How to make a LDR work? I'm in one now and I'd like to know. It's my first serious relationship, I'm 19 she's 18 and we're both virgins(she's waiting till marriage and I didn't have any luck). When we see each other I can tell she's soaking wet when we kiss so there's that I guess
Thanks
You're too young for this shit, LDRs require enormous amounts of maturity and dedication, otherwise they just wither on the vine. Enjoy it while it lasts, user.
I've on a LDR for more than 3 years now. Luckily we don't live so far away, so we can see each other every 2 months more or less, sometimes every 1 month.
I think that you both have to want it to work so bad, and truly love each other. Because there will be times where you suffer a lot for her and you wish that feeling just stops, but love is the only thing that keeps both of people in a ldr, in my opinion.
If you're doing this Christian thing then pray together and make your intentions clear that you want to marry her. Get in a position to have something to offer her (the term is engedi) and propose and then go through marriage preparation classes.
If you do this you will have a solid enviable relationship that the naysers will cry themselves to sleep over.
Thanks. I want it to last.
We live on seperate parts of europe. I've visited once already. I'm not sure about here intentions, but I think she wants it to work too. I've suffered so much already, the stress and nerves, doubts, her not replying or taking too long to reply and constantly making excuses(fucking phones dead, cooking, like how long does it take to reply during cooking? 5 seconds?). I told her many times that if it should continue like this then I want off. Then a week ago we met and I never felt better. Now it seems it's coming back to how it was. For fuck's sake. I even thought of somehow hacking her fb account or some shit.
For example, today we were supposed to talk. She went to take a bath, about an hour later, she claims her phone's dead, so I ask if she can speak now, left me on read, offline.
Thanks
bump, I messaged her again. Basically something like this.
So, we're going back to the same routine of me messaging you, you not replying and me worrying? If so, I'm not up for that. I'm going out of my mind. Is it so bad that I desire some form of respect and some love and that I want at least someone to not treat me like shit all my life? Because I feel like it and I hoped you wouldn't do that. Then I said I don't imagine a life without her and the distance makes it hard etc.
>being that insecure
>sending her that shit
Your 'relationship' is going to be over by the end of the month.
ooooo lad
You are definitely going to regret that
Yikes
Why?
Maybe
As above
>Why?
If you honestly can't see why, any relationship of yours is going to fail, not just this one.
you seem clingy as fuck
marrying the first girl who ever gave you the time of day, which she won't even really do until the ink is dry on your marriage contract, seems a tad short-sighted
especially given the apparent neediness that is probably making you halo this girl like none other
My whole life is failing mate.
I am clingy. I agree. Why shouldn't I be, with her practically ignoring me sometimes.
If you're that clingy, you really shouldn't be in a relationship, let alone an LDR. Do you even want advice, or do you just want us to tell you that everything is going to be fine?
Why shouldn't I be in a relationship? I want advice
Have you ever heard of playing your cards close to the vest? Always leave them wanting more? Never let them see you bleed?
You need a modicum of emotional control to navigate a relationship.
user, look
She doesn't care about you as much as you care about her
therefore
This is not a serious relationship with promising future
and
The LDR aspect makes it even more shaky and less serious
I'd advise you to move on.
You're not mentally in a good space for a relationship. You're needy, clingy, you lack insight into how your words can come across to other people, you don't respect that other people need space from you. Work on these issues before you get into a relationship.
>why shouldn't I indulge behavior that would aggress a flaw I dislike in my partner?
Gee. Maybe because she doesn't like it.
You aren't doing yourself any favours. Depend too heavily on someone and they'll be gone before you're aware of what happened.
I did.
I think of that all the time. That it's too one sided. I know that I'd kill myself or do something if it were to come to that.
What fucking space? I give her space. I patiently wait most of the time. Of course, there are some borders to that. She didn't write in about one and a half day's worth of time and I tolerated it. I give her all the space in the world.
I'm not in a good place mentally to live. I'm trying to make the best of it.
So how do I stop? How do I stop depending on someone I want to get old with who understands me like no other?
Look the play you just made the hand you just dealt her and your reaction of 'Maybe' you'll regret it is.. dude I don't even have the words so let me break it down for you.
You say she is not giving you attention- so you threaten to cut YOUR attention from her when you want more of HER attention and once she tells you she is now ghosting you those insecure feelings you have are going to burst out and hurt you hard. As they should since you did something immoral and deserve to carry guilt for it. She can't agree to your terms because she would sacrifice your dignity to do so and lets say she did- that means she is terrorized by you and now you are just the iron hand abuser in the 'relationship'.
My advice is jerk off (as you should have done if you have pent up sexual tension) and send her an apology ASAP if you want to stay in contact with this girl.
>I know that I'd kill myself or do something if it were to come to that.
Come the fuck on, you just proved my suspicions that you are not only to immature and emotionally unstable for a LDR, but in fact for any romantic relationship. Get a grip, user.
>who understands me like no other?
She doesn't understand you that well if she can't grasp that you're a needy person who requires a lot of attention.
Apology? I literally pointed out all these things I find to be lacking here.
I don't give a fuck if I'm too imature or unstable.
She knows I need attention. Before it used to be way different. She'd write first, give me lots of her time. Now it's just different.
It's different either because the honeymoon phase is over, or because she is losing interest. And you should care about being mature and stable enough if you care about this relationship. The way you are right now guarantees getting dumped within a month.
Yea.. I couldn't bear it if I'd lose her. I wrote that maybe I overreacted and that I miss her.