Licensed Sex Therapist here, let me help you

Not OP, but you say you are "deeply in love with your boyfriend," and that is a much more important indicator of your sexuality than any of your porn consumption. Porn is porn, sexuality is about how you make choices with your actual sex life. So if you're female, you're straight, if you're male, you're gay.

When I was with my girlfriend I started to have these big performance issues because sometimes she would want us to have sex and for some reason I just wouldn't get hard. IMO it was always performance anxiety, because from the very start I was always worried about what could happen if I suddenly went limp while we were together, but eventually things spiraled out of control.

My own anxiety over the need to make sure she didn't get upset led me to avoiding situations where we could have sex at all costs, and eventually that affected our relationship. She started to feeling really bad and insecure about herself, which in turn led me to being even more afraid of sex because if for some reason I couldn't perform she'd immediately think it was because of her. So I started avoiding sex even more. I think this vicious cycle is pretty clear

Anyway I tried my best to just get through it and I think I managed to get over it to a certain extent, but that fear still persists in the back of my mind. We're not together anymore but I fear how this might affect me with other girls, and that eventually when I get into a new relationship that this will happen again.

I'm addicted to porn, strippers, escorts, and cam girls. I've spent upwards of 20k over the last five years on those activities. It's the only sense of validation I get from attractive women seeing as I'm a fat nerd. I'll never be able to get into any sort of relationship having to deal with all this guilt and shame but...I can't stop. If I stop I feel deprived. I need that touch. I need it bad.

Going to be meeting my long distance bf (faggot) IRL soon, both virgins. Any tips on first sex?

Attached: c01.jpg (535x767, 68K)

I barely feel anything during masturbation or sex and it kills my sex drive. Having my (actual) head rubbed feels better than having my dick sucked and my "orgasm" is pleasurable in the same way that peeing is; the feeling of having finally got rid of an annoying pressure. It's been like this as long as I remember and I'm not sure to what extent I might just be taking at face value and comparing myself to guys seriously overblowing how good sex/masturbation feels. I can just touch my girlfriend in the right place and she melts, meanwhile I can be ballsdeep in her and feeling nothing. Is this something that can be improved in any way through seeing a therapist? What would it involve?

Just take it one step at a time and have fun with each other. Kiss, start touching, and do what comes naturally. Expect to be clumsy, don't expect to get everything done on the first time

Hello OP, thanks for making this thread.

My first boyfriend, he's a couple decades older than me. So, this is my first sexual relationship whereas he's been around the block. We have an exciting sexual relationship; I engage a lot of his favourite sexual acts and fetishes.

Thing is, I don't think I fulfil him completely and it makes me feel sad about our sex life. He has a very fit body and has had very, very hot girlfriends in the past. He also watches a lot of porn; as in, he has terabytes saved on his PC and we sometimes watch it together during sex. I don't think he can orgasm from just me. Even without the porn, his eyes are always closed. He has some VERY unorthodox fetishes (in terms of type of girl which is impossible for me to fulfil) and I think it means he can't really have normal sexual bonding with me.

I'm not sure what to do. Some days I crave a boyfriend who is actually attracted to me and can have normal sex, and can watch me, to get off. But other times I just think, well the sex is fun and there is a bonding element from cumming inside me, and I can live with it. :/

>a couple decades older than me
Abort. If you want a long term relationship then it is doomed from the start, it's pretty obvious that he's only in it for the sex. If you're also only in it for the sex and you can cope with the fact that he needs porn to get off while having sex with you, then by all means continue. When one of the partners is "decades older", then it's a red flag for a serious, long term commited relationship.

Ok but i still want an answer. Im more curious about what the current interpretation would be than what i actually am.

>in it only for the sex

I don't think so, he has a huge choice of actually good looking, sexy-bodied girls he could've used for just sex. Actually, I think the fact he's older, fit, and with an ugly girl like me shows he's settling for stability instead of just having sex. Plus, as I said, if he's using porn instead of me - I'm not exactly a catch.

We've been together for 2 years now. But is the closing eyes thing an issue, what does it signify? I think he's addicted to porn and has weird creepy fetishes- it sucks desu

Have you ever been with a woman? Or is your only prior experience with "straightness" masturbating to porn? I would guess that you started out looking at the porn that you thought you were supposed to look at (straight) enjoyed it for a while because it was new and it's exciting to look at sex and nudity. But over time, your porn habits drifted closer to what you actually wanted (not straight) and then you acted out your sexual orientation in your actual love life/sex life (gay).

