I asked a girl out for a second date and about 12 hours later she responded.
Here's how the conversation went:
Me:" So I know this really cool place to get ice cream tonight, but I need a cute girl to go with...
...Do you know any?"
Her: "I do know one with a pretty cool green coat but she's a busy girl tday"
We've already been on one date, and we really had a good time. We've also continually talked since.
What do you guys think of her response?
And how should I respond?
Ice cream? You taking your niece or something?
Nah we actually have a few in jokes and she's really into ice cream so yeah.
How? Well, ask her when it would be a better time. First proposal for another date and reference to green coat optional.
Green coat is just an in joke we have.
But is it wise to ask for a day they're free?
Does it not seem desperate?
>Me:" So I know this really cool place to get ice cream tonight, but I need a cute girl to go with...
>...Do you know any?"
God that was cringe-inducing. No wonder she's blowing you off you fucking sperg.
I wouldn't. If she genuinely wants to spend time with you SHE'LL be the one to suggest an alternate time. Hell the fact that she hasn't already is a red flag imo. When a girl is about that shit, her response is more like "So sorry! I have a thing tonight I can't get out of, but I'd be down for Friday if you're free."
Were I you, I'd say, "No big deal. Another time then," and consider the ball in her court. If she doesn't put in effort after that, she isn't that into you.
Yeah... I know. I immediately regretted it.
Regardless, something that silly isn't enough to put someone off that badly right?
After all we did get on really well previously.
>>But is it wise to ask for a day they're free?
No problem. Propose a date and simultaneously indicate you'd also be open on other dates.
> wise
> desperate
Relationships aren't all that much about wisdom or reluctance. It's about emotions and sexual urges, really. Maybe some social side, too.
Point being, if she is already flirting with you rather than refusing, being a horny desperate person isn't necessarily a bad thing... that doesn't mean you can't get harsh refusals by girls not interested, but I don't expect that here.
Yeah, I feel like that would be the best response. But when should I send it? Now? In like a day to make it seem like I have a life? Hahaha
I agree.
And although she has been flirting, this feels like an outright refusal. I'm not really sure how to interpret her response.
Why? Maybe it's literally just her indicating she's busy today. Not every girl thinks to perfectly set herself up for the next damn date even if she likes somone.
Nothing special happens if you ask for if a different date would be possible.
Whether she wants to sit on your dick or not ultimately doesn't terribly depend on your clever choice of words anyhow. Either she likes in a more general sense what she's seeing and likes being courted, or she does not and then you get refused. Not THAT much you can do about it other than try.
I see your point.
So then would your advise be to reschedule a date?
If so, when should I try to reschedule(I. E. When to send that text) and how?
Don't try too hard to interpret "hints" in words. Common mistake, most people actually suck with words and you can only somewhat rely on hints with people you know damn well.
The only part that is rather clear is "busy today", it doesn't tell you if she does or does not want a date at another point in time.
We went on one date and kissed.
We then texted a few times here n there over the next few days.
To me, there doesn't seem to be any indication that it's been going wrong thus far.
But for her to suddenly say no makes me unsure.
What would think that means with the extra info I've given?
Something like
> I guess I won't be going tonight then. I'd love to see the girl with a pretty green coat when she is not busy! Could she be willing to spare me her time on the weekend or some other time?
But put it in your words. Also, no problem sending it now - on a practical level, she got more time to decide and schedule.
Is this how you asked her out in the first place?
what why is everyone talking in the third person
Dont be so needy, my guy. Dont try to cage the bird just yet.
You also need to get on her level and date multiple people. Never put all your eggs in one basket, it's a good way to get let down. Forgive the fowl metaphors.
>Why? Maybe it's literally just her indicating she's busy today.
True, but it is telling.
It really depends on what you're looking for. Me? I like a woman that I'm excited to spend time with and who is excited to spend time with me. And I can tell you from years of experience, a "Sorry. Busy tonight" reply with no active effort to reschedule is not the response of someone who is excited about you.
She may like you enough, sure. She may be open to going out again if you ask her. But my point is that if you date enough you know the difference between the people that liked you, and the people that were really into you. I don't waste my time with the former because I know if and when I encounter the latter, I'm dropping them in a second.
Chill. It's not like relationships go in a straight progression from kiss to marriage and kids, and the slightest thing derailing them will lead to a burning wreckage. [Also, else success isn't guaranteed either],
Avoid freaking out over tiny uncertain hints that you might perceive somehow, and just ask her squarely what you are uncertain about when she says x or y.
