Openly jealous bf

Is it red flag or normal if bf flat out admits he's jealous/insecure towards other boys and would like to know all other boys you talk to? Or is it a good because he's open about having these feelings and wants to get over them? How should I react? Should I help him and how?

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He's insecure about himself and knows that you are out of his league. He's scared that you might be cheating on him whenever you talk to another guy. He has to help himself since I'm sure you've reassured him several times now that everything is fine.

It's good that he's communicating with you about this instead of bottling it up. In a relationship triangulation causes pain and he's feeling pain whether you believe it to be warranted or not and it needs to be discussed.

If you have male friends that you text, joke with or play games with regularly where he's not involved then you could be hurting him. Triangulating your partner with another man, even if you see the relationship platonic, makes a man feel insecure.

Guys with lower self-esteem are more affected than those with higher self-esteem but that doesn't mean it's healthy for the relationship. You're going to want to restrict or cut contact with any male friend that's not respecting your relationship by taking time away from you that could have been used to hang out with your boyfriend.

I might be able to provide more advice if you elaborate on your situation more.

1. Its a gigantic red flag. The more you entertain this behavior the worse it will get. I don't know any normal, well-adjusted woman who would put up with constantly being punished and controlled underneath a dude's insecurity.

2. The biggest fucking mistake you can ever make in dating is going into it thinking you can help fix someone. The quickest way to get yourself into a miserable relationship is thinking that with your "help" you can somehow make your partner into someone you want them to be instead of acknowledging who they are. Participate in this relationship if you want to but unless he's actively seeing a therapist right now you will 100% regret continuing to see this guy.

When it comes to jealousy, always think of it like this: a little bit of jealousy cute, it shows that he cares about you and doesn't want to lose you to someone else.

However, excessive jealousy is a HUGE red flag. Jealousy can ruin a relationship if it crosses the line. And by the sound of it your boyfriend crossed it. Excessive jealousy is a sign of immaturity, insecurity an feeling inferior.

I think we need more information here before we go down the 'guy is a control freak/needs therapy' path. I'm interested to see her side of the story.

Jealousy can also be a natural response to a situation where a partner is hurting the jealous companion by introducing a competing man into the equation. It's too soon to judge without more information.

>admits he's jealous/insecure towards other boys and would like to know all other boys you talk to?
>I think we need more information here before we go down the 'guy is a control freak/needs therapy'
Go outside, jesus you people are fucking retarded. Either that or your exactly that jealous and fishing for justification that ok.

Telling people to cut friends out of their life isn't good relationship advice.

What is good advice is that it is better that it is out in the open. OP, there are things you can do to make him more comfortable and help to mitigate the jealousy, but if someone tells you to cut friends out of your life then that person is being controlling or encouraging controlling behavior. if the person is actively disrespecting the relationship or trying to make a move, then it's a different story. But hanging out with someone else who happens to be a guy by itself is not cheating or being disrespectful. This goes for both men and women, regardless.

Reassure your boyfriend. Provide evidence that nothing is happening behind his back if he needs it. Make sure he knows that you're crazy about him. Support each other and communicate. And if a guy does start to cause a serious problem, THEN cut him out of your life.

Or perhaps you're too self-absorbed, arrogant and callous to wait for the other side of the story to see if his reaction was justified?

If she has a friend that has crossed the line with her then cutting contact is the only option. If she's hanging out with other men that have confessed to her or she has dated in the past that's what you have to do to secure a relationship and why I mentioned it.

He could have a perfectly justifiable reason, like his last girlfriend sold him out to the mob or something. That doesnt justify OP having to put up with it.
Or are you waiting for OP to say she's cheated on him before and call her a whore?

If OP cares about her relationship she will discuss with him why he feels that way. As I mentioned previously his feelings may be warranted or they might not be. If they aren't warranted and her boyfriend is too insecure to be her partner then she'll have to decide to end the relationship or not.

Also, if OP cheated in her previous relationships I wouldn't call her anything. I don't get a high off beating others down. Human beings screw up, that's what we do best. There are some people out there though that are psychologically violent with their infidelity. Mainly people afflicted with Cluster B personality disorders, but I wouldn't beat those people down either.

here's a big difference between a friend you're hanging out with and someone who had been sexual or invasive. You didn't make any distinction.

>get really attractive gf
>she has a few male friends that clearly want to fug
>she thinks they are just friends
>start to get sort of jealous and tell gf about how i feel
>she assures me they are just friends
>they keep pushing her to hang out
>she asks if i can come to hang out with them
>they end up going nvm every time i am mentioned
>eventually she realized what game they were playing
>cuts them out of her life
>start to trust gf completely.

I don't think it's an unreasonable request for him to know your friends, male or female

Op here. He has never tried to punish or control me because I talked to someone. He becomes depressed when he gets jealous, not aggressive. He tells he's aware that his fears are not real but still gets jealous feelings. We are both first time in a relationship so there's no exes or cheating in past. I sometimes chat and play games with my male friends, but almost never see them in real life. I play way more with my bf than with them.

