Am I overreacting?

Decent ligerie can get pretty bloody expensive desu. I’ve probably spent almost that much on my lingerie overall, and that’s just for staples of cheap mix & match shit.

You need to calm down before you do anything rash, op. As others have said, it’s possible this is just a big miscommunication and a real dumb mistake on her part. It’s possible she had every intention of paying you back once she revealed the surprise.

I’m confused about the timeline of events though. You said you saw the money was spent, that she showed up with new lingerie, AND that you called her to ask about the charges. So did you put it together after you saw the lingerie, ie she didn’t tell you about it even after revealing what she’d bought, or did you ask her about it before she got a chance to tell you?

Charge on the card is for two weeks ago.

Last week she came over and had new lingerie.

Checked my account two days ago. Given that she'd shown up with new lingerie and had made a point of telling me it was a new set I figured it was probably her doing, so I called her to make sure I didn't need to cancel the card.

She had a window of 2 weeks between making the purchase and me finding out where she could have told me at any time but didn't.

But did you charge any of it to your boyfriends without asking them?

Okay, that’s super shitty. The fuck was she thinking?

If you'd asked to see her in lingerie, it would make sense for you to pay for it. I agree that any normal person would've asked "can I pick out a few things with your card?" rather than just fishing it out of your wallet, but possibly she just felt it would ruin the surprise. I think you could let it go once and make it clear she can never do something like that again.

It would be a no-brainer if she'd used the card to pay for anything else, but the lingerie WAS something that you'd specifically requested, so... I do kind of think you're overreacting to a misunderstanding.

I didn't "request" lingerie. We were talking about what we were into and I mentioned it. This was also like 6 months ago and she started to wear stuff that she already owned.

Dude, talk to your girlfriend about this, not a bunch of virgins on a tibetan underwater yoga forum. She made an impulsive, stupid mistake in order to surprise you with lingerie then when confronted completely broke down, apologized and swore to pay it back. Like, what else do you want? The only person who can determine whether this is an isolated mistake or a pattern of behavior is you. We don't know this girl at all. I'd caution you to calm the fuck down, have a calm conversation with her about it and make an adult decision based on your experience with her instead of flocking to Jow Forums to seek validation for being angry.

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I don't think you're overreacting at all. I'm an ultimate poorfag and 200 bucks is easily almost a month's pay for me, so I might be biased. If she told you about it or asked to do it, then maybe it would be fine, but she effectively stole from you. If she wanted to surprise you then she could've used her own money. In fact, why didn't she use her own money? Swiping your card because it's there is a huge red flag to me.

That being said, make sure you're as calm as you can get before deciding on what to do with her. As fucked as this all is, being angry won't help

It honestly sounds like you want to be angry more than you want to resolve this issue with her. If you're not interested in accepting her apology and moving on and only wish to perpetually punish her for the sake of your anger then just get it over with and break up. She's apologized and promised to pay the money back. If that isn't good enough for you then what is it exactly that you want?

Bingo. You handled this very poorly, OP.

Let's approach the thread from another angle: what do you actually want to hear from us, OP?

>But did you charge any of it to your boyfriends without asking them?
Hell no (even though I probably should, considering he literally took me to the store and talked me into buying a bunch of my first items then let me pay for it all lol). All I’m saying is it’s not an excessive sum relative to the items, so it’s not as if she’s an insane spender trying to milk you for all you’re worth. But it’s still a significant sum to take without asking, and a retarded betrayal of trust. Like, buying a 60 inch TV for $200 might be an amazingly low price, but regardless of what it’s spent on, it’s still a lot of money to take from someone without asking.

Also keep in mind that this whole thing was meant to be a surprise for him. I'm not defending the idea, just bringing up the fact that it wasn't like buying a 60 inch TV for herself with his money. She was getting something that she thought they could both enjoy and benefit from. She should of asked, absolutely, and it was fucked up of her to do it without permission. Just saying that somewhere in her impulsiveness and poor decision making there is a shred of good intentions.

>This was also like 6 months ago and she started to wear stuff that she already owned.
Were you into it when she wore her other stuff? Like you said above, she probably thought it was getting stale and wanted to spice it up for you.
Again, still stupid of her to use your money, but there’s a kernel of defensibility here.

Do you guys typically mix expenses/gift-give, or do you keep things anally separate?
My bf and I drop money on each other all the time without keeping track. I would never use his card, and I wouldn’t be okay with him using mine, but because we mingle our expenses enough that I could understand if he presumed that was an okay thing to do. I also understand being mad about it, but unless you guys have established that you don’t spend money on each other impulsively, I think you need to put this in perspective. Is 10 months and your whole potential future together worth less than $200? I get that it’s also a matter of broken trust, but sometimes shit happens, is it really not worth giving her a chance to earn your trust back?

I want to hear that being angry is fine. Even if her position is vaguely defensible she knows I'm saving money to go on a holiday and buy property and do all these other things with. I've explained my long term goals at length.