In this case, if she's willing to have another date on another calendar date.
First, I want to say thanks for everyone's advice. I've dated many girls before and I have no trouble sleeping with girls quite frequently. But this girl, I don't know what it is about her that makes me.. I guess the best way to describe it is "splurge all the spaghetti". So yeah, I appreciate the help.
Second, that's actually a really good response.
Christ, that's even more cringe-inducing than the first.
Why the fuck are you talking to her as if she's doing you some favor by granting you her presence? Fucking stop that.
1. Our first date was literally just me acting out on a whim and I asked for her number whilst at work. (she was a customer)
2. The third person stuff is in reference to how I asked her out for the second date.
I've dated many girls and I've slept with many too.
But she feels different, probably just to me, I'm struggling to be objective,hence difficulties in interpreting her.
Also, English is not her native language, so texting may not be something shes good at.
>what why is everyone talking in the third person
Adapting the same style. No fun allowed?
> And I can tell you from years of experience, a "Sorry. Busy tonight" reply with no active effort to reschedule is not the response of someone who is excited about you.
It's in the range of possibilities, but my own experience taught me to not interpret so much into people I poorly know and even be careful with people I know.
People give what you'd think to be weird [weirdly unenthusiastic, weirdly brief, weirdly ... whatever] responses in all sorts of situations.
> don't waste my time with the former because I know if and when I encounter the latter, I'm dropping them in a second.
Well, I have a different character, I guess.
Interesting.
How would you approach it?
> Why the fuck are you talking to her as if she's doing you some favor by granting you her presence? Fucking stop that.
Indicate that I'd enjoy her presence. Not that I'm calling in a favour. And having some fun with silliness.
You go do your "srs alpha male" routine or whatever it is supposed to be if that works better for you.
>But she feels different, probably just to me
Here's the secret truth: (i) she probably isn't and (ii) you literally don't know her well enough to make any sort of informed statement about her being different or special.
Internalize that, and then proceed to just try to get to know her. Stop counting your eggs before they hatch and you'll stop sperging about what to say to someone who is still a relative stranger.
People give weird responses all he time right?!
She's not a native English speaker, so I thought maybe that's the reason for her weird response.
But she responded in third person, which makes me feel like she put effort into that text? I dunno..
Silliness is fine, but that was just lame. It's not srs alpha male or whatever the fuck you said to simply present yourself as someone who has a life and isn't building their schedule around other people finding time for them.
Like I said, I'd say "no biggie, another time then."
If she doesn't seek to hang out soon after that (like in a matter of days), I'd maybe give it one more shot to get together depending on how much we'd communicated in the interim time, and if she danced around that one, I'd be done with her.
>People give weird responses all he time right?!
Yes. Definitely. All the time.
> But she responded in third person, which makes me feel like she put effort into that text? I dunno..
You can guess as much as you want, but you'll likely have to ask to know.
Actually, I expect the girl to also have a schedule and I don't necessarily expect her to move her schedule.
So yea, the result of both persons involved having a life may be that I am building my schedule around her convenience this time, yes.
She isn't really one that initiates conversations that often, she's quite shy sometimes. But I'll give this response a go.
Will post results.
PS: The exact wording is wrong, I'm not OP. I guess I should have used a hypothetical form there.
>the result of both persons involved having a life may be that I am building my schedule around her convenience this time, yes.
Obviously. What I'm saying is that in the context of dating, it's helpful not to appear too accessible. Doesn't mean acting like an aloof asshole, just making someone have to work a little to meet you halfway. This is basic. I don't even know why you're arguing about this.
Yeah, the notion that you also have a life is super important.
im in a somewhat similar situation OP, i plan on doing something similar
>talked to girl a few times
>ran with her once
>asked on date
>things came up, but said could definitely do another time
>she has been busy with shit, i dont know her that well to read her
>plan on asking again this weekend and will decide from there
One last bit of aid is required.
So I'm not going to be free for at least 9 days. How do I keep her interest up during that time?
Let us both come back with happy memories. :)
Good luck. I will report back in exactly 10 days to let everyone know how it goes.
Not really m8. honestly it is always "cringe-inducing" to witness other peoples' flirting, but there's nothing wrong with what he said.
That is likely pretty hopeless unless you both consider yourselves already in a relationship of some sort.
Really? That's a bit rough.
At least I've got no idea what you would do to keep her attention, no.
Works better once you're in a relationship and have a bunch of known common interests. Be it anime, politics, performing adrenaline-inducing stunts or kinky sex toys...