This is pretty correct. He thinks I'm out of his league. How can you tell someone to help themselves?

You can't really tell someone, only encourage them to pursue it on their own. Stay open and honest with him, encourage him to have confidence in himself, and give him time.

My husband used to have trust issues because he had been cheated on repeatedly in the past. What helped him was us being honest and communicative, talking stuff out and supporting each other, and reaffirming our affection very frequently. There was one time where stuff coincidentally seemed like I was trying to hide my computer from him, and he had flashback to the times he had been cheated on. I had nothing to hide, so I let him see everything that I had been doing, and that put him at ease. We know we're crazy about each other and don't want anybody else.

My point isn't that we need more information, the point is that encouraging anybody who is dating someone who displays this kind of behavior to "wait for more information" is dangerous. If we're actually addressing OP and her well being then its absolutely logical to encourage her not to invest in a relationship with someone that displays controlling, obsessive behavior, regardless of how deeply seated these issues may or may not be. The point of the post was to protect OP, not indict her boyfriend.

>The biggest fucking mistake you can ever make in dating is going into it thinking you can help fix someone. The quickest way to get yourself into a miserable relationship is thinking that with your "help" you can somehow make your partner into someone you want them to be instead of acknowledging who they are

You must have missed something when reading my reply because I was directing my comment towards people in the thread to wait for more information, not OP.

Going to ask a few questions here because life isn't this simple:

Does your boyfriend play games with your other male friends along with you?

Do you believe that you're building an emotional connection with any of the male friends that you play games with? Do you feel like you confide in these friends more than your boyfriend?

Have you told any of your male friends that your boyfriend is jealous of them at any point or talk him down to them?

Do you got to visit any of these single male friends without your boyfriend there?

Have you ever felt that you would rather play with some other guy instead of your boyfriend?

Your boyfriend might be picking up on subtle things that you might be feeling. It's not wrong to feel these things, but you have to be honest with how you feel about him as well as other men.

Well, seeing as how this thread is about helping OP I'm not sure how that matters. The amount of information we have concerning the details of his behavior is irrelevant to what OP's safest course of action should be.

Its a sign he is not fully settled with himself requiring you to "complete" him, a person really comfortable with themselves wouldn't care and knows what happens happens and if you do cheat just means he has to move on and kind of based on his judgment to pick a significant other. He can't loose you because he would loose a part of himself, he really cares about you.

Means he loves ya a lot and is afraid to lose you to another guy. It's happened to me before.
>Get a gf
>She friends with alottaguys
>Me afraid to lose her I get clingy
>3 months dating she tells me we just friends now
>Completely cuts me off a week later
>mfw she's dating another dude
>cucked.png

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Just stay open with him OP it'll pass with time

>He can't loose you because he would loose a part of himself, he really cares about you.

100% on point broski

>Does your boyfriend play games with your other male friends along with you?
No, but I tell him what we do.

>Do you believe that you're building an emotional connection with any of the male friends that you play games with? Do you feel like you confide in these friends more than your boyfriend?
Maybe with one of them but it's not a strong emotional connection. I don't confide in them or talk about my bf with them.

>Have you told any of your male friends that your boyfriend is jealous of them at any point or talk him down to them?
No.

>Do you got to visit any of these single male friends without your boyfriend there?
No.

>Have you ever felt that you would rather play with some other guy instead of your boyfriend?
Very rarely.

I have seen this thread months ago with the exact same replies. What is happening guys? Deja vu? A 4chin script I don't know of? Am I able to see the future?

Many men have jealousy issues.

I'm talking about me predicting the context of the replies from word to word dude. This feels insane but I think my peanut brain is playing with me. I must've browsed this thread subconsciously hours ago?

As for your boyrfiend, OP, I can relate to him very much. I'm very insecure too and it leads to jealosy. In no way I would ever let that jealosy turn into aggression and harm someone, I just feel like shit for a few weeks. It's perpetual. Just know that your boyfriend very likely loves you very much. More than he does himself.

Some people sometimes see in their dreams a short vision of what they're going to do/read on the next day. You might've seen it in a dream and might have slight psychic abilities.

All that matters here is what you're willing to put up with and how he respects your demand. What is acceptable to him and what isn't, and what you're willing to work with. Him becoming depressed, is probably more of a manipulation. My rule of thumb would be to not inconvenience your life or comfort, for what is basically his own mental problem. If you're being open with your platonic communications, and if you're willing to introduce him to guys you may hang out or work with, that should be enough, but if you're going to have to just cut people out of your life to keep him happy, then know that that is where it begins, and not where it ends.

No amount of obedience on your part will help him seethe light. Dude probably needs therapy.