I want to know if from the outside this looks like something I should forgive or break up over. I got angry again while typing out the OP and I'm feeling like I should forgive this the first time now. I don't want or like to be unreasonable about this kind of stuff but this is just so way out of line with the rest of our relationship.

We spend money on our dates and stuff fairly evenly. I don't keep track per se but I probably only pay for 60% of our dating life. We've gone away for a couple of weekends together but split the bill evenly, and we're neither of us very interested in material things so we don't spend a lot of money on gifts. The only things we've given each other at this point is hand-made stuff or stuff that's more about the effort than the money spent.

Being angry is perfectly reasonable. I would've been angry too. Storming off and fuming about it for days without speaking to her is quite a bit too much. Just not a good way to handle conflict in a relationship. I think I would've cooled off after a few hours and made a decision, one way or the other.

Was the relationship otherwise going well up until this incident? Or was this the straw that broke the camel's back? The way you're talking in this thread, it seems like you really don't even like her.

elmao golddigger
>user its just 200
>i worth more than that *wink wink*

>I want to hear that being angry is fine.
You're a moron, OP. You're more concerned with validating your anger than with being an adult and resolving this. You've got this girl here crying, apologizing and promising to give you the money back for this stupid mistake she made and all you give a shit about is coming on the internet so a bunch of strangers can encourage you to continue being angry? Fuck outta here, dude. Either you want to resolve this thing or you want to keep rehashing it and re-explaining why you're angry and, I gotta tell you, its getting pretty ridiculous on your part. You got some serious issues, buddy.

How bout 250 for some of your fresh pie?

>I want to hear that being angry is fine.
I think it is. What she did was shitty. But it’s also forgivable, so while I think you’re right to be mad and defensible for being THIS mad, I think at some point you have to actually cool off and overcome it. She over stepped, but this is something you’ll have to deal with in serious relationships, it’s not like she’s done something in complete betrayal of everything you are together, like cheating or something. If you end up getting married (to her or anyone else) trusting your partner with your money is something you’ll realistically have to deal with. That doesn’t make it okay, she needs to learn this even more so. But her fucking up doesn’t mean you get to fuck up in how you handle it.
So sure, get mad, let it out, but then you need to calm down, regroup and fix the situation together.

She doesn't respect you. Try to get her to pay you back, but don't hang around just until she pays you. Dump her

I know I'm wound up about this but I have been treated like shit in past relationships and I swore it wouldn't happen again. It was stuff that's hard to see when you're in the middle of it but when you look back you go wow she was really mean to me.

If I've blown up out of proportion it's because of that. I'm going to call her and talk about it and I guess let it go.

In her mind you need to pay her for her “services”. Congratulations, you’re dating a whore.

Just wait until she has access to all of your accounts. You will build great debt together!

But now the shoe's on the other foot, and you're the one treating her like shit. Try to talk it out & set it right, and handle conflicts a little better in the future. You can't just disappear for days and stop answering calls/messages over a fight like this, honestly there's a good chance she won't take you back.

I do think she was wrong to take the card without asking, and you were right to be angry. But the way you chose to handle it is arguably worse than the thing she initially did

Just calm your shit, dude. Don't punish your current girlfriend for shit that old girlfriends have done. Don't get so caught up in yourself you let your anger dictate whats right and wrong and not your head. Like we keep saying, if an apology and an attempt to rectify their mistake isn't enough for you then what are you doing in a relationship? How do you plan on handling literally any other conflict if you don't want an apology and only want to punish her for making you angry? Think about it. Regardless of what her mistakes are no one is going to stick around in a relationship with you if that is how you behave.

This thread is full of women giving the worst feedback I've ever heard in my life. Of course it's not fucking okay to use your money to buy herself lingerie. That's a given. Doesn't she have money of her own?
>b-b-but user, she bought them to surprise him!
Absolute fucking bullshit, she bought it because she wanted to feel sexy. Besides, with this fucking logic it's okay to order an expensive dinner at a restaurant as a surprise for your gf, and then use her card to pay while she's on the toilet. What kind of a fucked up worldview is that?
She's just hamstering right now, trying to rationalize a retarded emotional impulse to steal money from you and make up an excuse that fits the crime.
I wouldn't invest anything more in this girl desu. She might be good for a few more fucks, but you need to emotionally disengage from your relationship and start searching for someone who respects you and has basic fucking morals at least.
Good luck.

I wonder what she will steal feom you or your family next after you let her off the hook for this shit test because of what a ballless sack of shit you are.

I get being angry desu, but if this is the first time something like this has happened in 9-10 months I'd let it go this once. Make it very clear that it's not something you're okay with and that she should have told you before you found out, but then move on.

Most important thing though, is not to do it halfway.
Don't forgive her without making it clear it's not okay.
Don't 'forgive her' but continue to hold a grudge, because that fucks a relationship hard.

If you were to forgive her and she did it again I'd end it instantly though.