this last one really had her upset at herself. she is open to professional help just as long as it's not a woman professional.
but yeah I had to be honest with her and let her know next time I'm going to have to restrain her or something. she seems to understand cos she really beats herself up over it and is real hard on herself after she hits me. I just try my best to let her know that I know she didn't mean anything it.
That's called the circle of abuse. They act remorseful afterwards, but eventually hurt you again.
>the only reason I got a concussion was cos I'm sensitive to head injuries
This is you framing yourself as the victim. This is not on you, she shouldn't hit you to begin with.
>she even preordered my a great saiyaman figure
Using gifts to cement the "honeymoon phase" of the circle of abuse is pretty common. It's easier to buy something nice than to actually connect with your partner.
>I'm pretty sure she loves me more than I love her
She doesn't.
>why else would an attractive woman earning 6 figure salary would date a dude who only works part time and is also a failed boxer.
As user said, you are a trapped target. She controls you emotionally and financially. And if you ever lay a hand on her, being a boxer only makes it worse. She is trying to trap you.
John Parker
>She is trying to trap you
why would she do that? I've been with her for 6 years and never felt trapped.
and the physical stuff only started 2 years ago when we bought a house. im not perfect I do dumb shit all the time that would drive someone mad. like I said, it's not like it really hurts and it's just once in a blue moon when she gets her violent temper or gets really drunk. but she stopped the drinking over a year ago.
>That's called the circle of abuse. They act remorseful afterwards, but eventually hurt you again.
she really is remorseful though, we couldn't even finish off watching big little liars because the 1st scene where this guy beats on his wife got her really upset where she just went to the room crying and kept apologizing to me afterwards about her outbursts
>im not perfect I do dumb shit all the time that would drive someone mad
Don't blame yourself.
>she stopped the drinking over a year ago.
And yet, she still hurts you. Guess it's not the booze, it's her.
>why would she do that?
Control? Pettiness? We odn't know her. Abusers have all sortof reasons. Doesn't matter why, you need to run.
>never felt trapped.
You are trying to find the way to defend yourself for the next attack without being branded as an abuser yourself, you sound pretty trapped to me.
Dylan Allen
>she really is remorseful though
Real or not, you know she will hurt you again.You are bracing yourself for it.
Do you want to help her? THat's fine, but living under her thumb is not the way to do it. First, you need to get out of the danger zone.
Jayden James
"restraining" her when you need to is not a longterm solution to this problem, and if anything is more likely to escalate things than resolve them. There's the risk of you accidentally harming her in act of self-defense, and also the risk that she may become more violent towards you if you try and physically restrain her. Either way, it isn't a safe solution for either of you.
I see you making a lot of attempts to rationalize staying in the relationship, such as downplaying the abuse your partner is doing. "I only got hurt because I had a previous injury, she's always sorry after she hurts me, she doesn't hurt me THAT often, she's actually being generous by dating a guy less financially successful than her, she buys me nice things, etc."
That's all very common for people that are experiencing abuse, and it's rationalizing like that which keeps people in unsafe relationships for years. I can't tell you what to do, but safety and respect are core needs in any relationship. Your girlfriend isn't respecting those boundaries. Explaining this to her isn't selfish or out of line on your part. And regardless of whether she verbally agrees or apologizes, I think it's important to take her actions into consideration: is she still being abusive after she said she would stop? If so, she is showing you that she is not willing to respect your safety needs. And as shitty as this is, that would be a serious red flag to reconsider staying in the relationship.
Gavin Gonzalez
She is a good actress. user, I'm sorry but you are in denial, and you will counter argue whatever we say. It is not a healthy relationship, she is abusive now because your relationship feels more secure (you share a house with her and probably some financial responsibility = you are less likely to leave) and she knows how to play her cards well by buying you sentimental gifts or giving emotional performances to show her remorse. Does she know you used to be a boxer and that you are prone to concussions? I assume yes. Did she still abuse you violently enough to give you a concussion? Yes. Honestly, I understand why you are reluctant to leave her. She probably seems to be waaaay out of your league, you yourself have low self-esteem and are convinced that you will never find a girl like her. Guess what? She knows this too. Again, that's why you're an easy target.
Austin Thompson
seriously leave her but if you want just punch her where no one can see eg stomach any where that can easily be covered stay away from face and arms
Sebastian Martinez
May the great creatine gods help you OP. Love isn't physical harm. If she loved you she wouldn't injure you, or have attempted to injure you. Love is when you care for the well being of the individual, not haphazardly hit the person who you love till their brain hits the inside of their skull. Love is blinding, but I'm telling you as well as other anons that this shouldn't be happening. Your call, but I'd leave because physical harm shows the mental shortcomings of your girl and that relationship abuse is terrible in any regard
John Murphy
my ex hit me once. once.
I hit her back and that was the last time she tried to be domineering. After that she was a super submissive sex kitten so hey it worked out for me.
Most abusive women aren't going to work that way though, you are honestly better off walkng away OP.