You are gay. Don't let your boyfriend hear you talking about how you "just got corrupted by porn" or he might feel pretty insulted

Nothing about this sounds healthy.

Can you elaborate as to why?

How are men and women supposed to feel confident in each other to be partners?

Most people cheat. With women, a man never knows if she’s telling him what she actually thinks or what she wants him to think. For example, “You’re so big (insert penis compliment here).” I’ve been in threesomes where I’ve watched the girl say the exact. Same. Shit. She said to me to this guy she was fucking.... and watched how the guy reacted.

I know my dick is average. How the hell am I supposed to enjoy her telling me I’m awesome when I know that’s just what she says to men?

Same on the flip side, men are constantly telling women all sorts of shit that is just plain false. No, she’s not the prettiest or the best in bed. No, I’m not the most sexually attracted to her.

Should people just fucking lie to each other?

A girl told me once I was “the best she’s ever had” (a common thing women say apparently). Later, I asked her about an ex who was twice my size. She tells me, “I know he’s physically bigger than you... and that means he can throw me around, put me in positions, etc....” when I pointed out that hey, uhhh, I’m not that big but I’m strong! Her response was that she understood I was just smaller and “didn’t expect that from me.”

The fuck? So apparently I’m the “best” but can’t offer her something concrete - like size - that this other guy can.

How the hell can I believe in fidelity when I’ve got women lying their assess off that I’m best while simultaneously admitting there are things other men can give her that I can’t?

My brain. It wants to explode. Just rampant lying everywhere.

>Most people cheat.
Stopped reading right there.

Well, what is the relationship like aside from sex? Everything you said about your sex life together makes it sound like he isn't really that attracted to you, but you're willing to do anything for him because he's your first boyfriend. It's one-sided, imbalanced, and he's going to break your heart if you've let yourself take this seriously.

Rude

Your insecurities are eating you alive, m8. If these women didn't want to be with you, they just wouldn't be with you. No matter who you are, there is always a bigger guy, a stronger guy, a better-looking guy, a guy with a bigger dick... you shouldn't have to be at the absolute pinnacle of the "food chain" in order to feel comfortable in a relationship.

The things you're referring to as "LIES" are really just compliments. People like to make each other feel nice during sex or in a relationship - emotionally as well as physically. Maybe you are just a very superficial person, and so you expect everyone else thinks the same as you

Im a transwoman, I pass and stuff only people who have known me a long time know i was more male or whatever.
Two questions--how do i get my immediate family to stop mocking me/calling me by the wrong name and gender
And, how can i become more comfortable and happy with myself enough to date? (I have MDD and my life is a giant mess+has been for 5+years )
How would that feel? Coke in your urethra doesn't sound pleasant.

Idk why I'm insecure about my size, but is there a way to boost my confidence in this department ? ive been with my gf for 4 happy years and I consider the sex pretty intense and we never have to use lube if that matters lol, but so insecure I've never even measured it. Has watching porn really warped my perspective of sex this much? How, and what should I do to help myself?

I can't really talk to him much about my life, I think it's quite boring and he doesn't show much interest. But we spend so much of our time together and he has no friends beside me. He's quite supportive when it's something important (family issues, extreme work issues) and he's a big provider - quite masculine, likes to be the breadwinner, likes to be a protector. He's very emotionally open; he's cried in front of me, and talks to me about his insecurities.

I'm usually quite level headed and mature, but you're right. I'm sacrificing a lot for him, because he is my first boyfriend and I really do connect with him on a deep level. I remember finding a post he made about me on Jow Forums, where he said he's had a lot of girlfriends and knows that our relationship is something special and significant.

>It's one-sided, imbalanced, and he's going to break your heart if you've let yourself take this seriously.
How do you think he'll break my heart? I'm petrified of that happening. How do I not take a relationship seriously? We've been together 2 years now...do I just anticipate betrayal? Change my behaviour?

Probably a mix of gay and desentized but love answers that Bro science but if something is lowering your sexual motivations it can be a relationship issue First time anal takes time and patience don’t be afraid to look up a guide or skip it for now

The issue here is we have to locate your core issue, are you helping your dysphoria? Is your family causing it to gross worse?

How old are you and how old is he? You sound very good natured but also pretty naive.