Alright, so I think this is where his insecurity is stemming from. You favor one of these men you play games with. You might not see this friend as a mate but it seems you enjoy his company and he enjoys yours. This may seem innocent on the outside, and it may well be at the moment, but emotional affairs are start this way and before you know it you're in too deep.

This energy dynamic that you have with your male friend is going to affect your boyfriend and if your boyfriend has underdeveloped self-esteem then he will be more easily affected. He might be the empathetic type and sense your inner-feeling that at one point or another you have favored this other man over him when you discuss what you guys did in-game together.

Playing a game with another person is an emotional experience. I've fallen into a relationship that started out in an MMO many years ago and I also have friends and know several other people who have married people they've met in these games.

Right now you have a three person dynamic in your relationship. If you look up triangulation in relationships you will understand what I'm talking about. When you introduce competition, even the most innocent form of competition, it will cause pain - sometimes subtle sometimes more intense.

Some people will say that your boyfriend should just let things continue as is and restrain is genuine feelings about the situation but that's not healthy for him or for you.

The reason I'm interested in your story is because I'm speaking from experience here. I dated an exceptionally attractive woman that wanted to try league of legends streaming on Twitch, I had my reservations about it but I knew she would be ridiculously successful so I supported her decision to my own detriment.

I ended up getting triangulated with hordes of guys and even though I have high self-esteem it started to get to me once her followers went well into the thousands and the private messages, massive donations and lusty DMs started stacking up.I just let it go because I'm not jealous of other men and your average LoL player is a barely functioning human. To wrap the sad story up quickly, she ended up leaving me on her birthday after I gave her presents (she kept them) and fucked some guy she met through the game two weeks later.

I mean, don't hide male contacts from him?

For jealousy, being open is usually a good sign.

Thanks for advice. I'm sorry your experience ended like that, but don't you think competition between men is healthy and natural and part of male life that should be accepted? You competed with thousands of guys and were better than them. In the end only one was better in your ex-gf's eyes, so now you know you're a really good man if only one in thousands can challenge you. The experience probably made you grow as a person, stronger and even better man even though it hurt.

all that story says is that he's a moron who falls for attention seeking mental cases

Thanks, it was a learning experience for sure and I learned a lot about relationship dynamics from it and I know now to speak my feelings as your boyfriend has to you. It wouldn't have changed anything in my situation as her lust for male attention was insatiable and it was inevitable.

Funny thing is she did a hit and run on that guy and was with another guy a few weeks later. In-between she flirted with me saying she was going wear a dress I got her on her stream because she missed me and wanted to make other guys jealous by saying a special friend got it for her. I told her that was the most absurd thing I've ever heard and I haven't talked to her since. I'm a firm believer in no contact and while it was initially painful it has been more than a year now and I feel like I'm fully recovered from it.

When you're in a relationship with someone you have to protect the unity. There are many thousands of people that you are going to be compatible with but unless you want to jump from one painful experience to the next you have to eventually shut the door on competition and learn how to keep your distance from people who show interest.

Every moment spent with another man, one on one, is a moment lost that could have been spent with your partner, strengthening your connection with him. As this is your first relationship you have yet to learn this the hard way but with time you will see that while competition for mates is natural for humans, it's unhealthy to continue that into a relationship as it will always create a sense of tension, unease and will lead to men and women being afraid to say how they feel and bottling it up to the point they blow their brains out because they can't take it anymore.

Anyway, good luck with your situation, you have some tough decisions to make, just make sure you're open and honest with how you feel. Don't let the relationship die a slow death because you're too afraid of being honest with how you feel.

And I wouldn't disagree. I'm unfortunately attracted to narcissistic women but I've learned my lesson. Their personalities are just the way they look, candy coated exterior but an empty abyss on the inside. I know to stay clear from here on out. But the red flags were there but I gave them all a pass because I trusted her and I don't hold people's pasts over their heads because we all fuck up in life.

This is OP

>OMG like my boyfriend totally wants me to stop talking to other men who want to fuck me like our relationship is soooo toxic


You should be flogged with an old length of hose

Didn't read OP, but i really needed to hear this, thank you user.

God it hurts to see so much thoughtless advice.

Yes, it's a red flag.
People aren't slaves and you shouldn't be controlled. Trust is earned, not begged for.

>If you have male friends that you text, joke with or play games with regularly where he's not involved then you could be hurting him. Triangulating your partner with another man, even if you see the relationship platonic, makes a man feel insecure.

Is this why my boyfriend gets all moody and pissy when he hears I’ve been playing games with his friends when he’s not around? Or when I mention they’ve been messaging me? Should I stop talking to them or just stop mentioning it to him? I honestly have zero interest in any of his friends and most of them have girlfriends of their own so I don’t know why he gets so insecure.

this rarely happens user so good for you. my last gf got mad at me for discovering she had so many male friends I didn't even know about and saying something. she gave the same assurances being just friends and all but even when it was blatantly obvious she kept on. of course she kept on with them because she ended up cheating with one. she didn't cut any of them off because she didn't want to