Can I fix this?

Huge fucking tl;dr, but some adv would be really nice.

she was my neighbor last spring. there were house parties sometimes, and she would come over. when I first met her, I thought nothing about her. but we ended up sitting together talking, to the point where everyone else left and it was just us

we started going for walks in the neighborhood
and then, one day, we found this hidden english garden with pools and statues
we picked red currants together in the afternoon shade

eventually, we started sleeping together. not sex. just us cuddling. she moved to a new place that June. and we kept staying together. we grew inseparable. we spent all our time together, and it was beautiful. I sorta FWBed her because I didn't know how I felt and wasn't ready for a relationship

it wasn't until the Fall when we started to grow closer. we went to concerts, had sex in a graveyard on Halloween, went for night runs and found hidden paths in the woods

I got home from work one November evening, and she was crying in the kitchen. I held her, and she looked into my eyes and told me she loved me.I told her I loved her too. and I did, but I just didn't feel it completely.

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New years eve was magical. All my friends came up, and all her friends came too. we all spent the entire 3 day weekend having fun and exploring the town. December 31st, at the end of the night, we kissed for the first time. right in the middle of everyone at the party. all of our friends were clapping and awwing. it's a moment frozen in time for me

January 7th, I get home from work at 10pm. At 11, I get a call. It's the area code of my dad's county. I answer. It was the police
They found his body rotting into his bed. He had been dead at least a week. They found drugs: morphine, xanax, vodka, heroin surrounding his body. He overdosed.

He lived alone, so no one knew he was dead. The neighbors called when they saw the driveway had not been shoveled in a week.
My dad's 2 year old dog was found emaciated, covered in shit, when my gf and I got there the next day. I have no idea how she survived a week without food

We took her to my gf's apartment, where we had been living. the house was in total debt. it went into foreclosure, and the bank took everything. I barely was able to keep my car (he held the title).

This is where things went downhill between us.
That same month, I crashed my car, got my hours cut from 35 to 12 at work, and my grandma died. I fell into depression, and she rushed in to care for me and love me in a way that no one had ever done for me before. She cooked us dinner every night, held me, and did amazing things for me

This was okay for the January and February, but I should have gotten my shit together by March and I didn't. I had stopped working on fixing myself and acting like a man, like I was before. I allowed her to infantilize me, in a way. She cared for me in a way a gf should never care for a bf.

I let it happen because it felt good, put all my attention and focus on her/us, and stopped moving forward in my life

I first met her parents in Februrary. Her dad works for a fortune 500, and makes 250,000 a year. At first, they liked me and had compassion for my loss. I met them 7-8 more times in the following months. They really liked me. But I was still just working a dead end job and not making something for myself. Meanwhile their daughter was about to go to medical school.

June is where things took a sharp turn
Her parents invited us both to a week long hike in the mountains. It was a terrible mistake to go. It was a total setup. They used the trip as a means to analyze me and determine if I was good enough for their daughter.

my gf told me to open up and relax, since they liked me. I did that, and it was an awful mistake. I showed them a bit of my depressive side. I also was still working at the shit job, and hadn't moved forward in life in the 5 months since they met me

by the end of the trip, they hated me (due to depression and lack of self-work), and put pressure on her to break up with me.

she agreed, in tears. we went for a walk the night we got back. we talked about our future, and if we should break up. we agreed not to, and to see eachother in secret

A few days later, she left for medical school in a new city. I had to move back into the ghetto
I was a fucking wreck, and started acting needy/desperate towards her to spend time together. We spent a weekend together June 30th. Sunday night, she started crying in my arms. I asked her why. She finally told me that she felt like she was unsure about us. I reacted very poorly and cried like a huge faggot.

I drove home that Monday morning. She called me that night, and told me we needed to break up. That Sunday, I went to get my stuff from her. I was stoic, smiling. I told her I wouldn't be friends with her. That I only want a relationship, or nothing. She cried. We cuddled. had sex. she decided to not end it. She said she loved me too much.

I saw her a few more times in the next couple of weeks. One weekend, I pushed hard for us to hang out (bad idea, she was wanting space). Her parents came down instead, and stayed the full 3 days with her. I get a call from her sunday. She's bawling, saying that she just can't do it and we need to end it for good
4 weeks pass.

Mid august I drove down to scatter my dad's ashes, which had been sitting in the trunk of my car since January. I call her, and tell her to meet me at her place so we can meet up and I can get my things from her.

We hugged when we saw eachother. My stuff was packed on the kitchen table. We went up to her room, and she cried. Her mascara ran, and stained my shirt and she held me. I asked her if this is what her heart truly wanted. She said yes.

We kissed, but she broke away. We exchanged letters. She was surprised I had written one. We held eachother for awhile, in silence. She looked into my eyes, and said I love you. I said I loved her too.

She said she would never forget me, and would love me forever. She begged me to stay friends. I said I couldn't do that

I said goodbye, and drove off. She texted me 20 minutes later, with a pic showing the pendant I gave her. She said that she will love me forever, and that I'll always have a piece of her heart. I reply back saying the same, holding the painting she made for me after my dad passed.

It's been 35 days and we haven't spoken since. I think about her every day. I muffle my tears into my pillow so my roommate doesn't hear. The pain is unlike anything I've ever felt. I feel it in my soul. It's been transformational.

I FINALLY am now getting my shit together, have a new job, have a training program starting in October, and classes starting in January. All the shit I should have done when I was with her that would have made her and her parents think I wasn't a deadbeat, but obviously now it's too late lol.

so there's the tl;dr. If you read all of this, seriously thank you.

I was thinking of either maintaining no contact forever and forgetting about her and just start bitterly dating thots.

Or reaching out in mid Oct when I'm busy and having shit going for me again.

Is this remotely fixable or is it fucked beyond repair and should I give up?

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if she can't handle u at ur worst

...

she don't deserve u at ur best

bump

pls I put a lot of effort into this post

She broke up with you because she wants to please her parents. Do what you want. I think you’ll be heartbroken for a while either way.

>a lot of effort
not enough, boi.
write a tl;dr now and don't make it two posts long

Literally fuck this thread. Cut it to 140 words or less. Your piece of shit is over 1400 words right now.