What are the fetishes?

OP, what's the best thing for a woman to tell a guy that's insecure about her having had many (or any) sex partners before him?

:/ young girls.

He's 41 and I'm 23. And yeah, I feel really naive and I've told him so. I lack experience with men and part of me thinks he's using that against me. I feel it's the right thing to just leave and be by myself for the rest of my life, but equally he's a good friend. If I leave, I'll have lost a very close friend,

>Licensed Sex Therapist here, let me help you

I was raised a very conservative Christian but am an agnostic now. I am addicted to the idea of premarital sex, but I feel a level of guilt about it that is almost unreal. It verges on physical pain. As a result, I have self-sabotaged many opportunities for sex because the closer I get to it, the stronger the already unbearable guilt gets. It actually has me gasping for air -- and of course, there's no way my dick works in this state without having to use Viagra.

I find it hard to view women sexually in real life, despite finding them attractive.

Nothing in the world makes me more excited than the prospect of having sex with an attractive woman. Nothing in the world also causes me greater pain.

I don't know what to do

Attached: images-37.jpg (429x343, 17K)

I don't find the risks of humiliation, abasement, and animal glory that comes with pursuing sex remotely attractive, how can I get over this so I can actually try?

Oh dear

Im helping my dysphoria as best I can? My family absolutely makes it worse, but i can't do much of anything to fix my dysphoria atm, because the only solution for what ails me is surgery now I think.

Probably just wait then not every one is out there taking up numbers nor is every one who does do that obtain happiness from it

As cliche as it is to say probably probably something about a “new you” you can also try the “you benefit from it all” approach but that rarely works

Forgive if my answers have been relatively short, my idea was to get some detailed solutions to common themes among post but work and lack of sleep has been canning some of that. I’ll go into more detail when I have time

Attached: 0187CB3A-F608-4367-9996-EF6FFDB941DF.jpg (500x666, 47K)

If it doesn't make you happy, then talk to him. If he won't change, that's a red flag big enough to make you seriously consider the viability of a long term relationship. If he won't change for you, then I would seriously consider leaving.
Life is to short to spend with people who *should* be good, but aren't.
Godspeed.

23 is really young isn't it? I don't mean to be paranoid, but I think some of those terabytes might not exactly be.... kosher
h-how young are we exactly talking here?

>In my case I do mostly marriage
>let me help you

how much for you to come over to my house and you and me give my wife a demonstration of how women achieve orgasm during vaginal sex?

any trips on how to get my wife to do more freaky stuff in the bedroom? i love potatoes and gravy, but sometimes i want to spice things up, if you catch my drift.

Is it? I don't have a child-like body: very thick thighs, belly fat, big hips, broad shoulders.

And yeah, I've seen the young child models he's into. Pic related is one from his collection :/ and they get a lot more provocative.

I'm just such a pathetic idiot that I can't leave him. Honestly, thinking about having stayed with him for so long, I feel trapped and just want to kill myself instead.

Attached: Kylee-Model_set11_sample.jpg (853x1280, 184K)

>having such low standards that you settle for a pedophile sexual degenerate boyfriend

How do I stop feeling manipulative and dastardly whenever I think about trying to attract someone?

I've recently lost a bit of weight but one thing that I thought would also change besides the number on the scale was my dick size.

Although it does look "bigger" it's only gone from 4 inches to 5 inches if I'm pressing down. I still have another 60lbs to lose but I doubt I'll see much more.

Anyways how do I stop thinking about it. I have a ton more confidence with women but when I see it can lead to more I stop because I'm afraid they're going to laugh. I don't think I can take that, it'd probably fuck me up. How do I get around this type of thinking?

so you have skin flaps and a tiny weener? jeez man why even live.

How do I stop having performance anxiety? Every time I’m with a new girl I freak out about whether she’ll like me or I’ll be good, and it makes it hard to keep it up

I'm going to be completely serious with you: there's a good chance he have child porn on his computer. Do you know the password to his computer? Probably not, and honestly, I can understand if violating his privacy on a hunch isn't the first thing on our list of priorities, but you should seriously consider breaking this up. If you're worried about losing a friend, then make more before the breakup. as for his tastes, understand the eggshells you are treading on.

how do I just get rid of sexual desires? they cause me nothing but pain and suffering

He's told me he isn't into child porn. Only likes looking at those "models", like the one I posted. It makes me feel sick thinking about it, it makes me sick when I come across folders of those models. He's very honest when I've asked and I have no reason to distrust him - he told me about this a month into dating and has shown me his folders.