Dylan Gomez
Well, if she gave you a concussion then technically you can respond with self defense and shoot her if you can show that your life is in jeopardy.
If you are just trying to find a minimum (like I did when my ex-wife got violent), you can always wrestle her and pin her down until she calms down. This is of course under the assumption that she calms down at some point and that you don't want to hurt her.
Nathan White
If she hits you at all then there should be no restraint. She's hitting you because she expects you to be a man and stand up for yourself
Jose Hill
OP, DEAR GOD, LISTEN OP. get a backbone too please and also see the hypocrisy of our society. uncuck yourself. you can do it.
Julian Ramirez
God, what a pussy-whipped loser.
Jacob Smith
she is the sweetest most loving woman around 99.9% of the time
it's just that once in a blue moon she has this violent rage and I'm pretty stubborn and shit too during a fight. and she never intentionally goes for the head. it's usually just wacking my arms/chest but the times she got me in the head it was by accident when I tried to dodge. she always immediately stops when she hits my head like she just snaps out of her rage and realises what just happened.
we always talk it through and she knows she has a problem. we are just both embarrassed to see someone about it.
No sense in reasoning with you, enjoy your abusive relationship with a cunning & manipulative bitch of your gf
Dylan Turner
Oh man I feel sorry for you. You're in complete denial and dismissed everything I've said. She doesn't have a problem, it's you that has the problem. She knows she won't change and she can keep doing the one-two combo of hit and apologize because you're too weak to realize the wool over your eyes. A wise man once said, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink" and you're the horse, godspeed OP
Blake Howard
but really though. if she is really the way you describe her to be. what does she get out of it? like what's the purpose of making me "trapped". she isn't really a manipulative person
I know I can leave anytime I want. but I can't just do that without trying other things first ya feel me?
one time my ex-girlfriend tried to punch me in the face. I deflected her shot with my left forearm and connected a jab to her nose with my right before i even knew what was happening. Sadly i ended up in jail and no one believed me it was self defense.
my advice is to break up before you accidentally get yourself arrested, its more common than you realize.
Chase Cook
Don't date someone that's hitting you, and you don't have to worry about getting physical at all.
Dylan Richardson
If this is real then just fuck off OP, you're not listening to our advice that you should leave her and you will regret it.
Austin Campbell
As soon as is get's physical, or even better, too heated to be a civil conversation. Tell her time out and cool off period. Don't point blame, just act neutral and say you want to talk with a level head. Trying to restrain her will likely escalate things.
Also make her know that you need her to get therapy in order to be happy in this relationship, because if you stay and don't insist on improving the problem then you're as pussy whipped as everyone else is saying you are.
I'm giving you and her the benefit of the doubt here, but the above two are requirements for this relationship to possibly work.
Jacob Murphy
She is mentally ill in one way or another, as abusers and sadists tend to be. By abusing you she vents her negative emotions, finds herself in control, possibly even finds satisfaction in your suffering. >but I can't just do that without trying other things first ya feel me? From what I gather this is not the first time she hit you, but rather, it's something that happens from time to time, and yet here we are. Did she try therapy? No, she mentioned that she would like to, but never actually did it. She is playing you like a fiddle, and at this point it's painfully obvious that you have victim mentality, blaming yourself for getting abused, coming up with explanations for the abuse, painting her in positive light even though she gave you a fucking concussion. I'm sorry, you are digging your own grave here. All anons tell you to leave her and give you logical arguments as to why, you keep defending her and this relationship... you say you can leave her whenever. You can't. Most people would leave her after the 2nd or the 3rd abusive episode and never look back. You've grown too dependent on her to do that.
Charles Nguyen
Pussy faggot. We’re all giving you help and you just keep rejecting it. Get your little ass beat by a female then you deranged beta. I hope she’s cheating on you too. Who knows, maybe if she chops your dysfunctional balls off she’ll get you a little hot wheels car to make it up!
Stupid ass. God you infuriate me.
Christian Myers
You need some insurance, my man. Make sure that you have text messages of her admitting doing these things. Also confide in close friends and tell an unrelated professional (your doctor would be good). If she gets hurt when you defend yourself and the authorities get involved then you’re going to need evidence to back up your side of the story. #feminism
David Parker
I'm just trying to get the advice to deal with this without having to leave her since I am hoping propose to her within the next year
>As soon as is get's physical, or even better, too heated to be a civil conversation. Tell her time out and cool off period. Don't point blame, just act neutral and say you want to talk with a level head
this sounds like something that could work.
I don't think so. I think the reason she gets physical sometimes is because I'm not pussy whipped enough and don't give into her demands and shit. even after she gets physical and shit. and like I said she is pretty weak and petite anywyas. I can be stubborn as shit too.
after these episodes she is the one who is always trying to make it up to me by buying me dbz toys, car parts, tools, and she has even bought me a couple of cars. when we bought our house she even installed hydraulic lifts for my cars