If I break up with him, I WILL kill myself. I've already considered it and made plans. I own fentanyl-laced heroin for a couple months and a needle - I'm opiate intolerant and I'm sure it will kill me once I inject.

Pretty much but there's more to life than getting laid. I still love my life. I just need help getting over this problem with my dick.

The skin flaps I can understand, I did this to myself and they're there to remind myself of what can happen if I let myself go again. The dick part I had no control over.

>he told me
Are you sure you’re 23 and not 13?

Might be why he likes me, honestly.

Time to fucking off myself.

My insecurities are challenges like anything else.

It’s not about being the pinnacle of the food chain, it’s about consistency in belief and behavior, otherwise known as telling the truth, that bothers me.

It goes like this: I depend on my partner, otherwise I wouldn’t have a partner and would just do it myself. How can I depend on someone who flatters me to make me feel good so that I can make her feel good too in bed?

Think about that. She wants me to desire her... so she tells me things she thinks I want to hear... so that I desire her.

Life sometimes comes down to life and death. I’ve been there. When I have death at my door step, I don’t want someone telling me hot air to make me feel good. I want someone who when they say something, they actually fucking mean or else don’t say it.

That is apparently unicorn in this life from both men and women.

How am I supposed to have a partner when I can’t trust what the fuck they’re saying to me.

What is the point in a sex therapist? Most of the 'rules' are fairly easy to figure out and the difficult part is sustaining the interest and putting in the effort to reach goals. Employing a therapist can help, but really is just allowing yourself permission to do what you know you need to do and put some motivation and self belief into the whole endeavour for both sides.

Like .. I want a better sex life. We want a better sex life. But I'm not putting in the required effort. If I pay somebody to validate my choices, then I'm more likely to stick to the required effort, and it says to myself and especially my partner 'look, I'm working on this look'.

Why not just do it anyway? Good sex is basically doing everything that the woman wants to allow sex to happen anyway. The reward is in the chase and the sex must be viewed as a fringe benefit. It is like some weird ass CBT.

Example. I'm great at sex and have a massive dick and am quite often butt hurt that she doesn't orgasm from penetration alone. The answer is to put more effort into foreplay. Pay attention to my partners responses and do more of what she likes to ensure orgasm. Try not to focus on it so much and just enjoy the experience, sex can be fun even when orgasm isn't reached, even when sex isn't reached blah blah.

Do what she likes always. Teach yourself to not have the goals you want.

I really hope you can look beyond this.

lose weight

How can I, when he's ruined my life for 2 years and crushed my self esteem because I can never be what he wants? And in the end, I'll have to settle for someone I don't even like that much because I've never had a close friend in my life. Except this guy and he turns out to be a complete degenerate.

I just want to die instead of remember this humiliation.

Look at it this way, you've got a story now. You can write a book (under a pseudonym if you want) and help other young women avoid predators like him.

>just want to kill myself instead.
you should

Oh come on, we both know that that's some optimistic impossibility. It's like saying the experience of being molested gives you a story.

I tried so hard not to be a complete tool, an embarrassment, and he's probably laughing about me all this time. I can't look at young girls now without thinking "I don't look like her, look how youthful she looks, men want someone like that". I already started off fucked in the head and now I'm irreparably screwed.

I'm not but like, chill out. You're not the first person who's done this sort of thing and you won't be the last. Not even on Jow Forums. I remember a while ago there was a guy in a similar situation

Just relax; no one's going to blame you. You're young; you have the right to make mistakes of just this kind.

You don't even need to make it a big deal to leave: just decide that you want time to be and develop into your own person. That's the most reasonable thing anyone at your age would want, and is super common.

Take some time off; do something like go travelling by yourself; clear your mind. You'll be fine

How do I start enjoying eating out my girlfriend more. I'm Italian and I hate eating girls out. I don't like the taste.

>Take some time off; do something like go travelling by yourself; clear your mind. You'll be fine

Thanks for the advice user, but I've already done the whole travelling alone thing. That's how I met him.

>guy in a similar situation
How can a guy be in a similar situation, girls don't have depraved fetishes such as these.

I just feel so stupid and guilty. This was so wrong, and I knew he was bad news, but I'm an idiot and fell for the meagre amount of attention because I've never had a friend. I will remember this and remember how much time I wasted - I don't to remember. I don't want to wake up.

>girls don't have depraved fetishes such as these.

Lol, some do.

>girls don't have depraved fetishes such as these.
lmao

How do I bridge the gap between my wank fantasies and my physical relationship with my SO?

Is it dangerous/unhealthy/concerning to not have sex for six years

communication

>girls don't have depraved fetishes such as these.

Attached: 1380947897269.png (234x236, 9K)

Why is it that I don't feel attracted to anyone? Every time a girl shows possible attraction to me it just doesn't seem to register in my mind.

You guys genuinely think there are woman that like little girls and save lewd modelling pictures of them? Really?

...

Anal is degenerate change my mind

Can't change you mind if you're objectively right.
>seriously though, do you really want poop on your dick?

Attached: 2018-06-20 13.28.27.jpg (677x852, 310K)

I have a really tough fetish - dolls/statues. This isn't something I can or want to bring into the bedroom. But I get super aroused dressing Barbie dolls or collecting comic statues/art.

I'm stuck in this little fantasy world in my own head and as such haven't had sex in five years despite ample opportunity. This is all like my deepest, darkest secret, as I'm a normal, reasonably attractive and successful dude outside of here.

How do I get my head straight and shake this fetish, and want to deal with normal women? I've also wasted at least 10,000 on this shit, for stuff that I mostly have hidden away in private spaces of my home.

I mean, well, shit, if you want to off yourself that's your choice. But imo *that* would be the real reason to be embarrassed. Because like, you made a mistake: Ok. It hurts unbearably: Ok. But then you an hero over it? Well, no. Falling over and then deciding to quit the race - That's failing far worse than anything you've mentioned here. Think about it.

But yeah, do what you want. Personally, I recommend talking to a counselor. Or check out 7cups.com to have someone to talk to

why hide it if you never bring anyone home anyway?

>seriously though, do you really want poop on your dick?
m-maybe...

I haven't been sexually active for 8 or 9 years, and I've been a complete shut in for the last few. I have a shitty job that barely pays anything and I live with my mom. Is there any hope for me to have a sex life again, let alone have meaningful relationships with people? Are there any steps I can take? I'm at the point where I want to change but it feels like I'm in over my head.

> Falling over and then deciding to quit the race - That's failing far worse than anything you've mentioned here.

user, you made me cry with this line.

Should I talk to a counsellor about it all? It's so embarrassing and I've not said it aloud, it makes it almost imaginary. They'll think I'm crazy and laugh about me staying for so long unhappy.

That and worse.

Yes, talk to someone. No, they won't laugh. Your story, by far, is not the strangest thing they've ever heard. I promise you.

user that's super duper gross. It's literally poop.
>honestly though, you could get a uti or something.

Even the worst counselors wouldn't do something like that. Definitely go for therapy.

Yes little girls but especially little boys
independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/sharp-rise-reported-in-child-abuse-by-women-1817509.html

Are you from lolcow/crystal cave?

It's a guy thing. We've been putting our dicks into strange things forever just to feel something new.

Thanks user. I still don't know if I can do this, but this is the closest I feel to independence from him.

Btw, I'm not 23 as stated above. I'm actually 20 :/ I know I'm immature and retarded, wish I could just forget it forever.

Start lifting weights. It's not a magical cure for everything, but you will at least feel a little better about yourself. Also, you will lose some weight.

Nigga I'm a dude. I'm just joking around, but I honestly can't wrap my head around why you would want to stick you dick in what amounts to a yogurt tube of shit when there's a nice clean vagina a couple inches away.

I've been to therapy when I was younger, and I've always had difficulty being completely honest. It's embarrassing vocalising some of the things I think and now I really do have something to be embarrassed about. When I come across his folders, I save them on my PC, and I cry and feel sick whenever I see them again. Like, I get some sick pleasure out of remembering how stupid and naive I am. And now I feel complicit.

Why was he so vocal to me about it? He said he's never told another girlfriend because they would've dumped him. I'm so pathetic that he knew I wouldn't leave.

No, just Jow Forums.

>vagina
>clean
oh sweetie

>literally has a special acid mantle to keep it clean.
It's better than an asshole.

You should just kill yourself considering you're basically an accomplice to someone holding child pornography. You're sick and deluded.